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Browse published articles attributed to Bobbi Palmer, with full-archive search.
When I was single I had a love/hate relationship with weekends. I loved having the extra time off work; I hated that I didn’t have a man to spend the time with. The truth is, though, that I didn’t need a man to have fun or accomplish something meaningful. In many cases, I just needed ME!
Do All Men Make You Mad? (FemiType #5: The Bitter Woman) In an effort to help you understand the man side of this midlife dating experience, I’ve introduced you to The Princess, The 18 Year Old, The Scaredy Cat and The Wow-Me Woman: all FemiTypes* that send good men running. Today I’m going to talk about perhaps the most challenging of all FemiTypes: The Bitter Woman. She is a little scary, a lot angry, and all about being a victim. Not only does she scare and briefly traumatize the men she meets, but her bitte ess probably seeps into all areas of her life.
Have you heard about Weinergate? Just in case you haven't, it goes like this: Congressman Anthony Weiner, after denying it for days, got caught quite literally with his pants down. (Yeah, I know I'm not the first to use that. But it works.) Apparently The Weiner has been acting like a horny 16 year old, sexting endlessly to women he doesn't even know. (Nor, as I keep hearing reported, did he know their ages. Uh-oh.)
I'm sure you know that in order to attract the right man you need to feel great about yourself. That's why Step One of my 6-Step Find Hope and then Find Him System is Who Am I: Falling in Love With Myself. You have to know why you rock and truly believe that you'll make some lucky man a superb partner.
If you're a Mom with children still at home, I'm sure you have conce s about how your dating might affect your kids’ lives. Issues such as jealousy and challenges with time-sharing are real. But I’d like you to consider the positives. Yes, it’s true that "a happy Mother is a good Mother." But I also believe that Moms who date have a great opportunity to teach their kids – especially their daughters – essential lessons about taking care of themselves and interacting with boys. -------------r
Your fear of being rejected because you are imperfect is exactly what is getting you rejected. Yah…I know I’ve written about this a million times, but two recent experiences reminded me of how major this is. So here I am reminding you in case you still don’t get it. Me…Popular? My Junior High Rewind. Last week I was at a reunion of about 15 women I knew from Junior High School. Two are close friends today; the others I hadn’t seen in about 35 years.
I know you say you're looking for a loving and committed man to share your life, but I have to ask...have you found yourself yet? I know you've heard this before and it sounds trite, but everyone says it for a good reason. If the answer to the question is no, beats me, or who cares...then you probably have a few steps to take before you're going to attract Mr Right. Here's what I propose: stop focusing on him and start focusing on you.
You can meet the spectacular, special man who is going to be your life partner using online dating. I met the love of my life on www.match.com, so of course I recommend it to all my friends, coaching clients, in my workshops…really to anyone who will listen! Here are three things I recommend you keep in mind as you travel on your journey meeting men using online dating. (Yep…it is a journey and, yes, you meet men online…you really don’t date them there.) #1. Be the Boss
Masturbation. There…I said it. The "Big M." I don't generally talk about this, so it may shock you. But the time has come to chat about the role sex – or lack thereof – plays in the life of a woman in her later years who is single and looking for love.
Are you excited about the notion of hopping into bed with your new guy? Slowly undressing…eyes locked…savoring each other’s bodies…lust so intense that you both might explode… …or does the thought of it make you so nervous you want to puke? Let’s face it: if you’re working on attracting a fabulous man into your life, ya’ better be ready for sex. I know that for many of you—especially if you’re dating in your 40s, 50s, or beyond—it’s been a while since you stood naked in front of a man.
My guess is that you’ve been dating a while and not getting great results. You’re here reading this, after all. The best way to shift into having dates that render positive outcomes – like having more fun and eventually meeting The One – is to change the way you talk to yourself before you even leave the house. Whether it’s a meet-date or a date-date, there are two things you can tell yourself that will improve your chances of meeting Mr. I Love You. And here’s the great thing about this: it’s 100% in your control. (After all, we do love our control, don’t we?)
Why is it that when we date — even at 40, 50, or 60 — we can become an alien woman from planet WTF? If you’re anything like I was, it’s sometimes difficult to recognize yourself when you’re in the presence of a hot, nice, or simply available man. The beliefs and habits of our 25 or 30 year old can be hard to shake. Here’s what I finally learned, that I want you to know: You are a grownup woman. You know who you are, what you want, and you’re in charge in the other parts of your life, right?
