I get asked a lot for dating advice and the questions often begin with “How do I know if. . .” “But he told me . . .” “What does it mean when . . .” In my answers, I like to pass along one of the best pieces of advice anyone’s ever given me about dating: “Don’t Ignore the Signs!”

Whenever you’re getting to know someone, they’ll always show you signs about who they are—good or bad. I believe we all have a built in “Lie-o-Meter” that tells us when something’s just not right. Call it your own personal GPS for dating success. Just like a GPS keeps your car headed in the right direction and warns you when you get off track, this tool will help guide you to Mr. Right and away from Mr. Wrong.

This tool is called discernment. Discernment means using your eyes and ears to scrutinize, examine, test and approve the person you’re dating. Discernment does not mean you put your man through hoops or try to test him by setting up different situations to see how he responds. Instead, think of it as not ignoring the signs that he’s showing you.

For example, if a man is telling you out of his mouth that he wants to get married, but then also says he’s not sure when he wants to get married (in 5 years? 10 years? 20 years?), then you have to have discernment to understand this person is unsure; he is what ancient wisdom calls “double minded.” Ancient wisdom tells us that a double minded man is unstable in all of his ways (see James 1:8). Open your eyes and ears and look at other areas of his life. Is it hard for him to commit to a job? Is he always changing his mind about his goals and aspirations? Does he give up easily when obstacles come? If so, there’s a possibility there’s instability in his life. If there is, but he’s not working on those areas, then he will bring that into a relationship. One day he might be sure he wants to married, and he may even go through with the wedding. However, he may wake up one morning and decide he just doesn’t want to be married anymore. Most women ignore these kinds of signs and think they just need to help their man make up his mind. “He’ll come around,” they think. “I just have to show him that I can stick with him.”

Sisters, don’t ignore the signs. If you are getting a gut feeling that something isn’t right about a man, investigate. Use your eyes and ears to scrutinize, examine and approve of your date. Don’t believe everything he says until you are sure that it’s coming from a genuine place in his heart and it’s backed up by his actions.

Author's Bio: 

Aesha Adams-Roberts, PhD, is a bestselling author, speaker, and communications expert. In her book, "Can I Help a Sister Out: How to Meet and Marry of Your Dreams" Dr. Adams-Roberts reveals the step-by-step secrets and strategies she used to meet and marry her husband in 11 short months. Her expertise is highly sought after by men and women, single and married couples alike.