Why Do We Settle?

I see it everywhere…including in the mirror…and it drives me crazy!

What is “it” you ask? Kick-ass women putting up with less than they deserve in relationships.

So many of us find someone that we think could be “the one” and then hold on for dear life despite all evidence to the contrary. We want the love so much that we are willing to compromise our true desires just to get a taste. Why do we do that?

The common answer seems to be a lack of self-esteem. We don’t see our real value and therefore we are willing to settle for crumbs. “You deserve better!” we hear from our friends and family. “But I LOVE him!” is our only defense. “I don’t like that he is emotionally unavailable or won’t commit or disrespects me, but I LOVE HIM.” My question is, at what point does our own self-love outweigh the love we have for someone else? And, is that what it boils down to?

I do know that when my confidence is high and I’m feeling worthy of love, I don’t want to settle for less than everything I am ready and able to give in return. But on those days when I’m feeling vulnerable or less-than, the scraps of attention are like water to someone dying of thirst. So, is that the answer…never feel vulnerable? Even if it were, it’s certainly not possible.

So, how about trusting the Universe to guide our way? When I’m in my centered, connected state, it’s fairly easy to remember that everything works out in my best interest. If the man I was hoping would be “the one” shows me that he is not, then it must mean that there is someone else on the horizon for me. Giving up control and allowing things to unfold is not easy, but for me it’s the only thing that brings a little relief. Trusting that there is something/someone better for me out there gives me hope.

I saw a post on Facebook the other day and I think it applies here. It said:

"You can't reach for anything new if your hands are still full of yesterday's junk."

I don’t believe that anyone or any relationship is ever “junk” because we learn from all experiences, so they all have value. (As Abraham Hicks says, “When you know what you don’t want, you know what you do want.”) Still, the concept of opening your hands and letting go, rather than holding tight to something that isn’t working for you, is a great one. Maybe if we can learn to be easier on ourselves, while also knowing that the Universe is just waiting for us to let go of the old in order to receive the new, we can start having the relationships we actually want.

Who’s in?