Browse published articles attributed to Michael Brickey, with full-archive search.
Have you ever wanted to write a book? Here’s your chance to write a children’s book about grandparents. First, choose the main characters. Grandmother is (check all that apply): n___wearing a big straw hat while gardeningn___cookingn___offering cookies and milkn___sitting in a rocking ...
If you become depressed every time someone dies, the depression and stress will shorten your lifespan. One important skill for coping with death is knowing what to say when someone is struggling with dying. The ideal is to be like to Energizer Bunny on Alkaline batteries. He just keeps going and going and going at full power and then dies suddenly. For many people, however, dying is a long drawn out process. Cancer and other chronic illnesses can raise a lot of why question
Look forward to continuing to have a fulfilling sex life after 60 that might be even better than your current sex life. How can sex be better after sixty? Let me cite the ways: 1. no fear of pregnancy 2. no need for birth control (if in a monogamous relationship and no venereal diseases) 3. no worry about the kids overhearing 4. more time as child rearing is voluntary (grandparenting) 5. even more time if you are retired (think of how many times couples say, "not tonight hon
When you think about growing older, realize that it has its perks. One perk is that sex doesn't complicate relationships as much as in younger years. Many seniors have a rich sex life and sexuality is important in their lives. Sexuality, however, becomes less about proving manhood or validating being desirable and loved, and more about warmth, caring, and sharing. It is easier to see a man or a woman as an interesting person first rather than fantasizing about sex or staring
A friend called me in distress. To celebrate his birthday his kids washed his new car—only they used Brillo scouring pads. What would you say to the kids? We periodically replace worn out cars. Most Americans do the equivalent of a car wash with scouring pads to their skin every day. We have to live with our skin the rest of our lives. How you look affects how you feel and how others treat you. Don't do the stupidest things to your skin. nnStupidest Mistake #1 Using Soap You'
People all over the world crave love stories¡Vin books, magazines, television, music, theatre, and fairly tales. They play a big role in our culture and our psyches. When you pair off with a love or partner, you probably have some stories in your mind that validate your beliefs about love. So check to see if you and your partner share a similar love story. If not, see if you can develop a mutual love story. There are many types of love story scripts. For Dr. Zhivago love was
Everyone should periodically take their mental health temperature by asking themselves if they feel hopeful about aging well and hopeful about their future. I was at a seminar for professional speakers and marveling at the speaker's skill. Afterwards I asked him if he consciously crafted his speaking persona or if it just evolved. The more I thought about it, the more I thought about the relationships speakers have with their audiences. Dull ones lecture, teach or inform. M
What if you could perform one of the most generous good deeds possible, help your health at the same time, and it would cost you nothing? Chances are that you can. Philosopher Rabbi Moses Maimonides would add that giving blood is one of the highest forms of charity as the recipient is anonymous. n Too much iron: Most Americans have higher than optimal levels of iron in their blood. Iron is an oxidant that oxidizes LDL cholesterol and contributes to atherosclerosis and heart d
Take the leap of faith and be an optimist. It's amazing how thousands of drug studies find a sizable portion of the benefits of a drug come from the power of suggestion. For example, in a classic study, half of the medical students were given red pills they were told were amphetamines (that really were sedatives). Half of these students reported feeling a burst of energy. The other medical students were given blue pills and were told were sedatives (that were really amphetami
Our brains have a built in WiFi (wireless fidelity system) to read and imitate others’ emotions in a matter of milliseconds. There is great adaptive value to quickly recognizing danger and reacting to it before the conscious mind even has time to figure things out. Our WiFi system also facilities rapport, shared emotions, and emotional bonding. n When you see someone scratch, yawn, or smile, your premotor muscles activate to do the same. What determines whether the movement i
Trash the idea of senior moments. If friends suggest they are having a senior moment, do them a favor and explain why it is highly unlikely. Baby Boomers want everything instantly—including their memory. When their memory isn’t instant, they give up and lament, “I’m having a senior moment.” Few beliefs age Boomers faster than not trusting their memory and copping out by claiming a senior moment. Too many Boomers attribute “insufficient memory at this time” to inevitable neu
At lunch today a fellow professional speaker, Marie Pollack, talked about how she developed a habit of jou aling what she learned each day. I asked myself why I had never thought of this. n Because of Marie’s example, I started a daily lesson journal. I have not kept a diary or journal as I imagined I would just log mundane events. However, the two minutes it takes to log the day’s lesson is a great antidote to aging. It prods you to look for the good and for the lesson. n Le
Insist on the grandparent image and name you want. The words we choose can make a huge difference. Our names havena lot of connotations as well. We all have heard some pretty dreadful names. Jay Leno has great fun with wedding announcements with funny last name combinations. If you are or ...
Want to make some money, and encourage yourself to stay healthy at the same time? Bet someone you will live to 100 (or older)! 250:1 odds. I'd love to take that bet. Ten years ago Englishman Alec Holden placed a £100 bet with his bookie that he would live to 100. He recently cashed in on that $200 bet and received $50,000. You won't be able to get the 250:1 odds these days. Rupert Adams, spokesperson for the bookie, said, "When we started taking these bets, 100 years old se
Last November Woody Allen turned seventy and lamented "Getting joy and having a kind of wisdom in your golden years--it's all tripe." Years on an analyst's couch never helped him grow up or even resist marrying his stepdaughter. Woody's remarks don't fit with recent research findings. Dr. Laura ...
Count your new skills instead of candles. For adults, the natural tendency on birthdays is to think in terms of what we can’t do anymore and how there are fewer years left. With black humor we count the candles and see if we can blow them all out. Think back ten years ago. What could you do ...
With aging, even the worst scenario can be better than you imagined. I did some keynote speeches at the Fall Metropolitan Conference on Aging in Minneapolis a while back. I received a note from Cathy Clairmont, which said that she would pick me up at the airport. The stationery the note was written on said English Rose Suites. I assumed that was the hotel. I learned, however, that the suites are a group of homes for seniors that need assistance--part of the smaller-is-better
Imagine a beauty and talent pageant with lovely, talented women sharing their wisdom and philosophy of life—and imagine the contestants are all over 100 years old. In 1954, the Miss America contest was broadcast live on television, capturing 39% of American viewers (27 million people). It ...
New Year’s is the worst time to make New Year’s resolutions. Why? 1. Many of us stay up too late, drink too much, eat too much, and watch too much TV--not an optimal frame of mind for follow through. 2. We are most likely to make changes when life events create leverage (e.g., new health ...
Yoga instructors, singing coaches, athletic coaches, exercise gurus, meditation gurus, and even Lamaze instructors all try to teach us deep breathing. We know we should. But few of us actually do it. n I believe change can be easy if you engineer it well. Going from multi-tasking to peaceful meditation is too big of a jump for most Americans. We try it a few times and give up—or decide we “just don’t have the time.” n When it comes to deep breathing, we have it backwards. Few
Has this ever happened to you? You had an accomplishment or a win and you were excited. You told your spouse, or parent, or good friend and with underwhelming enthusiasm they said, “That’s nice.” What a let down. It’s the answer to if a tree falls in the forest and no one hears it, did it make a sound? Dr. Shelly Gable’s research, which she reported in the journal of Personality and Social Psychology, found that how you respond to a partner’s good news is more important than
Appreciate that optimism is on at least two levels. Include the recent Human Security Center data in your meta optimism. Look a newspaper or the TV news and it is easy to conclude that the world is becoming more violent and chaotic. A study by the Human Security Center at the University of ...
