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Browse published articles attributed to Nicola Beer, with full-archive search.
Start today by taking these 3 steps… Save My Marriage Program – An Alte ative to Marriage Counseling
I tend to find like marmite, garlic or someone packing your bags at the supermarket, people either love or hate the concept of making new year’s resolutions. Working with hundreds of people through relationship issues, there is often one in a couple one who loves to plan, organise and schedule and the other who likes to let life happen and just be open for the journey. Neither is better or worse, just different ways of approaching life and both have plus points…
“Marriage isn’t just about raising kids, splitting chores, and making love. It can also have a spiritual dimension that has to do with creating an inner life together — a culture rich with rituals, and an appreciation for your roles and goals that link you..." according to Gottmans 40 years of research, working with thousands of couples. He claims having a share meaning is what makes for a happy, fulfilling and lasting marriage and it is his seventh principle in his book "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" that has sold over a million copies worldwide.
Most people are aware now of the 40-50% average divorce rate in the west and expat communities. Knowing this doesn’t make that any easier if you are living in an unhappy marriage where divorce threats have been made. The good news is an unhappy relationship doesn’t mean it’s over. That’s because it really only does take one person to save a marriage. This is something I have witnessed now way over a 100 times and get emails in from 1000’s that join my empowered love program or download my free audios and e-books. How can this be? How can one person save a marriage and stop divorce?
The most common questions I get asked are: How can you save a marriage after separation? Or how can I get my husband or wife to reconsider a separation? Or My husband/ wife is insisting on a separation, what can I do? These are important questions as it is a critical time if you want to save your marriage. It doesn’t matter whether you are currently physically separated or just thinking about having a separation there are certain things you must do to help the relationship.
One of the biggest issues that couples face is that after the first few blissful months or years together we begin to see our partner’s flaws, the things we don’t like and the things that upset us and annoy us. When we initially fall in love it is with the feeling it gives us. We feel on top of the world when we are in love and without realizing it we soon become oblivious to the reality of what it really means to be living with another person who has issues, fears, problems and insecurities of their own.
Since working with individuals over the years to heal from infidelity and marriages with multiple wives, I have learnt what successful re-builders do compared to those unsuccessful in repairing their relationships after affairs. Whilst there is no denying that affairs can destroy love, relationships and self-confidence, they don’t have to. As long as the betrayer follows some crucial steps to help their spouse heal and together the couple look at ways to improve and strengthen their marriage.
WHERE THERE’S A WILL THERE’S A WAY How to get past the problems you’re having and make it work The key to strengthening and improving any relationship, especially those that are struggling is honesty. What are you really feeling inside? What do you really want and need? What do you want and need from your partner? What do they want and need? Once both partners can face the facts and be completely honest and truthful with themselves they are half-way there. Save Your Marriage TIP 1: TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT, WHAT YOU REALLY REALLY WANT?r
We all know the saying ‘Who wears the pants in your relationship’ but have you ever taken a step back and really thought about it? Who wears the pants in your relationship? Do you both wear them, or does one of you predominantly wear the pants and control the relationship? Either way, a healthy relationship is one that is balanced, where both partners can be themselves and just as importantly, feel good about themselves. Of all the different marriage problems signs, control issues are very common.
Rejection is painful no matter where it comes from, but it is especially hurtful when it comes from your partner… The one that knows you the most and is meant to love ALL of you deeply. Rejection is one of the hardest feelings to experience because it often plays on your mind non-stop, like a stuck broken record… scratching away at you and your sanity. This is how it used to be for me anyway and having supported 1000’s of people now, I know I am not alone.r
Do you and your partner have each other’s back or are you operating more in a mode of attack? We wouldn’t be human if we did not experience times in our lives that challenged us. It’s natural that certain events, people and our own behaviour will trigger fear, anger, stress, jealousy, overwhelm, guilt from time to time. This is a normal part of being alive. We may not be able to control the circumstances but we can control how we deal with situations and choose our response.
I hear people say all the time… I love my husband/wife but I’m not “In Love” with him/her. I’m just not sure if I love them anymore. I love them but he/she said I don’t love you anymore, is my love enough? These kinds of statements can be extremely confusing not to mention painful and disheartening. So I wanted to share a few truths I have come to know about love after helping hundreds of individuals and couples get through various crises points and difficult times to have a more loving, happy and rewarding marriage. Marriage Advice – 3 truths about love
Natalie had lost herself in her marriage. She was constantly running errands for her children, husband and checking in on both sets of parents, that she had neglected her own needs. By her own admission, she was far too busy and stressed to enjoy life. David her husband was also stressed, travelling and working long hours to pay for all the growing household expenses. Both felt unappreciated, drained of energy and frustrated at the lack of attention, love and care they were receiving. They were angry at each other, resentment and distance was building.
