“You Were Abandoned!”

After the relationship that I was in at the beginning of 2013 came to an end, I ended up coming into contact with a lot of emotional pain. Although a certain amount of pain had been coming up for a little while, the end of the relationship brought it all up the surface.

Fortunately, I was able to find someone who could help me to let go of the emotional pain that I was in my body. But before all this came up, I remember talking to the woman who I was with about the different therapies and techniques that I had used, and this was a time when she asked me if I had done enough.
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I Had Only Just Begun

When she said this to me, I said that I think I’m nearly done now. But what I soon realised - after our time together came to an end - was that I had only just started.

For so long, I had only been dealing what with had been taking place in my mind; what had been taking place in my body had largely been ignored. I think that I had actually been working with someone for about two weeks before all this pain came up.

I Needed To Know

The technique that this person used was something called SHEN therapy, and I heard about this through a friend. At the time, this friend owed a shop that sold books, crystals and other similar items.

I had a rough idea about why I was feeling the way I was, and this was largely because I had been looking into the effect that our childhood can have on us for around five years. Even so, I wanted to know more so I read a fair amount of books during this time.

It Was Clear

Through being in touch with how I felt and reading different books on childhood development, I had this sense that I was neglected as a baby. I knew that I had been neglected as a child, but up until this point I didn’t know that it went back even further.

The emotional pain I was in was immense; I wasn’t sure how I was going to get through it. In addition to feeling like an abandoned baby, I also had memories that backed up how I felt.

Confusion

Part of me found this hard to believe; especially as I had heard that it is not possible for someone to remember anything from this time in their life. But that didn’t change the fact that I was being overwhelmed by feelings that I could do very little about.

So, if I only had memories in my head and I was able to think my way out of how I felt, I would have accepted that I had constructed these memories. However, as I had so much emotional pain/trauma in my body, I couldn’t think my way out of this.

This Evidence Was Provided

As the months passed, the pain within me gradually disappeared. And about a year after this, I came into contact with someone who looked after me from time to time when I was a baby.

This person told me that there were moments when I was abandoned as a baby, and that they knew that something wasn’t right. I think that this person felt guilty, guilty that they didn’t do more.

A Relief

I wasn’t angry at this person, though; if anything, I was pleased that there was someone like this around when I was younger. What was clear was that I would have been in a far worse position if it wasn’t for this person.

They said that they were unsure about whether they should tell me this, but I told them that I was glad that they did. I said that I had sensed that this was what took place, and hearing this provided me with the validation that I needed.