I saw a woman who told me she grew up in an alcoholic family and became an alcoholic herself. Eventually she did something “beneath her dignity” and was so disgusted she quit drinking the next day. A decade later, she was a three-pack-a-day smoker despite emphysema. One day she was smoking and fell asleep. The cigarette fell on her oxygen tube and her house burned down. She quit smoking the next day. Now her health problems are complicating her recovering from a fall. It was
A widely reported British study of twins found that the twin who exercised more had longer telomeres--and the more exercise the longer the telomeres. Under a microscope, telomeres of frequent exercisers looked nine years younger than couch potato telomeres. Telomeres cap the ends of chromosomes and each time the cell reproduces, the telomeres shorten. When they get too short, the cell cannot reproduce. The researchers ruled out smoking and marital status as causal factors. (T
Riddle: What is the best five-dollar present you can buy for yourself but would be inappropriate to give as a gift to someone else? I’ll give you the answer in a few paragraphs. n How often do you get a hand written letter or even a hand written note? For most people postal mail has become just commercial mail. Something handwritten typically comes just a few times a year. When it does, it gets a Wow reaction. n I know when I receive a birthday card or holiday card, I think h
Why do some people rally to help out with disasters like the Tsunami, Florida hurricanes, Katrina, and Rita, and some feel overwhelmed just hearing about “so many disasters” and try to numb themselves? Part of the problem is that TV fosters compassion fatigue. The first objective of TV news is to gather as big an audience as possible so they can charge more for advertising. They need to get us to care about news items so we will stay tuned. Thus, a child can fall in a well h
What does every golfer want? A hole in one. 102-year-old Elsie McLean got one on a 96 yard par three. See article and video of interview with her. n At 99, retired brick layer Richard Hubbard loved bowling but found his game was deteriorating. That prompted him to see a doctor who diagnosed calcified heart valves. He had heart surgery at 100 and is eager to get back to bowling. n At 104, Phillip Rabinowitz set a new seniors 100 yard dash record at 30.86 seconds. While this is
Imagine the face you want to have thirty years from now. Planning experts advise visualizing the result you want. Focusing on the end result helps with motivation and holds up a picture to your brain saying, "This is what I want." Remember times when you’ve studied faces? There are some great, wonderful old faces that sparkle. No matter how many wrinkles they have, they glow with warmth, energy, enthusiasm, and kindness. Then there are the faces that look sour or wrinkled u
Be encouraged that Americans' attitudes toward aging are improving. Television, radio and print media have story after story about how we can't afford to support the swelling ranks of seniors. Some stories suggest young people will be stuck with supporting a legion of seniors who got in on the Social Security "multi-level marketing scheme" but Social Security won't be there for them. The stories could easily create a battle of the ages that would dwarf the battle of the sexe
If you know more, have more savvy, and are more effective than you were years ago, give yourself credit for having a higher EQ. Pat Nicolino, a corporate consultant friend, was catching me up on what had happened since I saw her in September. In short, she is having great success at turning around yet another company and has never felt better or enjoyed herself more. n n“I’m 56 now and I have 20 more EQ points than when I was 36,” she said with exuberance. “At 36 I would hav
If you are taking many medications, consider consulting a pharmacist. Every time a physician sees my mother, she seems to get another medication. Even she thinks she is taking "too many pills." Fortunately, I discovered an innovative service that I hope will become commonplace. An experienced pharmacist reviewed her health problems, lab tests, and medications and visited her at her home. The pharmacist discussed her medications, made suggestions, and followed up with a writt
If you are going to live a long time, one of the challenges is dealing with loved ones dying. When grieving, consider King David's example of when to mourn, and when to end mou ing. King David was one of God's all time favorites--a poet, a warrior, and King. But he had one big sin--he lusted after Bathsheba. He arranged for her husband to be sent into the heat to battle in hopes he would be killed. He was. David married Bathsheba and she became pregnant. The prophet Nathan co
When I turned fifty, I received my invitation to joi AARP. Unlike turning 18 or 21, it wasn't very exciting. For most people, AARP perks are the magazine and newspaper and some discounts. When women tu 50, however, they become eligible for a sisterhood of fun, frivolity, and fellowship--The Red Hat Society. I'm an unabashed fan and admirer. The members refuse to have "middle age" be a cue to go gently into the night. Rather, they insist on being outrageous, audacious, and ev