This is one skill I want you to master: Rejecting online rejection. Learning to accept rejection gracefully, with as few “dings” to your self-esteem as possible, is key to finding your true love. As a dating coach, I’ve found the #1 reason you won’t have success online is giving up too soon. What you perceive as online rejection can exhaust you mentally and the positive attitude you started out with will quickly dwindle. Here are 4 things to know to help you move forward in the online dating world with your self-esteem intact! 1) They don’t know you.
Answering the $1 Million Question: Is He In To You? At least half of all the emails I get from wonderful women who are over 40 and looking for love are about the same question you’ve probably been asking since you were a teenager: “Is he in to me?” Often the answer is: If you have to ask, he’s probably not.
I’m often asked what I mean by Dating Like a Grownup. It’s obviously a great question that I probably should answer every so often. (I am, after all, the CEO of Date Like a Grownup!) I’m going to give you my definition, and then I’m going to tell you about a great book I’ve read that does a terrific job of discussing dating and love for grownups.
As if dating and mating wasn’t hard enough, technology has added a variety of new challenges to the art of hooking up. Not only do you have to master the computer crud, you have to figure out how to actually connect with another human being amidst the volume and the anonymity.
Yesterday I wanted to quit. This is too hard. There are days things seem to be clicking and I’m finally getting it…marching boldly toward my goal. Then there are days like yesterday when I feel clueless…like a failure with no hope of success. And I can’t help but take it personally. I know I shouldn’t. But this is one of my biggest challenges. I see women all around me succeed brilliantly. I know deep dow I can do it; I’ve been working at it and learning. But I feel like I’m missing something other women understand. Or maybe they have personal traits that I just don’t have.
I received an email yesterday that I want to share. I hear some form of this a lot: “I’m [not perfect because of fill-in-the-blank] and I’m worried no man will ever want me!” I get it but I can’t tell you how much this breaks my heart. I lived in the “no man wants a fat girl” reality for a long freaking time. But it’s a lie I told myself so I could blame men for the lack of love in my life.I know the truth now: the vast majority of the men I met didn’t pick me because of my “Wall of I Dare You” and my insecurities; not because of my fat thighs.
Raise your hand if you can accurately read the minds of your girlfriends. My guess is that, at least for a few, you actually can. Larry and I can read each other’s minds at times. When you’ve spent about 2000 days with someone you love, that happens. (It’s not always a good thing, btw.) Now, raise your hand if you can accurately read the minds of the men you are dating or have had short relationships with. Anyone? Okay, now raise your hand if you’ve tried to read the minds of the men you are dating or have had short relationships with. I bet you have, and I bet you can’t.
Rejection can be a very good thing. Until you find the man who brings you the love and joy you deserve, you should thank the men who reject you. These men are doing you a favor. I think they know – consciously or not – that they won’t be able to give you what you need; and they know it before you do. I blogged about this last week. If you haven’t, you should read Why You Should Be Happy When a Man Rejects You. One of my spectacular coaching clients commented on that post today. And basically she said that she hoped the man she is stuck on rejects her. I say he already has.
30 minutes. That’s about how long you generally have to “get to know” a man before deciding to have a cup of coffee or date with him. You meet online, or at the local bank, and that’s about it. But he seems imperfect. He’s clearly missing one of your must-haves. Should you gracefully decline? After all, you have very little time to waste, right?
One of my clients recently said, “I don’t think there’s something wrong with me; I just think I’m doing something wrong.” Bingo. The majority of women who come to me for help with dating and relationships lack confidence. Most are sure something is wrong with them. What else would explain why they are still single at this time in their lives? Is that you? Have you ever had the feeling that maybe you’re not lovable or men just don’t want “a woman like you?” Well, I’m here to tell you that it’s not something wrong with you…it’s just that you’re doing something wrong.
Are you perfect? Do you know anyone who is? Look at the people you know, especially those in midlife or older. Do you know anyone who hasn't had some rough times behind them or who are not currently facing life challenges? It’s doubtful, because this is real life; not the movies. Those of us who have lived full lives have some less-than-flattering “stuff” surrounding us. I received an email recently from Lisa, a woman who, after describing her life situation, asked: “Is there any hope for me?” Ugh. I can’t tell you how sad this makes me feel.
The first 10 minutes of a date often determine whether a second date is even going to happen. And let's face it: second dates are not the norm for many. That was definitely my story until I learned about (what I now call) "Date Waste." Date waste is when a date is a drag but has little to do with whether you're a potential match. It's a drag simply because neither of you set the date up to succeed. These aren't the dates with jerks that you can't wait to end. They're the ones that are just a little boring, lack sparks, or just go nowhere. You can turn these into very positive experiences.r
Not only is it okay to talk about yourself to men, but it is 100% essential to getting first dates and future dates. When I tell women that it’s GOOD to talk about themselves, it’s generally met with complete shock. But don’t guys love it when we let them do all the talking?
