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Browse published articles attributed to nancy travers, with full-archive search.
A happy relationship takes a little thought. I hesitate to quote the cliché that you have to work at your relationship—it sounds so onerous. And it’s really not work to make an effort—it’s an investment of time and energy to make your relationship as great as it can be. Here are a few resolutions you might want to try:
When things are tough, it can be hard to admit you need help. That's when you need safe, reliable Orange County relationship counseling that can heal issues and problems in a calm, productive environment.
If you hate conflict, you could spend a long time stewing in your anger before you express it to the person who caused it. By then, your anger may have built to levels beyond reason. Or maybe you zipped off an e-mail, comforted by the fact that technology helped you avoid a face-to-face confrontation. But sometimes your relationships need that personal conversation to clear things up and move on to more enjoyable interaction. The trick is to do it without becoming so angry that you lash out and hurt the person you love.
We’ve all heard our friends talk about chemistry and connections. Rock stars sing about the “chemicals between us” and movies depict racing hearts, sweaty palms, and love at first sight. Have you wondered where all of these scientific, chemical, and physiological terms and ideas manifest in relation to love and attraction? It might surprise you to know just how much of your relationship is invested in hormones. Why do we even have “Chemistry” with other people?
When we enter relationships, we do so with the knowledge that we will be providing the person with emotional commodities and that they will be doing the same for us. Every relationship is filled with needs. Each individual will have different needs, and each relationship will provide different solutions for meeting them.
When you think about finding a partner, you probably have the perfect prospect in mind. When imagining the perfect mate, most people immediately think of physical characteristics. Many people supplement this idea immediately be adding personality traits such as humor, intelligence and charm. If you are choosing partners based on these aspects, there are many theoretical partners. These ideal characteristics are important to finding a person who makes you happy, but there are other, very important aspects of a potential partner to consider:r
There’s a great scene in a Woody Allen movie where a couple is seeing a counselor. Simultaneously the male complains that the couple never has sex while the female complains they have constant sex. The reason the scene is funny is because it contains a bit of truth to it. Few couples are perfectly in sync when it comes to libido. That imbalance of sexual drive may exacerbate the problem and cause even greater periods of sexual inactivity. How? Masturbation and Pornography
Abraham Lincoln did not attend his father’s funeral. When Abe was nine years old, his father, Thomas, left him and his sister for six months in their backwoods cabin in the charge of their 20-year-old cousin, Dennis Hanks. During that time, they often went hungry and barely scraped by. Later, when Abe became interested in learning, Thomas ridiculed his studies. When Abe sometimes neglected farm work to read, his father beat him. He also beat him for other minor infractions, although it’s useful to remember that kind of punishment was common back then.
Too much information can put you at risk—or make a bad impression Are you providing detailed, personal, even intimate information on every topic that comes up on your first dates with a new person? If so, you might be sending the wrong signals. Some people will feel uncomfortable hearing these details and wonder why you feel compelled to offer them to a person who is still essentially a stranger. And you could put yourself at risk by offering information that could lead to nuisance or even more uncomfortable behavior from the other party when the dating process does not go well.
The most severe form of problem drinking is alcoholism. This goes beyond alcohol abuse—alcoholics physically depend on alcohol to function. Without it, your body responds with withdrawal symptoms like the shakes, depression, nausea, irritability, sweating, anxiety. These are serious danger signs indicating you need help. The Problem
There are all sorts of reasons couples’ sex lives have stalled. Sometimes, it’s just a matter of identifying where you got off track so you can make adjustments to resume a satisfying sex life. But in the end, there is really one main reason couples don’t have sex: It’s not enjoyable. The reward they get from having sex is not enough to justify going to the trouble.
I’ve been talking the last couple of weeks about happy couples. Although everyone’s different, there are certain patterns that recur among those who have solid, happy relationships. They’re friends, they laugh together, they pay attention to one another, and they communicate well. What else?
