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Browse published articles attributed to Marvin Marshall, with full-archive search.
If I were limited to one recommendation that would improve relationships between parent and child, especially with teenagers, it would be listen to learn. Listening and valuing young people’s feelings and ideas is what promotes the ability of parents to effectively communicate with them.
“Counterwill” is the name for the natural human resistance to being controlled. Although adults experience this phenomenon, we seem to be surprised when we encounter it in young people. Counterwill is the most misunderstood and misinterpreted dynamic in teacher-student relationships.
An old saying goes, “When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.” While that’s true, I believe we can speed up the process. Following are 12 suggestions both teachers and parents can implement to get kids motivated this coming school year. 1. Create curiosityr
If you find that disciplining your children and fostering a sense of responsibility in them is stressful or unsuccessful, the use of traditional parenting approaches may be the problem. Why? Because traditional parenting approaches, including using lectures, rewards, and punishments, rely on exte al motivators to change the child’s behavior and aim to obtain obedience and compliance.
If learning is what we value, then we ought to value the process of learning as much as the result of learning. By nature, people are attracted to activities where they feel free of psychological or emotional pain. Learning is promoted in a climate where people feel safe and cared for. The adage, “People don’t care what you know until they know you care,” is applicable.
Brain compatible learning infers that learning will take place in a manner that is "natural." Unfortunately, however, many teachers expect students to learn in an "unnatural" way. Let me explain by asking you to visualize the last time you dreamed. Not that you remember your dream, but did you dream in letters, in words, in sentences, in paragraphs? Or did you dream in pictures? We often forget that the act of reading is a relatively recent development in human development. Until recent years, very few people read. Reading is not a "natural" brain activity as is visualization.
We have the freedom to choose how we act, what we say, how we respond to situations, how we treat other people, and how we deal with an impulse. We also choose our self-talk.
The effects of sleep on learning and memory are impressive. Recent discoveries show that sleep facilitates the active analysis of new memories, allows the brain to solve problems, and infer new information. The "sleeping brain" may also be selectively reinforcing the more difficult aspects of a newly learned task.
Young people have choices, both conscious and nonconscious. These choices are a significant factor in determining their lives. The sooner young people become aware of this, the earlier they will start to make responsible choices. Young people also become more responsible when they learn that regardless of a situation that cannot be changed, regardless of a stimulation that causes emotions to erupt, and regardless of an urge or impulse, they always have the power and freedom to chose how they respond. The ability is referred to as choice-response thinking.
Some experts suggest that a little stress is good, but high levels of stress are harmful to most people. However, it is possible to perform well when relaxed (think masters of kung fu). In my opinion, that should be the goal: a classroom (and life) that is productive and virtually stress-free.
A major dilemma young people face is a desire to be perfect. This obsession hinders them and can have disastrous results. For example, consider this letter I received from a parent:
A significant trait that teachers, students, and parents are conce ed about is being consistent when it comes to discipline. “How can I be fair, firm, and CONSISTENT?” was a questio I continually asked myself, not only as a teacher, but especially as an assistant principal of supervision and control in a high school of 3,200 students. The question was also on my mind when I disciplined students as a middle school assistant principal and as an elementary school principal.
With any task in life, the approach you use helps determine the outcome. Parenting is no different. Your parenting approach may determine what the young person becomes. Today’s parents have two models of discipline from which to choose. The older approach uses rewards and punishments—the same kind used with animals. Its ultimate goal is obedience. This approach leads to dependence, along with stress, and often poor relationships.
Restorative Justice is a discipline program that is gaining support in urban schools across the nation. The reason it is gaining acceptance is that a disproportionate number of minority students are being punished for inappropriate and irresponsible school behaviors, and federal guidelines are attempting to reduce the problem.
When teachers impose “logical” and/or “natural” consequences on students, they are using their authority to impose a form of punishment. It matters not if the adult’s intention is to teach a lesson. Imposed punishments increase the likelihood that the student will feel punished by the adult. Anything that is done to another person prompts negative feelings of reluctance, resistance, resentment, and sometimes even rebellion and retaliation. In addition, when authority is used to impose, it deprives the student of an opportunity to become more responsible.
In a perfect world, all aspects of life would be enjoyable. You'd not only love your job, but you'd also have a pleasant home life. However, a stressful home life can hinder workplace productivity. Sometimes that stress involves children.
Problems with students so often arise from imposing, rather than eliciting. When teachers impose “logical” and/or “natural” consequences on students, they are using their authority to impose a form of punishment. It matters not if the adult’s intention is to teach a lesson. Imposed punishments increase the likelihood that the student will feel punished by the adult. Anything that is done to another person prompts negative feelings of reluctance, resistance, resentment, and sometimes even rebellion and retaliation.
Hopefully, society is well past the "politically correct" theory (an oxymoron in a democratic society) that the ONLY difference between a male and a female is in socialization-—that aside from reproductive organs, there is no difference between the sexes neurologically, psychologically, or emotionally.
When raising and disciplining children, many parents rely on rules. In reality, though, the use of the term “rules” in parenting is often counterproductive. Rules are used to control, not inspire. Although essential in games, rules are counterproductive in relationships. Think of it this way: If a rule is broken, a mindset of enforcement is naturally created. The adult’s thinking goes something like, “If I don’t do something about this, it will occur again and I’ll lose my authority.” The situation between the adult and child immediately becomes adversarial.
If you’re looking for some discipline help so you can increase motivation, responsibility, and learning in young people, then stay away from the following 10 counterproductive discipline approaches. 1. BEING REACTIVE Parents and teachers too often become stressed by reacting to inappropriate behavior. It is far more effective to employ a proactive approach at the outset to inspire children to want to behave responsibly and then use a non-adversarial response whenever they do not. 2. RELIANCE ON RULESr