The first thing we should know that the monogamous model for relationship has not existed through all societies and time. More so in our Asian culture, we are exposed to concepts like polygamy where Muslim men can have up to four wives; and patriarchal systems where the father or eldest male is head of the household, having authority over women and children and expected to continue the male line or family name. Affluent men of modern times have second wives or mistresses and explain it with reasons such as desire to take care/ protect the woman, loneliness, need for variety, desire to continue the family name and so on.

A saying I have heard goes like this: “”Even if I love Chicken Rice, I will still get tired of eating Chicken Rice everyday.”

However way you look at it, much of the rationale for straying is centred on the man – and his sexual pleasure and desires – not the woman’s.

Culturally in Asia, straying appears more acceptable because of how common it is.

According to San Francisco psychotherapist, Jack Morin from his book ‘The Erotic Mind’, he developed an ‘erotic equation’ where: Attraction plus obstacles leads to excitement. Straying or having an extra martial affair is certainly exciting because of the obstacles including risks of being found out – real or perceives.

Morin also suggests that sexual obstacles in one’s youth create lifelong scripts for arousal, while a range of feelings including exuberance, anxiety and anger can intensify arousal. Meaning what is arousing for one in his younger days may become an erotic theme that runs through one’s life e.g. a shoe fetish.

Understanding our peak sexual experiences and fantasies offers the greatest opportunity for self-discovery and possibility of revitalizing sexual experiences. Morin advises readers to confront the unresolved feelings that produce ‘troublesome turn-ons’ and offers a seven-step guide to modifying or expanding one’s erotic patterns.

Morin observed that passion is hardly guaranteed in long-term relationships; but instead advises couples to recognize and address the interactive tension between intimacy and sexual desire.

Author's Bio: 

Dr. Martha Lee is Founder and Clinical Sexologist of Eros Coaching. She is a certified sexologist with a Doctorate in Human Sexuality. She provides sexuality and intimacy coaching for individuals and couples, conducts sexual education workshops and speaks at public events. For more, visit or email