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Browse published articles attributed to Margaret Paul, with full-archive search.
I've been reading in many different sources about the research involving community and well being. In his best-selling book,"Outliers," Malcolm Gladwell opens with a study done in a small Pennsylvania town called Roseto.
How often have you had the thought, "If you really loved me, you wouldn't... - Get angry, yell, curse, call names, say mean, untrue things about me - Project your behavior onto me - Withdraw, run away, shut down, sit spaced-out in front of the TV - Resist doing what I ask you to do - Look at other women, have an affair - ____________________ (fill in your own) I used to have this thought all the time.
Most people would love to have "real love," yet often they have no idea what real love is. Take a moment to think about how you would define real love. Defining love is like defining a particular color to a person who has never been able to see color - you have to feel it know what it is. ...
Our country is stretched to the limit due to the cost of health care. Even with the new health care bill, there will be on going conflict over what we should do to provide people with affordable health care. But the reason that the problem seems irresolvable is a very complex one.
Is your marriage in trouble? The first question you need to ask yourself is: "Do I want to save this marriage or do I want to leave it?" If the answer is that you want to save it, then this article is for you. Following are 7 rules or choices that you can make to completely change the course ...
I often have the experience of someone showing up at one of my 5-day Inner Bonding Intensives and presenting themselves as "all together", or "fine." "I'm not sure why I'm here," they state. "I really don't know what to work on. I've been through years of therapy and to a ton of workshops and ...
Myrna, 38 and a successful physician, sought my help because she often felt inadequate. While she really valued herself as a doctor, she did not value herself in her important relationships with friends and family. In addition, she said she wanted to be in a loving relationship but she took no ...
We are all geniuses. Are you ready to find your genius? “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.” ~ Albert Einstein
We all know that relationships are very challenging. 52% of married people reach their 15th anniversary and only 33% reach their 25th anniversary. I have been counseling individuals and couples for 40 years and I believe that I have discovered a major cause of relationship problems - if not ...
Insomnia is quite common in our society. While there many different reasons for sleep problems - such as poor diet, too much sugar and refined carbohydrates, too much caffeine, or lack of exercise - I want to share two major causes and the solutions to these. Ironically, one of the major causes ...
James, in his middle 30s, was ready to meet his life partner, get married and have children. After dating many women, he met Cindy. "She is really beautiful, although I'm not sure she's my type. But I think she is perfect for me. We have the same interests, the same values, we go to the ...
If you are a junk food junkie or you often don't eat well and are unconce ed with health and nutrition, why is this? Everyday we read about or see on TV how sugar, soft drinks, many kinds of fats, fried foods, factory farmed foods, devitalized, packaged and processed food, pesticide laden food, ...
Inner peace and joy are spiritual gifts. The gifts of Spirit enter the heart when we make the choices we need to make to be available to them. What are these choices? Presence Peace and joy exist in this present moment - not in the past or future. If you are in your left-brain ego programmed ...
Emotional infidelity occurs when you or your partner become emotionally connected with someone outside your relationship, either in person or on the Internet. How dangerous to a marriage or committed relationship is emotional infidelity? One way of looking at emotional infidelity is that it is ...
Guilt is the feeling that results when you tell yourself that you have done something wrong. Healthy Guilt Healthy guilt is the feeling that occurs when you have actually done something wrong - such as deliberately harming someone. This is an important feeling, which results from having ...
Brent started to work with me after his wife, Carla, suddenly decided to leave the marriage. They had been married five years and Brent thought everything was fine. Then Brent became ill and Carla withdrew. And then she was gone. Brent was devastated. He loved Carla and wanted her back. ...
While it is probable that no one consciously sets out to create a life of substance abuse, those who end up addicted to substances are choosing certain thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors that will likely end up leading to some form of substance abuse - drugs, alcohol, nicotine, food, junk food, ...
Are you aware of how you may be hurting your partner? Are you aware of how your partner may be hurting you? Are you aware of the painful feelings of loneliness, heartache and heartbreak you likely feel when you are disconnected from your loved one and unable to share love?
Are you constantly reading self-help and motivational books yet nothing changes? Have you tried many different forms of therapy yet still feel unhappy, anxious, depressed and alone? Do you often have the answers for others but not for yourself? The problem may be that you are intent on ...
