Why Does My Husband Talk Down To Me: My Partner Talks To Me Like Crap

Sadly enough, I have met women who have accepted their husbands' verbal abuse as normal, or something to be expected and somehow tolerated. This is often because these women were use to being verbally abused. They likely had experienced the sting of verbal abuse during childhood; they had their hearts and self esteem pierced regularly by the harsh words of parents or other caregivers.

The wife, often someone you could label as codependent and a people pleaser, accepted her husband's verbal abuse in large part because it was familiar. But then, as a codependent woman, she also looked to her husband for a sense of identity or meaning for her life. In doing so, she had forsaken her own personal power. Rather, she gave him the power to use her own behavior as his excuse for his verbal abuse.

The verbally abusive husband would tell his wife that if she would only change such and such, then things would be okay. Indeed, he wouldn't feel compelled to shout obscenities at her. He wouldn't feel compelled to call her names. He wouldn't feel compelled to denigrate everything she did, either.

Too many women accept men's excuses for their verbal abuse. They don't realize that some men will always engage in verbal abuse no matter how closely their wives adhere to these men's wishes and demands.

Yes, some men will always come up with things their wives did or didn't do that are fitting as excuses for their abuses.

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Perhaps the woman didn't do this week the very thing that last week, he condemned her for doing. In other words, with this type of man, the rules appear to always be changing. The thing is, this type of man doesn't live by the rules his codependent wife does. Because she doesn't understand this, she will remain confused. Why does he keep verbally abusing her when she tries so hard to please him? Can't he see she is practically killing herself to do so?

These nice codependent wives remain committed to their pleasing behaviors because they most certainly are motivated to try and fulfill their husbands' desires. The thing is, many of these men use verbal abuse and other forms of abuse to control their wives. They do all this quite intentionally.

The man displaying pathological levels of narcissism won't care if his verbal abuse causes his wife immense emotional pain. The narcissist lacks empathy, after all. He only wants to have things his way. He sees his poor codependent wife as an object to be used to serve him. He is king while she should play the role of his most grateful and adoring subject.

The narcissistic feel entitled to use verbal abuse as well as emotional abuse, economic abuse, social abuse, and sexual abuse to control their spouses. Now, most of them skip the use of physical abuse since that can get them into trouble with the law. Besides, the other forms of abuse get them the results they desire, and without raising others' eyebrows.

When a man is suffering from unhealthy levels of narcissism, he will probably continually march forward engaging in his abusive ways. He won't offer apologies. Also, if the wife tries to explain how his behavior hurts her, again, he will likely blame her. He will soon be in her face and shouting that because of her behavior, she actually gave him little choice.

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And what if she tries to step beyond her codependency, and she tells him she won't accept his verbal abuse any longer? Well again, he might puff out his chest, glare at her, and escalate the extent and force of his abusive words. He also might break into a narcissistic rage: How dare she try and make the rules? Doesn't she understand her place?

Now, there are some men out there who might come from backgrounds similar to their codependent wives. In other words, they were also verbally abused by the adults in their lives. These husbands have essentially modeled the bad communication skills of their parents. When they realize the emotional pain their verbal abuse is causing their cherished wives, they might well try to change their ways. And indeed, these are the men who can often be helped immensely by anger management classes, couples communication classes, or therapy.

These men will set aside their excuses for their verbal abuse. But don't expect the same from those men whose verbal abuse is fueled by narcissism instead. Verbal abuse is just too good a tool for these men to accomplish what they want. And of course, they want to control their wives and have them pleasing them, not themselves.

By the way, the narcissist is the one who professes it is better to be feared than loved. Did you hear your husband say that, but you thought he was joking? Well, think again. Furthermore, you'd better believe that he will always have an excuse for his verbal abuse. However, it isn't going to be the real one.

He might continue to blame you or your behavior for his verbal abuse, but you will continue to have a verbally abusive relationship no matter how good or how pleasing a codependent wife you are.

