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Browse published articles attributed to Gina Hardy, with full-archive search.
Does your relationship slip occasionally or frequently into the tit for tat spat? Don’t you just loathe it! You say something, which granted may not be languaged that well, and your honey beautifully deflects the perceived criticism that’s about to land like a fly, by pointing out that, in their opinion, you do the same or in fact worse!
Most of my lovely couples come to me in relational angst when their bag of long standing coping “tools” has run aground and they have nothing left with which to communicate their feelings and needs in a healthy way. Many couples just cope, rather than experience deeply fulfilling and nourishing relationships, because they feel, it’s “ better not to rock the boat…”, “it’s easier this way….” “I can’t bear the thought of losing my husband/wife, so I’ll doing anything…..” “well we have kids and so we must stay together…”
A battle field for the heart and emotions...insecurity. It plagued my life and the men I dated, so many times in the last 25 years and was the source of great angst too many times, often with disastrous consequences. Insecurity is a feeling that can't always be intellectualised and virtually never rationalised when in motion. The energy generated can be overpowering and when it blows the surface, an emotional eruption can be the result. I have experienced and seen many scenes of pain and conflict as a direct result of reactive behaviour from this emotion.
Dear readers...I have created my ferris wheel analogy in response to years of observations in friends and my own love relationships. This is the scene....you are in a relationship that is beyond the honeymoon period, where the rose coloured spectacles, viewing your once perfect partner, are now off and the proverbial relationship sleeves are rolled up ready for the next stage. Some call it the power struggle, where the real business of getting to know each other kicks in.
I sat down to write today and have changed the title so many times ! There is just so much to discuss in the fascinating world of love and relationships, but I couldn't let Christmas go by without writing something apt. My word bag is slowly starting to open so who knows where this will end up!
If you were to paint a picture of who you are on the inside, what would you look like? Most of us spend too much time making the best of our outer facade which is just “dressed” skin, muscle and bone structure at the end of the day. We are perceived blessed by media hype if we are stunning, handsome, beautiful or gorgeous and so disproportional outer emphasis is still intrinsically embedded into our psyche.
We are in a constant state of change and flux. Are you feeling it? Evolutionary progression is happening every minute and certainly during the last 4 years it feels like the Universe has put her foot on the growth accelerator and we are doing our best to hang on as the changes come thick and fast. Our body’s cells are in a constant state of birth and death and the cycle of life takes us through day and night, good and bad, happy and sad. Phew!
Oh so frequently I hear the cry in girlie gatherings “I feel like I don’t know him, he just won’t talk about his feelings!” Ladies, is this your mantra now or maybe in days gone by? I know I have been there and put myself through painful coercion techniques often born out of desperation because “We need to talk” has been the persistent mind torture. It’s an interesting path strewn with expectations about how our men “should” be versus our willingness to know what we want and seek it out without trying to change or interfere with our partner.
Have you ever suffered the emotional knifing of a relationship breakup? Why does it hurt so damn much? Why don’t we say “NEXT!” and smile joyfully as we trip down the road to the Plenty More Fish shop? The sudden and aching void that forms when your honey, who you thought was your only soul mate, best friend, love and life companion, gives you the news that “it’s over” can send you down a very dark road.
I love the feeling of writing this because I know I have been a keen watcher of people who have “the eye” over the years. I was indeed many a time on the receiving end of boyfriends past, who had the eye. I have heard a gazillion times “oh he /she definitely has the eye.” It seemed a common phrase when I was in my 20’s. Let’s start by defining what I mean by “the eye.” Visualise this scene for a moment.
This year, as every year, we choose days on which to celebrate the essence of life in its many forms. Valentine’s Day is no exception. But why stick to one day when love is the breath of life and can be celebrated every day? What will you be doing this year to celebrate V Day? I want to approach this article with lots of humour and romance and felt compelled to offer you some ideas and advice. So whether single, on a first date, dating or married, do it differently this year if last was a wash out! Singletons
The purpose of my blog on love and relationships? Well, my life as a spectator is constantly throwing me a vast array of love topics which propel me, often with great speed to my laptop. I love to write, offering up my perspective in a “me, you” discussion and then I like to offer advice as an “experiencer” first, then an educator, on what maybe happening. It’s then up to you and your innate wisdom to take from it what feels right. Would you do anything for love? And when you find love with another is it enough to have a long lasting and happy relationship?
Inspired by having coffee at the beach with my beloved’s sister today I felt urged to share my thoughts on where I feel “we are at” in life, the Universe, the here and now, or whatever you choose to call it, in terms of our relationships. This mini blog is an instigator and prodder of inner and outer movement. Don’t continue to read if you are feeling sensitive! Let me start by asking a few questions about your relationship right now. Feel the answers that come and don’t rationalise them away because that’s all blah blah! Let your intuition (gut) guide your immediate answer.
Staying together for the sake of the kids. A very emotive subject but one I feel compelled to write about. Firstly, I’m not a parent so don’t shoot me down with the “well what would she really know, she doesn’t have kids.” I hear you but I was a child with parents who existed in unhappiness together for most of their marriage and it really polluted my ability to make sound relationship choices for most of my love career. No question. My belief is that if you are parents living in an unhappy marriage, do something about it or find a way out. Please don’t let it go on for years.
Inspired by countless stories of friends and acquaintances jumping into relationships without "assessing" the scene, I have come to the conclusion, that to save us from self induced heartache we must indeed look before we fall in love. If possible. Easy to say when the emotions stirred by seeing that beautiful face across a crowded room, rocket to the surface. But using a touch of logic and a big helping of disce ment could save you quite literally, especially if you are a person who keeps repeating the same patterns in the choice of partner.
Art is something personal don’t you think? We are all born with the ability to create and become an artist in whatever discipline we choose. None greater than being your own artist discovering the lifelong shape of who you are. That means always being willing to know and learn about you. It is without exception the greatest journey of your life. It’s about experimenting with experience. It’s not about getting it wrong or right but merely learning about what feels good and what doesn’t and adapting towards more inner happiness through the choice of healing and growth.
Those first glorious moments of spiritual or religious awakening can be huge. As we begin to open and seek our true ”selves” we start to ask questions such as “who am I?” or “why am I here?”. The first experience that connects you to your inner self is one of the most, or maybe best of your life and it’s only natural you want to share it. You find yourself reviewing jobs, friends, values, beliefs and your relationship tends to come under the spotlight very quickly because often your dear heart is the first to be affected by the chrysalis of the “new me” starting to form.
Once upon a time, in a land far far away, there lived a princess. A princess so beautiful, her Light shone, mesmerizing the people of the land. They talked only of her purity and kindness and regularly left gifts at the steps to her castle to show their appreciation for her being in their lives. Daily she sat by the river with all her nature friends, dreaming of the day when her handsome prince would come to her. Her knowing was so strong that from afar, every now and then, the handsome prince would look up from what he was doing and sense the love from his princess from across the miles.
It struck me recently that there is a distinct difference between knowing when to throw the towel in and call it a day with your dear heart and when it's just your "stuff" surfacing again. But how do you really know ? I don't profess to nailing scientific proof to either side, even though our minds want to cling to something tangible because matters of the heart are somewhat "fluffy" at times, but there seems to be flavours to the way people behave in love conflict.
In the past year I have endlessly blogged and chatted to radio hosts about the intricacies of intimate relationships from communication styles to self observation, with unending awe as I explore the certain mysteries of love and how it affects us all. There are heaps of experts and books out there written by amazing people way more qualified than me about the psychology and technical workings of relationships, but it is my calling to offer you help in this wonderland of life, so it got me wondering, as Grace had named my business Conscious Union, just what is a Conscious Union ?
I was inspired today after my hot yoga class, to write about how people really get stuck in to the drama of their emotions. I watched people as they literally fought with their bodies throughout the class, one to deal with the extreme temperatures which were well over 80 degrees and two, to force their bodies into postures that "dear old bod" was not ready for. One guy especially caught my attention. It tickled me pink by the end of the class.
If you are in a relationship, are you in love or are you with someone who is safe because you can’t bear the thought of being hurt again?
Happy New Year conscious relationship seekers! I hope your festivities over Christmas and your transition to 2011 was happy and healthy. Are you ready for this year? I am. An energy of “raring to go” has set in and I want what’s on offer! Blog titles have been flooding from mind to iPhone over Christmas and so to open the flood gates I felt I wanted to ask you one question right before we kick this year off in earnest. What needs to change in your love life this year that you have been putting off because “it’s complicated?”
When you wake up in the morning. What do you expect to happen ? I expect my alarm to go off in the morning. I expect daylight to have arrived. I expect that I can move my body and get out of bed. I expect my breakfast Radio 2 programme to be on and I expect the kettle to boil when I switch it on. Sounds simple but we do alot of expecting without realising it. It's generally unconscious conditioning.
Leading nicely on from my last piece about how to "tool up" to communicate properly in your relationship, I find myself compelled to mention the wonderful world of non-verbal communication, in particular, texting. Daily life seems to cocoon us more and more within the world of laptops and virtual relationships with others and as well as the plethora of benefits in terms of connecting us with ever larger circles of people, it can, in intimate relationships, kill some of the essence of good old fashioned face to face dialogue.
I get an overriding sense these days, upon observation of the many trials and tribulations in 21st Century relationships, that the ultimate goal is about getting love from a partner like it is something to be owned....a possession or a thing; but how that method is working less and less and causing more and more angst and tug o’ war games.