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Browse published articles attributed to Judy Widener, with full-archive search.
You may have heard about the Law of Attraction, also known as Karma, one of the universal laws that govern the human experience. Here’s my take on the universal laws that govern relationships. The Master Law: Cause and Effect, or Flash Karmar
We all like to be appreciated. Everyone understands the value of acknowledging others, too. And yet, I observe others passing up hundreds of opportunities to appreciate every day. At this point in my life, I actively look for and pounce on chances to groove on others. But I wasn’t always so magnanimous. There was a time when I would keep score. When I didn’t feel confident or powerful, appreciating others felt like giving away my power. I felt that I was diminished somehow by the act of giving.
The pace of change in today’s world can leave us all feeling a bit shell-shocked, insecure and fearful of losing what we’ve worked so hard to accumulate. If you’re feeling trapped by the trappings of modern life, forced to choose between spending precious time with the people you love or earning a paycheck, it might seem impossible to even consider the fact that you have other work options.
Well, it's been a month since you made your New Year’s resolutions. How's it going? Are you making steady progress? Or, like most of us, have you given up on them? When you made your New Year’s resolutions for this year, you might have used the formula that is very popular these days among the goal-setting gurus, called SMART: Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant and Time Specific. This process works well for helping you track your progress toward your goals, but it skips the critical step of helping you identify a goal you really want to get to.
There are many confusing and false messages bouncing around in cyberspace about life coaching. After coaching 600 people over the past 13 years, talking with dozens of coaches and surfing the websites of about 100 more, I'm sharing my take on what coaching is—and isn't. I'd like to say upfront that my intention is not to offend or denigrate. I'm simply stating my informed opinion, which is best taken with a grain of salt.
We've discovered that heredity is no longer synonymous with genetics. As a mere 4% of your DNA, genes are way overrated. Epigenetics, one of the hottest trends in scientific research, is trying to figure out what the other 96% is doing. Epigenetics studies how your genetic expression is affected by factors other than changes in the DNA sequence—things like toxic exposure, diet and exercise.
Until recently, IQ tests were considered the Holy Grail for predicting career success. But the traditional definition of intelligence is just too narrow to reflect all of the ways we think, learn and express our talents and skills. It’s inaccurate to state that mastering science is more valuable than social skills. So for IQ to be relevant today, it must give equal weight to all types of mental qualities. In the broadest sense, genius is simply an unusually high degree of insight and mastery in any area.
There's a famous principle used in business; you've probably heard it. The Pareto principle (aka the 80–20 rule), named after Italian economist Vilfredo Pareto, states: for many events, roughly 80% of effects come from 20% of causes. In business, it means that 80% of your profits come from 20% of your customers. Since its discovery, this principle has found broad and surprising applications far beyond the business world. Here are a few examples: • 80% of crimes are committed by 20% of the criminals • 80% of crop yields are produced by 20% of the plantsr
Human beings have survived for 2.5 million years because we are the most highly adaptable species on the planet. We adapt to both subtle and extreme shifts in our environment quickly. And for the most part, I believe, gracefully. When I used to visit my grandmother in Indiana, I’d fly in and rent a car. Within 10 minutes, I had adapted to my new environment. I could change stations on the radio (my highest priority). I could turn on the headlights and windshield wipers. I could maneuver the pedals and steer a car I had never seen before in a city I’d never been in before. No big deal.
My growing-up experience was common in our society. I learned to put up walls as the only way to keep others from taking too much from me too often. The implication is that I can’t trust you, so I have to protect myself from you. The downside is, walls keep everyone out all the time. The price I paid for walls was way too steep. I experienced only a limited connection with others. With walls up, I was never fully “seen” for who I was, nor could I deeply know my loved ones.
There's an exciting new field of scientific study. It's called contemplative neuroscience, or self-directed evolution. In a nutshell, it looks at how your thoughts affect the size and functioning of various brain structures. It's one more way science is proving that the thoughts you're choosing to think are causing permanent physical changes in your brain. Specifically, contemplative neuroscience investigates how you contemplate life. What's your practice of pondering the magnificence of the universe? It includes asking yourself the questions: Why am I here? Where did I come from?
Humans are wired as story tellers and story listeners. Before the written word, stories were the main tool our ancestors used to transfer knowledge and culture from one generation to the next. You carry this genetic heritage of sitting around the campfire, listening intently to stories that capture your imagination. And it's through your stories that you tell the world who you are. In the broadest sense, you are your stories. You use this process of weaving stories to connect your random experiences in a way that creates a uniquely beautiful tapestry, rich with meaning.
