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Dan L. Hays/
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Articles by Dan L. Hays

Browse published articles attributed to Dan L. Hays, with full-archive search.

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By Dan L. HaysRecently published1 topic

The Anger Contract

This Anger Contract was my response to the events chronicled in my previous post, "The Betrayal." A bogus Intervention had been done to me, and had forced me to get in touch with deep anger that I had been trying to release for several years. I knew I needed to do something radical to handle the situation, to be able to process my anger, yet not hurt anyone in the process. I had prepared contracts as a part of my job, and it suddenly occurred to me to prepare this contract. I knew if I committed to this document, I would honor it.

Primary topic: Abuse and Recovery

Abuse and Recovery

4,400 views5/5 (2)

By Dan L. HaysRecently published1 topic

PTSD - And Didn't Know it!

I spent a lot of time walking around Houston in the middle '80s with many of the symptoms of PTSD, and didn't know it. I was having flashbacks - of occurrences I didn't remember. I felt like the man in the Bou e Identity with amnesia, who was getting glimpses of his past - a past he could not recall. Sometimes it was like feeling memories - like I was somewhere else living through something. But I had no idea what was going on, and it was terribly frustrating and confusing.

Primary topic: Abuse and Recovery

Abuse and Recovery

3,382 views3.4/5 (8)

By Dan L. HaysRecently published1 topic

Question: Publishing the Book I'm Writing

Someone wrote recently and said they were trying to finish a book they were writing, but had gone into a fearful place when thinking about having it published. "It's got me so twisted up that I am afraid to even write at the moment because I don't know what I'll do with the manuscript when it's done." They knew from a friend that I had studied the publishing industry extensively before publishing my first book, and wondered my thoughts on writing and publishing. The following is my reply. --------r

Primary topic: Abuse and Recovery

Abuse and Recovery

2,931 views4.7/5 (3)

By Dan L. HaysRecently published1 topic

The Hunt

(Written September 20, 1988) We were in a house trailer just outside the Lindreth trading post, in northwest New Mexico. There were six of us on the hunt that year: My Dad and I; Morris - Dad's best friend, and his son Brad; Don - who owned the trailer and was to be our guide, and his son Chris. I had watched my Dad leave to go hunting each fall since I could remember, had seen the freezer filled with venison after he returned. Hunting was the time when the men gathered together. Brad and I were 12, and this was our first time to go along, even though we weren't to carry guns.

Primary topic: Abuse and Recovery

Abuse and Recovery

2,047 views3.6/5 (9)

By Dan L. HaysRecently published1 topic

Healing My Anger - Defusing a Time Bomb

For many years, I would have told you that yes, there was drinking in my house while I was growing up, but I got out just fine, and it didn’t really affect me. Then when I was in my early ‘30s, I started to see signs that such was not the case.

Primary topic: Abuse and Recovery

Abuse and Recovery

2,513 views4/5 (4)

By Dan L. HaysRecently published1 topic

Talk of Tigers/The Tiger Unveiled

Talk of Tigersrn(Written March 9, 1990) "Tell me about your tiger," she said. They were at the zoo, standing in front of the tiger cage. A huge, restless Bengal tiger paced back and forth the length of the cage. His eyes looked devoid of life, cold, neutral. The huge paws silently padded up and down, the tawny skin rippling over muscles bunching and loosening as he walked, endlessly pacing. There was about him an ominous presence, a sense of unbelievable power and force, frightening, even with the steel bars separating him from outsiders.

Primary topic: Abuse and Recovery

Abuse and Recovery

1,824 views4.8/5 (4)

By Dan L. HaysRecently published1 topic

They'll Call You Crazy and Lock You Up!

After years of struggling as a writer, by 1996, I had written two books, had publishers interested in both, and had walked away each time. Finally, in complete frustration, I gave up the dream of being a writer. I still felt something was locking up my writing, but I had no idea what it was. I spent several pretty miserable years not writing, believing I’d never get down to the bottom of the mysterious hangup that had effectively killed my path with heart. I moved to Albuquerque, New Mexico in 2002, returning to the part of the country where I had grown up.