Forget Superman and Beckman. Choose remarkable centenarians as role models. Here are four who recently made the news: At 104, R. Waldo McBu ey maintains a downtown office in Quinter, Kansas where he sells honey from his 199 colonies of bee hives. He still competes in several track events in the Senior Olympics. In 2004, he came out with his first book, My First 100 Years. The mysterious decline in bee populations is causing an agricultural crisis. Bees not only produce hone
Living your life as if you are going to live a very long time helps you live longer. It also increases the likelihood your of being happier your whole life. An East Sussex man recently obtained a 25-year mortgage on a $400,000 rental property. The UPI article doesn’t sound remarkable until you learn the man is 102 years old. Does this centenarian know something we should know? I think so. He sees himself collecting rent for many years to come. Wishing doesn’t make something
If you become depressed, vividly remind yourself of an upbeat, resourceful memory before imagining the future. If a friend, co-worker, or family member is depressed you can seamlessly use the same sequence to help him or her feel more hopeful about the future. n Depression is the common cold of mental health. When researchers have depressed people imagine the future, it is usually bleak. If you've ever told someone "Cheer up, tomorrow will be a better day," you got that look
Pursue a career you love. David Myers’ classic study of happiness found that between 1960 and 1990 Americans’ income, adjusted for inflation, doubled but the percentage rating themselves very happy remained constant at 30%. Does the relationship hold? Any study is merely a photograph in time, from one perspective. The more photos, the better we understand the picture. Last year Science magazine (pp. 1829-37) reported on a survey of 42,000 US scientists and their career sati
In a recent psych consult a rather fit gentleman told me he was 63. I asked when he was born and he said 1911. I asked if he remembered World War II and he said he was in school then. I wrote n 2005n -1911nand asked him to do the subtraction. He accurately computed 94. "Something's wrong." he said. "I'm only 63." Despite further questions, his belief was unshakeable. We have many beliefs that are difficult to prove but help us be more successful. One type is our religious be
When we were kids we had lots of heroes—perhaps they were football stars, cowboys, movie stars, TV stars, rock stars, or even our parents or teachers. Many people outgrow their heroes and don't replace them with new ones. Perhaps they think heroes are just for kids. If you want to be youthful, do what youthful people do. Youthful people have heroes. I often see clients who see trust as an all-or-nothing issue. They either trust someone or they don't. This is a bad idea. I ca
A patient is in a nursing home, no longer able to walk, in a lot of pain,and has multiple health problems. I'm thinking that she is going to be terribly depressed. Instead, she tells me how blessed she is and she seems to be truly happy. I've experienced this so many times I am no longer surprised. When people experience a loss, they usually experience some grieving or depression, which may last for hours or months. Then they typically revert to their previous level of happi
Urban Myth: Curiosity killed the cat. To the contrary, it was curiosity that gave the cat nine lives. A client recently told me he had no reason to get out of bed in the morning--every day was the same. How sad, I thought. There are so many distinctions I would love to learn that it would take many, many lifetimes. For example, I recently had an “image consultant” teach me about color. For almost sixty years I have been oblivious to skin undertones, complimenting hair and e
Most people experience insomnia at least occasionally. There are effective alte atives to pills, alcohol, and supplements. First, rule out caffeine, alcohol, or medications contributing to the problem and try to have a regular bedtime and bedtime habits. Suggestion #1: Our body’s rhythms cycle between alert and drowsy every 90 to 100 minutes. During the day most people most people bear up during the drowsy phase. Some indulge in a nap. At bedtime, the idea is to catch the w
I love the Statue of Liberty. I know she will get some wear and tear. It’s comforting to know that in a few decades when she needs major maintenance again, the technology for helping her be her best will be even better than we have today. The trick is keeping her in reasonably good shape until the next major maintenance. We too can have faith that if we take reasonably good care of ourselves, technology will give us some incredible help. Have faith that the future will bring
At the District Toastmasters conference, John Rich gave an inspiring talk in which he asked how many of us had experienced obstacles in our lives. Everyone raised his or her hands. He said he has not—he has only experienced adventures. At some levels, his advice is sophistry. If you break your leg, it may be a learning experience and cause you to appreciate your leg more, but it still hurts and it still slows you down. If you can believe that life is an adventure, you will be