Loading the searchable article library…
Browse published articles attributed to Margaret Paul, with full-archive search.
Do you judge yourself for the past? Discover why and what to do about it. Brianna wrote to me, asking:
________________________________________ Many of us know that we need to be loving to ourselves, but what does this actually mean? ________________________________________ Since most of us had little or no role modeling regarding loving ourselves when we were growing up, it's often challenging to know what loving ourselves looks like. It's through my work with my inner child and my spiritual Guidance that I've discovered what loving myself really means for me. Sarah asks:
Do you have the courage to risk loving yourself – even when you might encounter your children's uncaring behavior?
Angelo had been married to Serena for 15 years before divorcing. In his marriage, Angelo was a caretaker, always trying to please Serena, always trying to get her approval and avoid her disapproval. Serena was a taker - handing responsibility to Angelo for her happiness and often angry with him when he didn't do what she wanted. Inside, Serena was deeply insecure, too insecure to even work, so she completely relied on Angelo financially. Angelo felt very lonely in his marriage, which is what led to his decision to divorce.
Learn about the feeling of ‘elevation’ and why you might be moved to tears and benevolence by witnessing acts of kindness. Have you ever been moved to tears by acts of kindness? This happens to me all the time and I’ve often wondered about it. I recently read an article by Daniel Burke, CNN Religion Editor, where he wrote about tearing up at watching the Pope’s kindness. (https://www.cnn.com/2018/04/06/europe/pope-elevation/index.html).
Do you get stuck in not being able to resolve conflicts because you don't know how to bring up issues in a way that works? Bringing up difficult issues is often a major challenge in relationships. Laurie wrote to me about this issue:
Rebecca was struggling with 3 year old Kevin's screaming. Whenever someone didn't do what he wanted, he screamed and screamed, hoping to get his way. Rebecca had tried many different things to get Kevin to stop screaming, such as time outs, telling him to use his words, walking away and ignoring ...
Are you addicted to trying to get love from unavailable, unloving people? Have you found yourself repeatedly 'falling in love' with an unavailable person? Have you wondered why you keep doing this? This is the questio Wanda asked: "What about our wounded self causes us to attach so fiercely to an unloving/unavailable person?" There are two primary causes:
Are you a complainer? Are you ready to do something different? "If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. Don't complain." - Maya Angelou Do you complain? If you do, why?
Are you stuck in misery? Do you resist taking responsibility for making yourself happy? Discover a possible cause of this. One of the issues I frequently encounter with my clients is the following: Sasha is in a long-term, on-again, off-again, relationship with Fabio. When Sasha is taking loving care of herself, the relationship goes well, but as soon as she makes Fabio responsible for her feelings, Fabio goes into resistance and their relationship goes into turmoil.
Take a moment to think about who you blame for your feelings of hurt, anger, resentment, aloneness, emptiness, loneliness, helplessness, inadequacy, shame, depression, anxiety, fear, and so on. What is really going on inside when you blame someone else for your feelings? Many people have a ...
By Margaret Paul, PhDr October 31, 2016 Do you have major challenges in emotionally connecting with your family of origin? You are not alone! Are you happy with your family of origin? Can you emotionally connect with your family? If you can, you are fortunate indeed. Many people feel that if their family wasn't their family, they wouldn't spend time with them, because they feel no emotional connection with them.
By Margaret Paul, Ph.D. August 29, 2016 Learning how to trust again is a process, not an event, and it take both inner and relationship work. I received the following question about how to trust again:
_______________________________________________________ There are many experiences that create momentary happiness, but there is only one experience that is truly the greatest joy in life. _______________________________________________________ Take a moment to think about what you believe is the greatest joy in life.
________________________________________ Love is not something that can be described – it needs to be experienced, and when you experience it through loving yourself, you will know how to love. ________________________________________ We read many things about what love is and what it isn't to help us understand love. But love is not something we can understand from our mind. Until we experience it, we don't actually know what it is or how to experience it in our lives. Is it love when a parent allows a baby to cry and cry, to get them on a schedule or get them to sleep? No!
Peggy had been married to James for 14 years when she first consulted with me for help with her relationship and her anxiety. "I can't stand being in this marriage anymore. We have two wonderful children and I don't want to break up this family, but I’m miserable and anxious much of the time. ...
Discover the great power in knowing what you want and not giving up. "What this power is, I cannot say. All I know is that it exists…and it becomes available only when you are in the state of mind in which you know exactly what you want…and are fully determined not to quit until you get it." ~Alexander Graham Bell, 1847-1922, Inventor and Educator
By Margaret Paul, Ph.D. November 07, 2016 You have a much better chance at conflict resolution when you are loving yourself rather than trying to control the other person.
