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Browse published articles attributed to Richard Nicastro, with full-archive search.
I'm often asked, "What is one of the most challenging issues couples face today?" While every couple is different, there are themes that I see in my work as a couples counselor and relationship coach. One common issue is the difficulty couples have in prioritizing their relationship—a form of ...
Anyone in a marriage or a long-term relationship understands the challenges of keeping romance and passion alive. Candlelit dinners, gazing into each other’s eyes, and the priority of talking and making love begin to buckle under the pressure of busy schedules, the demands of maintaining ...
Experiencing a deep, loving connection is one of the most meaningful aspects of a healthy relationship. But achieving and maintaining this connection isn't always easy. You (or your partner) can have a strong desire for closeness and yet inadvertently push each other away at times. This is ...
Questions have the power to change people... For centuries, philosophers have known about the power of questions as a tool to finding the deeper truths about life. And questions are one of the central ways in which therapists (including marriage/couples counselors) help clients create more meaningful lives.
"You never listen to me...I've asked you a thousand times to let me know when you can't pick the kids up from daycare!" In my work with couples, it is common to hear one person accuse the other of "not listening." This usually takes the following form: 1. You ask your partner to do something ...
Couples often seek marriage counseling because of difficulties with intimacy. Why are so many couples struggling with intimacy? In order to fully connect with your spouse/partner, you need to share the deepest parts of yourself while maintaining a separate sense of self. This balancing act isn't ...
When couples come to me for help, the first thing I do is observe how they communicate with each other. Communication is often the gauge of the health of a relationship. There are certain effective communication principles that can help you create a more harmonious marriage or relationship; and certain styles of communication have been linked to relationship and marital problems. When couples seek marriage help and relationship advice, they are often locked in ineffective communication patterns that have spiraled out of control.
Why is it that we have no problem lounging around in our favorite sweatpants (with the hole in the knee) and our favorite threadbare T-shirt (with the rip in the sleeve) in front of our spouse/partner, but if our friends/co-workers were on the way over, we'd change into something "decent" in a quick hurry?
What is a fear of intimacy? The term "fear of intimacy" is often used to describe someone who has difficulty creating a close connection with their spouse/partner. Typically, the phrase highlights a person's struggle to become physically and/or emotionally close, and we often describe this struggle as a fear. But often there are certain differences between men and women that are misinterpreted as a fear of intimacy.
Two happily married couples, together for over fifteen years: "If I had to pick out one thing that has made the difference in our marriage, I guess it would be that he makes me laugh." ~Sarah "We just enjoy each other's company. We're playful and tease each other in a light-hearted way. Life ...
New love seems to cradle and carry couples for a time—magnifying all that is good about your partner and your future together. We now know that relationships go through a series of phases over the years—some that can challenge the very bond that holds you together. It's interesting ...
Intimacy is all about connection--the feeling that you and your partner are kindred spirits. The hallmark of a healthy marriage or relationship is feeling close and attuned to your partner, but maintaining this connection isn't always easy. Therefore, finding ways to enhance intimacy is a ...
Anyone who is married or in a long-term committed relationship comes to realize that at some point there is a danger of falling into a lifeless routine.
Whether or not you consider yourself an "emotional" person, there's no doubt about it: emotions play a central role in your relationship and in building a deeper level of intimacy. When you share your feelings, you communicate directly about your needs and the deepest parts of yourself. ...
You often hear struggling athletes say that they have to "go back to basics." After years of repetition, it's easy to lose sight of the fundamentals they need to stay on top of their game. Often they need an outsider's perspective (i.e., a coach) to help them determine which fundamentals ...
Q: "I need some marriage advice. Is arguing bad for a marriage? My husband says it's healthy to argue from time to time but I try to avoid marital conflict at all costs. Can you shed some light on this for us?" A: Relationship conflicts are a natural part of marriage or a long-term romantic relationship. And marital conflict isn't necessarily a sign that your relationship is in trouble.
Any couples counselor will tell you that not all marriages or relationships are salvageable—despite my best efforts (and my pro-marriage and pro-commitment attitudes), some of the couples I've counseled will still make the painful decision to end their marriage or relationship. A sad fact is that there will always be a percentage of marriages that fail—despite the couple's best efforts to make it work. I think we all know this at some level, but we still believe that somehow our love is so unique and transcendent that our relationship will be the one that prevails, no matter what.
When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. ~Victor Frankln You don't need me to tell you about the dire state of the American economy and the reverberations being felt around the world. While you're probably well aware of how this is directly ...
A computer and access to the Internet: That’s all you need to share your opinion with the world about how you think people should manage their lives, relationships, finances…you name it. It seems like ove ight, everyone has become a potential "expert" about some particular ...
When veteran parents give advice to new parents, they often start by explaining the value of routines: bedtimes, storytimes, mealtimes, etc. Well, guess what? We may outgrow footed pajamas and Sippy cups, but we don’t outgrow our need for rituals—repeated, regular events you come ...
Couples seek out my services when they’re dissatisfied about some aspect of their relationship or marriage. In many instances, small problems have spiraled into larger, complicated ones. (At least the problems feel complicated.) Often, my advice is straightforward and simple, even if the ...
