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Articles by James Lehman

Browse published articles attributed to James Lehman, with full-archive search.

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By James LehmanRecently published1 topic

Young Kids Acting Out in School: The Top 3 Issues Parents Worry about Most

<img src="http://www.empoweringparents.com/files/articles/photo/actingout_article.jpg" align="left">If you’re the parent of a young child who acts out at school, you’ve probably asked yourself, “If my child is out of control now, how will I be able to deal with him when he’s ten—or a teenager?” Once a toddler or kindergartner becomes known as a child who “plays too rough” or “always has to have his way,” parents often find that invitations to playdates and birthday parties begin to dry up.

Primary topic: Parenting

3,289 views3.7/5 (15)

By James LehmanRecently published1 topic

"Anger with an Angle": Is Your Child Using Anger to Control You?

Have your child’s angry outbursts worn you down so much that you’ve simply learned to give in? You should know that this is not a phase or a behavior that will “just go away on its own.” Read on to discover 5 things you can do to stop your child from using “Anger with an Angle” today.

Primary topic: Parenting

3,657 views3.4/5 (8)

By James LehmanRecently published1 topic

Kids Who are Verbally Abusive: The Creation of a Defiant Child

When you’re standing in your kitchen, and you’re fighting back tears and rage as your son is calling you “b---h,” you don’t have time to do much of anything but react. But when he’s stormed out the door or up to his room, the question arises in your mind yet again: “Why is he like this? Why does he talk to me this way?” Verbal abuse and intimidation by children and teens isn’t just a phase that goes away; it doesn’t “just happen.” It often has deep roots that begin very early in a child’s development.

Primary topic: Parenting

4,439 views3/5 (6)

By James LehmanRecently published1 topic

Angry Child? Fix the Behavior, Not the Feelings

<img src="http://www.empoweringparents.com/files/articles/photo/bnot_artlice.jpg" ALIGN=LEFT>Many parents make the mistake of assuming that since their child’s behavior is connected to their feelings, fixing the feelings will fix the behavior. Unfortunately, nothing could be further from the truth. It’s critical for parents to understand that processing your child’s feelings while they are happening is not constructive. Children become overwhelmed with emotions, and by the time they’re feeling angry or resentful, you’re already way into a negative situation.

Primary topic: Parenting

3,691 views2.8/5 (6)

By James LehmanRecently published1 topic

Is It an Adolescent Phase—or Out-of-Control Behavior?

<img src="http://www.empoweringparents.com/files/articles/photo/adolescentphase1.jpg" align=left>“Every teen goes through this!” You tell yourself these words, but in the back of your mind, you wonder if your child’s disrespect, acting out and destructive behavior really is normal. How do you know if your child is going through an adolescent phase, or if his out-of-control behavior is here to stay? James Lehman has the answer in Part 1 of this 2-part series in Empowering Parents. Why do parents often say, “Oh, it's just a phase; my teenager will grow out of it”?

Primary topic: Parenting

3,742 views3/5 (5)

By James LehmanRecently published1 topic

"I'm Right and You're Wrong!" Is Your Child a Know-it-all?

Does your child always insist that they’re right and everyone else is wrong? Some kids have a bad habit of asserting their opinions by drowning out everyone else in the room—regardless of whether or not they know what they’re talking about. Understandably, this overbearing behavior can be very annoying and frustrating for both parents and family members alike. Before I give you ideas for dealing with this behavior, I want to make one thing clear: As kids grow, they need to develop their interests and ideas, and they need to learn how to express them.

Primary topic: Parenting

2,240 views3.7/5 (7)

By James LehmanRecently published1 topic

The Secret Life of Bullies: Why They Do It and How to Stop Them

Why do some kids turn to bullying? The answer is simple: it solves their social problems. After all, it's easier to bully somebody than to work things out, manage your emotions, and learn to solve problems. Bullying is the proverbial “easy way out,” and sadly, some kids take it.

Primary topic: Parenting

3,338 views3.5/5 (4)

By James LehmanRecently published1 topic

What to Do When Your Stepkids Disrespect You, Part 2

This is part 2 of a two-part series by James Lehman, MSW on Blended Families. In this article, James discusses the importance of respectful behavior in a blended family, and how parents can achieve this from all the children in the family. Over the years, many parents in blended families have come to me to talk about the subject of disrespect.

