Your wife comes home upset and angry because she was fifteen minutes late for work again and her boss chewed her out. 

You say:

A.  " Well, honey, if you didn't change clothes five times every morning before you left the house you wouldn't be late."
B.  "Darling, don't blame him.  Maybe he was just having a bad day."
C. "Sweetheart, how ridiculous for him to do that to you!  Poor baby!"

Your husband comes home mad and outraged because he got a speeding ticket for driving 75 in a 60 mile an hour zone.

You say:

A.  "Well, honey, that's what you get for driving so fast!"
B.  "Darling, bet you won't do that again any time soon!"
C.  "Oh no, Sweetheart!  I'm so sorry!  Poor man!"

In both of the scenarios above the best answer...the one that gets you intimate and connected to each other, is C.  When you take your mate's side or give them a bit of commiseration even if it's not entirely warranted you are saying to your mate and to the world, "Hey, I love you and I've got your back, baby!"  It makes you feel special.

 And isn't that what we all want, husband or wife, to absolutely know that our "most important person" loves us like crazy and has our matter what?  And we especially want to feel special to someone?  To me, that's one of the best parts of being married!

Every day, real world romance and passion are not necessarily like the movies and romance novels.  Real world romance is sometimes the small simple things, like having your mate stick up for you.  It's hearing your mate brag on you to friends or getting a hug and a "poor baby" when you've had a hard day.  It's creating a bond or a sacred space with each other where no one else is allowed.

John Gottman, Ph.D. calls it "turning toward each other."  And we make the choice with our mate to either turn toward them or to turn away from them in every encounter we have with them.  In the above scenarios... answers A & B... that was turning away.  Answer C was turning toward. 

Here are 3 fabulous benefits for "turning toward" your mate:

1.  More intimacy and a feeling of closeness.
2.  More romance and passion.
3.  More hot, fun sex!

And there is another benefit.  When times get rough and conflict comes in when you have a reserve, a buildup of the "turning toward," that helps both of you keep a more positive and loving sense of each other.  The reserve helps you get back to equilibrium quicker!

The secret to romance and passion is not a once a week date night or an exotic vacation.  It is turning toward each other every day in little ways.  Dr. Gottman says, "A romantic night out really turns up the heat only when a couple has kept the pilot light burning by staying in touch in little ways."  Turning toward each in small ways is the key to a long lasting, passionately romantic relationship!

Author's Bio: 

Known for blending her gracious and gentle style of teaching with her intuition and knowledge of relationships, romance and the energy of romance Emily Webber creates simple and fun ways for you to have the romance and passion you so deeply crave. She is the creator of The Romance Principles™, an author, Relationship Coach and Law of Attraction Coach and the new host of "The Married With Romance Radio Show" on VoiceAmerica. Please visit her website at