Browse published articles attributed to Katarina Phang, with full-archive search.
Text messaging is one of the most powerful ways to flirt and build attraction and to lay a great foundation for a lasting relationship with a man.
If you have a new guy in your life and are in the early stages of courtship, chances are good you will be texting him and he will be texting you. Flirty texting is fun, but if you aren't careful, you can unknowingly put a huge damper on his attraction.
A fan wrote me a heartfelt email: Hi Katarina, me and my bf of almost 2 years broke up about 3 and a half months ago. It was not a bad break up, but he felt like he could not handle the pressure of a full-blown relationship. In the time that we have been apart I have learned a lot and recently we have started talking again.
I want to address an important issue from my reader, about guys who lose their sexual mojo when they're settled with you (something that isn't very uncommon -surprise, surprise- which is the main reason why my marriage fell apart). So here it goes:
There is an excellent discussion going on in my private group: "For years we read from women that we should play hard to get. There are countless books written by women on this topic. What are your thoughts on why women believe we should play hard to get and men believe we should not? Do you believe women who hold the idea of playing hard to get contribute to their own demise?"
Some women get really hurt from just a few month fling? Why? Because they invest too much, too soon in the relationship and have soaring expectations of it. They buy into the fairy tale they concoct themselves that this is it: he's the One and they're "in love" not realizing that the dizzying feeling of being in love is actually a function of chemical cocktails in the brain and can easily be induced upon oneself because it feels great to be in love. Everyone wants it. However, it's not necessarily so.
Text messaging is one of the most powerful ways to flirt and build attraction and to lay a great foundation for a lasting relationship with a man. Unfortunately, many women are at a loss for how to properly leverage this technology to make a man feel intense level of attraction toward her with the use of a cell phone and an unlimited text messaging plan. Today all of that changes!
Wow, what a punch in the stomach. You were just dumped. It can be a shock, even if all the signs were there. Now comes the hard part, what to do next? If you've just said 'my boyfriend left me, what should I do now?" the answer might not be what you expected! As humans it is our nature, unfortunately, to want what we can't have. If your boyfriend just left you then your natural inclination is to want to get him back. Many times women in this situation will fight tooth and nail to get their guy back.
I've received so many requests for advice from women who are desperate because their men either broke up with them or became more and more distant and less willing to keep in touch or show affection. I can relate to that. I have had my share of similar experience in my 20's when a man whom I was so attracted to and who was so hot in pursuing me became cold when I showed too much eage ess. And the more I tried to prove myself to him, the more distant he was. Finally, I never heard from him again. And it took me 2 years to get over him for a few weeks of intense fling we had.
There comes a point in almost any successful relationship where things calm down and cool off. There is no longer a major spark between the partners. They get comfortable in their relationship and develop a routine. They no longer find as much time to spend together. Often, this is not due to a lack of desire between the couple. Most often it is the fact that life gets in the way. They may have children or careers to deal with. They are busy and just do not have the free time that they had when their relationship was in the beginning stages.
The amount of time we get to spend with our partners is less and less. Commutes are longer, people often spend eight or ten hours at the computer and in meetings. Our increasingly complex lives also come with a host of professional, personal, and hobby-related commitments. As a result, the amount of quality time we have available to spend with our partner declines. Using technology to send an affectionate or a sexy text is a great way to create touch points with your love throughout the day.
How many of you are confronted with a situation that the guy you are dating and attracted to is not really ready to move your relationship to the next level? Or that he hasn't taken down his profile from the dating site yet after a few months seeing each other? It feels scary for you now that you feel hormonally hooked on him.
Rebound relationship is a common occurrence during a breakup. My clients usually get terribly anxious when they find out that their exes are dating again or entering a new relationship. They want to know how to stop this or how their exes can do this, what that means, etc. They ask, "Does it mean they're over me?" Chill, folks. The answer is, very likely, no and the fact that they're seeing someone else can actually work in your favor as it serves as a clarity and as such it can even hasten the reconciliation process if you know how to handle yourself.