Primary topic: Parenting

3,596 views2.8/5 (5)

By James LehmanRecently published1 topic

Sassy Kids: How to Deal with a Mouthy Child

Are you tired of disrespectful talk from your kids? Do your children respond with eye-rolling and sarcasm to everything you say? Most—if not all—kids go through phases when they are sassy, mouthy, or disrespectful. As a parent, it’s hard to know when to let it slide—and when to address the problem. James Lehman explains where to draw the line—and tells you how you can manage sassy talk in your home.

Primary topic: Parenting

4,117 views3.5/5 (2)

By James LehmanRecently published1 topic

5 Common Thinking Errors Kids Make

Does your child refuse to take responsibility for everything? Or maybe your teen plays the victim card and is a pro at turning around an argument so you feel like you’re the one to blame. What you probably don’t realize is your child is using “thinking errors” to get his way—and to get out of doing things.

Primary topic: Parenting

2,758 views3.5/5 (4)

By James LehmanRecently published1 topic

"I'm a Victim, So the Rules Don't Apply to Me!" How to Stop "Victim Thinking" in Kids

Whenever an adolescent doesn’t want to take responsibility, it’s very likely they’ll present themselves as a victim. When your child says, “You don’t understand me,” that’s playing the victim, because what they’re really saying is, “I’m a victim of your misunderstanding." When they say, “My teacher is mean. That’s why I didn’t do my homework,” that is victim thinking, because they’re blaming their teacher for not having completed their work.

Primary topic: Parenting

2,867 views2.8/5 (6)

By James LehmanRecently published1 topic

Why the Word “No” Sets off an Oppositional, Defiant Child

Many parents of children with Oppositional Defiant Disorder feel hopeless and alone. They live in homes that become like little prisons as they deal with kids who are absolutely out of control and unmanageable. They don’t like their child any more, even though they still love him or her. And they’re confused about why nothing works. They tell me they feel isolated and lonely because they can’t socialize with other families due to their child’s behavior.

Primary topic: Parenting

3,681 views2.8/5 (4)

By James LehmanRecently published1 topic

Managing Behavioral Meltdowns and Tantrums

Q: Why do kids have behavioral meltdowns and tantrums? What goes on in a child’s mind that makes him come unglued? James: Kids have meltdowns and temper tantrums for two reasons. The first reason is that they have never learned how to manage or have run out of the tools it takes to manage their feelings in a new situation or event. The second reason they have tantrums is because it’s been successful for them in the past.

Primary topic: Parenting

2,564 views3/5 (6)

By James LehmanRecently published1 topic

"My Kid Will Never Change." When You've Hit a Wall with Your Child's Behavior

Have you ever listened to parenting advice, all the while thinking, “That won’t work with my child—nothing does. He’s too difficult; no one can get through to him.” If you’ve ever felt this way, stop what you’re doing and read this article. We sat down and talked to James Lehman, who explains how to get through to “hard case” kids—and how to manage their behavior effectively. (The good news?

Primary topic: Parenting

2,894 views2.8/5 (5)

By James LehmanRecently published1 topic

A Day in the Mind of Your Defiant Child

If you’re the parent of a defiant child, you’ve probably wondered what makes him so angry at life—and angry at you. With the school year approaching, are you gearing up for another difficult year with your child, just hoping that he’ll make it through—and that you’ll be able to manage without falling apart? Realize that it doesn’t have to be a daily battle of wills once you understand what’s actually going on in your child’s head.

Primary topic: Parenting

3,290 views2.8/5 (4)

By James LehmanRecently published1 topic

Why Kids Runaway and How To Stop Them

It’s every parent’s worst nightmare—you go to check on your child in the middle of the night, and she’s not there. Your heart starts pounding and you fly into panic mode, calling her friends, your relatives, and the police. Whether or not your child has run away or threatened to do so—or you fear that she might—it’s vital that you read this article. James Lehman has worked with runaway teens for many years, and in this new EP series he explains why kids run away, ways you can stop them, and how to handle their behavior when they come home.

Primary topic: Parenting

2,728 views3.3/5 (3)

By James LehmanRecently published1 topic

How to Beat the Back to School Power Struggle

I’ve worked with many parents and children caught up in power struggles in the home—they argued over bedtime, homework, curfew, video game time—you name it, they fought over it. And the more these parents fought with their children, the better at arguing and manipulating situations their children seemed to get. Mothers and fathers came to me exhausted, frustrated and desperate to stop the constant tug-of-war going on in their homes.

Primary topic: Parenting

2,792 views2.3/5 (6)

By James LehmanRecently published1 topic

Is Your Child Being Bullied? 9 Steps You Can Take as a Parent

As we all know too well, name–calling, cruel taunts, cyberbullying and physical bullying happen every day to kids across the country. When your child is being bullied, it’s hard to concentrate on anything else—all you want to do is make it stop immediately. Janet Lehman, MSW explains what you can do to help your child—and what could hurt them in the long run.

