Browse published articles attributed to Maryanne Comaroto, with full-archive search.
Oh yeah, one of my favorite topics. The “kick it to the curb, eat ya up and spit ya out, get in, get on, get out,” craze. It feels soooo.. .what’s the word? How about “effing painful.” Well, it can be truly painful if you haven’t learned one of two things: the technique of shutting your own ...
Being alone can be, well, LONELY! And most of us – even those who like to be alone – don't really like to be lonely. But what can we do about it? Many of us find ourselves alone, and lonely, for a reason: our previous relationship just ended, we've tried and tried to sustain a successful relationship but with no luck, we've decided being with someone isn't the healthiest thing for us. All these are perfectly good reasons for not being in a relationship. Most of us need to take time in our lives to seek out why we act the way we do, and to get to truly know ourSELVES!
When I was a kid I figured Nature was basically a guy thing, the same way I supposed wearing wigs, for example, was primarily a girl thing. That’s probably because when I was growing up it was men who did things like: hunt, spear, shoot, capture and in some cases kill while the females stayed let’s say, nearer to the hearth (or shopping mall).
If you have had a few relationships you know what I mean by “sustainability,” especially ones that have been a source of pain or suffering to some degree. (Some of which have compelled you to dispose of them by almost any means, organic or not.) But what of the ones you wish to keep, nurture and grow rather than watch die prematurely or unexpectedly?
I heard the most evil thing the other day. My definition of evil is often flexible, lying somewhere in between totally heinous and completely ridiculous. This story falls in there--you decide for yourself. My gal pal told me she read a book this guy wrote ( If I had one less scruple, I might tell you his name--for now, we'll call him something friendly, like Penile Supremacist...PS for short. Fine--forget that, let's just call him Jack. There! Who can argue with that?) So JACK made quite an impression on my not-so-easily-impressionable gal pal recently.
I went to a memorial this week. A friend passed away suddenly; a shock to us all, but to none more than to his bride of twenty-some years. My heart went out to this brave woman and her three children who watched her life change dramatically without any warning. She told me that it was all so surreal—that one day he was laughing and telling her a story that made her laugh so hard she was crying, and the next day she was watching him curl up in a fetal position, and then he was gone. Just like that.
He loves me, he loves me not, he loves me… and her too? I can’t tell you how many times friends or clients have complained about their disenchanting, painful encounters with “leakers.” Men and women who seem so great at first, almost to good to be true and then…wham, bam, ouch, waah… What’s a leaker, you ask? Or maybe you already know. Maybe you are one. For those who don’t, it’s a term I adopted from my father, tweaked and use liberally when appropriate.
Oddly enough, never once in all the years we struggled to make that relationship work did it ever occur to me to call my local paper and give a blow-by-blow description to people who deliberately use the information to humiliate and desecrate the people involved; namely, his wife and family. I felt quite the opposite: ashamed, embarrassed, frightened, and at times very much alone because I couldn’t— rather didn’t dare—tell a soul.
All the good ones are take Let’s start with the word ALL. Right away, this sweeping generalization has to tip you off to the fact that’s it not even possible to get around to all 3.4 billion members of the male population to test this ridiculous yet popular notion. Instead, this is an idea conjured from a deeply lacking mentality. I have never believed this. Rather, I thought “So many men, so little time.” And so it was true for me. Energy flows where attention goes, right? So maybe you need to switch up your internal chitchat.
1) Money makes you more of who you are: meaning, whatever your money issues or beliefs are, you bring them with you into your relationships. It’s almost always the case that whatever values and beliefs you have about money, you will die with—unless you’re willing to do the work and get to the root of them and make some changes! You can start by not pointing the finger at your partner, and taking a look at what your bottom line is about finances. Do you believe that there is enough money for everyone on the planet? Do you believe it’s your partner’s job to manage or make all the money?
