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Browse published articles attributed to Jan Denise, with full-archive search.
INSIDE RELATIONSHIPS BY JAN DENISE RELEASE: FRIDAY, OCTOBER 2, 2009 FWB: Friends With Benefits, or Blinders I just explained to my husband that "friends with benefits" refers to friends who have sex.
INSIDE RELATIONSHIPS BY JAN DENISE RELEASE: FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 20, 2009 Lose Weight, Change Your Life Last week I asked: How would your life change if you were to lose weight and satisfy the hunger that food can't? To help answer the question, I also posed it to Keith Ahrens, the man I introduced last week, who lost 200 pounds, became a fitness trainer and wrote his memoir "Outrunning My Shadow." "I wish I had a video camera when I see someone I haven't seen in a few years," says Ahrens.
INSIDE RELATIONSHIPS BY JAN DENISE RELEASE: FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 27, 2009 Meet Six Needs and Bond for Life Relationships make for a happy, fulfilling life or a miserable existence. So, why didn't our parents sit us down early on and teach us to do relationships well? If you think about their relationships, the answer might be painfully obvious. There are few people doing relationships well. Some avoid the ugliness by repressing what's felt, controlling what's expressed and avoiding confrontation.
Mirror Reflects Hunger Within Two out of three Americans are overweight, making obesity the second leading cause of preventable death. Instead of eating less, we spend $35 billion a year on weight loss products. We're not stupid; we're in pain. We have an emptiness, a yearning, a hunger … and we're doing our damnedest to satisfy it with food. We can't. So, what is this hunger, and how can we satisfy it? We want to feel connected and secure, we want to have something to contribute and we want to be gaining ground. We want to know that we're worthwhile.
INSIDE/NAKED RELATIONSHIPS BY JAN DENISE RELEASE: FRIDAY, DECEMBER 29, 2006 ANOTHER "NEW" YEAR It feels like I've blown too many to get another one. Still, here it is … a brand new year. Somebody knows what he's doing because, after all these years, I'm getting better at life, getting better at love. And here I am trying to share what I have learned from falling down and getting up again. What comes to mind: 1. Life is good. I am good, but no better than anybody else -- no worse, either. 2.
INSIDE RELATIONSHIPS BY JAN DENISE RELEASE: FRIDAY, OCTOBER 23, 2009 Whether You Stay or Walk, Love Well (SET ITAL) I hate to give up on our relationship, but to stay feels like giving up on my dreams. (END ITAL) To walk away from what we hoped -- and promised -- would last forever is one of the most heart-wrenching breaks we can make. It feels as though we're cutting off a piece of ourselves … and we struggle desperately to decide if it's right and if it's necessary. How do we know? Ask yourself: What would I do if I weren't afraid?
Start With a Clean Slate … and aim for perfect love For the best summer—and relationship—ever, start with a clean slate. Wipe away the black marks and start fresh, aiming, once again, for perfect love. Only this time, do it with perfect love in clear view. Know what you’re going for, and you have a better shot at it. According to Robert J. Ste berg, a psychologist and psychometrician born in NJ, perfect love is a high level of intimacy, passion, and commitment. • Intimacy: Psychological knowledge shared, and connection based on that knowledger
Gratitude Brings to Light Abundance and Joyr By Jan Denise On that first Thanksgiving Day in 1621, the colonists invited the Indians to join them in giving thanks for the harvest. Being thankful meant having enough to share. It still does.r
Entertain Each Other First We have more entertainment at our fingertips than ever, but are we any less apt to be bored in our relationships? Most of us carry our own personal entertainment screen around with us—our favorite people, music, reading material, and games. If somebody keeps us waiting, or just bores us, we can escape. Among other things, this promotes zero tolerance for boredom. Ironically it also promotes boredom … because our needs for stimulation are not really met by the little screen. And our needs for intimacy and companionship may be getting buried altogether.
Where are you headed ... in your relationship? by Jan Denise As seen in Jan's relationships colum "Choosing Love" in the May 2012 issue of In Jersey magazine If you don't want to take a vacation, you can stay home; but if you don't want to go anyplace in your relationship, you can't just stay put. You will move to a lower place, a hell of sorts. Life doesn't stand still; it either grows or dies. The same is true for your relationship. If you are not moving closer as partners, you are moving apart. There is no pause button. So, where do you want to go in your relationship?
No, I’m Fine, Reallyr There’s No Reason to Reject Me By Jan Denise My mom says that when I was a baby, they could pick me up, and I was fine and happy. They could put me down, and I was still fine and happy. No crying. For decades, I thought what a perfectly delightful baby—so pleasant, no matter what. I wonder now, though, if I was ever really fine and happy. Maybe I just intuited that everybody around me was sufficiently taxed, and that I had better be fine and happy!
