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Articles by nancy travers

Browse published articles attributed to nancy travers, with full-archive search.

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By nancy traversRecently published1 topic

Coping Strategies After a Loved One's Suicide

If you have experienced the loss of a loved one by suicide, you have a challenging journey ahead of you. Not only do you suffer heart wrenching grief from your loss, but also from the fact that she chose to take her own life. You may wonder if you could have done something to prevent it. You may feel guilty and blame yourself. You may be angry that she abandoned you. Don’t be surprised if you experience a whole range of emotions. When you are ready to accept the tragedy and begin to heal, here are a few suggestions that may help.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,645 views

By nancy traversRecently published1 topic

3 Ways to Put the Spark Back in Your Sex Life

Sex is a basic human need, but as your partner and you grow, you may evolve at different rates. The desire for sex becomes unbalanced in your relationship—one partner wants it more than the other. And over time, sex may become predictable and the excitement fades.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,638 views

By nancy traversRecently published1 topic

Is There a Passive-Agressive Person in Your Life?

At best, their behavior is dishonest. At worst, it’s abusive. But you may not have even noticed it. That’s because a passive-aggressive person can be so subtle you may not realize their supposed joke was really a hostile remark. Or their procrastination at getting something you need done is really their way of making you suffer. Or countless other covert behaviors.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,636 views

By nancy traversRecently published1 topic

Meditation Transformation

Meditation Transformation – What’s Stopping You? If you could change your brain for the better, would you? If you could increase your working memory and enhance your decision-making ability by meditating, would you give it a try? What if you could also: Slow down the natural decline of your brain as you age. Better regulate your emotions. Measurably reduce stress. Gain perspective and alleviate symptoms associated with depression, anxiety, pain and insomnia. Increase your empathy and compassion. Enhance your ability to concentrate.r

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,634 views

By nancy traversRecently published1 topic

When a Loved One Commits Suicide

Robin Williams’ recent death left many of us, who didn’t even know him, feeling bereft. How could he, who was loved by millions, take his own life? How could his life have been so unbearable that he had to end it? And how do we cope with the aftermath?

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,623 views

By nancy traversRecently published1 topic

The Anxiety–Overeating–Depression Cycle

You’re anxious, you stress-eat, depression sets in. How do you break the cycle? Eating is one of the toughest addictions. We all have to eat, so it’s not possible to avoid being around food. But some of us have a hard time controlling our input, and we give our bodies what they seem to want, rather than what they need.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,593 views

By nancy traversRecently published1 topic

12 ‘Don’ts’ for Fighting Fair

Conflict is tough for most people. We don’t like it. It threatens us and makes us feel bad. Makes us feel defensive. But we can feel a whole lot better about fighting if we have rules to guide us.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,588 views

By nancy traversRecently published1 topic

Ending a Relationship After Infidelity

Infidelity is an unfortunate occurrence that strikes too many modern relationships. Cheating in any relationship can be devastating for both partners; both the person committing the infidelity and the person betrayed can be strongly affected by the after-effects of breaking the relationship’s trust. Once infidelity occurs, it is up to both partners to decide whether or not to continue in the relationship.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,579 views

By nancy traversRecently published1 topic

3 Sure-Fire Relationship Killers

When couples get married they never think they will be among those who get divorced. Yet a hefty percentage of marriages do end in divorce, so some of these people who can’t imagine divorce on their wedding day will certainly face that prospect eventually. Psychologists have identified behaviors that make failed marriages predictable. Here are some—criticism, nagging, and trying to change your partner.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,569 views

By nancy traversRecently published1 topic

Are You a Victim of an Emotional Manipulator?

Are you afraid of conflict with your significant other or friend? Do you make bad decisions to accommodate him? Do you tell little white lies to avoid problems? Do you blame yourself for his dissatisfaction? Do you rush to pamper him when he becomes irritated? Do you sacrifice and give, give, give—and still feel sad and lonely? Perhaps you are under the thumb of an expert at emotional manipulation.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,553 views

By nancy traversRecently published1 topic

How to Quit Enabling

Last week I talked about how easy it is to be caught up in a destructive cycle of enabling someone you love. You may have begun by trying to help. You covered up or filled in for someone who let his responsibilities slide due to dysfunctional behavior—often addition. Over time you got stuck in a downward spiral of behavior in which you were constantly trying to fix someone else’s problems to the detriment of your own life.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,527 views

By nancy traversRecently published1 topic

Lonely? You’re Not Alone.

Loneliness is a tricky thing to combat. Loneliness seems to beget loneliness. When you feel isolated you crawl into your shell and become more so. You feel separated from other human beings. You may have physical symptoms too, like an ache or a heaviness in your chest. It’s not a good feeling.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,487 views

By nancy traversRecently published1 topic

Conflicts with Your Significant Other: How to Fight Fair

Even the healthiest relationships will experience rough patches. No two people will always agree, and eventually these disagreements will need to be handled. Conflicts and arguments are not the signs of a bad marriage or partnership. However, how you and your partner handle an argument can be the key to a lasting, loving relationship.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,484 views

By nancy traversRecently published1 topic

How to Deal with Passive-Aggressive People

The trouble with passive-aggression is that both the giver and the receiver often have no idea what’s really going on. In other words, the person who’s passive-aggressive (P-A) may know he hates conflict, may know he’s feeling a little angry and may know he’s covering it up. But he doesn’t register how rancorous he really feels. The person who’s the object of the P-A’s anger may never know what hit him because the rancor is well disguised. Consequently these incidents go largely unacknowledged for what they really are—hostility.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,465 views

By nancy traversRecently published1 topic

The Silent Treatment in Relationships

Do one or both of you retreat too often into the cone of silence? In an article earlier this year, I spoke about the devastating effects of verbal abuse. A retreat into a “cone of silence” by one or both partners in a marriage or relationship can potentially be just as devastating. Sure, some people are simply quieter, less communicative, or more contemplative than others.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,458 views

By nancy traversRecently published1 topic

Talking Back to Your Critical Inner Voice

Have you ever told yourself your body’s too fat, your hair’s too thin, that you’re a terrible mother, that you’re not disciplined enough, smart enough, kind enough? Do you have an inner voice that’s unjustifiably critical?

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,439 views

By nancy traversRecently published1 topic

Five Questions to Ask Yourself in Tough Times

We all go through tough times, some more than others. But everybody handles hard times differently. It’s not whether you get hurricanes and tornadoes in life, it’s how you weather the storms that make a difference in your well-being.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,415 views

By nancy traversRecently published1 topic

Holiday Stress-Busters

If you are one of those people for whom the holidays bring a certain amount of dread, take heart. You are not alone. Even those who seem blissfully cheery are susceptible to moments of loneliness or despair, often exacerbated by stress. Here are a few suggestions to mitigate that stress:

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,373 views

By nancy traversRecently published1 topic

How Do You Know When You’re Being Emotionally Manipulated?

Most people are empathetic, unless they have a personality disorder, and they understand that emotions are sacred. To be taken seriously. Most people agree that it’s morally unethical to toy with someone else’s emotions.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,371 views

By nancy traversRecently published1 topic

Make a Plan to Combat Loneliness

Feeling lonely is painful. Often people who feel lonely exacerbate the situation by blaming themselves. Why am I lonely? Because other people don’t like me. Why don’t they like me? Because I’m a loser. It’s not hard to imagine how this internal conversation can go downhill very quickly and make you completely miserable.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,353 views

By nancy traversRecently published1 topic

Four Reasons to Quiet Your Monkey Mind

With summer here, it’s time to relax. To let yourself daydream. To take time off from your usual frantic schedule. To free yourself from the rigors of daily life and quiet your mind. Lack of structure used to be a feature of summer vacation, but we seem to be increasingly programmed. Maybe it’s time to recapture some of that quiet time through meditation. It turns out it’s good for you. Why Meditate?