One of my favorite Maryanne mantras is; you have to learn how use this (your head) before you do this (have sex) so you don’t break this (your heart)! And for many of us we can sadly add…again. Sounds simple enough, right? Yeah, well, we all know that when we get the urge to merge it can be so intoxicating that we give in to it, hoping this chemistry will magically translate into Happily Ever After. Yes, I did say you break your own heart, ‘cause love doesn’t happen outside yourself, and while your heart may feel broken, the heart cannot break per se.
Many years ago, having been married a brief time, I came home after having had a strong, yet curious, experience. One I was both eager and frightened to tell my husband about, knowing what I had to say was considered a taboo subject. Eager, because I was the taboo-slaying Joan of Arc; frightened, because I had never seen a relationship work when two people dared utter—never mind explore—the truth together. True to my higher quest, I could not help but venture towards the rabbit hole, alone or not.
I know, most of us cross our legs when we think about GOD and sex simultaneously, so surely it’s a stretch to imagine praying could be spicy. And then there are those of us who a long time ago made the separation between church and mate and don’t give it a thought.
The Greeks had five words to describe the different levels of love: eros, passionate love, essential desire and longing, romantic love; philia, friendship, loyalty; storge, natural affection; agape, selfless giving; and thelema, desire or will to do something. In the English language we have many states of feeling that describe different elements of love: idolization, affection, devotion, worship, infatuation, lust, passion and rapture. None of which are synonyms for love, as we only have the one word for that, love itself.
Every now and again you come across a situation in your life that blows your hair back, your skirt up or...just blows. For example: you find out the person you’re seriously considering spending the rest of your life with isn’t interested in a long term relationship with you. Or you discover one evening, quite by accident, that your husband prefers blondes...who are hung like a horse. Or you learn that your new girlfriend is really a man, or that your movie star/Governor husband has impregnated your housekeeper and has been paying her hush money (out of your pocket) for the last decade.
I’ll have one fabulous relationship; hold the full spectrum of unpleasant human emotion please!” Used to be, it could bring me to the edge when anyone would tell me to “calm down” or “just relax.” “OH, you think THIS is upset? Well, you haven’t seen upset!” I would declare, and there I’d go as predicted, directly into orbit. These experiences collected and cemented my inherited belief that I was too much, too big, high-maintenance, and ultimately perhaps a bit crazed. All this was about a million years ago, but I can remember it like it was yesterday.
Will your partner make a good Dad? You have amazing sex. You're physically compatible. You have great dates. Each time you're, well, intimate, you're reminded of how great you are together. But is that all there is? What if you're not alone? What if – even if you took precautions – you end up pregnant? Great sex doesn't mean the man in your life will be a great father. Sure, nine months later there COULD perhaps be a ring, maybe some wedding bells ~ or just some more (infrequent) dates, who knows.
I think I used to be funnier tha I am now. I’m not sure if that’s true but it feels true. And I am not exactly sure what happened or when, but it might have something to do with the fact that it’s scarier now to be decidedly anything…out loud. Including satirical blogger, politician or…someone’s husband! That’s right, recently someone’s wife made a very public declaration about a certain someone (her husband) doing whatever he wanted, wherever he wanted that she apparently didn’t like…at all! We know this because she lopped off his junk (slang for penis) then ground it into a pulp.
What if you just let go? Let it all go? All your attachments: your life as you know it, your identity, what you think of other people, of what other people think of you? Any and all ideas you have about who you are, what is and how it supposed to be, vanishing in the distance as you voluntarily let them go? The stories about your childhood, about the person who cut you off in the parking lot, about “How come that person has more than me or isn’t as good?” Who did what to you, who didn’t do enough. Who owes you, who you need to avenge.
I know of a woman who so longed to be loved, held, and not feel lonely that she gave her lover, a man she hadn’t known long and knew to be a criminal, all of her life savings—some forty-three thousand dollars to be exact. He promised, along with his abiding love, that he would give her back her money with interest in only two short months. When she told her friend what she had done her friend pointed out that she had a small child to feed, and reminded her she had just lost her job—and, incidentally, two other boyfriends just like this one.