Bringing the Unknown into the Knownr By Jan Denise The goal of learning is to bring the unknown into the known. The mere act of embracing the unknown as the truth requires a degree of faith. When we limit ourselves to believing for the known—or what we have already proven to be true—we also limit our results to those we have experienced. While we can move beyond our own experience by learning from somebody else’s experience, we are still operating in the known—albeit it “unknown” or new to us.
Relationships Cycle Predictably by Jan Denise Whether you dread or cheer summer’s end, autumn arrives. So, too, each season of your relationship takes a turn, repeating a cycle as predictable as spring, summer, fall, and winter. Why not transition through the seasons with your eyes wide open and profit from each one? Sure, you can have a favorite, but you may as well find meaning and reason to celebrate in every day of the year.
Off to Mom’s … to see how enlightened we really are In keeping with this month’s travel theme and Mother’s Day, why not plan a visit to Mom’s? If you have a whole litany of excuses, maybe I can help. Let’s start by acknowledging that our deepest wounds are often created when we’re still dependent on a caregiver … and mothers are first in line for that role. I like the way Ram Dass (a contemporary spiritual teacher) said it, “If you think you’re so enlightened, go and spend a week with your parents.”
INSIDE RELATIONSHIPS BY JAN DENISE RELEASE: FRIDAY, DECEMBER 11, 2009 Naked, the Only Way to Be In Love I launched this column 10 years ago as "Naked Relationships" to help you experience the ultimate in authentic, loving relationships -- something I had yet to get my arms around. With the zeal of a diligent seeker, I researched love and interviewed the experts in order to deliver the goods on intimacy, passion and commitment. The fairy tale was real, but it was more than a happy ending.
INSIDE RELATIONSHIPS BY JAN DENISE RELEASE: FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 18, 2009 Treat Problem, Not Symptoms Q: I am in desperate need of some advice. I feel that my marriage is going downhill fast and I want to save it. Let me tell you the story. A couple of years ago, I accidentally found e-mails that my husband was sending to an old girlfriend he wanted to meet up with. He told her a ton of lies about our relationship. I confronted him, and everything has been going OK. But now he is meeting women online and talking "personal" talk to them.
INSIDE/NAKED RELATIONSHIPS BY JAN DENISE RELEASE: FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 9, 2007 Blinded -- Not By Love, But Liesnn How is it that people "wake up" after 12 years of marriage (or 3 years of dating) and realize that if they ever had anything, it's gone? People really do grow apart. But there's more ...
Give Him a Clean Slate for Christmasr By Jan Denise Trying to decide between a beach getaway and a stocking full of coal for your sweetheart? Why not give him a clean slate, instead? Wipe away the black marks and start fresh, aiming—once again—for perfect love. Only this time, do it with perfect love in clear view. Know what you’re going for, and you have a better shot at it. According to Robert J. Ste berg, a psychologist and psychometrician born in NJ, perfect love is a high level of intimacy, passion, and commitment.
Breathe Life Into Your Wish List If you want to order the cheapest thing on the menu or take a budget vacation, go ahead; but don’t resort to practical wishes. What do you really want for Christmas? Now, tell him, tell everybody. Don’t depend on anybody else to deliver it, though.
INSIDE RELATIONSHIPS WEEKLY COLUMN RELEASE: SEPTEMBER 4, 2009 What Are You Doing to Your Child? When you hold a newbo baby, you sense something God-like … I dare say, even if you're an atheist. A baby is untainted, sacred, perfect! It's important to hold that thought because incessant crying can get old, questions can grow monotonous, and running after a toddler can be a full-time job. That's not really the problem, though; the problem is that you already have a full-time job.
You ARE Lover By Jan Denise From the time we learn the word “no,” we begin to get the message that what we would do naturally is “bad.” As young children, we can’t make a distinction between our behavior and ourselves, so we buy into a lie—the lie that in order to be good enough we have to sit still and be quiet, or look pretty, or SOMETHING. But you know as well as I do that some of the demands we place on children (and ourselves) are more apt to stifle them than make them good.
Gratitude Grows More of What You Want by Jan Denise Your partner doesn’t always give you what you want. I bet there are even moments when he (or she) seems incapable of it, right? And if you dwell on those moments, you’ll feel like he’s never going to satisfy you.