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,342 views

By nancy traversRecently published1 topic

How Can Counseling Help Gays and Lesbians?

Addressing the needs of the gay and lesbian communities starts with a healthy perspective In certain sectors of our society, being gay or lesbian is seen as unnatural, a disorder, or an aberration—to be diagnosed, accepted as wrong, and cured. Unfortunately, even a small minority of mental health professionals become involved from this perspective. My practice is not one of those places.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,327 views

By nancy traversRecently published1 topic

Dating in the Digital Age

I have a friend who protested she didn’t like the “small talk” required in early dating, and wanted to go straight to a relationship. You can go online, research your prospective date and learn everything you need to know about him, right? Wrong. This is one process that you can’t cut short. Period. It takes time to get to know someone, and while texting, ‘friending’ and ‘liking’ online may give you insight, there is no substitute for face-to-face. Be Authentic

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,319 views

By nancy traversRecently published1 topic

Anxious About Anxiety

If you have never suffered from excessive anxiety, then it may be difficult to empathize with someone who has. Anxious people may seem to be worried about nothing of substance, so it’s tempting to disregard the problem. But the fact is, anxiety—including post-traumatic stress disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder and panic disorder—is one of the most common disorders. About 40 millio American adults are affected per year. How do you deal with someone who seems anxious all the time?

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,317 views

By nancy traversRecently published1 topic

Why Do We Lie to the Ones We Love?

We don’t want to lie. We love our partner. We understand a good relationship is built on trust, and that trust depends on our honesty. But sometimes we lie anyway. Why do we do it? For one thing, we’re not perfect. Our partners expect certain behavior from us (and we from them) and when we fail—because nobody’s perfect—we lie about it. What are our choices? We can tell our partners that we didn’t live up to their expectations, and that would disappoint them. Make them feel bad, and we’d feel bad too. We don’t want to do that so we make something up that’s a more acceptable story. We lie.r

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,317 views

By nancy traversRecently published1 topic

Meditation Fundamentals

Most of us are so busy that the thought of sitting still for 20 minutes or even 5 minutes a day is beyond us. We know meditation is probably good for us, but rewards seem fuzzy and methodology even fuzzier. What, exactly, is meditation? And do you have to be religious? Meditation is often associated with Buddhism, which makes it seem even more cloaked in mystery for those of us who aren’t Buddhist. And just how do you go about it?

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,310 views

By nancy traversRecently published1 topic

Good News for Boomer Offspring

Three Reasons Their Divorce Rate May Be Lower Than Their Parents

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,303 views

By nancy traversRecently published1 topic

Bad Habits That Undermine Your Success

Last week I talked about how you can unwittingly sabotage your own good intentions by negative motivation, blaming others and by getting discouraged too easily. Without even knowing it, you can contribute to your own struggles and thwart your goals. Here are a few more things to watch out for:

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,298 views

By nancy traversRecently published1 topic

Quotes to Help You Live Life to the Fullest

Admit it. It’s easier to slog along in life without great spikes of joy or great valleys of sorrow. It’s easier to follow the path of least resistance. But are you merely existing? Do you feel you could do more with your life? If so, it’s time to jolt out of your comfort zone. Here are a few quotes that will help you do it. “We must do that which we think we cannot.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,277 views

By nancy traversRecently published1 topic

Riding Out Relationship Cycles

Fashion goes in cycles. Palazzo pants, then skinny legs. Mini skirts, then below-the-knee. The economy goes in cycles, too—boom, bust and boom again. So why not relationships?

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,277 views

By nancy traversRecently published1 topic

Dating for Guys

Last week I wrote about dating from a women’s perspective. But what about men? It takes two to tango, and men find dating these days just as daunting as women do. Maybe more. Here are some tips: Be Self-Aware

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,273 views

By nancy traversRecently published1 topic

Five Thoughts to Stop Thinking and Start Being Happier

People are unhappy for all sorts of reasons, some of them easier to remedy than others. You may not even realize you’re unhappy, yet if you think about it, you are not living up to your happiness capacity. If you are in a rut of negative thinking that makes you unhappy, stop to think about what you can do to change the habits of your mind. For example:

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,273 views

By nancy traversRecently published1 topic

Is Your Emotional Foundation Shaky?