Because it taxes your physical resources, your body's built-in stress response is intended to be brief. You've heard that chronic stress experienced in relationships or jobs is linked to serious illness like heart disease, high blood pressure and obesity. Indeed, unchecked stress can cut up to seven years off of your life. According to a recent survey by the American Psychological Association, 94% of us are well aware that stress can contribute to major illnesses. But regardless of these well-known serious implications, only 29% say they're managing it well.
In numerous famous surveys, the majority of people say that their only fear greater than death is public speaking. It's understandable that the idea of speaking in front of a group will expose the holes in your self-confidence. In my observation, most people have confidence issues in several aspects of life, so it makes sense that public speaking is a commo Achille's heel.
The same thing that makes a diamond sparkle makes you sparkle, too: individuality! Everyone leaves their unique mark on the world. Your actions have an impact on the future of your family and friends; they’ll carry the memory of you as part of their life. How do you want to be remembered? Baby Boomers are increasingly thinking about their legacy. Traditionally, legacy has been about how much money the kids would inherit when you died, and/or making a big impact on future generations through civic engagement (uplifting the downtrodden) or moral teaching.
I recently ran across a word I haven't heard for a while: irrational. Like so many terms coined by psychiatry, it's been misunderstood and misapplied. I used to think that someone who behaved irrationally was crazy. Not so. A thought is irrational when it's illogical or unreasonable AND triggers emotional stress. This definition clicked for me. I took it to mean that not only do you feel stress when you react with an automatic thought pattern that triggers fear, but you're also stressed when and BECAUSE your thoughts aren't logical or reasonable.
As human beings, one of our primary needs is to cultivate healthy self-love. But at the same time, we have a strong drive to connect with others. Relating and loving are innate. The more people we have who love us, the more secure we feel, and the sweeter our lives are. The pleasures we experience in life are deeper and richer when we share them with our loved ones. In our relationships, we’re driven by the desire to feel loved, understood and accepted for who we are. And nowhere else in life does the fear of rejection shake us to our very core than in the arena of romantic love.
Two of the issues I often hear from my clients are: what’s the process for figuring out what values I feel accurately reflect what’s most important to me, and how can I pass them along to my children in a way that will make them more powerful?
There's a fascinating relationship among Twitter, your brain and the world. Billions of tweets, texts, posts, emails, and phone calls have one thing in common: they're neural signals in the global brain. We've already seen how quickly and profoundly social networks have altered the global brain. Each tiny tweet, at a larger level, is shaping the next global identity, a “we” that everyone can have a powerful voice in.
Over the past 12 years, as I have been coaching more than 600 people, I’ve discovered that there are 4 fundamental Powers that lead to a fulfilling, balanced life. When you have fully developed all of these powers, you’ll have the greatest opportunity to experience life as joyful, free and meaningful. However, fear and self-doubt will, to varying degrees, block your ability to attain mastery of your 4 powers. Confusion, frustration, boredom, and feeling stuck are signals that one or more of your Powers needs attention.
When Albert Einstein died, there was much anticipation about what the autopsy of his brain would reveal. Scientists speculated that his brain was significantly larger or more dense that normal. So they were confused and disappointed to discover that Einstein's brain was actually slightly smaller than normal, with average density. Scientists were left to ponder what made Albert so smart. Since size didn't matter, the difference lies in how he used his gray matter.
Researchers say that happiness is a result of thoughts and activities that create a sense of inner peace. Here are 21 behaviors that have been found to enhance feelings of happiness. The list is broken down into general two categories: things to do, and things to stop doing. The first group consists of 9 things to stop doing, or, behaviors to dump: Dump grudges. Holding onto a grudge keeps you in a negative state of resentment, anger and hurt that preclude happiness. Letting go of a grudge opens up more space for positive emotions to fill in.
The liver that you were born with will be essentially the same when you die. Not so for your brain. It's the only organ that evolves throughout your lifetime in ways that are unique to you, based on the thoughts you think. Your greatest challenge is to figure out how to master it, then use it as a tool for learning, growth and fulfillment. Your success in life depends on your brain, because you can't have experiences without it. Since your brain is the gateway to your future, it makes sense to invest the energy to make your brain as healthy, strong and smart as you can.
Newbo babies have only two fears: loud noises and falling. All of your other fears are the product of memory, the learning you glean from past experience. Here's how I think it happens: as you get older, you extrapolate the idea of falling. Falling off a bike becomes synonymous with falling from a job (getting fired). Falling from stability (not being able to pay the bills). Falling out of favor (being rejected, ridiculed, embarrassed). Falling out of love (and into loneliness).
