Browse published articles attributed to Dr. Jeanette Raymond, with full-archive search.
Do you feel ashamed when you lash out at the people you love the most? Do you wish you could erase it for ever and be free of this beastly emotion? That’s because there is a taboo against feeling and expressing anger, particularly if done in a loud, over the top and explosive way. We don’t like to think of ourselves as uncontrolled and irrational.
Pity or genuine desire for connection? Watching Tom rapt in conversation with their guests made Roxy feel left out and unimportant. Almost as if he heard her wish, Tom asked her for her opinion of the movie they were all talking about. She could hardly speak. She didn’t want to be brought in out of pity or courtesy. She wanted Tom to feel her absence and truly desire her opinion, not just act politely. Tom had tried to invite her into the conversation and if she chose not to join, he assumed she didn’t really want to. He wasn’t going to second guess her motives.
Nia was stunned when her perfect relationship ended Nia was on top of the world. Her job was going well, and she had the best boyfriend any girl could ask for. He was attentive and affectionate. He was interested in her ideas and opinions. He showed respect for her family traditions. She felt important and needed when she supported him through tough times. His gratitude was genuine making Nia believe they were a solid couple. The beginning of the end came the day Nia’s boyfriend didn’t take up her offer of caring for him when he was ill.
I’m Almost Perfect But No One Wants Me ! Why Not? Eight Tips For Meaningful Relationships Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D. The search is exciting, but the catch is disappointing. Recognize that experience? When you interact with a potential partner your internal monitor searches for features that ... I’m Almost Perfect But No One Wants Me ! Why Not? Eight Tips For Meaningful Relationships Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D.
Louis shock turns to disbelief and anger The world caved in on Louis when his girlfriend of three years ditched him, complaining he was ‘too needy!’ Louis had been the devoted boyfriend and caretaker. He did whatever she asked no matter what the cost to him. He cut out his friends and family. He stopped playing sports and dropped out of college.
I Can’t Stand It - My Family Treats Me Like An ATM Machine! How the hot button was createdr Sharon helped her sister Ellisa prepare the party for their father's 80th birthday. As the guests left they thanked Ellisa and wished her father many more years of healthy life. Sharon drove home hurt and ...I Can’t Stand It - My Family Treats Me Like An ATM Machine! How the hot button was created
Check any listing of self-help groups, books or websites, and Anger management is likely to be given top billing. It has a bad smell, and it is frowned upon indiscriminately. Yet anger is one of our fundamental emotions, and it has a purpose and value. The survival and utility value of anger ...Check any listing of self-help groups, books or websites, and Anger management is likely to be given top billing. It has a bad smell, and it is frowned upon indiscriminately. Yet anger is one of our fundamental emotions, and it has a purpose and value.
Patsy swallows her feelings and gets tired out Patsy spent her forty-fifth birthday with her elderly mother who complained about the food being cold and bland. Patsy bit her tongue and tried to make something more appetizing. Her sister called to wish her a happy birthday, then made excuses as to why she couldn’t take care of their mother next weekend. Patsy was outraged that she was expected to be the dutiful child while her siblings got away with it. She ground her teeth, stuffed the indignation and continued with her chores.
Road rage nearly causes Garret a heart attack Just as he was about to turn right and head for home, a driver on his left zoomed in front of 35 year old Garret’s car and raced through the traffic lights. One moment he was smiling at the thought of telling his wife about his big sales deal, and the next he was stomping on the brakes to avoid a head on collision. He swore and cursed and made faces. He hit his steering wheel and shook his fists in the air. Road rage overcame him, sent his blood pressure sky high and stress hormones coursing through his blood stream.
You thought you had figured it out and that everything was under control
You Mean I can Have What I Want? Fabienne drooled over that gorgeous pair of shoes in the store window. Just for once she wanted to indulge herself by splurging on something personal that wasn’t an absolute necessity. She had spoken to Larry about it and he gave her the go ahead. This weekend she was going to treat herself without doubts or guilt. Saturday morning Larry twisted the knife. “ I really need to go to that conference next weekend. Networking with the contacts will help launch my business. It’s been so tough lately to market my ideas.
MORDI HAS HAD ENOUGH! Dinner was over. Now came the awkward time. Making small talk, being effusive with praise for the hosts, and having to be entertaining for the crowd. Mordi hated it. He also hated to watch his wife sing songs and play the piano with her friends. He stuffed his irritation, ...MORDI HAS HAD ENOUGH!r
Isn’t it frustrating when you want to make changes in your life but can’t quite find the energy and motivation to take the necessary steps? You get all fired up one minute when the vision feels exciting and worthwhile, but the next moment a ton of competing ideas and scenarios come to quash your initial enthusiasm. Do you recognize these ways of talking yourself out it? You may say: • Things aren’t that bad after all • I’ve lived with this all my life, I can go a while longer • It’ll be too hard • I don’t know if the effort is worth it
Adrian has many friends and no regular job. He works in intense short bursts for a few days at a time, becoming mentally and physically exhausted. As he recovers he begins to hate the life style he has chosen and becomes motivated to seek a more wholesome existence. But within an hour or two of ...Adrian has many friends and no regular job. He works in intense short bursts for a few days at a time, becoming mentally and physically exhausted. As he recovers he begins to hate the life style he has chosen and becomes motivated to seek a more wholesome existence.
Trudy a twenty-nine year old local newspaper reporter and Max a thirty-three year old limousine company owner had endless fights about who was doing the lion’s share of parenting their two children. They argued about what to do, how to do it, when to do it and who should take the blame when things went wrong. Trudy’s sister Sophie got mad at Max when she saw her sister miserable and at a loss. Sophie rescued Trudy countless times, and usually felt heroic in the process.
Do you take care of a bunch of chores that have been neglected for weeks, months or years when you see how hurt and upset your loved ones are at you? Perhaps you go to the other extreme of making sure that no one can find fault with you and blame you for anything by anticipating areas where you could be found wanting. Whether you are pumped up by needing to make amends or to avoid blame, the source of your motivation is probably guilt. Mark couldn’t live with his guilt if he behaved like his mother
Kodi put his legs up and switched on the television. Checking out of his life by jumping into a hilarious reality show was just what the doctor ordered. Two minutes later Ciana sat by him and asked how he fared in his Engineering seminar. “ It was fine.” Kodi replied to shut it down. “ Did you ...Kodi put his legs up and switched on the television. Checking out of his life by jumping into a hilarious reality show was just what the doctor ordered. Two minutes later Ciana sat by him and asked how he fared in his Engineering seminar. “ It was fine.” Kodi replied to shut it down.
You work hard to please the people you love. You long to see a smile on their faces. You hope that you have brought them joy. You want them to come alive because of your thoughts and actions. You imagine the scene over and over and it makes you fill up with desire and motivation to do that one extra thing, to go that one extra mile. But you get a mild if ‘blah’ response. Disappoint deflates you. All that motivation to work hard to make your loved ones happy dissipates. You are left empty, tired and unrewarded.
Anger makes Zane protest and refuse to work hard Zane was furious when he didn’t get his pay raise. He remembered all the times his boss gave him signs that his efforts would be rewarded. Was that a dream? Did he misread the signals? How could he be so easily fobbed off with a few sweet words?
Achieving her goals was a bit too easy for Nadine Thirty-five year old writer and director Nadine got three clients as soon as she put the word out about her new venture as an acting coach. Her script for a TV show was accepted and she was hired to direct the production. She was amazed at how quickly and effortlessly everything was falling into place. Nadine’s dreams were about to come true. Her talents were prized and she felt giddy with excitement. Expressing her creativity felt authentic but scary. She dared to imagine being famous.
“ If my anxiety didn’t nag at me, I don’t think I would be bothered to make any improvements in my life,” said teacher Connie. She wasn’t friends with her anxiety, but she realized that without it pushing her, she would be stagnant and accept a life style that was far different to what she ...r
Rita was happy and Norman hated it! Rita was on top of the world and Norman hated it. He couldn’t stand seeing her so comfortable in her own skin, and in such good spirits. It turned his stomach. It was unfair. What right did she have to feel so good when he felt lousy? Despite her determination to hang onto her good mood, Rita found her self rolling it back, hiding her happy feelings since they were obviously not welcome. Norman began complaining about his life, taking the focus away from her happy mood and turning the lens on his crappy day.
Why on earth are we burdened with anger? Why do we have to battle with anger all our lives? What is the point of having this emotion? Why can’t we do without it? We aren’t needing to kill predators to protect our lives or keep meager food rations for ourselves as we did millions of years ago. So what on earth does anger do for us in this day and age? Want to stop being a doormat? Get Angry! Anger continues to have a strong psychological survival value. Anger is the strongest sign that urges you to stand up for yourself.
At the age of 34 Rory had achieved everything he had set out to do when he decided to prove to his father that he wasn’t a waster. He had an exciting six figure salary job as a buyer of exotic furnishings for a global interior design company. Together with a large upscale home, a beautiful and intelligent wife Alicia, and an adorable daughter, he was the envy of everyone in his social world. But Rory wasn’t happy. In fact he was angry and miserable because he felt excluded from Alicia’s private world. Alicia initiated sex often and seemed to want it more tha Rory did.
Valerie was hurt and upset. Barry dismissed her plans for the Thanksgiving holiday but supported the same proposals coming from cousi Ruth. What made it even worse was that Barry seemed oblivious to the stinging rebuke he had dealt his wife. Silenced by the lump growing in her throat and the ...Valerie was hurt and upset. Barry dismissed her plans for the Thanksgiving holiday but supported the same proposals coming from cousi Ruth. What made it even worse was that Barry seemed oblivious to the stinging rebuke he had dealt his wife.
Koren is furious that her son is being unfairly picked on As she drove to pick up nine year old Hector from school, Koren seethed with rage. She was confronted with a complaint that Hector was suspended from after school playground access for hitting another boy. Koren was mad at the playground supervisor for believing the other child rather than her son. She was furious that the supervisor allowed the incident to occur.
Driving home from his last landscape design consult, thirty-three year old Craig’s stomach was in knots wondering if Sophie would have gotten over the row she had with her mother the other day. He felt bad for his wife who had tried and failed to arrange a family dinner, taking out her frustration on him. His temples began throbbing and his breathing became quick and shallow as he felt the overbearing sense of heaviness that came over him when he approached his front door.
The pressure’s on - everything depends on Wyatt’s speech!
Maggie feels caught in the middle The cliques and gossip in the office made Maggie nervous. She wanted to stay on the right side of management and not make any waves. She liked the manager at the Spa, who supported her efforts to bring in new clients. He was appreciative of her willingness to stay late and take new customers at short notice. But some of the other estheticians complained. They wanted overtime, they wanted more time in-between clients and they wanted a larger cut of the fees. Maggie is uncomfortable having to take sides Maggie was fond of her colleagues.
A savage bile rose in Tanya’s throat as she heard Martin talk to his mother on the phone. His patient, understanding and placating voice made Tanya want to cut the wire on the land line and smash up his cell phone. She wanted to feel his soft responsiveness - she wanted to be his one and only. ...
OUCH! Before he turned off the engine as he pulled into the driveway, Mia got on his case. He never appreciated her, he hadn’t fixed the shower door, he failed to pick up their son from the child care facility on time, and he drank too much! Doug’s breath came hard and fast. He felt attacked with a barrage of unfair bullets that seemed to hit him unawares. He was unarmed and defenseless.
No Welcome Home Made Jeremy Angry There was no happy smile. There was no light in her eyes. There was no bear hug. There was no gasp of welcoming delight. Jeremy’s expectation of a warm and affectionate homecoming was decimated. Wasn’t it only yesterday that they had exchanged messages of longing to see one another? Wasn’t it only a minute ago that his whole body was throbbing in anticipation of feeling held by his wife as if he was her most precious possession? What could have changed in such a short time?
I do what you want, but you never let me do what I want! Justin had his heart set on the new BMW sports car, but Be ice wondered whether it was the best way of spending money at this point. There were other more important priorities like her business start up, the kids school fees and house repairs to consider. Justin blew up. “ You never let me have what I want! When you wanted to go to Costa Rica I agreed because I knew what that meant to you. I let you choose the living room furniture even though I hated it.
Take deep breaths, visualize a serene sunset on a tropical beach, or get a good massage, are all remedie recommended for anxiety relief. For a few minutes you may breath less hurriedly, the tension headache may ease, and you can let go of the worries that invade your waking moments. But why ...Take deep breaths, visualize a serene sunset on a tropical beach, or get a good massage, are all remedie recommended for anxiety relief. For a few minutes you may breath less hurriedly, the tension headache may ease, and you can let go of the worries that invade your waking moments.
Despite the relief that Craig felt when his wife Sophie did his bookkeeping for his landscape business he was frequently choked with shame. The conflict made him snappy and uninterested in spending leisure time with her. He dreaded going to bed at night because he didn’t want to face his impotence when he forced himself to try and make love to her. He was trapped in a cycle of neediness, shame and anger at the very person whom he relied upon to keep his business afloat.r
Panic attacks spoil your wish to be superior than your baser emotions
Insomnia Jeopardizes Merdith's Job The future of Meredith’s business depended on one simple thing. Getting a good night’s sleep. If she wasn’t on the ball, she would lose the marketing contract for a prestigious corporate firm. There was no way Meredith was going to let that happen. She couldn’t afford to jeopardize her image as the whiz that put the ‘wow’ factor into her designs. Meredith's Creative Juices Stop Flowing Simple jobs that took fifteen minutes now seemed to take over two hours and slowed down the entire creative process.