INSIDE RELATIONSHIPS BY JAN DENISE RELEASE: FRIDAY, JULY 24, 2009 Slow Down the Clock As I mentioned last week, we can't stop the aging process; but we (SET ITAL) can (END ITAL) slow it down … and appreciate the blessing of time. A few wrinkles (OK, eventually, a lot of wrinkles) are a small price to pay for what matters on the other side of what doesn't. Seems we have to learn for ourselves that money can't buy love and that we can't really love others until we've learned to love ourselves. That's big!
Commitment is an Ongoing Choice He’s snuggling up to you as though nothing’s wrong, but you don’t even want to be there. How did you end up married to this guy anyway? Right now it seems like any one of three suitors would have been a better option … and you’re still counting. The grass on the other side of the fence beckons. You could use a little wooing and tende ess, from somebody who’s not taking you for granted even after blatantly insulting you.
Shared Space, Shared Happiness While you’re thinking of all the ways you can improve your home, don’t get preoccupied with trends and technology. Make sure it reflects the behavioral, emotional, intellectual, spiritual, sexual, and magical you. Then consider all the ways you and your sweetheart can enjoy every facet of each other in your space. And then, build in reminders.
Your chance to bounce higher No matter who you are, you feel less comfortable financially than you did a couple years ago. And particularly if that's the only comfort you knew, you're hurting. The good news is that you also feel less complacent! If you haven't gotten more creative and motivated yet, you can. You will, once you feel that spark of hope and begin to fan it.r
Bare All to Enchant—in Any Season Summer demands that we bare all those body parts we’ve conveniently layered in sweaters. And if you’re feeling squeamish about that, you’re trying to protect more than just your abs and your thighs from rejection. When you accept the rest of you, you also accept your physical body. You embrace who you are inside and out, regardless of other people’s opinions. Stay with me, though, I’m not just talking about the unconditional acceptance that gets so much hype.
Success Waits Behind the Veil of Failure in relationships and in life
INSIDE RELATIONSHIPS BY JAN DENISE RELEASE: FRIDAY, JULY 31, 2009 See What Lurks Beyond Your Own Drama Is there somebody who always leaves you feeling better than he found you? I used to live next door to such a person. Whenever I ran into Bob, whether it was for 20 seconds or 20 minutes, I'd later count our meeting among the high points of my day. It took me a while to figure out why. Bob was a psychologist -- still working, still playing tennis, still stimulating -- in his 70s. And he had, with much practice, learned how to make everybody feel accepted: He accepted them.
INSIDE RELATIONSHIPS BY JAN DENISE RELEASE: FRIDAY, OCTOBER 16, 2009 Sex Whys Versus Relationship Why Despite all our science, many men still talk about what women want as though it's beyond their comprehension.
INSIDE RELATIONSHIPS BY JAN DENISE RELEASE: FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 25, 2009 Lousy Segments Make for Good Life Often we're so engrossed in snippets of our lives that we fail to see the big picture; but life, directed by the mother of all directors, has a way of bringing the pieces together. Think of your favorite movie. It's tough to find a single segment that conveys the message of the whole; individual pieces range from blissful to horrifying. And it takes all of the pieces to create a great movie -- or a great life. I recently watched "Scent of a Woman" for the third time. Lt. Col.
Don’t Squeeze Yourself Into a Relationship It can be just as tempting to squeeze yourself into a man’s mold for you as it is to squeeze yourself into the latest fall fashions. Okay, maybe it’s more tempting! Hold your ground, though. Let relationships—and clothes—enhance who you are, rather than try to change who you are.
INSIDE RELATIONSHIPS BY JAN DENISE RELEASE: FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 11, 2009 'Safe' Strategy Is Your Downfall We've all tried to put what we hoped a hot prospect would see as our "best foot" forward, while trying to hide our "worst foot." Predictably, we fall on our face. If we want an enduring relationship, we have to stand on our own two feet, the truth of who we are, for better or worse. There's nothing more liberating or satisfying, but that's a little known -- or experienced -- fact. Why?
Resolve to Be Happy This Year Life is about falling down and learning from it, getting up and starting again. And if that doesn't sound like fun to you, just watch a baby do it. Better yet, let the baby wrap his little fingers around yours and help him learn to walk. Look into his twinkling eyes and see if you don't get a new perspective on resilience — joy in the stumbling and peace in the falling. There might be some cries and screams, but they won't keep him down. With a little coaxing, you can turn his cries into smiles and laughter.
INSIDE/NAKED RELATIONSHIPS BY JAN DENISE RELEASE: FRIDAY, JULY 27, 2007 Nobody Is (SET ITAL) Just (END ITAL) A Wifenn "Well, I'm just a wife," she said, with apology in her voice. n A wife, according to Webster, is: A female partner in a marriage. That may not sound like a full-time job, but ...
Flower Year Round, Unabashedly by Jan Deniser March 2011 The sun shines longer in the spring, telling the trees it’s safe to reveal the countless buds beneath their scales. And when green blankets the earth, we’re inspired to show our own colors; but we don’t have to wait for spring.
INSIDE RELATIONSHIPSnBY JAN DENISEnRELEASE: FRIDAY, MARCH 20, 2009 You Choose: Honored Guest or Guest Of? Especially if the economy has you in crisis mode, you might be looking for a savior, somebody who has everything and wants to share. After all, you have a lot to contribute, albeit ...
As we pause to celebrate our nation's freedom, it's apparent that we as individuals determine its value to us. n We can -- and must, if (SET ITAL) we (END ITAL) are to be free -- declare individual freedom; and we can do it on the same grounds: n (SET ITAL) We hold these truths to be ...
See & Celebrate What’s Real by Jan Denise You’re gritting your teeth and talking under your breath again, wondering if he deliberately provokes you … and if he waits until people are watching to do it. It’s no coincidence that he’s more irritating when you’re the center of attention. That is, after all, when you’re more consumed with presentation—and what everybody else is thinking! Therein lies the problem.
INSIDE/NAKED RELATIONSHIPS BY JAN DENISE RELEASE: FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 14, 2007 Compliment Or Slap In The Face?nn (SET ITAL) Dear Jan: I am looking for some insight. I met a really attractive and intelligent woman at a public event in an art gallery. We talked for 30 minutes and really seemed to ...
It's tough enough to assume responsibility for our actions and words. Should we, can we, also be responsible for our thoughts and intentions? Those are private, right? Yours alone? Apparently not. According to Marilyn Schlitz, president of the Institute of Noetic Sciences, we're ...
INSIDE/NAKED RELATIONSHIPSnBY JAN DENISEnRELEASE: FRIDAY, MAY 16, 2008 Stop Looking to Find Somebodynn If you're single and looking for a partner or just a date, you've probably felt impatient, maybe downright frustrated. I hear from a lot of lonely people who want to know how to find ...
INSIDE/NAKED RELATIONSHIPS BY JAN DENISE RELEASE: FRIDAY, AUGUST 31, 2007 The Love Of My Lifenn (SET ITAL) This week's column is written by a special guest, my husband Horace Osbo e Ferguson, III, DVM. If you're a regular reader, you know him as Sam. (END ITAL) Wow, did I ever hit the ...
We can look on as an aunt and uncle berate each other year after year and know that, despite appearances, they love each other. There was the time when he thought he was going to lose her to cancer, or the time when she jumped to his defense when somebody else attacked him. Nonetheless, we ...
Enjoy More, Maintain Less With the emphasis on home and garden this month, it's easy to feel as though you spend more time maintaining your home than enjoying it, right? And chances are you've also felt that way about your relationship. The words — muttered or screamed — go something like, "My God, can't we be civil long enough to enjoy one measly weekend?"
We can be quick to judge our parents. There are so many things they could have done better. That is, if they had been better trained. We tend to compare our parents -- at least during some stage in our lives -- with an ideal that virtually no parent measures up to. If we must compare them, ...
Her's No Stranger While his mom and dad saw the eye doctor, he colored pictures and helped Tweety Bird through a maze. And when he found a tic-tac-toe page, he asked me, "Do you want to play tic-tac-toe with me?" n "Her's not a stranger, her's a nice lady," he told his parents. That was my ...
INSIDE/NAKED RELATIONSHIPS BY JAN DENISE RELEASE: FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 16, 2007 Have Your "Affairs" at Homenn Illicit affairs are about sex. And it strikes me that at some point we might grow out of their shallow gratification. I can see the jaws dropping. n But come on, sex is, well, sex. It's ...
INSIDE/NAKED RELATIONSHIPS BY JAN DENISE RELEASE: FRIDAY, DECEMBER 14, 2007 How Attractive Are (SET ITAL) You (END ITAL)? The media hosts an ongoing parade of beautiful people. They even offer commentary on the most beautiful eyes, lips and buttocks … helping us to embrace both a false ...
INSIDE/NAKED RELATIONSHIPS BY JAN DENISE RELEASE: FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 23, 2007 Trust Senses, Not Imaginationnn With personal online encounters, our five senses get fed by our imaginations! n We can't smell or touch or taste or hear the would-be object of our affections. We can't (SET ITAL) ...