Are you resisting letting men help you or do nice things for you? Maybe you’re thinking it threatens your independence or makes you seem weak. Or maybe you’re just trying to be low-maintenance; thinking that this is what men want. As I’ve said time and time again, letting a man do for you – especially since you don’t neeeeeed him to – is the greatest gift you can give him and…in turn…yourself. Here is a letter I received from a client of mine who is graduating from my Mastering the Mystery of Meeting Men telecourse. She finally got it, and get’s a “A” for sure. ————— Bobbi,
This is the third in a series of articles sharing my 5 Keys to Finding Hope and Finding Him. The 5 Keys are: M - Me and Me first. A - Assess your list. S - Shed your stuff. T - Time to get out and Trail blaze. R - Real women find their man. I say you need to Trail Blaze because, as you know, he’s not comin’ knocking on your door. You have to make a plan and get out of your house. I’m going to be honest with you: this part can be what stops you in your tracks.
<img src="http://datelikeagrownup.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/Commitment_Success_Man-and-Woman-happy..jpg" /> Over the past few months I’ve profiled six types of women – I call them FemiTypes – who have less than healthy relationships with men. I’ve written about The Princess, The 18 Year Old, The Scaredy Cat, The Wow-Me Woman, The Bitter Woman and The Sexpot. Why have I written about women when you really want to know about men? Because I know it will help lead you get to where you want to be: in a loving relationship with a man who is devoted to you.
Have you ever asked yourself this question: What are my rules for dating and relationships? What are my boundaries, what must I do, and what must I have? And what will I simply not tolerate in myself or in others? Too often I talk to women who stayed in unfulfilling relationships or have a history of dating jerky men. When I ask questions and get their story, here's what it is usually about: the man was interested so they went along. They thought that he was all they could have, they didn't want to hurt his feelings, they just wanted a man in their life…there are several reasons.
Let me start today by telling you how magnificent you are. The fact that you are a woman over 40 and reading this tells me that you are all the more spectacular. Really, it does!
It’s your fear of rejection that is getting you rejected. ~~ Bobbi Palmer I know…I write about rejection a lot: how to recognize when it is and isn't real; how there’s no such thing as rejection when you’re meeting guys using online dating; and how to learn from it, recover and move on to the next guy who will be better for you. (Yes! There WILL be a next guy!) When we say rejection hurts, it really does HURT.
Dating sites report that their fastest growing segment are people over 50. My clients, women ranging from 35 – 65, are having great success with it. Face it: online dating is the new hot spot for people who wouldn’t dream of meeting someone in a bar. You know I’m a huge proponent of online dating. I met my husband on Match.com when I was 47. He was 57. That man is the best part of my life. I love the idea of finding companionship and love using online dating.
I read this quote recently: I love that feeling of being in love, the effect of having butterflies when you wake up in the morning. That is special. ~ Jennifer Aniston I love her, and no offense meant, but how has that butterfly-thing been working for Jen so far?
To Watch Video Click Here I had a disappointment today. I blew an opportunity to do well at something that was super important to me. I was struggling to find a way to fix it…to make it right. So I thought: What would I tell another sister to do in this situation? I came up with the answer that worked for me, and I moved on.
To Watch Video Click Here Do you feel like you're in a bit of a rut? Sometimes, especially when we're older and haven't dated for a while, we can start feeling bored, boring or invisible when it comes to men. I recorded this video to help you shake things up! With very little effort you can start feeling more beautiful, more confident and more like a woman who really wants love in her life. That, girlfriend, is exactly what attracts men!
To Watch Video Click Here Since you all can't all attend my upcoming Live Event "The Art of Magnetizing Men", I wanted to share my #1 Top Tip for being a midlife man magnet. Then I figured: why not invite my two guest experts to share theirs! Let me know your thoughts!
To Watch Video Click Here What do you do when a man asks you out and you aren’t interested? Are you worried about hurting his feelings? I get this question quite frequently because, after all, we want to please men, right? Here are my simple tips for how to say “no” to a guy you don’t want to see again (don’t worry…he can take it) AND how to say no to a guy you DO want to see….but he’s just doing something that kinda bugs you. (You might be surprised at what I’m telling you!)