If it's the season to be jolly... ...then why are there so many stressed, beleaguered couples walking around? Is it more fitting to say, 'Tis the season to feel tense, frustrated and constantly on-the-go? Whether you're feeling totally overwhelmed or slightly frustrated during the holiday season, it's easy to lose perspective about what's most important and valuable to you--your relationships. Here are five points to help you (and your spouse/partner) stay grounded during all that's going on this busy time of year:
Fact #1: Certain topics of discussion proceed more smoothly with a little planning-- especially sensitive and emotional topics. Fact #2: When it comes to your marriage or relationship, you’re likely to overlook Fact #1. Permit me to make the following assumption: When you’re at ...
Q: My wife complains that I don’t talk to her enough. I really want to make her happy, so I’ve been trying to talk more. Sometimes this works and we have great conversations. But other times, when I try to give her advice, she ends up frustrated with me and I end up with my foot in my mouth. Any ...
You exist within a web of relationships. For instance, if your friend is going through tough times, you may find yourself feeling an emotional heaviness throughout the day, thinking and worrying about your friend. As this colors your mood, your partner may start to notice that lately you've been ...
Once an argument has been settled, it's human nature to tuck it away in the back of your mind so you never have to revisit it again. After all, why would you want to stir up all those negative feelings associated with the argument? It's easy to think that only a glutton for punishment would do ...
A recent marketing book I read touted the importance of getting potential clients to "know you, like you and trust you." It seems that marketing and romance have more in common than meets the eye: In the world of marketing you're trying to convince someone your product or service is worthwhile; ...
Arguments are a regular part of Lindsey and Hector's relationship. During a recent couples counseling session, they volleyed insults back and forth with such intensity that I almost stopped the session. But then something remarkable happened: Lindsey said, "Our marriage is too important to me to go on like this. We shouldn't treat each other this way. I want us to be friends again." I waited for Hector to mock his wife's tired attempt to bring back the harmony they once shared. But to my surprise, he softened and agreed with Lindsey.
I bet if I asked you what you had for breakfast this morning, you'd have a concrete answer. (Even if the answer is "Black coffee" or "Didn't have time.") But how about if I ask you to recall something arguably more important than a single morning meal? Let's see how you fare: In what specific ...
No one can deny the benefit of preventive medicine. First of all, it's often easier to prevent an illness than it is to cure it--that's why you go in for your annual physical (or why you should). And we all can agree that feeling healthy is preferable to feeling sick. So looking out for ...
In the workshops I conduct for couples, I often ask if anyone has ever lied to their partner (the couples respond anonymously). Usually more than half (sometimes as many as 90%) admit to having lied to their spouse or partner at some point. More than half the people who said they lied to ...
No matter how well your relationship is humming along right now, there's room for the advice of relationship mentors. Couples who have been together for many years (and who have been relatively happy, despite the inevitable rough patches) have discovered what has benefited their relationship the ...
Q: There have been times when I'm not absolutely sure that I'm still in love with my husband. I'm afraid this means we're not right for each other, even though we've been married for several years. Can you shed any light on this? A: There are many normal factors that can influence how you feel ...
Is life more manageable because of your partner? Do you ever feel upbeat and rejuvenated after spending time with your spouse? Does a reassuring word from your loved one bring you comfort and peace? Intimate relationships have the power to make you feel happier, energized and more alive. ...
Think back to the time when your love was new, when you had just fallen in love: How did you know you were in love? Maybe you couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, couldn't concentrate on work or chores or anything that didn't involve your love object. Maybe you felt like a totally different person, ...
A great deal has been written about the damaging effects that anger can have on intimate relationships. But did you know that anger can be beneficial to your marriage or relationship? n The dark side of anger Like all emotions, anger runs along a continuum--from low to high intensity. When ...
Amy just got a big promotion at work, and she rushes home to share the news with her partner Larry. She bursts in the door, her body language exuding celebration and excitement, and finds Larry in the basement, running his model railroad layout. Over the chugging and whistling of the train, ...
There aren’t too many things better than a peaceful sleep, right? You’re comfortable, you’re safe, you’re getting important needs met. But what happens when you’re sleeping so soundly that you inadvertently crush an arm for a while? The crimp in your circulation ...
It is not our differences that divide us. It is our inability to recognize, accept, and celebrate those differences ~Audre Lorde In the beginning there were similarities… Early in your relationship, you and your partner probably rejoiced when you discovered shared interests: "I can't ...
It’s no secret that modern life is fast-paced and getting faster every day. In this world, relationships—and all the work they require—can easily be seen as inefficient, time-consuming and simply not gratifying enough. For your relationship to have a healthy chance at survival, ...
I've yet to meet a couple that never argues. Maybe the conflict-free couple exists somewhere, but our paths haven't crossed. Even the most highly compatible couples get into spats now and then. Let's face it, with all the similarities you share with your partner or spouse, there are ...
If it's the season to be jolly…nn…then why am I seeing so many stressed, beleaguered couples walking around? Is it more apt to say, 'Tis the season to feel tense, frustrated and constantly on the go? Whether you're feeling totally overwhelmed or slightly frustrated, it's easy to ...