Myths, metaphors and archetypes can be powerful tools in personal development. They spark your imagination and creativity. They add the textures of heart (sacredness, passion, dignity, inspiration, and self-love) to a process that can get stuck in your head (what your self-defeating beliefs are; what you need to do to change them). One of the most fascinating myths about personal growth is The Three Metamorphoses, described by the brilliant philosopher and cultural critic, Friedrich Nietzche.
There are dozens of resolutions your could set this New Year, and just as many reasons behind choosing them. The desire for a better life could push you to ask for that promotion, go back to college, stop being an emotional doormat, and be more confident. Guilt could spur you to stick to that diet and exercise plan or stay on a budget. When you promise yourself that you'll limit your spending, you'll feel a sense of relief because you've unburdened yourself of the guilt of overspending. You might also feel excited about paying off bills and being financially free.
Did you know that chronic stress causes physical changes in the size and activity of many of your brain structures? When they're swimming in the stress neurochemical cortisol, the prefrontal cortex (the CEO of the brain), and the hippocampus (houses long term memory) actually shrink in size. Other parts, like the amygdala, swell when they're over-stimulated. The result is an overactive stress response and impaired memory and reduced ability to plan and act. Sound a little like you?
All humans have natural cycles of feelings. It’s perfectly normal for our moods to shift several times a day, based on what’s happening. As part of these natural cycles, sadness and fear are normal feelings. But because they hang on longer, depression and anxiety aren’t. Studies have found that we simply can’t adapt to chronic pain—either physical or emotional.
Last week, I stood on my back porch, watching the snow fall. No matter how many times I see it, I'm always struck by how magical this act of nature feels. Peaceful. Quiet. Lovely. Winter is a sacred time of the year. Our modern culture has collapsed the introspective potential of winter into just New Year's eve. Then it's back to the rat race of nonstop work. For most of us, the seasons have no effect on our jobs.
Three hundred years ago, Isaac Newton proposed a radical new theory: the human body is a biological machine that responds solely to physical stimuli. Thus, the health of your physical machine is improved with nutrition, exercise and drugs. Accordingly, the mechanistic Central Dogma of molecular biology (circa 1958) states that your DNA was preset before your birth, so your health has been almost entirely pre-programmed.
Are you gathering up your passions and stuffing them into into your goodie bag? Or do your fears make you ring the bell and run away instead? All of us have passions, but some of us let fear stop us from going after our passion wholeheartedly. As you’re getting the hang of the process of finding fulfillment, there are 4 questions you can ask yourself to move past fear and get the most leverage from each desire.
Has this ever happened to you? You chose a New Year's resolution, but you didn't know where to start, so you never got started. Your elusive desire became impossibly unattainable. When your habit is to focus on what's missing, your process of goal setting will entail gathering up a bunch of resources (including knowledge), then setting goals that relate to the resources you have. Et voila, you avoid the discomfort of wanting something that feels impossible to get.
Your lungs and your brain have one thing in common: they both run on autopilot unless you take conscious control of their activity. Your breathing happens automatically. But if you decide to take a deep breath, the automation stops. As long as you're thinking about breathing, you'll have complete control of how often and how deeply you breathe. But when you stop thinking about it, your breathing instantly becomes automatic again.
Would you like to feel more calm, focused and balanced this holiday season? The holidays start in 90 days. That's plenty of time to pre-create what you want to experience during the time of year that celebrates loving connections. How would you like your holidays to be? Are the holidays usually a busy, rushed, stressful time for you? Looking back to last December, what did you do that you wish you hadn't? What did you do that wasn't meaningful for you?
How was your day? We utter this question blithely every day, not realizing how monumental it is. Indeed, it’s the single most important question you’ll ever ask. We talk about life being short, but 80 years is really a long time. Life’s too long to fight evolution. When you have the opportunity to be fulfilled, life’s way too long to be bored making mediocre stuff all day. Are you tired of being stuck in the rut of doing things the way they’ve always been done? Are you ready to shake things up a bit, but hesitate because of the uncertainty in the economy?
Has this ever happened to you? You're knee deep in the hustle and bustle of the holidays, when you have a flash of inspiration: you want to start a new tradition with your beloveds. But when you share your idea, you only get scowls in response. Your vision of an evening of hot cider and charades by the fire fizzles faster than you can say Jack Frost.
As a human being, you're a walking contradiction. Sure, success sounds good. But you're pulled between the opposing forces of security and stimulation. Freedom and commitment. However, you don't know how to balance them. And your brain fights your attempts to make your life better. So you give up the idea of ever getting what you want. Instead of enjoying fulfilling successes, you clutch security with white-knuckled desperation.
