I know that break ups are difficult to deal with. It’s hard to handle all of those feelings of rejection and loss on your own. Sometimes it can even take months before you feel like you are back up on your feet after getting dumped.

Whey then does your ex sometimes keep pulling you back in by calling you or texting your or shooting you an email out of the blue?

It can really make healing difficult and make it seem like your ex is just trying to string you out and prolong your suffering. What’s really going on here and, more importantly, what should you do about it?

Well, first of all, understand that you are feeling a strong emotion right now called rejection. Your ex just rejected you and decided that a relationship with you wasn’t worth it for them. That may sting, but that’s the truth.

However, it is important to see that your ex is also experiencing an equally powerful and intense emotion too. They are feeling guilt over breaking up with you. You see, no one wants to be the “bad guy” and inflict pain on someone else, not even your ex. But they can’t help but feel like that person.

They know all the pain that they are putting you through, and since most people are decent (and not sociopaths), your ex feels guilty about hurting you.

They keep calling you or texting you reaching out to you in other ways because they are genuinely concerned about you. Their guilt gets the best of them and just want to touch base with you to make sure that you’re handling the break up all right.

What they really want is to hear that you are happy and doing fine. This will take a lot of the stress and guilt off of them and they can feel better about themselves.

What should you do about an ex that keeps contacting you? Well, that all depends on what stage you’re in with your break up.

Most people need some time to heal and recover after a break up. They need to bounce back and let the wounds heal. If the break up just happened, you would probably benefit from not staying in touch with your ex for awhile.

However, if it’s been a month or more and you’re starting to feel better about yourself, then reopening contact with your ex may not be a bad idea. This doesn’t mean you should get back in contact though. It really depends on what sort of role you want your ex to play in your life. Do you want to remain friends? Do you want to win them back? Or was the break up so painful and mired in negative feelings that it is just best to close that door behind you?

Only you can really determine the answer to that question. But I’d be willing to bet that you already know whether or not you should remain in contact with your ex. Trust your gut-level instincts and do what you feel is right.

Author's Bio: 

If you'd like to learn more about why women dump men, check out my website where I discuss issues of breaking up getting back together and other relationship advice.

Steve Steiner enjoys helping men improve their relationship and manage the problems that they may experience in relating with and dating women.