Your Visitation Rights Following Custody and Moving

While the best thing for the children is for a couple to agree on visitation without court intervention, this doesn't always happen. Sadly some custodial parents use custody and moving as an excuse to deny visitation to the non-custodial parent. This method is an effort on the part of that parent to punish the other one, but in reality they are actually punishing the children. Except in cases of extreme abuse or neglect, the children don't really care what their other parent did; their love is unconditional, and they should not be denied the right to continue having a relationship with both parents.
What causes a custodial parent to attempt to deny visitation to the ex-spouse? We have already indicated it is their way of punishing the ex-spouse, but what reasons might cause them to retaliate in such a way? There are several explanations for this type of behavior:
• The ex-spouse has a new girlfriend/boyfriend, and the custodial parent refuses to allow the children into that relationship—it is usually caused by insecurity and the fear that the children will actually like the person.
• If the spouse committed adultery, it is common for the ex-spouse to feel hurt and humiliated. Unfortunately they often use the children as a means of punishment.
• The spouse who has been abandoned or feels abandoned because of the divorce may use the children as leverage—i.e. "if you want to see your children you have to come back home."
• Some ex-spouses are just angry and hurt for no reason whatsoever. The marriage has been going downhill for a long time, and though they have no problem accepting the divorce, in their minds the end of the marriage also means the end of the children's relationship with the former spouse.
It is not always the spouse that denies visitation, but rather the legal system. However, the problem usually begins with the ex-spouse who manages to find a way to use the legal system to his or her advantage. In a perfect world the former spouse has to prove there is a reason he or she should not have visitation with the children following a decision on custody and moving, but the real world is not perfect, and the right lawyer can accomplish a great deal. If your ex-spouse manages to convince the court you should not see your children, you need to be prepared with your own defense. Some of the things you can do that will help you prove you deserve a relationship with your children include but are not limited to the following:
• Make sure you make all your child support payments on time (voluntarily and without a court order being necessary)
• Make every effort to contact your children. If your ex-spouse won't let you see them, call them and/or send letters and emails.
• Stay in contact with your children's school and document any conversations you have with teachers and administrators as proof you are still interested in what your children do.
• Document all efforts you make to see your children.
• Be prepared to disprove any accusations your ex-spouse makes or justify any inaccuracies.