Mimi was proud of the ten pounds she had lost on her new diet and exercise regimen. It was easy and enjoyable. A few days later Mimi was part of a decision making team at work. Arguments and insults flying around made her afraid of giving her opinion. Right then Mimi sensed something was ...r
Sam lived in hope that his best friend would hear him, support and encourage him instead of the constant judgments and criticisms that he heaped Sam’s way. Each time the hope was dashed, yet Sam couldn’t allow himself to think anything but positive things about his friend. He thought he just ...r
JOE'S SELFISHNESS DRIVES LORRAINE CRAZY Lorraine was infuriated. She got in her car, raced the engine and zoomed into the street, the screeching tires magnifying her frustrated rage. She’d show him! Let him worry about where she was, whether she was okay, and sweat over when she would be back. ...JOE'S SELFISHNESS DRIVES LORRAINE CRAZY
A panic attack out of the blue can make you think you are going crazy! If you are organized, in control and competent in managing your life, then the odd panic attack can throw you off balance. It can be unsettling and sap your confidence, making you question your whole way of operating. They make you feel dizzy, disorientated, like your heart is going to burst out of your chest and make you gasp for breath!
Preparing for her younger sister’s visit put some pep into Shelly’s steps. She recalled Natalie’s last visit when they had fun at the beach, going to movies and eating out. The thought of having those precious moments again made Faith feel warm inside. She wanted to show Natalie the home she ...r
Why Do Nice Guys Make Sharon Panic? Sharon enjoyed the flirting until Rudolph asked if she’d like to go out with him on a date. In the blink of an eye she said “ Oh, I can’t. I’m really tied up and I’m not sure when I’ll be free.” It was as if Rudolph had pushed a panic button inside her and she had to destroy everything in her path to escape the danger that erupted out of nowhere.
After years of thankless work as a furniture restorer, forty year old Maggie took the plunge and became an entrepreneur. Her investment capital consisted of experience and hope. Business was so bad that she didn’t have enough gas money to provide clients with estimates. Then she remembered a ... After years of thankless work as a furniture restorer, forty year old Maggie took the plunge and became an entrepreneur. Her investment capital consisted of experience and hope. Business was so bad that she didn’t have enough gas money to provide clients with estimates.
The call came at 1:00 a.m. The call that never should have come. The call that Bruce would have moved heaven and earth to prevent. The call that ended everything when an apologetic voice dealt the fatal blow - his wife had suffered a heart attack at work and died. Medication just knocks him out Bruce went through the motions as the autopsy, funeral and aftermath took their course. He allowed friends and relatives to take care of the arrangements, acting as an obedient robot. He lost his appetite and had trouble sleeping.
Get Out Of Your Own Way - Tips on Becoming A Successr Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D. Ever wonder why the all pervasive hot tips on becoming rich, successful and desirable never work for you? It may be because you don’t have the relationship with yourself that sets the stage for success. The most ...Get Out Of Your Own Way - Tips on Becoming A Successr Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D.
WHAT AN IDIOT I WAS TO FALL FOR THAT Nauseous waves filled Roxanne’s stomach. This was the umpteenth message she had left without a response. A whirlwind of crazy thoughts whipped her with self-doubt. Why did I let myself be seduced? Why did I let this happen with a guy I hardly ...WHAT AN IDIOT I WAS TO FALL FOR THAT Nauseous waves filled Roxanne’s stomach. This was the umpteenth message she had left without a response. A whirlwind of crazy thoughts whipped her with self-doubt. Why did I let myself be seduced? Why did I let this happen with a guy I hardly knew?r
Joe was mesmerized when he saw the new hire at work. Lenora was tall, blonde and without any makeup. A whiff of vulnerability glazed with competence wafted up from her body. But what really got Joe hooked was her voice. It oozed of innocence sucking him into her orbit. Like a cat starved of ... Joe was mesmerized when he saw the new hire at work. Lenora was tall, blonde and without any makeup. A whiff of vulnerability glazed with competence wafted up from her body. But what really got Joe hooked was her voice. It oozed of innocence sucking him into her orbit.
Tricia was sick of the online greetings, the phone calls offering good wishes, and friends wanting to throw Tony a surprise 35th birthday party. “ Why does Tony get everyone fussing over him. When it was my 30th birthday no one did anything special. It sucks,” Tricia puked out at she stepped on ...r
The cures don't last, but it's nice to have care and concern! Bonnie was a hostage to migraine attacks. They lasted for hours and she was unable to do anything but lie down in bed until it passed. Sometimes her migraine was accompanied by nausea and other times by cramps or acid reflux. Treatments from herbalists, acupuncturists, nutritionists, homeopathic doctors, spiritual healers, medical doctors and meditation did nothing to stop the onset or reduce the severity of the pain and exhaustion that accompanied the episodes.