We are reminded that “a face has launched a thousand ships,” according to Christopher Marlowe referring to Helen in Homer’s Odyssey. Yet what most of us forget is that Helen was 12 years old! What child isn’t precious and beautiful (and certainly worth sending out a rescue mission for) at age 12? No disrespect, but I would have launched a similar mission had my son been kidnapped, regardless of what his face looked like.
Here’s an email I got recently: “I wanted to thank you also for your story about "presence" that you told at your talk recently at Open Secret Book Store in San Rafael. I had an important experience of that this weekend. I have been contemplating dating a man I met recently who is a financially successful lobbyist, and we have many other interests aside from politics.
500 Words: “If today were my last day on Earth and I could share 500 words of brilliance with the world, here are the important things I'd want to pass along to others… The first thing I would share would be to stop at nothing to know the truth. Particularly know the truth about who you are, your relationship to the Divine, real love, life purpose, what you respect, how you treat yourself, and what you stand for.
When do you want to find out that the pilot flying your plane has no license—or, worse, does not know how to fly—before or after the flight? When do you want to know the person performing open-heart surgery on you has never been to medical school, or is drunk—before or after the operation? How about your tax person or phlebotomist—before or after you suffer the consequences of their ineptitude?
So, whatever the reason, you're on the prowl for a significant other. Maybe you feel you're ready for a commitment. Maybe you're looking for companionship. So you feel like your “Mate-dar” (your ability to suss out a great mate) is in full force, turned up top notch. But the truth is – even if you have the purest of intentions for seeking out a relationship – nobody's Mate-dar is perfect. The problem—or, should I say, one of the many challenges— with being human is knowing the difference between who we are and who we are not.
Here’s the deal. Most of us approach relationship like drunken sailors, intoxicated with the ideas and fantasies we have about relationship as opposed to the sobering reality of them, and desperate (or lonely, as the case may be) like your ship has just come in—or is about to leave port. Not a great strategy if you want a great relationship. So, get a piece of paper and write these things down: 1) First, what do you want? (spell it out) 2) What are you willing to do about it? I know, I have said this before, but let’s take a closer look—trust me.
It’s that time of year. Spring has sprung and the fever pitch is HIGH! No more bundling up your chakras, you say, it’s time for some “sex on the beach”! A few spring fling tips: 1) Pay attention (pay now or pay later); 2) Think it through. Make sure the good outweighs any potential side effects 4 to 1…okay, 3 to 1; and 3) WEAR A CONDOM … and in the meantime, get your questions answered: James asked: “I met this girl at school and ended up falling for her. However, at the time she had a boyfriend who was moving to France.
Guys, this one's for you – and ladies, feel free to pass it on to any guy you know in your life who's on a path toward thinking holistically about love, relationships and family. In my work over the past two-plus decades, I've focused on relationships of many different types – dating, casual, serious, engagement, marriage, divorce, post-divorce … and in my most recent book, “Hindsight: What you need to know before you drop your drawers” I present the relationship toolbelt.
Remember the days of that sizzling hot/heart-thumping/I’ve never felt this way before/best sex you’ve ever had in your life/can’t eat, can’t sleep, “can’t live without” relationship that you had? Census bureau says it probably turned into a baby, or two...or three. And that, like it or not, is biologically speaking the foremost reason you felt all of that off-the-hook, head-over-heels/knock-your-lights-out chemistry.
Can you remember what your New Year’s resolutions were last year? How did that work out for you? Let’s see, mine were: to be less judgmental, and to slow down and take myself less seriously. No easy task for the hyper-vigilant monster that dwells deep in (and, unfortunately, outside) my subconscious. In the hopes of luring and capturing this beast of burden, I did what I do every year. I ritually wrote, and spoke aloud my resolve to slay whatever dragons that seemed to genuinely threaten my overall peace of mind and freedom of being.
