You might have heard the following from your friend: “Have I known it ahead of time, I wouldn’t even begun going out with him” .

The question is: was it possible for her to know it ahead of time?

And the answer is: it depends. It depends on signs and hints she might have noticed. On her intuition. And on her prior experiences.

The problem is that there are those who never learn. Neither from mistakes nor from experiences.

Why? Because they are stubborn. And/or because they are just too naive. And/or they are afraid to change – either their attitudes, their way of behaving, or the self-image they have created about themselves, being “always truthful” of others; being “loving and caring”; being “helpful” to others; having “so much love to give”, and so on and so forth – self image which, by the end of the day, boomerangs back at them and hurts them.

But they still don’t learn and don’t change their attitudes and behaviors.

Therefore, the following question is superfluous: has it happened to her before?

And the answer is: definitely yes!

You see it happening, time and again, and you might ask yourself: what’s going on here? Why can’t she see who is standing in front of her? Doesn’t she have a six sense? Isn’t she intuitive as women usually are? Or could it be that she ignores her intuition, ignores sings and hints, just because…

Because what, indeed? Because she is desperate for a relationship? Because she is afraid to be alone? Because she always needs to have a partner? Because and because and because…

All these can be true. All these apparently are true.

And you ask yourself: isn’t she tired of being abandoned time and again? Isn’t she tired of being manipulated – maybe even abused – time and again? Isn’t she tired of being hurt time and again?

And you know she is! She herself has told you so many times. She even promised herself to stop going out with such men. Stop “falling in love” time and again. Become more careful; more observant; more cautious.

But next time that someone shows interest in her she jumps right back into her old routine of “being there for him” and giving hundred percent for herself.

You begin to doubt whether she is as smart as you thought her to be. You begin to wonder whether she is as logical as you wanted her to be. You begin ask yourself what kind of a friend you got. And you begin to worry she’ll continue be miserable for the rest of her life, unwilling and unable to change anything about herself and about the way she “does relationships”. Not now and not never.

You feel sorry for her. You wish you could help her. You did try to help her, didn’t you? But in the same way she ignored signs and hints about men she was going out with only to find out – once again! – their “true self” too late, so does she ignore your help and advice.

And you ask yourself why.

And you don’t know.

What you do know is that she is shooting herself in the foot time and again. And it hurts. Badly.

Would she ever decide to seek help and make a change?

You can take all the time in the world to contemplate the answer, but you really don’t know.

Author's Bio: 

Doron Gil, Ph.D., a Self-Awareness and Relationships expert, is a university teacher, workshop leader, counselor and consultant. He has lectured widely on these and related topics at conferences world-wide, taught classes to students, gave workshops to parents and administrators and is the author of: “The Self-Awareness Guide to a Successful Intimate Relationship :