***Are You Playing Too Small?
Are you limiting your life – allowing fear to stop you from doing what brings you joy?
Primary topic: Relationship Advice
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Are you limiting your life – allowing fear to stop you from doing what brings you joy?
Is there something you've always wanted to do but have never done? What's stopping you? "The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now." –Chinese Proverb How often do you say to yourself, "I wish I had…..?"
________________________________________ Are you conflict-avoidant? Does conflict terrify you? Discover how to heal this. ________________________________________ Angela writes:
________________________________________ Heal your inner cult with the Six Steps of Inner Bonding. _______________________________________ What do you picture when you think of the word 'cult?' For me, what comes to mind is being involved in a community where you have to follow certain rules and do things a certain way, and where you might be severely punished or even killed (as happened with the Jim Jones cult in Jonestown, or satanic cults ). You are often not allowed to leave a cult, and if you do manage to leave, there might be dire consequences.
Are you an empathic person who feels others' pain and then takes responsibility for their feelings in an effort to alleviate their pain? Is it hard for you to feel others' pain without trying to fix them? Often, empathic people become caretakers to try to alleviate others' pain so they don't have to feel that pain. And takers are generally very attracted to caretakers. This is the situation with Tiffany:r
By Margaret Paul, Ph.D. August 22, 2016 Are you afraid that if you practice Inner Bonding, you will have to feel painful feelings that you have been avoiding your whole life with your various addictions? Most people who have done even a little bit of Inner Bonding know the power it has to heal false beliefs and move them into truth. They know that they can develop their loving adult and discover the loving actions on their own behalf. They know that they can learn to be a loving advocate for themselves, for their inner child.
________________________________________ If you are single, do you relate to any of these false beliefs about being in a relationship? ________________________________________ I have discovered that many of the single people I work with have a number of false beliefs about relationships. If you are single, do you identify with any of these beliefs? People In Relationships Are Not Lonely
By Margaret Paul, PhDr January 31, 2017 Discover why it takes great courage to learn to love yourself, and why it's so important to make loving yourself one of your highest priorities. Loving Yourself"Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear." ~ Ambrose Bierce I find it sad that it takes courage to love ourselves. But the truth is that our culture has come so far from our natural way of being – which is to love ourselves – that now it does take courage, a lot of courage.
By Margaret Paul, Ph.D. January 16, 2017 Has giving talks or presentations been scary for you? Discover why and what to do about it. Michael, one of my clients, asked me for help in one of our phone sessions:
By Margaret Paul, Ph.D. May 02, 2016 _________________________________________________________________________________ Learn to manage the shattering heartbreak of when someone doesn't grok you – doesn't see you, hear you or understand you. _________________________________________________________________________________ Take a few minutes right now and think back to your childhood. Do you remember a time when you felt deeply unseen, unheard, misunderstood?
Seema asked me this question during one of my webinars. It’s a question that I‘m often asked. “I seem to attract men who are often narcissistic, selfish, cheating and abusive. As much as I try to not repeat this pattern and learn my lessons and grow, I still find myself with this type of person. My dad had all of those qualities too. What am I missing and how do I finally stop this cycle?” There are two very different answers to this question: One answer is that there are many narcissistic people, so the chance of meeting a narcissist when you are dating is quite high.
"I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed. --Michael Jordan, Former Professional Basketball Player and Entrepreneur How did failure get such a bad name? When did it become something to avoid rather than something to learn from? If you fear failure, did this come mostly from your parents or other caregivers, or mostly from your school experience, or both?
________________________________________ Do you find that as soon as you really like someone – whether as a friend or as a partner – you 'lose your cool?' ________________________________________ Relationships offer us more opportunities for personal growth than just about anything else in life. But sometime the opportunities are very challenging! For example, Larry asks: "Whenever I feel a real connection with someone, whether it's for friendship or a love interest, I lose my cool completely, can't function and I end up losing them. What can I do?"
________________________________________ What was valued and approved of in your family as you were growing up? ________________________________________ When you were growing up, how did you learn to define your worth? Here are some of the things my clients have said to me:
By Margaret Paul, Ph.D. October 10, 2016 Do you feel ready to leave your relationship but wonder whether or not this is the right time to call it quits? Many of my clients struggle with knowing when it's the right time to end a relationship. Mary asked me:
________________________________________ Are you seeking the formula for attracting the partner of your dreams? Here it is! ________________________________________ Rochelle asks:
Do you have the expectation that you will receive unconditional love from a partner? Most of us would love the experience of being loved unconditionally by someone. This is the experience we needed when we were growing up, but most parents are not connected enough with themselves and their spiritual guidance to be able to offer this. Is it realistic now to expect it from a partner?
Marina asked: “I often go out of my way and do different things for my fiancé. For example if he wants me to stay and do something with him, I cancel what I have to do and stay with him. But he never does the same. He takes care of whatever he feels he needs to. Then I’m filled with resentment towards him. Can you explain what is a loving way to be in relationships? Do we just do what’s best for us or do we have to sacrifice at some point to make the other person happy?”