Fortifying or rebuilding your foundation starts with assessing how solid or shaky it is

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,272 views

By nancy traversRecently published1 topic

Sweet Sleep Can Be Yours

We all know a good night’s sleep is important. We feel better, more productive when we’ve had enough. But when our body is sleep deprived, it weakens our immune system, making us more vulnerable to infection. So why is a good night’s sleep so elusive? There are a number of fairly straightforward measures you can take to bring you peaceful slumber: Shhh! Make sure your bedroom is dark and quiet. Not even electronic humming from appliances if you can help it. Don’t let low light sources, like a clock, glow in your dark. This is your sanctuary. Make it as peaceful as possible.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,268 views

By nancy traversRecently published1 topic

Five Ways to Think Yourself Happier

Are you are living in a lackluster state? What can you do to shake the dust off and let the sunshine in? Sometimes all you need to do to attain happiness is look at life a little differently and re-adjust the way you think. Here are some suggestions for thinking the way happy people think:

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,267 views

By nancy traversRecently published1 topic

The Infe al Affair: Are You Caught Up in One?

Most Americans think adultery is wrong. Almost 90 percent of men and 94 percent of women think it’s always wrong or almost always wrong. But many of those people have extra-marital affairs anyway. One of the most reliable sources for statistics is the National Opinion Research Center at the University of Chicago whose 1992 study found that a quarter of married men and one-sixth of married women in the United States have had at least one extra-marital affair. Many experts now estimate a higher percentage. Why do so many people do it? Especially when they think it’s wrong?

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,258 views

By nancy traversRecently published1 topic

Is It Time to See a Therapist?

About one in four Americans is affected by a mental disorder in a given year, according to the National Institute of Mental Health. How many of those seek help from a mental health professional? Not nearly enough. So quite a few people suffer who might not have to if they sought help. But how do you know when it makes sense to check your fear and misgivings at the door and open up to a professional? Everyone has grief and stress and conflict in their lives. Often with very good reason. A certain amount is entirely normal. So how do you know when it makes sense to seek therapy?

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,253 views

By nancy traversRecently published1 topic

How a Therapist Can Help You and Your Partner

Effective couples therapy depends on a number of factors. Both partners must be willing to make a change. If one has already decided to give up and cannot reengage, then success is probably not possible. The key is to get to a therapist before your relationship has eroded too far. If one or both of you are just going through the motions to prove you’ve left no stone untu ed before you split, you can’t expect good results.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,247 views

By nancy traversRecently published1 topic

What It Takes to Be a Lady

Sometimes it’s useful to look back at the generation before us and learn from them. When it comes to being a lady, our grandmothers knew what to do. It’s not about being pompous sticklers for using the fork with the proper amount of tines. It’s about being considerate and behaving in such as way as to put others around us at ease. Here are six tips:

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,233 views

By nancy traversRecently published1 topic

Letting Go Can Be Good. You Can Quote Me!

A friend always takes herself out to lunch on her birthday. By herself. She’s been doing this since she was a young girl. It’s a good time to contemplate what you want for yourself in the year ahead. But a good life is not always about what you acquire. It can also be about what you shed. You might want to think about what you don’t want—what you want to let go of so you can live a happier life. Here are some ideas:

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,229 views

By nancy traversRecently published1 topic

Are You in an Emotionally Abusive Relationship?

Sticks and stones may break my bones, But names can never hurt me. This childhood ditty may be one reason some people are slow to understand that verbal or emotional abuse is as detrimental as it truly is. After all, words are not as bad as physical blows, are they? But consider this: Physical violence against you eventually heals, but insidious emotional abuse, often out of the sight of anyone else who can validate your feelings, can last a long time. If you: - are in emotional pain and a depression that seems to have settled permanently;

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,226 views

By nancy traversRecently published1 topic

Is My Therapy Working?