Primary topic: Parenting

1,982 views3.4/5 (5)

By James LehmanRecently published1 topic

The Lost Children: When Behavior Problems Traumatize Siblings

Q: What do the other children in the family experience when they have a brother or sister who’s hostile or acts out chronically? James:r

Primary topic: Parenting

2,963 views3.5/5 (2)

By James LehmanRecently published1 topic

How to Deal with Lying in Children and Teens

When you catch your child in a lie, it’s natural to feel betrayed, hurt, angry and frustrated. But here’s the truth: lying is normal. It's wrong, but it's normal. In fact, we all do it to some degree. Consider how adults use lies in their daily lives: When we’re stopped for speeding, we often minimize what we’ve done wrong, if not out–and–out lie about it. Why? We’re hoping to get out of something, even if we know better.

Primary topic: Parenting

3,300 views3/5 (2)

By James LehmanRecently published1 topic

“My Blended Family Won’t Blend--Help!” Part I

“I don’t know what to do anymore,” said Jill, stepmother to two teen girls and mom to one biological son, aged 10. “My stepdaughters don’t respect me—I’m the ‘evil stepmother’ to them—and pretty much ignore whatever I say. And my son is constantly telling me that my husband isn’t fair, and that he treats him differently than he treats his two girls.

Primary topic: Parenting

2,714 views3/5 (3)

By James LehmanRecently published1 topic

Dealing with Child Temper Tantrums from Toddler to Pre-teen

Why are temper tantrums so difficult for parents to handle? Besides the fact that they’re loud, annoying and embarrassing, we often feel it’s our job requirement to make our kids act the way we feel they should behave. If we can’t do that, we feel ineffective. We also don’t like the judgments that we imagine others are making of us when our kids are out of control. We don’t know what to do, but feel we must do something—after all, we are the parents.

Primary topic: Parenting

2,621 views3.5/5 (2)

By James LehmanRecently published1 topic

The Top 5 Parenting Mistakes-and How to Avoid Them

As parents, we all make mistakes. On the Parental Support Line, I often encourage parents to give themselves a break—after all, it’s impossible for any of us to be perfect. Our kids test us at every age and stage; it’s part of their job as children to push boundaries with us and see where the line is drawn. As they get older, it can often feel like we are running through a parenting obstacle course: just when we’ve figured out one stage—and its many challenges—our kids move on to the next one.

Primary topic: Parenting

1,912 views3.7/5 (3)

By James LehmanRecently published1 topic

Stop the Show: Putting a Lid on Your Child’s Attention-seeking Behavior

Some children think they’re the center of the universe, and behave as if everyone should revolve around them like the planets orbit the sun. From the 10-year-old “diva” who demands center stage at all times to the 17-year-old who takes out his frustrations on his family when his girlfriend breaks up with him, this attention-seeking behavior can be exhausting for everyone. When it starts affecting everyone around your child in a negative way, it’s time for you, as a parent, to act. Parents often naturally make their children feel like they’re the center of the universe.

Primary topic: Parenting

2,462 views3/5 (3)

By James LehmanRecently published1 topic

Why Harsh Punishments for Children and Teenagers Don't Work

Have you ever punished your child in the heat of the moment, when you’re angry and upset? If you’re like most parents, the answer is probably “yes.” In fact, this is one of the biggest, most common parenting traps that you can fall into. But often when you do this, you’re focused on winning the fight rather than working towards teaching your child to choose to do the right thing.

Primary topic: Parenting

2,853 views3/5 (2)

By James LehmanRecently published1 topic

Aggressive Child Behavior Part II: 7 Tools to Stop Fighting in School and at Home

In part 2 of this two-part series, James discusses exactly what to do when your children get in trouble for fighting at school or at home—and the right kinds of consequences to give them so they learn to use appropriate behavior instead of lashing out when they feel like hitting someone the next time. Read on to find out the steps you can take toward resolving the problem of fighting at school, plus get advice on how to handle fights that break out between siblings at home!

Primary topic: Parenting

2,721 views2/5 (5)

By James LehmanRecently published1 topic

Risky Teen Behavior: Can You Trust Your Child Again?

A practical article connected into the broader SelfGrowth topic graph.

Primary topic: Parenting

2,318 views3/5 (3)

By James LehmanRecently published1 topic

Dealing with Anger in Children and Teens, Part 1: Why Is My Child So Angry?