Are you addicted to fixing others? Do you believe this is loving rather than controlling? Many of us were raised to base our identity on helping or fixing others. Fixing others is often the addiction of choice for people who have a naturally deep level of empathy and who easily feel others’ pain. This was one of my major addictions for many years. Deeply feeling my parents' pain and the pain of others around me was unbearable to me as a child. I thought that if only I could make them happy then I wouldn't have to feel their pain. Leslie is struggling with this very issue:
Understanding healthy eating has become a huge challenge in our society. Our ancestors living thousands of years ago did not have this challenge. They ate what grew and what they could catch. Before the advent of agriculture, people ate what was naturally supplied. While I have been studying ...
________________________________________ Do you know the difference between real love and infatuation? They are light years apart. ________________________________________ In real love you want the other person's good. In romantic love, you want the other person.~Margaret Andersonr Real love is never ownership, only stewardship of this moment's experiences. ~Karen Casey
________________________________________ Were you taught that if you were nice others would be nice? ________________________________________ "I had this really terrible interaction on the phone with a customer on Tuesday," Carlton told me in our Skype session. "This guy was so closed and controlling. He just kept yelling about what he wanted me to do. I was being really nice, but it didn't seem to make any difference. The conversation went on for an hour and we didn't get anywhere. He just kept acting crazy. I ended up exhausted and drained. Why do people have to be like that?"r
Gretchen is typical of many of the clients that I work with. In our first session she said: I've been depressed on and off throughout my life. Medication helped for a while, but now all it does is make me feel more flat and empty. Life seems to have no meaning for me. Nothing looks beautiful. Nothing is compelling to me. I can't think of anything I really want to do. I've tried many forms of therapy but nothing has worked to heal my depression. I don't know why I'm here on this planet. What is it all about?
My counseling clients often complain to me about interactions they had with a partner, friend, parents or co-worker. When I asked the question, "Why didn't you speak up for yourself?" here are the most common answers I receive: "I want to keep the peace." "I don't want to rock the boat." "I didn't know what to say." "It won't change anything." "He/she won't listen." "We will just end up fighting." "He/she will make it my fault."
Are you ready to discover the way to happiness? Are you ready to discover what Epictetus knew over 2000 years ago? "There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will." ~Epictetus, AD 55-135
Your pet knows the truth of who you are! Many of us know how unconditionally loving most dogs naturally are – unless they have been abused. Even if you don't have a dog, you've likely seen the joy they express when their person comes home after being gone for even a few minutes. If you have a dog or another pet who loves you, what would your pet say about you if he or she could talk? Take a moment to imagine what your pet would say.
Passionate Purpose, Vibrant Health! A 30-Day at home Experience with Dr. Margaret Paulr The next course will start on June 26th, 2019, and is offered only once a year. https://innerbonding.com/video/mp4/Passionate_Landing-Page.apple.mp4 Are you ready to discover your calling, and have the health and vitality to pursue it? Passionate Purpose, Vibrant Health! A 30-Day at-home experience with Dr. Margaret Paul, to discover your passionate purpose, enhance creativity, and create a joyful, vibrantly healthy life!
________________________________________ Is sexual addiction a real thing, or just an excuse for bad behavior? ________________________________________
When I was four years old, I had one of those snapshot moments that is clearly embedded into my brain. I was outside by our duplex – at that time kids were safe outside alone - and there were three boys poking a snail with a stick so they could watch it writhe. I was stunned that they could do this, because I was feeling the fear of the snail. At that time I didn't know that I was an empath and could feel the feelings of people, animals and even the planet, and that many others couldn't.
“I’m such a jerk. How could I have said that?” “I’m a looser. I’ll never get anywhere.” “I’m so stupid. I should have learned this by now.” “I don’t fit in. I don’t belong with these people.” “I’ll never be good enough. I’ll never do it right enough.” “I’m permanently emotionally damaged. I’ll ...
________________________________________ Do you believe that you are supposed to 'fit in?' You might feel differently after reading this article! ________________________________________
Whatâs playing on your inner TV? Your inner TV is the screen in your mind upon which you create various scenarios. Perhaps the channel is âReliving the Past.â Maybe itâs âControlling the Future.â Is your channel on âObsessive Thinkingâ where you are ruminating over and over about a situation or about how you want to handle something? nnOur mind tends to go on and on making up stuff, as if what it is thinking is always the truth. However, the mind has been deep
"I am an optimist. It does not seem too much use being anything else." - Winston Churchill When you notice your thoughts, which kind of thoughts predominate? Do you find yourself often thinking pessimistic thoughts such as: I'll never get where I want to go. I'm a loser.I'm not smart enough to ...