Eighty percent of men are distancers and 80% of women are pursuers. Women have 10-15 times more oxytocin (the bonding hormone) than men, and men have 10 times more testosterone (go-getter hormone) than women: so based on that chemical proportion alone, it's obvious women need more closeness than what most men can give. At least when we understand this, we will be less inclined to feel abandoned or think of worst case scenarios.
The key of dating an emotionally unavailable man who wants to take things slow is to let him set the pace. Expect that he will go hot and cold. Mirror him in everything he does. When he's hot, reciprocate that, this is your time to establish bonding. When he's cold, also keep a distance. Don't try to force yourself unto him asking for attention and affection. He will only withdraw further. Trust His Actions, Why Words Don't Mean So Much For A Man.
Are you a dumped girlfriend? What does it take to move on after a guy has broken up with you? Do you want to move on, but are paralyzed by sadness? Here is a dumped girlfriend guide to moving on. While Still Mou ing, Do Realize That You Can Still Seduce Your Ex Back. Here's How: The Ultimate Method of Getting Your Ex Back
A practical article connected into the broader SelfGrowth topic graph.
The college aged daughter of a close friend of mine recently asked her mom "my boyfriend wants to take a break, what does that mean?" Her daughter was confused, heart broken and a little angry and was looking for advice. If you're in the same situation here are a few tips than can help you through this 'limbo' and allow you to come out the other side intact. Why Men Pull Away Even When They Are In Love With You!
Men are visual creatures, while looks will get you in the door, in the long run it is emotional attraction that will keep him glued to you. What is emotional attraction to a man? It is everything in a woman that makes him feel supported, accepted and respected because all of that is the embodiment of love to him. She is an oasis to him, the source of life that brings beauty and serenity in the mostly troubled world he battles in.
Freedom, separation, aggression, conquest, goal seeking and sex are the basic nature of testosterone. You’ve seen how many wars and conquests have been waged by men since the beginning of time. That’s the side effect of testosterone. It has also contributed to so much magnificence in the world: invention, creation, technology and innovation. Men are programmed and conditioned to constantly seek achievements and success. That’s their raison d’etre, like the birds’ nature is to fly and the fish’s is to breath in the water. Embrace it instead of faulting them for it.
Sometimes a relationship ends and for whatever reason one person is not able to let it go. They want to be back with the person that they were in the relationship with. They may have feelings that they cannot let go of. Or perhaps they have realized that the relationship ending was not the right thing and they want to fix it.
We've been told that the way to love is pretty linear and straightforward with guys. They take us to a first date, they like us, they make plans and ask us to be exclusive within a month or two, they fall in love and pop the question. Trust me when I say that very often guys don't know how they feel about you in the long run nor do they know what they want. And often the route isn't that straightforward either. That's WHY giving the right impression in the beginning is very important.
If you are a single woman over 30 and are actively dating, likelihood is you'll find many divorced men -recent or not- as your potential suitors. You -and your ex that you are not over with- are even perhaps on a rebound yourself! We all go through transitional relationships at one point or another.
Maybe you’ve tried every strategy that you can think of to lure your ex boyfriend back into your arms and back into your life but it just doesn’t seem to be working. You have tried playing hard to get; you’ve tried obsessing over what he’s doing and calling every hour; you’ve showed up coincidentally at a location where you know he will be; you’ve “casually” inquired about his well being through your mutual friends; you’ve gotten angry; and you’ve gotten sad to the point that you call them up crying and begging them to come back.
How does a woman attract amazing men who will give them what she wants: love, commitment, adoration? By being a happy, independent, secure and self-confident woman. Your looks will get you in the door but to keep a man attracted to you for the long haul, you have to have those inner qualities.
A lot has changed since the publication of my book. I shared my personal story dealing with an emotionally unavailable man (EUM) I was seeing at the time. The friendship was great -we couldn't have bonded any tighter- but true to my own integrity as an author and coach (as per my own advice in the book), I moved on when I saw a greener pasture. No drama. No crying. No emotional mess.
If you think men just want to lead a bachelor life without any conce in the world while having you on the side because it's convenient to him, you are mistaken. Do realize that both men and women want to love and be loved. Both genders want a great relationship as it is our inherent need. Women in general are perhaps far more adamant and focused about this than men but there is nothing more beautiful for a man than being loved by a woman he adores.
Men are biologically different to women, and yet so many women seem to have no idea why their partners act the way they do. The very biological differences that draw so many people together are also sometimes the very things that can drive them apart. Biologically, men have almost the opposite hormonal make-up to women. What can trigger stress in a woman can actually be a calming factor for men, and vice versa.
Have you had a relationship with a man that has unfortunately always been on the on-and-off track? Wanting him back is a completely normal reaction to a breakup, regardless of whether the feelings come right away, or over time. Here are some proactive tips for turning your ex to be in love with you again and even find you more attractive than before.
One of my best male friends was looking for me on IM feeling totally desperate because his wife was seriously talking about divorce now. They have been on that route before but this time she was totally serious. They have been having a rocky marriage as long as I can remember.
Men have a love-hate relationship with their mothers. They love their moms to death, yet they loath the feeling of being mothered (i.e. being told what to do/not to do). Now they are adults and live on their own, they don't need another woman -and much younger at that- replacing their mother's role. That is one of the main reasons why many men are gun shy about relationship. They don't want someone to check in with every time they do something. It's an obligation that hampers with their freedom that they hold sacred.
My editor Brenda who helped me edit my book out of her gratitude for the advice I have given him in the past dealing with her own emotionally unavailable man, told everyone how profoundly transformational my book is.
I know, you just want to get him back. It seems like it should be simple enough. After all, you won his heart over once before; why not just do it again? Well, the problem is that the first time around you were entering new territory with a clean slate. You had the thrill and excitement of discovering each other. Your likes, your dislikes, your dreams, and your passions were all discovered together for the first time.
Being a relationship coach and dealing with breakup issues a good chunk of time, I have a lot of anxious female clients/readers who are on the brink of a nervous breakdown because they feel their world is falling apart: i.e. their men seem to fade into the state of indifference. They panic and need a healthy dose of inspiration to get their self-confidence back. Is He Pulling Away? Bring Him Back From The Brink
My male best friend from my home country recently, in a state of panic, IMed me, "Where are you? I need to talk. It's really urgent." When we finally talked he was shaking in anguish: he found out his wife was cheating on him with the next-door neighbor and the guy's wife informed him at 3 am a couple of days before. He was so devastated. I always knew they had a rocky relationship and he often vented with me how unhappy he was with their relationship and his wife's behavior. But being a married woman myself I knew it wasn't all her. Marriage is just not easy period.
We've been told that the way to love is pretty linear and straightforward with guys. They take us to a first date, they like us, they make plans and ask us to be exclusive within a month or two, they fall in love and pop the question. Trust me when I say that very often guys don't know how they feel about you in the long run nor do they know what they want. And often the route isn't that straightforward either. That's WHY giving the right impression in the beginning is very important. That's why I don't advise calling a guy up.
If you are feeling desperate because you are trying to save marriage alone, do not despair. There are many others in the same boat as you and such cries for help can be heard from both men and women alike. This is probably because they have made the same common mistake; entering a relationship with unrealistic expectations of fulfillment and happiness.
We all fall hard, difference is some people know how to handle the end of relationship better than others. It's not the depth of the falling-in-love that hurts the most but the height of the expectations. The higher your expectation is, the more you hurt when it ends.
So the relationship is over and you're wondering how to deal with a break up. Maybe it's the first break up you've had that really upset you. Or maybe it's not your first and you're looking for answers because even after all this time you still don't know how to deal with a break up. When a relationship ends you can have several reactions. You might be missing your ex boyfriend or girlfriend. Or you might be angry as hell and wonder what you ever saw in them in the first place. You'll probably feel a variety of things, and maybe several different emotions in the course of a single day.
Relationship breakups don't always mean that the person you're breaking up with needs to be cut completely out of your life. Many people continue to have warm and satisfying friendships with their exes by making sure that their relationship breakups are done without hurting anyone more than necessary. There are situations where you know that you don't really want that person to continue to be in your life. Maybe things that happened during the relationship are just too painful. You feel like you can't forgive him or her for what they did.