What sort of people join dating sites? Well, you have respectable business people who have no time to find someone to date, people seeking others who share similar interests, there are shy people or people who do not have opportunities to interact or meet others in social settings, people just getting into the singles scene after a breakup, people who don't hang out in bars and clubs, there are people looking for business associates, friends to hang with, people checking up on their lovers to see if they are “cheating” online, and just the curious. There's the creepy side too, but I won't go into that this time.

When my partners (who I met on MySpace) and I started KarmaCaffe, our intent was to create a networking site for spiritual people that would eventually include a dating feature, but as karma would have it, it did not happen at that time.

Recently, however, because of that same unfulfilled karma, another opportunity presented itself and so I decided first, to check out a couple of popular dating sites out there. During a free weekend offer, I signed up to see what might be involved. It was quite tedious I learned. I really hated to fill out the questionnaires, but there is no way around that-- you gotta do it even if you are just curious and just want to look around. After a while, though, you really start to think about what kind of person you would like to meet and you kind of get into it. I was more than curious and reluctantly my fantasy persona filled the questionnaires. What I did enjoy was taking the personality tests which categorized my personality type as INFP. These test results help the site find a “compatible” match for you, but do not really help you in any way.

These were not “spiritual sites”, but popular dating sites that I looked into. I was very specific as to what kind of man I was looking for. Well, isn't that what you are supposed to be...specific? After I finished the profile I sat in quiet anticipation as I clicked the search button, wondering what kind of men they would find for me, when a pop up window gave me the bad news. 0 matches found.

Out of the hundreds of thousands of guys in their database, nada? Zero? Even when I changed locations and altered the age range, it still came up 0. In the whole world 0. Maybe if there was an out-of- the-world option, like Mars, I might have found my soul mate.

Ok, I can accept that I am not the norm by a long shot, but it would be impossible to compromise who I am. I am what I am, anything but “normal”. How could they possibly match a normal guy to a not-so-normal girl? It simply is out of the realm of possibility, isn't it?

Normal. What the heck does that does that mean anyway? When I use that term I am describing someone who lives in maya, the illusory world, someone who believes that what he/she does is who they are. They identify with their persona, and life is a chronological thread consisting of past, present and future, with emphasis on past and future. They may be very good people with morals/ethics and a way of life and they are level headed and well, “normal”. They are just not as passionate (right now) about Self-Realization, as some of us other-worldly persons are, and they don't speak or read or chant Sanskrit or use any airy fairy language that relate to ET, communicating with the dead or other “weird” stuff.

Normals tend to be more reactive since they are ruled by their emotions primarily. Right now in their life, they are attending to their basic needs-- jobs, friends and family and bless them for that. Who knows? Maybe they got it right and we don't. Maybe in this lifetime they don't have to do anything “spiritual” per se-- they have been there, done that, and perhaps they are basically blessed with good karma. I have no doubt this may be the case for many, for I know and have met many fabulous normals.

As for meeting lovers/partners, the Internet is interesting, in that it gives us an opportunity to explore a person's mind in ways that would not be possible by physically meeting them in a more inopportune environment, and it is possible to meet someone geographically located where it would otherwise not likely happen. However, you have to use viveka (discrimination), for people will tend to describe themselves as who they want to be, not necessarily who they really are. Much like applying for a job, they have to present themselves in the best possible light in order to compete for the position effectively and “win”. But that does not mean what they are saying is entirely true. Like a resume, they could easily “pad” their profile.

When deciphering profiles, keep in mind that Internet dating has a unique language that could use some interpretation here. This hilarious diatribe (with a few contributions of my own) was actually posted on a profile that I saw. When someone says:

"I love to travel" -> This means: Take me to Tahiti.
"I'm looking for someone who is secure" -> This means: He makes a lot of money.
"I'm very adventurous" -> This means: Take me to Tahiti.
"I love nature and the outdoors" -> Need I explain this? Take me to Tahiti.
"I love to laugh" -> This means: Take me to a comedy club, I think they have one in Tahiti.
"You can hold your own in a conversation" -> This means: You listen to me and don't talk back.
"I'm looking for Mr. Right" -> This means: I want a guy who does everything I tell him to and tells me I'm right.
"You are witty and love to smile!" -> This means: You look pretty sitting there in your $1000 suit.
"You have a unique style and elegance" -> This means: You have a $1000 suit.
"You are reliable and consistent" -> This means: You have a good, high paying job.
"I love going to games" -> This means: Take me to a game and they better be good seats.
"I love to have fun and enjoy new experiences" -> This means: Take me to Tahiti.
"I'm 59" -> This means: I'm 65.
"I'm 49" -> This means: I'm 55.
"I'm 39" -> This means: I'm 45.
"I'm 29" -> This means: I really am 29.
"I'm 19" -> This means: I'm 14.