Primary topic: Abuse and Recovery

Abuse and Recovery

1,901 views5/5 (3)

By Dan L. HaysRecently published1 topic

Know When to Fold 'Em

Written April 12, 1990 How do you know when it's time to say goodbye? To move on? To go separate ways? There comes a point for many people, whether it's with the true love of your life, the gang at church, your oldest friend, or a group you used to hang with, when something is just not the way it was. So what to do? And when to do it?

Primary topic: Abuse and Recovery

Abuse and Recovery

2,116 views5/5 (2)

By Dan L. HaysRecently published1 topic

A Conversation With Dad

Written August 5, 1990 All I really wanted to say was "I'm sorry." I had said some hurtful things to my Father. But he had been dead for three years. How do make amends after they're gone? It wasn't perfect, not like him being there, but I was talking to him anyway. Just making up a conversation in my mind, inside my spirit. And answering for him - what I thought he would say. No, that's not quite true. Some of the things my Dad had said to me, but I could not hear them at the time, or at least, could not receive his words.

Primary topic: Abuse and Recovery

Abuse and Recovery

1,722 views4.2/5 (5)

By Dan L. HaysRecently published1 topic

Independence Day - Little Danny Set Free!

For the last two years I've been working to overcome the effects of damage done by my Grandmother, who we all called Mamaw. When I was 8 years old, she asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I said a famous writer, and she was appalled, and said "If you are a famous writer, they'll call you crazy and lock you up!" She reinforced that message by telling me the doctor she worked for as a nurse had confirmed that if I was a writer when I grew up, and went crazy from it, he could have me put into an insane asylum.

Primary topic: Abuse and Recovery

Abuse and Recovery

2,026 views3.3/5 (7)

By Dan L. HaysRecently published1 topic

Writing Through PTSD

When I was six years old I felt very connected with God. I had a sense of peace about my world, and knew, I just knew, that one day I would become a famous writer. It was a sense of destiny that was as tangible as anything I’ve experienced since. I started my first novel at age 13, something about a plot to overthrow the President. Then the movie Seven Days In May stole my storyline, so I set the novel aside. Then when I was in the 8th grade, our class compiled a literary magazine. I published five poems and a short story, and was once again really excited about writing.

Primary topic: Abuse and Recovery

Abuse and Recovery

1,857 views5/5 (2)

By Dan L. HaysRecently published1 topic

Ghosts of the Wheat Harvest

In the fall of 1990, I was meeting with two other men on a regular basis to explore our dreams and aspirations. Every two weeks, we would gather at a Chinese buffet and talk for several hours about things we’d like to do some day.

Primary topic: Abuse and Recovery

Abuse and Recovery

1,761 views5/5 (2)

By Dan L. HaysRecently published1 topic

Thoughts on My Inner Child

A good friend emailed me a while back and asked about my experience of the "inner child" on my road to healing. My inner child, who I called Little Danny, was an integral part of the book I had written, "Freedom's Just Another Word." My friend wondered if my experience of that inner child had changed over the years, or if that child was still a part of me in some ways. Here's how I characterized it:

Primary topic: Abuse and Recovery

Abuse and Recovery

1,753 views3.4/5 (7)

By Dan L. HaysRecently published1 topic

If You Had Any Sense

(Written August 8, 1990) It was June of 1969. I had just come home from my freshman year at Texas Tech. I had not declared a major except for General Studies. I liked my psychology and sociology courses, and thought about going that direction for a major.