Money arguments and problems are one the most significant factors that can lead to divorce according to numerous studies. Research by Kansas State University found that this is because money arguments decrease relationship satisfaction and are harder to move on from than other marriage arguments.
"Nicola, my husband is chronically complaining and forever in a bad mood. He manages to find something wrong with everything and is constantly feeling hard done by and down. I don’t know how to help him or live with him at times! I don’t want him to ruin the holidays for me and the children again. What can I do?"
There are two paths we can follow to get to love: Love and Non-love They both take us in the end to LOVE This may make perfect sense to you or you may be thinking what on earth am I writing about today. Let me elaborate.
Love is a wonderful feeling. Self-love brings peace and acceptance, love for others and being loved brings feelings of gratitude and happiness. So today I am going to cover the 3 easiest ways to bring more of it into your life and relationships. I have developed several tools that have been tried and tested by 1000’s of married couples all over the world to use love to fix marriage problems. Today I am sharing some basic tips Before I go into them let’s go over what love is. According to the dictionary:
Having worked with 1000’s of couples now either 1 to 1 or in my online empowered love program, conflicts over drinking are common. Nothing is more difficult or heart-breaking than being married to someone who changes personality and is horrible when they are drunk.r
When couples begin my private online 1-to1 or group coaching packages, one of the first things they say to me is they have a problem with their communication. I often hear the following: “We can’t communicate” “They don’t listen” “Everything ends up in a row.” “We sometimes don’t talk for days/ weeks or months” “I cannot remember the last time we had a good conversation.”
Every year in December, magazines cover the same old story, how to survive the holidays. Every year they generally say the same thing; keep it simple, have a plan, be HoEvery year in December, magazines cover the same old story, how to survive the holidays. Every year they generally say the same thing; keep it simple, have a plan, be organized, don’t worry. It’s pretty much just recycled and repackaged advice year after year.
Warning: This Gift Might Be The Best Relationship Gift You'll Ever Get Whether you are married, dating or divorced resentment will affect you and your relationship current or future if you do not release it. What is Resentment? Resentment is a sense of unfai ess - that you are not getting enough attention, consideration, affection, reward or appreciation that you deserve for aspects of your life and relationship.
” 75% of people say they’re Worse off or Even Divorced after Marriage Counseling! Don’t Let That Happen To You! Today I got an email from a couple who I was working with this month to strengthen their relationship. With their permission, they have let me share their story in order to help and inspire others and give hope that it is not only possible to transform your relationship, but that you change things quickly.
When one spouse is depressed, a marriage is depressed. As depression often erodes emotional and sexual intimacy. It also floods the relationship with negativity that can cause resentment, anger and isolation.
With Christmas & New Year ahead of us with all the rejoicing it is the time to let go of all old unnecessary strings to find peace, serenity and start the new year fresh and make it a great success. It can bring up a lot of pain and stress this time of year. So I have a very special gift… If you or someone close to you have any turbulences in life that you wish to clear, or possibly like to talk it through, I am opening 4 days of free appointments.
When it comes to infidelity and after the affair recovery in couple therapy, here are the top 3 common questions I often get asked: Is it possible to avoid affairs and affair-proof your marriage? Are there ways to ruin my cheating husband's / wife's affair and show them what they have with me? I think about cheating often and get really tempted, can the marriage still work? Yes is the answer to these questions. I have answered them below in my 4 Steps to Help Avoid Affairs In Your Marriage
There are two paths we can follow to get to love: Love and Non-love They both take us in the end to LOVE This may make perfect sense to you or you may be thinking what on earth am I writing about today. Let me elaborate.
We have all heard time and time again in the home, at school and in the work place that first impressions count. Whether that’s our mothers trying to get us to polish our shoes, wear something we don’t like or advice given for a job interview. Having helped saved thousands of marriages now, either through my online programs or in person in couple counselling in Dubai and Abu Dhabi, UAE. I have come to learn that First Interactions count massively and something I always discuss in my approach to marriage counselling.
We have all heard time and time again in the home, at school and in the work place that first impressions count. Whether that’s our mothers trying to get us to polish our shoes, wear something we don’t like or advice given for a job interview. Having helped saved thousands of marriages now, either through my online programs or in person in couple counselling in Dubai and Abu Dhabi, UAE. I have come to learn that First Interactions count massively and something I always discuss in my approach to marriage counselling.
You wouldn’t believe the amount of husbands and wives that come up to me and say “Nicola, how do I get my Spouse to Change? ”If you are trying to save your marriage by desperately attempting to change your partner to no avail - STOP! Want your partner to exercise more? Stop social media? Drink less? Stop nagging or yelling? Clean up more? Pay you more attention? Be more sociable ? Be more intimate?