To Watch Video Click Here Were you at last Friday’s Grownup Girls’ Night Out Live Man Panel? I had three men — ages 40s, 50s and 70s – generously share their thoughts and feelings about what attracts them to women, what to do on dates, how to tell if a man is into you…and much more. It was spectacular.
To Watch Video Click Here Last weekend was my live event in Los Angeles: Mastering the Art of Magnetizing Men. During this two-day event I gave women tons of advice and step-by-step tips to help them attract quality men so they could finally meet their loving lifetime partner.
To Watch Video Click Here Ungrateful children. Mortgage that’s killin’ you. Surgical scars. Chronic health problems…these are all realities of life after 40. Let’s face it: we’ve been around a while. We have “stuff!” When you’re dating it’s important to share it at the right time in the right way. Say it wrong or tell him too early or too late, and you may scare away a good man.
Can you use a dating pick-me-up? Something to boost your hope of finding your fabulous life partner? If you’re wondering if dating and the nonsense that sometimes comes with it is worth it, read on. I have a spectacular success story to share, along with advice on two simple things that will bring you the same success. I received the following email last week from a woman I coached several months ago: Hi Bobbi,
<img src="http://datelikeagrownup.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/Fred-and-Wilma-I-love-Lucy.jpg" align="right"> "If it were a snake, it would 'a bit ya!" That's what Ethel Mertz always said to her husband Fred (Lucy Ricardo's neighbors in I Love Lucy) when he'd wander around looking for his glasses – which were always on top of his (bald) head. Do you remember that?
Continuing from yesterday, it's important to make yourself memorable when you are dating. There are tons of women out there; you want to be the one he wants to know. When you follow this advice and get your story out in the right way, the guys who are good matches will take notice. They are getting to know you (sometimes) in one conversation…so make it count! 1. Get out that shiny stuff.r
I've heard the same thing from so many women this week that I had to ask you if this sounds familiar: "I'm generally a very friendly, confident gal...unless I'm in the company of a single man—especially one I'm attracted to. In that case I turn into mush." Why is it that when we meet or date attractive guys—even at 40, 50 or 60—we can become an Alien Woman from Planet WTF? If you're anything like I was, sometimes it was hard to recognize the woman sitting in front of an attractive or available man.
I can answer this in three words: You’re not memorable. That’s it. Whether it’s the hot man you had a nice chat with at the local coffee shop or the guy you had a great first date with, getting him to ask you out can take some skill. Yep, I said skill. You’re not 18 anymore, and the men you are interested in (or should be) are mature men of depth. They have busy lives (like you) and would probably rather be single than in a bad relationship (like you).
In dating, good communication is the key to meeting and attracting men…especially the right men. It's also the key to developing and maintaining fulfilling relationships. One of the most important ways I support my coaching clients (www.datelikeagrownup.com/coaching) is by helping them communicate well with men. Online or offline, good communication requires certain knowledge and skill. It's a bit of an art, actually. When challenging situations come up, I help women write a script that not only communicates effectively but also feels comfortable and true to who they are.
When you think of dating – especially online dating – do you feel any fear? Do you get even a tiny twinge of terror? If your answer is "yes," you are not alone. In fact, I think you're among the majority. The women I'm coaching often tell me about situations they describe as "scary." Here are some examples: • He wants to meet in person after just one email. • He asked her where she lived. • He's beginning to get touchier and seems to want sex; she likes him but is not ready. • He texted her with a question loaded with sexual innuendo.
I know I sound like a broken record about the benefits of dating online, especially if you are single and over 40. I’m going to continue to nag you about this because I want what you want: for you to find the man of your dreams, and to never let each other go. Getting online is the best way to make that happen. Go ahead, take the test, I promise you’ll learn things about how to meet the RIGHT MEN online, the RIGHT way. Like your mother used to say “You’ll thank me later.” True or False:
All right, ladies. I trust we all got through Valentine’s Day, right? But let's make this your last February fourteenth when you don’t have a fab date! To do that, you’re going to have to make some changes. Put simply, stagnation is never good. When you refuse to change or embrace new challenges, you’re not going to get any of the good stuff that comes with opening yourself up to new experiences. What’s keeping you from doing that? If you’re reading this, I can only assume you want to find a fantastic man to share your life with. How long have you been on the soul mate search?
If you are over 40 and dating, it is extremely likely that you have something about your past or your present you’re afraid to share when you meet new men. As I talked about in my last Grownup Girls’ Night Out, there is a good time AND a good way to talk about your “baggage.”