It’s easy to see when your friend needs to dial it down at a party. When your cousin’s behavior is a little off. When things are off balance for someone else. But it’s not so easy to see about yourself. Sometimes you seek therapy precisely because you are not clear about where you are trying to go and what you are trying to do. That’s why it’s especially hard to know if your therapy is working. It’s difficult to be objective about yourself and the progress you’re making. But therapy is an expensive investment that you should take seriously.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,216 views

By nancy traversRecently published1 topic

Mustering Courage to Seek Therapy

Sometimes the people who need therapy the most are the very people who find it hardest to seek help. They’re afraid they’re wasting the therapist’s time. They’re afraid they’re wasting their own or their loved one’s money. They’re afraid of exposing their deepest selves—and of trying and failing. No one likes change, even if it’s possible it will be a good change. Investing your time, money and emotional energy takes a leap of faith. And courage. So how do you muster the courage to seek the therapy you need? Take Baby Steps.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,212 views

By nancy traversRecently published1 topic

From Apology to Forgiveness: Healing and Reconnecting

Every relationship suffers from moments of disappointment. He brushes you off when you’re opening your heart to him. She is always late and makes you wait for her. And these are just the small things—not nearly as painful as infidelity, for example. But the small things add up and pretty soon resentment enters into your relationship.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,209 views

By nancy traversRecently published1 topic

Six Essentials to Being a Gentleman

A gentleman is a chivalrous, courteous, honorable man, according to the dictionary. You may think gentlemen are people from the past, but thoughtfulness never goes out of style. Basically, a gentleman is considerate of others, and that’s something to which anyone of any age should aspire. Here are the top six essentials of a gentleman:

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,207 views

By nancy traversRecently published1 topic

From Love to Despair: Are You an Enabler?

At first you just want to help the one you love. He had a little bit too much to drink and you called in sick for him. She gambled away her funds and you transferred some money into her account. Or you covered for him when he embarrassed you with his dysfunctional behavior because he refused to seek therapy. These are just a few examples of situations in which you begin by trying to help someone you care about, but you end up between a rock and a hard place.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,205 views

By nancy traversRecently published1 topic

Who is SEXTing Anyway?

“SEXTing” is a term that gets thrown around a lot these days. With technology so readily available, it was only a matter of time until our sexuality made its way to our cell phones. SEXTing refers to anyone sending sexually explicit messages or racy photos to partners, peers, or the public; this trend originally referred to use of cell phone cameras and messaging, but now encompasses email and social media transmissions.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,184 views

By nancy traversRecently published1 topic

Mistakes Even Smart Couples Make

There are different kinds of intelligence. You and your partner may have been good at schoolwork; you may even have an advanced degree or two. That doesn’t mean your intelligence extends to relationships—emotional intelligence. Often being smart in relationships depends on the home you grew up in and how your parents handled their relationship. It’s not always a blueprint for success in your relationship.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,177 views

By nancy traversRecently published1 topic

Are You Guilty of Stinkin’ Thinkin’?

The other day a friend tripped over her own feet, and I overheard her say to herself, “You are such a klutz.” A harmless putdown, perhaps, but with enough negative talking to yourself, you could create an unhealthy environment that works against you. This is an example of stinkin’ thinkin’—irrational thoughts that, in the aggregate, aren’t good for you. And the truth is, my friend usually navigates quite well, and is sometimes even graceful. So one incident does not mean she’s a klutz. Her comment to herself was indeed irrational.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,170 views

By nancy traversRecently published1 topic

Good Listening Is the Greatest Gift

What is the greatest gift you can give your partner? What is the greatest gift that costs you nothing but time and effort? That’s the gift of understanding who she is. The gift of believing in her. Think about it. When your partner knows you “get” her, you are validating her existence to the core of her being. You are giving her the sure knowledge that she is understood and loved regardless. It’s a powerful feeling. And how can you bestow such a gift? By becoming a great listener. It is the key to understanding your partner and fully developing an intimate relationship.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,162 views

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