"We can't seem to connect anymore." This is one of the most common complaints I hear in my counseling practice. We all know that it is generally easy to connect at the beginning of a relationship - before all the protections and defenses come up. But what do you do to reconnect once you feel disconnected from each other? In order to answer this, let's first look at what creates disconnection. Emotional Disconnection
Are you willing to do the inner work you need to do to possibly save your relationship? Many people, like Aaron who asked the following question, seek my help because either their partner is no longer in love with them, or they are no longer in love with their partner. Aaron asks:
During my many years of counseling couples, I have frequently worked with the sexual problems that often occur in marriages. The most common complaint from men regarding sex is frequency, and the most common complaint from woman is lack of emotional intimacy. There is a very good reason why ...
Many people on a personal and spiritual growth path have read about the law of attraction. Simply stated, this law says that like attracts like, which means, in a general sense, that happiness draws happiness and misery draws misery. The law states that whatever we think about, with strong ...
________________________________________ Do you get into fights that turn ugly as the conflict escalates? Discover how to stop doing this. ________________________________________ A participant in one of my webinars asked: "Is there any way to resolve conflict if you have two 'escalating' personalities trying to solve a problem? In other words, how do you resolve conflict between two very strong willed, always-right personalities, who tend to escalate with every attempt at solving conflict?"
________________________________________ Discover why you might be obsessing about an ex and how to stop. ________________________________________ "How do I stop allowing my ex to consume my thoughts?" asks Tammy. "Is your ex consuming your thoughts, or are you consumed with your ex?" I ask. "What's the difference?" Tammy asks.
By Margaret Paul, Ph.D. January 25, 2016 ________________________________________ Discover the big difference between reaching out as your loving adult or as your wounded self. ________________________________________ Dorothy asked an important question: "What is the difference between turning to someone and handing my little girl over to them?" The difference is in your intent. Loving Yourself
Marianne consulted with me because of anxiety and depression. She had tried various forms of medication but was not reacting well to any of the drugs. She was exhausted from lack of sleep, and from the intense anxiety that kept waking her up. While there were challenges in her life, like in ...
"What should I do if my spouse won't go to counseling?" I often hear this from my clients. What are they really saying with this question? Generally, they are saying something like: "My unhappiness is coming from my spouse's behavior," or "The problems in our marriage are my spouses' fault," ...
When you want to listen to a particular radio station, you tune your radio to that station, tuning in to a particular frequency. Same when you want to watch a particular show on TV. It is the frequency you tune into that determines what you hear and what you see. Our brains operate in very much ...
What creates your misery? Junk! What kind of junk? - Junk thoughts - Junk Food - Junk drugs Junk Thoughts Junk thoughts are any thoughts that create anxiety, depression, guilt, shame, anger, blame, resentment, jealousy, envy – any thoughts that create misery.
Jacob, a participant in one of my telephone support groups, was exploring the fact that he generally didn't like to be touched. He was sharing with the group a situation that used to happen with his mother. "She used to sit me on the couch with her and grab my arms and look intently into my ...
Our feelings are an incredible instant feedback system regarding what is good for us and what is bad for us. For example, our physically painful feelings let us know that something needs attending to regarding our physical body. If you put your hand on a hot stove, the burning feeling ...
I was conducting a weekend Inner Bonding workshop. Amanda, one of the participants, was working with me in front of the rest of the group. As we touched on a painful issue, she started to cry, and immediately said "I'm so embarrassed that I'm crying." "What are you telling yourself right now ...
How often have you become irritated or angry, given yourself up, started to argue or debate, teach or explain, or withdrew when someone was treating you badly - ordering you around, judging you, blaming you, or dumping their complaints or negativity on you? How often have you behaved in any of ...
You've worked all your life and now you are looking forward to retirement. How will you spend your time? Many people have not created balance in their lives between work and play, so when it comes to leisure time or retirement, they don't know what to do with their time. If you no longer have ...
________________________________________ Are you addicted to porn and not feeling good about it? Discover the likely underlying cause and what to do about it. ________________________________________ I received the following question when I was conducting a webinar on sexual addiction: "I have had a pornography addiction since I was a teenager. I am now in my mid 30's. For the past four months I have abstained through Inner Child work, but two days ago I visited a porn site and masturbated. I feel really sad about this. What is the best way to address this?"