Primary topic: Abuse and Recovery

Abuse and Recovery

2,274 views5/5 (1)

By Dan L. HaysRecently published1 topic

Heartbeat

In the fall of 1986 someone said to me "You write very lyrically. Are you a poet?" I replied pretty vehemently, "No, no, I'm not a poet!" as if I was physically trying to push away the concept. I was also ignoring the fact that I had published poetry in a school literary magazine when I was in junior high. Several weeks later I remembered why I stopped writing poetry. Shortly after that, I composed the first poem I had written since I was 14 years old - and it explained why. Heartbeat My heart stopped beating when I was fourteen, Avoiding the pain that could rarely be seen.r

Primary topic: Abuse and Recovery

Abuse and Recovery

1,689 views5/5 (2)

By Dan L. HaysRecently published1 topic

The Betrayal

My next several blog posts are all related to the same topic. They deal with something that happened to me in July of 1988. My Dad had died the previous Thanksgiving, and I was still in the grief process over that loss. As well, I was still involved with a 12 step program for people who had grown up around alcoholism. That group had grown to be like a family for me. Yet I had seen several situations where I needed to back away from people in that group, because the dynamic wasn’t healthy for me.

Primary topic: Abuse and Recovery

Abuse and Recovery

2,072 views4.5/5 (2)

By Dan L. HaysRecently published1 topic

Why Is This Fantastic News So Scary?

Note: the real names of the author and her publisher are used with their permission. “Mr. Hays, I really loved the book your book, “Search For Peace.” I spent all weekend reading it, and I just couldn’t put it down. I’d like to talk to you about publishing it.” Those are thrilling words for a writer to hear from a publisher. It was hard to breathe, and I thought I was overwhelmed by the good news. Later I would come to realize I was terrified. ------r

Primary topic: Abuse and Recovery

Abuse and Recovery

1,651 views5/5 (2)

By Dan L. HaysRecently published1 topic

Fight Night

Written October 17, 1988 I was out in the back yard shooting baskets with some of the boys from the neighborhood. It was a crisp, sunny fall afte oon, sweatshirt weather, and I was feeling great about life. I had finally gotten the knack of the jump shot, and was really proud of myself. The back door open, my Dad called out, "Son, come here a minute." I walked over to him, breathing hard from the exertion. "Get your jacket, we're going down to the Y." "The Y? How come?"

Primary topic: Abuse and Recovery

Abuse and Recovery

2,193 views3.5/5 (4)

By Dan L. HaysRecently published1 topic

Overcoming The Fear - Facing The Past

I received this question from someone who had just read my book, Freedom’s Just Another Word, where I confront some pretty bad demons from my past: How did you overcome your fear of dealing with all the pain coming to the surface? I have not been able to conquer this fear I have of experiencing all that pain. I can talk to myself, try to reason it all out. I know this stuff is poison. If I let it all stay buried in there it is going to continue to rot my soul. I can know this in my head, but the fear is greater than my reasoning. Here’s how I responded:r

Primary topic: Abuse and Recovery

Abuse and Recovery

2,496 views3.3/5 (3)

By Dan L. HaysRecently published1 topic

Redemption

Written December 30, 1988 At Thanksgiving of 1988 I returned to Fort Worth, a place of many of my roots - my family, early friends, beginnings. I had lived there for about a year and a half in 1967 and 1968. My family had moved back to the town where my parents had grown up, and where many of my relatives still lived.

Primary topic: Abuse and Recovery

Abuse and Recovery

2,240 views4/5 (2)

By Dan L. HaysRecently published1 topic

Letting Go Is Nature's Way

Note: This topic is particularly on my mind right now - I have just had a friend of 20 years drift away. I held on to the illusion that we were still on the same wavelength for about a year. Then I finally had to admit - we just weren't going down the same road any more. Eventually, I let it go and began to move on, but it has been troubling nonetheless! Oddly, I had just met the friend around the same time this piece was written. (Written July 25, 1990)

Primary topic: Abuse and Recovery

Abuse and Recovery

1,847 views5/5 (1)

By Dan L. HaysRecently published1 topic

Testing My Writing Ability

What if I don’t have a talent for creative writing? On the other hand - what if I do? ______

Primary topic: Abuse and Recovery

Abuse and Recovery

1,376 views5/5 (1)

By Dan L. HaysRecently published1 topic

The Intervention - Response Letter

This letter was written in response to a bogus intervention, as chronicled in the post "The Betrayal." What I did to deal with my anger is written in the post "Anger Contract."

Primary topic: Abuse and Recovery

Abuse and Recovery

1,617 views3.3/5 (3)

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