Take a moment to think about who you blame for your feelings of hurt, anger, resentment, aloneness, emptiness, loneliness, helplessness, inadequacy, shame, depression, anxiety, fear, and so on. What is really going on inside when you blame someone else for your feelings? Many people have a ...
________________________________________ Is your partner's messiness driving you crazy? Discover how to resolve this issue in your relationship. ________________________________________ When we meet and fall in love with someone, we often don't think about what might seem like minor differences, which can later turn into major conflicts. One of these differences that frequently occurs with my clients is neatness vs. messiness. Vanessa, in one of our Skype sessions, said:
On April 1, 2011, Matt Cantor, Newser Staff, posted "As Americans Get More Self-Centered, So Do Lyrics Study finds increasingly narcissistic words in top 10 hits."Today's hit songs aren't about "us"-they're just about "me," a study finds.
"He can who thinks he can, and he can't who thinks he can't. This is an indisputable law." - Henry Ford Have you ever noticed how often you say, "I can't"? "I can't lose weight." "I can't find my soul mate." "I can't find a job I love." "I can't take care of myself." "I can't heal this shame." "I can't get myself to exercise." "I can't find my passion."
William grew up with a mother who was depressed much of her life. As the oldest of three children with a father who was not around much, William took on a lot of responsibility for his mother's wellbeing. He grew up as a kind and caring man, believing that he was responsible for another's ...
"Everybody is like a magnet. You attract to yourself reflections of that which you are. If you're friendly, then everybody else seems to be friendly too." --Dr. David Hawkins, Physician and Lecturer Have you ever noticed how true this is? I would change it a bit and say that we attract to ourselves what we choose to be in any given moment.
Frequently, when I start to work with a new client, they believe that loving their self is selfish. Nothing could be further from the truth. A more accurate definition of selfish is expecting others to give themselves up and do for you what you can and need to be doing for yourself. Letting Others Off The Hook How are others let off the hook when you love yourself? Let us count the ways!
Giving to others can be one of the most fulfilling experiences in life, or it can be one of the most draining. What makes the difference? The difference has to do with WHY you are giving to others. Giving From A Full Heart When we give from a full heart, we are giving because we are so filled up with love that it is overflowing, and we receive great joy in giving to others.
We hear so often, "Don't take it personally." What does this really mean? The answer is NOT simple! Let's say that you are in a great mood, feeling loving and expansive, and someone - either someone close to you or a stranger like a clerk in a store - is withdrawn or attacking.
Marilee had grown up with very strict authoritarian parents, and decided that when she had children she would not be controlling with them the way her parents had been with her. Unfortunately, the only thing she knew to do was to be a permissive parent, which meant that instead of controlling ...Marilee had grown up with very strict authoritarian parents, and decided that when she had children she would not be controlling with them the way her parents had been with her.
When partners are having problems, they often say that the problem is communication. What exactly does this mean? What are they trying to communicate? There are various reasons for communicating: 1. Sometimes we communicate to offer information about ourselves, such as, "I'm going out for a ...
Did you grow up believing that if only someone REALLY loved you in the way you needed to be loved, then you would feel happy, safe, lovable and worthy?
Think about the last time you had a conflict with someone and you argued - with your partner, your friend, your parent, your child, or someone else in your life. What did you argue about, and why did you spend your energy arguing or fighting? Reasons for Arguing and Fighting Here are some of ...
"I've finally learned how to lovingly hold my heart when my heart hurts from the pain of disconnection with loved ones," said Meagan in our phone session. "I've discovered that it's possible to feel peaceful even in the midst of loneliness and heartbreak." Does it seem like a paradox to you to feel both peaceful and sad at the same time? Peaceful and Sad at the Same Time
"If I could define enlightenment briefly I would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is." - Dr. Wayne Dyer As simple as this definition seems to be, how often do you quietly accept what is? Instead, what do you say or do? - I say things like “It’s not supposed to be this way.” “It should have been different.” “It should be this other way.”
Peggy had been married to James for 14 years when she first consulted with me for help with her relationship and her anxiety. "I can't stand being in this marriage anymore. We have two wonderful children and I don't want to break up this family, but I’m miserable and anxious much of the time. ...
"We 'love' another in order to get something ourselves….There can be no greater mistake than that, for love is incapable of asking for anything." -- A Course in Miraclesnn"Love is incapable of asking for anything." Wow! Take a moment to think about that ...