If your partner is depressed, your relationship suffers, and may even cause you to feel a bit depressed yourself. If you have trouble determining whether your partner is depressed, take heart. You’re not alone. The word ‘depression’ has been used to describe everything from being in a bad mood to having a depressive illness. A bad mood will pass, but a depressive illness is not something you can pull yourself out of at will. Is your partner - withdrawn, - lacking energy, - losing interest in normal activities liking eating or having sex,
A healthy sexual relationship is an integral part of a fulfilling partnership, which is reason enough to make good sex a worthy pursuit. The trouble is, while sex often provides great pleasure, it can just as often provoke stress. Are you satisfying your partner? Are your sexual encounters frequent enough? Do they last long enough? There are all sorts of questions you can ask. But really only one is relevant: Are the needs of both partners being met?
The very words ‘sex addiction’ are controversial. It’s a term that some are not certain is a legitimate designation. But a Newsweek article (November 25, 2011) declared sex addiction a national epidemic, estimating about 9 millio Americans—or 3 to 5 percent of the population—suffer from compulsive sexual behavior. That means they masturbate compulsively, watch excessive pornography, practice exhibitionism or voyeurism, engage in frequent anonymous sex, pay for sex or to watch sex, or behave in sexually compulsive ways that cause shame.
Everyone knows at least vaguely about general intelligence, or IQ, but what about emotional intelligence, or EQ? For the vast majority of us, emotional intelligence is more important to our lives tha IQ. Harvard theorist Howard Gardner explains, “Your EQ [or emotional intelligence] is the level of your ability to understand other people, what motivates them, and how to work cooperatively with them.” Today, our success among our peers and in our careers depends on our ability to interpret the signals from the people around us, and to react appropriately.
Happy people make it a point to listen to others. They like to learn new things, take an interest in others and generally feel good when they listen. In the process of listening, they are also showing respect for others’ thoughts and ideas, and that, in turn, demonstrates their self-confidence. They are secure enough to let all sorts of ideas and opinions enter their lives—even those with which they disagree. They radiate positive energy.
Apologies are an important component of repairing a relationship, but they only work if the apology is heartfelt. Saying “I’m sorry you feel that way,” or “I’m sorry you misunderstood,” may only exacerbate the problem and make your partner madder. For an apology to begin to work, it must be absolutely sincere. Even then, an apology alone may not be enough to put things back together and make the relationship right again.
You didn’t mean for it to happen. It started so innocently, with just a flirty conversation. Then it escalated to an emotional attachment. He so gets you, and you talk into the wee hours, if only clandestinely on your cell. And you feel so wonderful you don’t want it to end.
“A truth that’s told with bad intent Beats all the lies you can invent.” – William Blake In recent articles I’ve talked about the importance of honest communication in good relationships. It’s essential that our partners understand us, know how we feel, how we might react to certain situations. We share our most intimate thoughts with our partners because we feel a fundamental need to have someone close to us who gets us—in all our complexities. Who loves us for who we really are. Or maybe despite who we are.
Co-dependency used to be a word reserved for those in a relationship with alcoholics or other addicted people. But the term has been expanded to include people with lopsided relationships—people who are partners, parents, family or friends with dysfunctional people. Dysfunctions can include all sorts of addictions from drugs to sex, and emotional, physical and sexual abuse.
Are you stuck in unrealistic sexpectations? Or ready to create a new language of love? Is your marriage or relationship bogged down in unrealistic sexpectations? Do your attitudes about your body, frequency of intercourse, sexual preferences, and assumptions about orgasm create distance and frustration in the physical relationship with your partner? If so, are you ready to ditch the expectations and create a new language of love that only you and your partner speak? Here are some thoughts that can help you shed some of the unnecessary expectations you may have developed.
To nurture your child’s creative talent: commend, don’t command At some point in the early life of your new child, she or he surprises you. She listens intently to the story you’re reading, then adds her own imaginative ending. Or he not only colors out of the lines, but also draws in extra figures, using eye-catching colors. Or she hears a song in the morning, and you find her singing it in the playroom in the afte oon, embellishing it with her own lyrics and dance moves.
Women support each other under stress. How can men handle it more effectively?
What’s your idea of love? Is it when you want the best for someone else? When you give up putting your own self first to focus on another’s feelings, desires, needs? When you give your whole self—heart, mind and soul—to another? Scientists have made great progress in understanding love through researching the brain. A few facts emerged: - Romantic love is universal in humans. - You can feel as ardently in love at 80 as 18. - If you’re in love you’re as driven as an addict.
Annually recurring anxiety: you may have it and not know it. Anxiety disorders can be times of extended difficulty for those who suffer from them. Tension, worry, inability to concentrate, mono-focus on a particular thought or person, avoidance of a particular situation or person, irritable outbursts, and feelings of detachment from others are all common symptoms. So are physical symptoms, such as rising blood pressure, rapid heartbeat, sweating, dizziness, loss of or appetite, nightmares, and sleep disturbance.
Taking care of the elderly is becoming a reality for more and more people. Often frustration is an integral part of that task, especially if the elderly person is afflicted with Alzheimer’s disease or dementia. The question is, how do you deal with a certain amount of inevitable frustration and maintain your equilibrium while giving your loved one the care he or she needs?
The difference between natural mou ing and melancholia could be life-long Call it what you like—chronic mou ing, extended grieving, death-related depression, melancholia—the effects are the same. A person becomes stuck in the past, devastated by the death of a parent, child, spouse, or sibling, and finds it impossible to move on in life, to work, to develop healthy attachments to others, to walk though life with self esteem and optimism. This often occurs at an early age, but can also affect adults, especially with the death of a child or spouse.
People suffering from anxiety are often proponents of Murphy’s Law—anything that can go wrong will go wrong. Around the holidays, when we are so busy with many more tasks than usual, there is more potential for something to go wrong. And for couples, one or both of whom may be anxious, that goes double.r
Confidence is an important factor in our lives. We naturally want to surround ourselves with confident people. We want doctors who are confident in their medical knowledge. We want colleagues who are confident in their ability to complete projects. We want friends who are confident in themselves, and in their relationships. We even want to be confident in ourselves.
If you keep making the same mistakes over and over again when in relationships with a man, Orange County counseling may help you figure out how to treat yourself better so you can hook a quality relationship. Sleeping with a man isn't always the event of the century, but very few women ever master the technique of 'casual sex'. In fact, most women expect to feel nothing after the fact, but that's simply not the case most of the time – especially if they like the man they slept with and see some potential relationship material when they stare at him in the morning before he wakes up.
Holidays are supposed to be a happy time, filled with food, family and fun. It’s a time of holiday music echoing through the shopping centers, spending long nights indoors with loved ones, and generally being thankful for every blessing that we’ve encountered in the last year. This season is meant to be the most wonderful time of the year, yet more than 80 percent of us admit that the holiday season is at least somewhat, if not very, stressful! The effort to create the perfect holiday gets to many of us, and the resulting anxiety can wreak havoc on our health and our relationships.
There is no shame in having communication and relationship problems, and one of the fastest ways to work through them is to try some couples therapy in Orange County. Anything that can positively affect you and the people around you will help you live a more fulfilling life.
If you are having trouble dealing with the negative feelings associated with leaving a spouse because of a verbally abusive relationship, Orange County marriage counseling can help you sort those out and find yourself again. Verbal abuse is one of the hardest kinds of abuse to recognize. Everyone gets loud sometimes, yells sometimes, says things they shouldn't say to people that they love – that doesn't necessarily mean that it's verbal abuse, and many problems that involve elevated yelling or angry comments can be resolved.
This guide is designed as a list if most common reasons a man may not want to commit to a woman – but if you need help sorting this kind of thing for yourself, Orange County counseling may be beneficial to you.
Here are some things you should avoid when you go a on a first date, or even a second or a third – but these tips are designed with light heartedness in mind. If you need help managing your dating life,relationship counseling in Orange County may be able to help you today.