Are you a complainer? Are you ready to do something different?

"If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. Don't complain." - Maya Angelou

Do you complain? If you do, why?

___I complain as a form of control - in the hopes that someone will change or fix something for me.
___I complain as a way to connect with others. When they commiserate with me, I feel less alone.
___I complain as a way to have something to say. I wouldn't know what to say if I didn't complain about something.
___I complain rather than speak my truth about what is happening between me and another person.
___I complain because I'm miserable when I'm not taking loving care of myself.

There are a number of problems with complaining that you might not be aware of:

  • Complaining keeps you stuck in being a victim.
  • Complaining lowers your energetic frequency and makes it much harder to connect with your higher self – your source of love, wisdom and Guidance.
  • If you tune inside, you will find that complaining doesn't make you feel good.
  • People are often put off by complainers - unless you are complaining to others who also like to complain and commiserate.
  • If you want open, caring, loving and interesting people in your life, complaining is not the way to attract them.

If you grew up with complainers, as I did, then complaining might be habitual and addictive for you. Both my grandmother and my mother were master complainers. In fact, I can barely remember a single conversation with either of them when they were not either complaining or judging someone.

As a child, I learned to be a caretaker, so when they complained, I complied. I tried in any way I could to make them happy so that they would stop complaining. Of course, that didn't work at all because their complaining worked for them to control me.

Since they were my role models, I also learned to complain. But with my Inner Bonding work, I learned that I don’t feel good when I complain and that I can't connect with my spiritual Guidance. I also became aware of how much I dislike it when others complain.

As I learned to stop caretaking others and instead learned to take loving care of myself, I stopped trying to make complaining people happy. I saw that part of why they were so unhappy was because they were complaining! I used to think it was the other way around – that they complained because they were unhappy, but then I saw that they were unhappy because they complained!

It was actually a big relief to take responsibility for myself rather than complain. Not that I never complain. When I'm tired or haven't taken loving care of myself in some way, I have a tendency to complain, but I do it less and less since I've discovered that it makes me feel even more tired and abandoned!

If You Want To Stop Complaining…

If you've been a complainer for most of your life, then in order to stop, you need to decide to notice it. It might be so automatic for you that you are not even aware of it.

One way of becoming aware of it is to ask the people around you to let you know if you are complaining. This can be challenging, but if you really want to know, this is a good way of learning. You might be surprised at how often you complain!

Once you are more aware of it, you might feel at a loss regarding what else to do or what to talk about. I suggest that you focus on what you are happy about and grateful for and share that, rather than sharing what you are unhappy about.
You might find yourself feeling much happier!

Author's Bio: 

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books, relationship expert, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® process - featured on Oprah, and recommended by actress Lindsay Wagner and singer Alanis Morissette. Are you are ready to heal your pain and discover your joy? Click here for a FREE Inner Bonding Course, and visit our website at for more articles and help. Phone and Skype Sessions Available. Join the thousands we have already helped and visit us now!