Do you sometimes find yourself resisting receiving love because you believe you don't deserve it? Have you ever heard yourself say, "I'm not worthy of love," or "I'm not worth loving," or "I'm unworthy of God's love"? I frequently hear this from my clients. Do you find yourself in resistance to receiving love – from a person or from Spirit? Are you in resistance to learning to love yourself?
By Margaret Paul, Ph.D. November 07, 2016 You have a much better chance at conflict resolution when you are loving yourself rather than trying to control the other person.
By Margaret Paul, Ph.D. September 27, 2016 What does it look like to be a loving advocate for your inner child? Learn how now! What does loving self-care really mean? Our wounded self and our loving adult have totally different concepts of what self-care really means. The wounded self might say, "I'm taking loving care of myself when: *I reward myself with chocolate cake after a really hard day." *I withdraw and feel justifiably angry when someone makes unreasonable demands on me."r
Do you allow your natural kindness to shine forth? "Kindness is an inner desire that makes us want to do good things even if we do not get anything in return. It is the joy of our life to do them. When we do good things from this inner desire, there is kindness in everything we think, say, want and do." ~Emmanuel Swedenborg, 1688-1772, Scientist, Philosopher and Theologian
Do you have problems committing to a relationship, or are you involved with someone who has a fear of commitment? Louis wrote to me:
By Margaret Paul, PhDr January 23, 2017 How fiercely and relentlessly devoted are you to wanting to love yourself and wanting to learn to treat yourself lovingly? Gerard sat opposite me at one of my Inner Bonding Intensives. "My body hurts and I feel irritated," he complained, in a way that felt like he was handing his hurting inner child to me to soothe and fix. "Gerard, do you want to know what you are doing and how you are treating yourself that is causing this pain?" "Yes, of course. I know he wants me to love him, but I don't know how."
Do you find that nothing really excites you or holds much meaning for you? Does your life lack aliveness, passion and purpose? Vera sought out counseling with me because her doctor advised her to discover the emotional causes of her chronic fatigue. Vera, a successful stockbroker, was in a loving 18-year marriage. On the surface, everything in her life was fine. She had enough money, friends and a good relationship with her husband. Yet Vera awoke each morning battling fatigue and depression. She didn't want to get out of bed because nothing felt meaningful to her.
"I believe that anyone can conquer fear by doing the things he fears to do, provided he keeps doing them until he gets a record of successful experiences behind him." ~Eleanor Roosevelt I know from my own experiences that what Eleanor Roosevelt said in the above quote is very true. - I used to be scared to speak up for myself or speak my truth, and now I do it easily. - I used to be afraid of public speaking or doing radio or TV shows, and now I do these easily. - I used to be scared to be in my power, and now it's natural for me.
In our stressful society, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. It’s easy to feel inundated with all we need to do, and besieged when too much is coming at us at once. It’s my experience that overwhelm comes from two different places:
________________________________________ Are you staying in an abusive relationship because you believe you can change it or not be bothered by it? ________________________________________ The question of when to leave a relationship comes up over and over with my clients and with the members of Inner Bonding Village. In fact, my YouTube video, "When To Leave A Relationship," is my most popular video. Sonia asked:
Are you aware of the feelings you cause yourself when you attempt to control others rather than love yourself? "I have never been able to conceive how any rational being could propose happiness to himself from the exercise of power over others." - Thomas Jefferson
Do you have problems having truly connected friendships? Friendship is a big topic. There are people who always seem to have many friends, and others who can't seem to find the way to make friends. Some people have deeply connected friendships, and others have only superficial acquaintances. What accounts for these differences? A part of the answer lies in Jayne's question:
Are you aware of needing to talk too much, or have you been with people who go on and on? There is a good reason for this. I have found over the years of practicing Inner Bonding that the more I listen to myself, the less need I have for others to listen to me and hear me. Not that I don't enjoy sharing with others, but there is a big difference between sharing and the over-talking that comes from not listening to yourself.
Have you wondered why you may be having a hard time connecting with others? "Intimacy begins with oneself. It does no good to try to find intimacy with friends, lovers, and family if you are starting out from alienation and division within yourself." - Thomas Moore
By Margaret Paul, Ph.D. Like anything worth learning, developing the habit of loving takes practice. As you practice Inner Bonding, your brain develops the habit of loving. "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit." ~ Aristotle All of us develop habits as we are growing up. Some of the habits are positive, such as the habits of being on time, being organized and being honest. But some habits can cause us many problems, both with ourselves and with others.
If you are hard on yourself, do you believe that this is helpful to you? You might want to re-evaluate this false belief. Are you hard on yourself? Do you think this is a good thing? Do you believe this motivates you to do better? Think again. If you are doing well, it's likely in spite of being hard on yourself, not because of it.