You know that yawning is contagious. And have you ever noticed that when someone nods their head, you'll nod, too? It's because your brain is wired to watch someone move, then mimic that movement as if you were making it. You have special neurons in your brain dedicated to monkey see, monkey do. They're aptly called mirror neurons. So you mirror behaviors, and you'll also mirror emotions. Mirror neurons are part of the neural network that enables you to have empathy for others.
One gap between your capabilities and the repetitive tasks that can cause you discomfort over time relates to the placebo effect. You’ve heard of the placebo effect: a percentage of test subjects get better when they’re given a sugar pill. The reverse can also happen. The nocebo effect causes subjects to get worse.
I recently heard a famous self-help guru insist that balance is impossible, so we must give up the idea that we can have it. With all due respect to my esteemed colleague, I couldn't disagree more. He defines balance as a state where nothing is happening. He's referring to the motionlessness that happens after you pour an equal weight of beads into the bowls on both sides of a scale. While this is one form of balance, it's not the only one. And more importantly, I don't think it applies in this case.
Fun Fact: Your brain accounts for roughly 2% of your body weight, but it consumes about 20% of the oxygen you breathe and the calories you burn. Given the proportionally large percentage of resources that are dedicated to your brain, it makes sense that it would economize its use of energy for optimal performance. From how it's wired to how it acts, researchers have found dozens of ways your brain conserves energy. Here's a recent discovery that may surprise you.
It's 2012. In the past hundred years, we've figured out a lot of what makes the world tick. We've nearly snuffed out diseases that wiped out millions in the past. We've learned how to fly. We're feeling pretty smart. But there's so much we don't know yet. For instance, only 4% of the universe is the stuff you see: planets, stars, gas clouds. Butterflies and elephants. All of the stuff made up of molecules and atoms. Scientists aren't sure what the other 96% is. They made up words to describe it: dark matter and dark energy.
When you want something, your imagination will show you five dozen ways you can get it. The next thing your fertile creativity does is open up a clear, wide channel to your intuitive gut feelings—your built-in guide to choosing the best option. Here’s where things get tricky. You may have two different internal conversations going on. You have strong feelings about both the need to play it safe and the need to take on a fresh challenge. One of the most common questions I get is, “How do I tell the difference between what my mind is thinking and what my intuition is saying?
Your emotional needs must be filled in order for you to feel truly fulfilled. But do you know what an emotional need is? Some emotional needs have a physical component. For instance, your need for physical shelter contributes to your need to feel safe. Other emotional needs require an action in order to be filled. For example, your need to feel appreciated is filled when someone expresses their gratitude to you. Everyone has different emotional needs, plus, the way they want their needs to be filled is unique.
Success is a quality, not a quantity. The quality you call success is a feeling. Totally separate from the stuff you accumulate. You could have 10 cars and a great title, but if the feeling of success is missing, you're not successful. You feel successful when you attain anything you deem meaningful. So because you define what success is to you, then you can feel successful any time you want to, for any reason you choose.
As my never-ending quest continues for more understanding of how the human brain works, I'm sharing my discoveries with you. This week, the topic is two brain structures that are, well, a little nutty. • The amygdala is actually a pair (amygdalae) of tiny, almond-shaped structures perched on the top of your brainstem, near the base of your brain. But because the two parts act together, they're referred to in the singular. Fun fact: Amygdala is the Greek word for almond.
While you’re on this earth, you have the opportunity to express your distinctive passion and talents in a way that you find worthwhile. Your career is one mode for expressing your passion. While the rest of you evolves, your career will, too. Your choices will naturally shift over time as you see ever more clearly who you are and what you want.
It's common to watch as others become successful, then beat ourselves up because we're not getting as far as fast as they are. It's hard not to fall into the trap comparing ourselves to others. So how do we avoid it? First, let's explore the concept of success. What does the word success mean to you, and how does it define who you are? If success is synonymous with achievement, then you’ll need to produce something outside yourself in order to be successful.
The key to fulfilling your heart’s desires is to recognize that your brain is hardwired to focus on what you want until you get it. You’re not wired to quit. In fact, giving up goes against human nature. And you possess the key skills needed to attain any desire. Skeptical? Here’s the proof: young children innately know what they want and possess the inbo skills to get it: focus, creativity, confidence and charisma.
It’s interesting that the Founding Fathers didn’t describe our inalienable rights as life, liberty and happiness, but the pursuit of happiness. They were onto something. It’s while you’re in the process of getting what you want that you have the most profound experience of life flowing through you. Of course, you’ll find pleasure in the outcomes—richer relationships, health, inner peace, confidence, wealth, etc.