Might it be time to remove the blinders of codependency, and then remind yourself there is never an excuse for abuse anyway? certainly, though, blaming you makes no sense-except it always will in the mind of the narcissist.

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You hear people talking about having bad marriages, but do you really know what they're talking about? The term bad marriage suggests that there's something wrong with the marriage itself without placing blame on the two people who make up the relationship. But marriage is an inanimate thing, and it can't be blamed for what happens within the couple nor can it be held accountable. The marriage will only be as good as the people involved, and the more you put into your relationship, the better it will be. Apparently people like to blame their problems on their marriage being bad instead of directing the blame to where it belongs, on the shoulders of the husband and wife.

Now that we've figured out where the problem lies, it's easy to recommend solutions that can help transform a bad marriage into a good one. Maybe you're still trying to tell yourself that you aren't responsible for what's happening, but you know it isn't true. No matter how your spouse behaved, you contributed to the conflict. But the good news is that you can find a marriage coach online who will be able to assess your marriage situation and help guide you towards the right road to recovery.

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It's true that sometimes the road will lead to divorce. For example, if your spouse drinks too much and then comes home to beat you half to death, then the coach may well suggest that divorce is your best option. However, in this same situation, if he can glean any sense that your spouse is also willing to change to make things work, then he is likely to recommend a different course to recovery altogether. Everyone can change if they really want to, and chances are that when your spouse is sober, he or she really does love you and wants your marriage to remain intact.

My friend's spouse was an abusive alcoholic for the first ten years of their marriage, but he made the decision that his wife and children were more important to him than drinking was, and they've now been happily married for another 24 years with no further problems.

The bottom line is that if you can change the behaviors of the couple, you can eradicate the concept that it's a bad marriage. Even though all marriages aren't made in heaven, there are still ways to make them a whole lot better. A marriage coach will be able to give you bad marriage advice in order to start the transition process going.

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How do I save my marriage? If you are asking this let me tell you that you are not alone in asking this question. Keeping a marriage intact surely takes a lot of dedication and effort. When you get two people with a variety of differences under one roof, it should not be surprising if things get a little out of hand. Unfortunately, things may not only get a little out of hand. It may escalate into big problems that can lead to a divorce. Rest assured that there are ways to prevent this from happening.

This was the case for me not too long ago where my husband said to me he wanted to get a divorce. I didn't believe it because everything seemed relatively okay at the time. After I apologized for the things that I have done and failed to do, I realized none of it was working. I began to get desperate and allowed myself to beg to him to not go through with it. I told him over and over again how things would not be the same as before but to no avail. He only saw me as a pathetic spouse after this.

As this did not work, I was still determined to find a solution for this. I could not find any way possible by myself and so I made some searches over the internet for advice. This was a game changer for me and I was ever so thankful I found this advice.

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Not only have I saved my marriage but it is now even more enjoyable than it was at the beginning! I was taught the real ways of saving your marriage that I could not possibly think of by myself in that desperate state.

So firstly you should ask yourself if you are not going anywhere by yourself. If you realize you are not making any progress, seek outside advice from a friend or the internet.

A lot of people would think otherwise when it comes to save a marriage. They would think that the best solutions are "inside you" since you know the most about yourself, your spouse and your marriage. But in fact, this is exactly what makes marriages end - one side doing desperate things for "saving" the marriage. It is very easy to miss the forest for the trees when you are in the middle of the situation - the wide perspective offered by someone who is not in the middle of the situation can change the game completely.

Couples can love one another and yet find themselves drifting apart and headed for a divorce. There are steps you can take, with or without the aid of your spouse to get your marriage back into the loving place it once was.

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Author's Bio: 

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Divorce does not have to be your only option. Even if it feels as though your relationship can't be saved because of the ongoing conflicts between you and your spouse, it can be. There are techniques that you can begin using today that will not only stop a divorce, but will help also you build a stronger and more loving marriage.

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