In a phone session with Gerald, one of my clients, he expressed to me that he was feeling very sad about his son, Luc. Luc, 29 years old, was not doing much with his life, and Gerald was berating himself for how he had parented Luc. “I should have spent more time with him. I should have ...
Have you ever noticed how bad you feel when you try to control things you can't control - such as others and outcomes? Larry consulted with me because he was often miserable - despite running a successful business, and having a lovely wife and two daughters, whom he adored.
Many of us have heard of the Law of Attraction - that like attracts like. However, many are confused about what this really means. In my experience, like attracts like means that like frequency attracts like frequency. My high frequency attracts the things I want and my low frequency attracts the things I don't want. The question then becomes, what raises or lowers frequency? What Lowers Frequency? Anything that makes you feel down lowers your frequency. Here is a list of what I have found lowers frequency:
“A new analysis concludes that spanking fails to alter kids' behavior in the long term. What it does instead is amp up their aggression.” From “Why Spanking Doesn’t Work,” by Bonnie Rochman |@brochman | February 6, 2012 http://healthland.time.com/2012/02/06/why-spanking-doesnt-work/?hpt=hp_t3 What do we mean when we say that spanking doesn’t work? Doesn’t it stop children from doing whatever it is you don’t want them to do? “Want your kid to stop whatever dangerous/annoying/forbidden behavior he’s doing right now? Spanking will probably work — for now.
Helplessness is a very difficult feeling. It can even feel like life or death to those of us who were left to cry for hours as babies, with no one coming to help us. Because we were so helpless over ourselves as babies and small children, it can trigger feelings of panic. It's hard to remember, in these moments when fear is triggered, that as adults, we are not helpless over ourselves. For many of us, the deep fear that got programmed into us as young children can trigger our wounded self's desire to control, when we feel helpless over another's choices.
"I can't seem to stop snacking," said Linda, in our phone session. "And I can't figure out why. I don't overeat during meals, but then I snack on things that I don't need to be eating. I've had this issue on and off since adolescence and I want to resolve it." "Linda, right now, take yourself back to the last time you snacked. See if you can tune into what was going on and what you were feeling."
Think about this for a moment: Is it really possible to love your children without loving yourself, or to love yourself without loving your children? The answer is no. If you are ignoring yourself to take care of your children, this is not loving to your children or to yourself. While being ...
"You find yourself refreshed by the presence of cheerful people. Why not make an honest effort to confer that pleasure on others? Half the battle is gained if you never allow yourself to say anything gloomy." --Julia Child, 1912-2004, Chef, Author and Television Personality What is your primary intention with others - to share uplifting, caring energy, or to get sympathy? Getting Sympathy
"Eat more carbohydrates!" "Eat more protein!" "Be a vegetarian!" "Vegetarians are not healthy." "Don't eat grains!" "Eat more grains!" Are you confused about how to eat for excellent health? Even the research is contradictory! Since my early 20s, I have been interested in health and ...
How often have you eaten something that you know is going to put weight on you and you tell yourself that it doesn't count? Do you have any idea how many calories you actually consume in a day, and how many you need to lose weight or to maintain weight? Is it possible that you think you are not ...
All of us have projected our own thoughts, feelings, motivations and desires onto others, and have been at the other end of projection. Many of us learned to project onto others as we were growing up, when our parents, siblings or caregivers projected their unconscious feelings, thoughts and motivations onto us. We might project onto others when we have judged our own feelings, actions, desires and motivations as bad, wrong, shameful or dangerous. This article is about being at the other end of someone projecting onto you.
I, like many of you, was brought up and programmed to believe in a number of ideas that have turned out to be untrue. These false beliefs led me to make various life and relationship mistakes. I didn't like making mistakes any more than you do, but it is from my mistakes that I've learned so much. In this article, I'm going to discuss the 4 major mistakes that I used to make and that so many of my counseling clients make before working with me. Self-judgment
Mandy and Evan consulted with me for couple’s counseling because they were always bickering. Every little thing seemed to become an issue between them. They loved each other very much, but the bickering was certainly getting in the way of enjoying each other. I ask Mandy and Evan to come ...
There are many factors that go into creating a loving relationship. Certainly it helps if two people have some things in common regarding how they like to spend their time. It also helps if they have common values around religion or spirituality, around politics, the environment, abortion, and ...