Why Self-Abandonment Can Kill You Click here to register for this webinar. This event will be recorded and available free for one week after the webinar - You will receive an email for the link when you register. https://www.innerbonding.com/webinar/3827 Hosted By Dr. Margaret Paulr Start 02/19/2020 06:15 PM Finish 02/19/2020 07:00 PM Location Description
________________________________________ Do you believe that you want a relationship but never seem to find the 'right one?' ________________________________________ Most people say they want to be in a relationship, yet they consistently do things that keep them from achieving this. If you answer yes to some of the questions on the following list, you might be relationship avoidant – which means that you likely have a fear of engulfment. • Do you consistently choose unavailable or inappropriate people?
Discover how to manage panic in a way that allows it to dissipate rather than escalate. "That's the strange thing about panic – when we lean into it, it loosens it's grip on us." Daniel Siegel, M.D.
________________________________________ Do you have the courage to hang in through the hard times and do the learning and healing we all need to do to create a loving relationship? ________________________________________ Are you committed to working through the difficult and painful issues that inevitably arise in relationships, or do you run when things get hard? If you want to have a long-term loving relationship, then you need to learn to hang in through the hard stuff.
By Margaret Paul, PhDr November 15, 2016 What do you do when someone is trying to control you? Do you give in, argue or resist? Discover how to love yourself instead of abandoning yourself. Loving yourselfMost of us have had the experience in our relationships of someone trying to control us. Perhaps they were doing it with anger and blame, or by complaining and guilting us, or by withdrawing their love, or even by being too 'nice.'
By Margaret Paul, PhDr December 27, 2016 ________________________________________ Have you discovered what connects you with your spiritual Guidance and supports you in downloading 'great thoughts?' ________________________________________ "All truly great thoughts are conceived while walking." - Friedrich Nietzsche
By Margaret Paul, Ph.D. July 11, 2016 Do you allow others to dump their negativity - their complaints, judgments, anger, self-centeredness and sense of entitlement - onto you? Carmen, a client of mine, told me at the end of one of her sessions, "I'm no longer willing to be a trash can for others' negativity." "Wow!" I said. "I'm delighted to hear that! And I love that metaphor!"
For many people, inner emptiness is a big problem. They believe that they can fill their emptiness from the outside, which is a false belief. The cause of inner emptiness is a lack of a loving connection with your inner child - your essence, your true Self, your Being, which then results in an inability to share love with others. Loving yourself and sharing your love with others is what creates fullness.
What limiting beliefs are controlling your life? Do you identify with any of these common false beliefs? All of us absorbed numerous deep false beliefs as we were growing up, and these beliefs now govern much of what occurs in our work and our relationships. It is sometimes challenging to uncover these major beliefs. Below are some examples from my clients: "I have to completely give myself up to be in a relationship, and I have to take responsibility for my partner's feelings. If I don't, he/she will leave."
Passionate Purpose, Vibrant Health! A 30-Day at home Experience with Dr. Margaret Paulr The next course will start on April 15th, 2020, and is offered only once a year. Are you ready to discover your calling, and have the health and vitality to pursue it? Passionate Purpose, Vibrant Health! A 30-Day at-home experience with Dr. Margaret Paul, to discover your passionate purpose, enhance creativity, and create a joyful, vibrantly healthy life!
By Margaret Paul, Ph.D. These three simple – but not always easy – choices can create such incredible joy! One of the things I love to do is walk every morning out in nature and do my Inner Bonding process. I've been walking almost every morning for at least the last 40 years, and doing Inner Bonding on my walk for over 32 years. It's on these walks that I receive the most information from my spiritual Guidance. Recently, my spiritual Guidance deepened my understanding regarding how to stay joyful all the time. She deepened my understanding of three major choices that sustain joy.
By Margaret Paul, PhDr February 07, 2017 How often are you stressed and frazzled in trying to meet others' expectations? You can learn to love yourself instead! I was staying at a friend's house on one of my teaching trips. I walked into the kitchen early one morning to find my friend frantically trying to get everything done that she believed she needed to get done before going to work. I walked over to her and put my arm around her and said, "Breathe." She stopped and breathed and started to cry. "What's going on?" I gently asked her.
By Margaret Paul, Ph.D. May 23, 2016 When you do not allow yourself to express yourself with laughter and tears, physical pain, due to stress and a lack of passion for life, may be the result.
Has having patience been a challenge for you? Discover an underlying cause of impatience. Some people seem to be naturally patient. I'm not one of those people. I think I was born impatient. I have spent a lot of time cultivating having patience and trying to understand what triggers me when I get impatient.
________________________________________ Do you get stuck not knowing what to say or do when your partner treats you disrespectfully? ________________________________________ Louise asked me:
________________________________________ Discover what you can do to give your relationship a chance. ________________________________________ Lauren asks: