“If you are doing things to make you happy then you’ re doing things backwards……”

When I ask clients what their goals in life are, the reply is never, “$1,000,000? or any sum of money, but a list of tangible things that give certain feelings they want to have; a house on the ocean, to put kids through college so they have a good education, enough to retire so they don’t have to worry. Pride, pleasure, peace.

Money is merely a tool; an external creation of what is happening within. This is why conversations around your relationship to money are never about money except for the practical aspects of understanding how much you have in your accounts and how much you need to pay for your needs and wants.

Rather, we start by looking at the state of your emotional, spiritual and physical health and your overall self care regimen. for that is where all answers ever lie.

When you see that you don’t have enough money to cover your needs and wants, it is probably due to one of the following:

You are not making enough money.

You are spending more than necessary OR more than you actually have.

Easy, pat answers, right?

However, when you start investigating WHY you are not making enough money, WHY you are not saving enough, WHY you spend more than necessary, WHY you spend more than you have, the issue of “money as a problem” needs to be pushed aside.

Money has merely shown you what confusion exists in your interior life which is why I say that money is a portal into what is really happening to your true self.

Let’s look at some examples with brief explanations.

Someone who overshops does so for a number of reasons.

* Loneliness and Lack of significance – Salespeople are generally nice and pay attention to you
* Anger – Had a fight with your partner? Mad that s/he is never home? Buy something to make yourself feel better or better yet, charge it, since they pay for it!
* Sadness – Battling the empty hole inside
* Wanting to Belong – Many feel it necessary to be seen as part of a group and keep up with the latest styles and fashions
Guilt – Parents who are not around can try to make up for their absence by buying or going overboard on gifts for their children

Someone who under earns tends to carry a lack of self worth which then leads to

* Excessive volunteering – Not valuing their time and energy
* Not marketing oneself – If you don’t let people know you are a great artist, administrator, coach, lawyer, etc…..how on earth can you expect anyone to pay you well for your work?
* Not asking for a raise – If you don’t step up and ask, you will never get, nor will you ever know if you could get
* Taking cave jobs (jobs that allow you to hide your shining talents) – Cave dwellers hide out. They go out of their way to make sure they don’t show their sparkly side.
* The inability to say NO – This is very crucial. Under earning means you are foggy about money which means you are foggy about boundaries. This means you have not thought about at which point you draw the line. This is how people who under earn spend can spend too much time volunteering and working.

Now, notice that NONE of these emotions and traits have anything to do with money. The unfortunate thing, however, is that these behaviors do drain your financial, time and energy pools.

Your ability to create wealth, to pay down your debt, to save enough so you never have to worry, depends solely on your willingness to manage your emotions, thoughts and actions.
Don’t hold yourself hostage to thinking that anything outside yourself, including money, will bring you happiness. It all starts from within and what’s so powerful about that, is that it;s the only thing you can control anyway!

Once you decide to see your triggers, you become less inclined to respond the same way next time. It is almost like you start observing yourself in slow motion. Then, before you know it, a new habit and response has been formed; you have conquered your habit of thinking and emotion that hadn’t served you.

I believe that money is one of our greatest teachers. And as school is now in session, see what lessons you learn about yourself this next week by way of your money. You might be surprised!

Author's Bio: 

Helen Kim is a Money Mentor. Her Free Ezine gives articles and tips as to how you can gain clarity around your relationship to money and start making conscious financial decisions, allowing you to grow not only your bank account, but your self. Subscribe for FREE by sending a blank email to: info@YourMoneyRelationship.com or at http://www.YourMoneyRelationship.com