Loading the searchable article library…
Browse published articles attributed to Kim Olver, with full-archive search.
In my work with couples, I often find a lack of trust at the root of many challenges they report. Trust is a Verb We have been taught to believe trust is a commodity to be earned by others. Once they have passed certain tests, then we feel safe to extend our trust. I would like to entertain ...
Many people ask, “Can my relationship survive an affair”? My answer is yes when you follow the three- step process outlined below. Step One: Prioritize Your Relationship
There is research that shows that the best outcomes result when parents provide a good balance between guidelines and expectations for their children’s behavior and a positive, supportive relationship. Parents are not meant to be their children’s best friends but in order to raise happy, ...
I have received a lot of inquires lately about how to discipline teenagers. It’s an interesting topic and one that bears consideration. I believe most of the issue lies in how one identifies the problem. There are three major considerations. When children enter the teen years, their developmental stage is of separation and individuation, meaning they are attempting to establish themselves as independent of their parents, specifically, and in some cases, society, in general.
How important is physical compatibility in relationships? Well, it depends on the couple. For some people their physicality is of utmost importance to them. When it is, they often want their partner to engage in many of their activities with them. For some couples the physical nature of their ...
If you are familiar with the concept of “Inside Out Thinking,” then you already know that I don’t conceptualize stress as something that exists outside of you. It is actually something you create inside. Stress is a behavior you create to help you get something you want. The only way to reduce ...
Have you ever found yourself angry with people you care about and didn’t seem able to stop yourself? Do people who love you tell you that you have anger management issues? Have you lost some important relationships or created problems for yourself at work because you couldn’t seem to control ...
When does a child’s right to privacy begin and a parent’s right to know end? I don’t have definitive answers but I do have what I hope will be some helpful guidelines. Let’s begin by looking at the opposite ends of the continuum. To begin at the beginning, you start off with an infant, who ...
Relationships generally begin when both people are in the “Alone Stage,” although I am aware that often affairs begin when one or both partners are involved with someone else. It is my contention that relationships have a greater chance of success when both parties have spent some time alone and ...
This article summarizes much of what I’ve learned thus far on my journey to self-discovery and positive growth. Along the way, through many of life’s ups and downs, with the help of many awesome teachers and mentors, I now most often live in a state of happiness and contentment. I still have ...
When we are thinking of making changes in our lives, all too often we look exte ally. We have a perfect picture in our heads about what life should look like, then we go about acting on life to give us whatever it is we think would be perfect. The only problem with this approach is that we are ...
I recognize the huge importance of having goals but I also think it is useless to talk about goal setting without an even stronger focus on goal attainment. Anyone whose ever celebrate the New Year has set a goal but what takes goal setting to the next level? I’d like to share with you my ...
It is my firm belief that if you are seeking a life partner, you need to be clear about what it is you are looking for—what is important to you. If you’ve had more than a few failed relationships, then that’s actually a good thing because it will help you narrow your focus. You probably will ...
Whenever there is a conflict or disagreement, the natural inclination of both parties is to push to get their way. Humans are wired to win. We are driven to get our power need met and we learn very early how to power over other people to get what we want. Negotiation is a behavior a person has ...
Are you in an intimate relationship where violence is a part of your exchange? Does one or the other of you lash out physically toward the other? Do you want it to stop? There is lots of information out there about intimate partner violence. Just google the term and today there were 4,680,000 ...
How many of you have ever been involved with a significant other who wanted you to do something you didn’t want to do? I doubt that I’m the only one. By virtue of a significant other relationship, there will be times when our partners will want us to do things we don’t necessarily want to do and ...
Security in a relationship lies neither in looking back to what it was in nostalgia, nor forward to what it might be . . . but living in the present relationship and accepting it as it is now—Anne Morrow Lindbergh Jealousy is something that can completely destroy your relationships. Where does ...
I’m sure many of you have heard that old Hallmark card adage that goes something like this: Parents give their children two great gifts---one is roots, the other is wings. This is what I address in this article. As parents, we pray for our children’s safety, health and happiness. We do ...
One of the first things in learning to change a behavior is to bring into conscious awareness why you do the thing you are attempting to stop doing. Losing weight is a theme common to many who have enough in their lives that their own starvation is not something that conce s them. According to ...
True Happiness Most people look outside of themselves as the cause of their unhappiness or frustration. After all, wouldn’t life be practically perfect if the significant people in our lives would simply do things the way we want them to or do what we think is best for them? Actually, this is ...
One of the most difficult struggles in life for a parent is the struggle that occurs when the parent is attempting to keep their child safe and the child is attempting to explore the world and find their place in it, often times not in the safest manner. n A discussion of Inside Out cannot ...
I am not talking about criminal stalkers who truly intend to do someone harm. What I’m talking about are regular people who have a relationship end before they were ready and some of the behaviors they use in their best attempt to hold on to their partners. Has this ever happened to you? Let’s ...
What is a pleasure junky, you ask? A pleasure junky is a person always seeking happiness in short-term, feel good ways. A pleasure junky would choose junk food over good health, casual sex over a committed relationship and impulse spending over long-term saving. A pleasure junky wants to feel ...
Most of us who have been intimately involved with someone beyond the infatuation stage know that relationships are like a rollercoaster ride. When things are good, they are very, very good. When things are bad, they are very, very bad. As a relationship coach, I have developed Top 10 Lists---one ...
How many of you have ever been involved with a significant other who wanted you to do something you didn’t want to do? I doubt that I’m the only one. By virtue of a significant other relationship, there will be times when our partners will want us to do things we don’t ...
Many relationships have developed stress in the area of intimacy. This tends to be the kind of stress that sneaks up and builds over time. There is usually no one event that leads to this stress but a series of disappointments that accumulate over time. Sometimes there is a discovery of an ...
There was a time I can remember when some people used to wear bracelets with the inscription “WWJD”? This question, "What would Jesus do?", was designed for its wearer to be reminded to act in a way he or she valued and wanted to emulate. This provided a path for Christians but what about those ...
One thing in life is certain---change. Things never stay the same. If you are hoping for the status quo, then I’m afraid you will be disappointed. Just think back to how things were five years ago and you will realize that there is so very much that’s already different in a very short time. I’m ...
Lose the Weight You Want Forever I know this is the time of year when there is all kinds of information available about weight loss. If everyone has the information available to him or her, then why is losing weight so difficult? The answer is relatively simple for those of us who have added ...
Sometimes as parents we need to be extremely creative in our discipline. I managed to have a stroke of creative genius when my son was 16 that I want to share with you that helps illustrate a facet of Empowerment Parenting: "The only person whose behavior you can control is your own." When Kyle ...
Do you have a consistent problem with your child lying to you, even though he or she is normally a “good” child? Sometimes the lies are even about things that don’t really matter or your child continues to lie in the face of overwhelming proof to the contrary? It is my firm belief that we will ...
Are you plagued by holiday stress year after year? Do you feel as if you are a victim in all of this? Do you believe that you are the ONLY one in your household who is contributing to the success of the holiday? Let me share with you some ideas for making the holidays manageable. I used to ...
Respecting is a very interesting concept. In a relationship, you should never do anything that demeans or reduces your partner’s self-esteem. This is typically caused by the Deadly Habits of criticizing and complaining. Try to avoid these at all costs, but there is more to respecting than just ...
If you haven’t read my article on the Deadly Relationship Habits (http://www.therelationshipcenter.biz/newsletters/deadlyhabits4_05.html), then you may want to do so by clicking on the link. This article tells you what to do in your relationships to replace the destructive habits with more ...
I know people in my life who when asked how are things going, will reply, “I’m living the dream.” Can you say the same? If you could, what would it mean? As far back as Sigmund Freud, psychologists have been saying that there are two major areas in a person’s life---love and work. When you are ...
When we are thinking of making changes in our lives, all too often we look exte ally. We have a perfect picture in our heads about what life should look like, then we go about acting on life to give us whatever it is we think would be perfect. The only problem with this approach is that we are ...
I have received enough questions from people over the years asking about how to get past an affair that I wanted to write about it. There are so many intricate details of your personal relationship that factor into this decision that it is challenging to make generalizations but I will provide a ...
In relationships, it is not uncommon for couples to have difficulties. Sometimes there are things your partner does that drives you crazy! In my work with couples, a common, innocent complaint of women is that their husbands don’t put their dirty clothes in the hamper. They will leave their ...
How many times in a day do you use the word “my” to describe a particular relationship you have with someone in your life? For example, you might say “my husband,” “my child,” “my friend,” or “my parents.” While the possessive pronoun “my” helps to explain certain relationships, it can actually ...
As 2008 draws to a close, some of you are already looking ahead to what you want to do in 2009. It’s the time of year we begin to self-reflect and adjust our course for the upcoming year. In my work coaching people, I find it interesting that many of my clients set very clear intentions for ...