Listener Question: Tell me, why does dropping one’s drawers have to be the line of demarcation? Is that really the point of no return? If so, then why do you consider it as such? My studies of aboriginal Polynesian societies have led me to delve into customs of touching in other nearly nude societies, including those of primates, with whom we share 98% of our DNA.
The list is long of the things we have all done to find, get and keep love in our life. Abandoning our authentic selves to become some variety of whomever you want me to be ranks among the top few. At some point we learned this was a good idea; probably the same place we all learned a version of ...
My mother told me I was lucky if I could count all my real friends on one hand! Must have been fifteen or so years ago now, when it occurred to me after a string of disappointing intimate relationships that maybe she was right—again. That it might be wise to invest more time in creating some deep and lasting friendships, as they theoretically seemed to have greater staying power and could be in many ways equally fulfilling, perhaps in some ways even more. I must add that, up until that that point, my history with friendships was rather sketchy and my role models even more so.
It's in the cards! Ericka wrote to Ask Maryanne: I have two questions. 1) My husband and I are moving to Califo ia to start a business. Do you see this being a positive move towards our goal? 2) Lately I have had the feeling that I need to discover myself, like there's more to me. What does this feeling mean? Hi Ericka, I sat with your questions and did two readings for you using our Divination Deck: first I was guided to do a past, present and future reading for you and your husband’s pending move to the West Coast. These cards read: Past:
It’s easy to get besieged by the sheer volume the holiday season brings with it. And while much of what we are actually celebrating and why gets buried unde eath our “list” (which seems to grow each year, and not always in proportion to our bank account), there’s plenty of time to resurrect the Joy the season has to offer by revisiting what it actually means to give!r
I forced my adoring husband to watch The Bachelors last episode, not that either one of us had ever wasted our time watching it prior; we hadn’t. For almost two hours I watched my husband alte ately squirm and moan, shaking his head, muttering ”Stupid…Stupid,” and watched what’s-his-face make ...
So, my dog ate a ten dollar bill in the prosperity corner of my house today. And I will get to the relevance of this canine maneuver in a minute. Let me first pose our ASK MARYANNE question which is, “When I ask someone I just met an important question, like ‘Are you married?’ or ‘Do you have ...
I heard a great story years ago about a kid whose mom asked him to make her some eggs. She instructed him to scramble one and fry the other. He, being a “good egg” and of course wanting to please his mother, did just that. He stood and beamed proudly before his mother, presenting her with what ...
Do you ever feel like relationships are 2 parts game, 1 part luck? Or maybe you are at the point where it feels like ALL game to you…and you’re all gamed out? Maybe you just wish it could be like in the movies, a little: boy meets girl, some witty banter, your souls become one, you get married ...
I can remember getting what for me was my first big break in my budding media career. I squealed with delight when the producer called from a popular syndicated radio show asking to interview me. My heart pounded, my mouth went dry ~ I had worked so hard and now it seemed things were about to unfold. I was ecstatic. After I enthusiastically accepted the invitation, naturally I couldn’t wait to tell the three people closest to me (okay, and a few strangers along the way, I couldn’t contain myself).
BBC report today: Iranian cleric blames quakes on promiscuous women Promiscuous women are responsible for earthquakes, a senior Iranian cleric has said. Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi told worshippers in Tehran last Friday that they had to stick to strict codes of modesty to protect themselves. "Many women who do not dress modestly lead young men astray and spread adultery in society which increases earthquakes," he said. Really, did this guy really say this? No wonder we have such a victim/prostitute archetype in our culture. What next?
First, this is a rant, not a blog. I hope you will indulge me anyway. Having been a single mom for over ten years, I know so many of you can, do and will relate. And I must warn you, it’s rated R. According to Maria Sudekum Fisher, with the ASSOCIATED PRESS: Scott Roeder had confessed publicly before the trial and admitted again on the witness stand that he shot Tiller in the head in the foyer of the Wichita church where the doctor was serving as an usher.