“I'm 120 lbs”-> This means I'm 150 lbs.

“I have brown hair” -> This means I had brown hair 30 years ago. Now I'm bald or grey.

“This is a recent picture” -> This means “here's a picture taken 20 to 30 years ago”.
"I would love to find someone special to share life's journey" -> This means: Take me to say....Tahiti?
"I want someone to share my life with" -> This means: Fix my house.
"I love long walks on the beach and watching the sunset" -> This means: Take me to Tahiti, do they have a beach there?
"I know what I want out of life and I am willing to work hard to get it." -> This means: Tahiti?

“I like peace” -> This means I am hard to get along with.

“I am really hot” -> This means I am insecure.

“I am athletic” -> This means I have a pouch.

“I am kundalini awakened” -> This means I am unstable.

Further, on just the age issue, there should be nine different categories, such as:


What is your Chronological age “range”? 1-25, 26-45, 46 -76, 77-99.

What is your Spiritual age? 1-50, 50-199, 200-499, 500 -1000, 1001 to over 2000 years.

What is your Physical age? How old do you think you look/seem/feel? 1 to 100.

What is your Physical age? How old do others think you look/seem/feel? 1 to 100.

What is your Health age? How healthy/active are you? 25 yrs. if you work out every day, 90 if you are a couch potato.

What is your Mental age? How alert are you? 20 is bright, 99 well, you may have problems.

What is your Emotional age? 15 if you have an adolescent fascination for sex, 99 if you just don't give a darn.

What is your Romantic age? 25-35 if you write poems, 36-49 if you remember to send flowers and cards. 50-99 if you don't remember birthdays and holidays.

What is your Sexual age? 18 ~ sex three times a day, 25 ~ sex once a day. 35 ~ sex twice a week with a partner, 50 ~ solo sex once a month unless you are just horny or tantric.

If you are spiritually inclined, you might consider AscendingHearts.com. I gotta say, the chances of meeting someone on the same page as you increases a hundred fold. Just the fact that you sign up there is indicative of your Self looking to restore, complete and balance itself (which is yet another story to come).

Hmmm...as for me, perhaps zero is the norm at those other sites, but on AscendingHearts.com, well, maybe...just maybe.....

To your everlasting Bliss, Love and Passion,

Chandi Devi

Who is 49 -> This means I am never telling.

Who is 5'11” -> This means if I wear 10” heels.

Who is 92 lbs -> This means without shoes, without clothes, after potty, before coffee, an empty stomach, first thing in the morning.

Who has spiritual gifts -> This means I ain't normal. Can you handle me, mon?



co- author: “From Om to Orgasm: The Tantra Primer for Living in Bliss”


From OMG!!! to OM, Ask the Tantra Master, Chandi Devi, The Dear Abby of Tantra


From OMG!!! to OM, Ask the Tantra Master, Chandi Devi, The Dear Abby of Tantra


email your questions to: chandi@humanityhealing.net

Author's Bio: 

Chandi Devi has always been involved in the creative arts and mystic arts, which eventually led her to completely immerse herself in the study and practice of tantra. Through the tantric path, the Shakti (goddess energy) awakened in Chandi a profoundly deep and broad passion for the diversity of life's treasures, from spiritual studies to politics to tango and more. Her book, “From Om to Orgasm: The Tantra Primer for Living in Bliss” has been described as “outstanding and has full potential to become a classic reference work”.

Dubbed the “Dear Abby of Tantra”, Chandi writes a question and answer column on tantra/sexuality/spirituality called “OMG!!! to OM” for Om-Times.com and AscendingHearts.info. Additionally, she has written film and television treatments that cloak ageless wisdom under the veil of entertainment and she invites industry people to partner and manifest this vision together with her and create a new paradigm for the 21st century. She can be reached at chandi@humanityhealing.net or www.theworldoftantra.com