Have you found yourself asking the question, “Why is my child always so angry at me?” Do you feel like your adolescent surrounds himself with a force field of anger and hostility? In part one of this frank Q&A, James Lehman explains the difference between hostility and anger—and tells you where these emotions often come from. EP: James, why do some kids seem to be so angry all the time? Where is the hostility coming from?

Primary topic: Parenting

2,905 views1.8/5 (5)

By James LehmanRecently published1 topic

Do You Parent with Your Wallet? Or Know Someone Who Does?

We’re introducing a new monthly feature in Empowering Parents called "Gut Check"—articles that take an up close and honest look at the way we parent our children, ask the tough questions about what’s not effective, and provide real solutions you can use today. This month: how we use money in parenting our kids. Do you parent with your wallet? (Or know someone who does?) What kid doesn’t love it when Mom or Dad spends money on them? When you can afford it, buying things for your children is fun.

Primary topic: Parenting

2,202 views3/5 (3)

By James LehmanRecently published1 topic

Out of Control Behavior: Should I Medicate My Child?

The recent death of a four-year-old Massachusetts girl from an overdose of medications for ADHD and bipolar disorder has brought the issue of medicating children for behavior problems to the forefront of public consciousness. While this sad case shows the extreme end of the issue, it reminds us of the fork in the road many parents face daily. We have a behavior problem. Should I medicate my child? The question of medication is a complicated one, and many parents have understandable reservations on medical, moral or spiritual grounds.

Primary topic: Parenting

2,051 views2.8/5 (4)

By James LehmanRecently published1 topic

Consistent Parenting: Unlock the Secret

"Being consistent is the hardest thing of all," many parents tell us. And it's so true—it’s easy to lay down a rule and then let it slide when you’re tired or in a hurry. In this article, James Lehman explains why consistency is the key to your child’s behavior—and tells you ways to keep on track when you feel like giving up.

Primary topic: Parenting

2,113 views3/5 (3)

By James LehmanRecently published1 topic

5 Secrets for Communicating with Teenagers

Does this sound familiar? Your teenage son is taking forever in the bathroom (again), but you need him to get ready so you can get to work on time. You’re thinking, “How could I have raised such an inconsiderate kid? He’s so disrespectful!” Meanwhile, your child is locked in the bathroom, consumed with his image in the mirror. He’s thinking, “No way am I going to school with this pimple on my nose.” Outside in the hallway, you start pounding on the door, yelling at him to hurry up. He screams, “God, you just don’t understand!

Primary topic: Parenting

2,734 views2.3/5 (3)

By James LehmanRecently published1 topic

5 Ways to Get Your Child or Teen Moving and on Time

It’s part of the nature of childhood and adolescence to be disorganized, and one of the consequences is that you’ll see kids who are late a lot. Remember, we’re dealing with a thing called childhood, and let’s face it, part of growing up and maturing is learning how to organize yourself and your life in a way that fits in with the world. Think of it this way: when our children are young, they have nothing to do but play, go to school, do their chores and get their homework done. But as they grow and develop, kids need to learn how to take more responsibility to be organized and on time.

Primary topic: Parenting

2,036 views3.5/5 (2)

By James LehmanRecently published1 topic

Child Discipline: Consequences and Effective Parenting

Remember how you felt when you brought your baby home from the hospital for the first time? When your child was an infant, you probably acknowledged that you were anxious and unsure of what you were doing at times—most new parents are. In my experience, those kinds of feelings continue as we raise our kids—we just stop expressing them to others.

Primary topic: Parenting

2,191 views2.7/5 (3)

By James LehmanRecently published1 topic

Dealing with Anger in Children and Teens, Part 2: Effective Tools to Help You Handle It

It’s hard to get most adolescents to comply, but when you’re dealing with a hostile teen, it can be almost impossible. In part two of this series on anger and hostility in kids, James Lehman discusses concrete ways for you to break through your child’s force field of anger and defuse his hostility. Don’t give up yet—it really is possible to bring peace to your home.

Primary topic: Parenting

2,383 views2/5 (4)

By James LehmanRecently published1 topic

How to Get Control When Your Child is Making You Angry

Why is it so easy to go from “zero to 60” when our kids make us angry? There are many reasons, but I think it’s mainly because we allow ourselves to go to 60. And in a sense, when we get up to 60—when we react emotionally—we’re allowing the behavior of our kids to determine how we’ll behave rather than the other way around.

Primary topic: Parenting

2,082 views3/5 (2)

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