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Browse published articles attributed to Richard Nicastro, with full-archive search.
Communication is the foundation of your relationship. Without it, you can't really have much of a relationship--just imagine how futile it is to build a house on quicksand rather than concrete. And with healthy, reciprocal communication, your marriage or relationship will continue to evolve in ...
If I asked you who your best friend is, many of you would point to your spouse or partner. Close friends share a strong emotional bond, enjoy spending time with each other and often have a lot in common. However, there are important elements of a romantic relationship that set it apart from a ...
After the story broke that New York governor Eliot Spitzer was having sex with prostitutes, relationship experts popped up on every news channel, dispensing theories about Mr. Spitzer's behavior. Opinions about why a married man (and one with a great deal to lose) would behave this way ranged ...
Surveys indicate that men are more likely to be unfaithful than women. Because of this unsettling statistic, it is helpful to explore the specific reasons why men -- more often than women -- may choose to have an affair. There are many reasons why you might be unfaithful. The obvious is that ...
A loving connection is the bedrock of a committed relationship—all couples are trying to find ways to remain emotionally close to one another as they navigate the complexities of life. When people feel deeply connected to their partners, they often describe feeling "complete," "whole" or ...
Imagine your life without goals. That’s right: pretend you just wiped away every single goal imaginable—from the mundane sort like getting out of bed and brushing your teeth to the bigger variety, like making partner at the firm. I bet you can’t imagine it. Because without goals (the ones you ...
There are times when it's helpful to use compare and contrast thinking. For example, fifth-grade Social Studies. Remember when Mrs. Dogoody assigned the paper: "Compare and Contrast Ancient Roman and Ancient Greek Civilizations"? (I do; I still have the occasional nightmare about that one.) The ...
Lasagna, the earth's crust, and people;what do they have in common? They're all made of layers. Our layers are certainly more complicated than pasta and cheese, and very different from the planet's natural stratifications, but as thinking, feeling humans, we're complex, layered individuals. ...
Beginnings and endings...and your relationship Life is a never-ending series of beginnings and endings—with each ending signaling a new beginning. And it is these beginnings that give us hope that new possibilities are available, that we can shed what hasn't worked and start anew. Each beginning is imbued with possibility, a gift waiting to be claimed by a new owner. It is our need for a fresh start that makes the New Year so meaningful to so many. Marriage and your New Year's resolution
I'm often asked, "What is one of the most challenging issues couples face today?" While every couple is different, there are themes that I see in my work as a couples counselor and relationship coach. One common issue is the difficulty couples have in prioritizing their relationship—a form of ...
Anyone in a marriage or a long-term relationship understands the challenges of keeping romance and passion alive. Candlelit dinners, gazing into each other’s eyes, and the priority of talking and making love begin to buckle under the pressure of busy schedules, the demands of maintaining ...
Experiencing a deep, loving connection is one of the most meaningful aspects of a healthy relationship. But achieving and maintaining this connection isn't always easy. You (or your partner) can have a strong desire for closeness and yet inadvertently push each other away at times. This is ...
"You never listen to me...I've asked you a thousand times to let me know when you can't pick the kids up from daycare!" In my work with couples, it is common to hear one person accuse the other of "not listening." This usually takes the following form: 1. You ask your partner to do something ...
Couples often seek marriage counseling because of difficulties with intimacy. Why are so many couples struggling with intimacy? In order to fully connect with your spouse/partner, you need to share the deepest parts of yourself while maintaining a separate sense of self. This balancing act isn't ...
What is a fear of intimacy? The term "fear of intimacy" is often used to describe someone who has difficulty creating a close connection with their spouse/partner. Typically, the phrase highlights a person's struggle to become physically and/or emotionally close, and we often describe this struggle as a fear. But often there are certain differences between men and women that are misinterpreted as a fear of intimacy.
Two happily married couples, together for over fifteen years: "If I had to pick out one thing that has made the difference in our marriage, I guess it would be that he makes me laugh." ~Sarah "We just enjoy each other's company. We're playful and tease each other in a light-hearted way. Life ...
New love seems to cradle and carry couples for a time—magnifying all that is good about your partner and your future together. We now know that relationships go through a series of phases over the years—some that can challenge the very bond that holds you together. It's interesting ...
Intimacy is all about connection--the feeling that you and your partner are kindred spirits. The hallmark of a healthy marriage or relationship is feeling close and attuned to your partner, but maintaining this connection isn't always easy. Therefore, finding ways to enhance intimacy is a ...
Whether or not you consider yourself an "emotional" person, there's no doubt about it: emotions play a central role in your relationship and in building a deeper level of intimacy. When you share your feelings, you communicate directly about your needs and the deepest parts of yourself. ...
You often hear struggling athletes say that they have to "go back to basics." After years of repetition, it's easy to lose sight of the fundamentals they need to stay on top of their game. Often they need an outsider's perspective (i.e., a coach) to help them determine which fundamentals ...
When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. ~Victor Frankln You don't need me to tell you about the dire state of the American economy and the reverberations being felt around the world. While you're probably well aware of how this is directly ...
When veteran parents give advice to new parents, they often start by explaining the value of routines: bedtimes, storytimes, mealtimes, etc. Well, guess what? We may outgrow footed pajamas and Sippy cups, but we don’t outgrow our need for rituals—repeated, regular events you come ...
Couples seek out my services when they’re dissatisfied about some aspect of their relationship or marriage. In many instances, small problems have spiraled into larger, complicated ones. (At least the problems feel complicated.) Often, my advice is straightforward and simple, even if the ...
Fact #1: Certain topics of discussion proceed more smoothly with a little planning-- especially sensitive and emotional topics. Fact #2: When it comes to your marriage or relationship, you’re likely to overlook Fact #1. Permit me to make the following assumption: When you’re at ...
Q: My wife complains that I don’t talk to her enough. I really want to make her happy, so I’ve been trying to talk more. Sometimes this works and we have great conversations. But other times, when I try to give her advice, she ends up frustrated with me and I end up with my foot in my mouth. Any ...
You exist within a web of relationships. For instance, if your friend is going through tough times, you may find yourself feeling an emotional heaviness throughout the day, thinking and worrying about your friend. As this colors your mood, your partner may start to notice that lately you've been ...
Once an argument has been settled, it's human nature to tuck it away in the back of your mind so you never have to revisit it again. After all, why would you want to stir up all those negative feelings associated with the argument? It's easy to think that only a glutton for punishment would do ...
A recent marketing book I read touted the importance of getting potential clients to "know you, like you and trust you." It seems that marketing and romance have more in common than meets the eye: In the world of marketing you're trying to convince someone your product or service is worthwhile; ...
I bet if I asked you what you had for breakfast this morning, you'd have a concrete answer. (Even if the answer is "Black coffee" or "Didn't have time.") But how about if I ask you to recall something arguably more important than a single morning meal? Let's see how you fare: In what specific ...
No one can deny the benefit of preventive medicine. First of all, it's often easier to prevent an illness than it is to cure it--that's why you go in for your annual physical (or why you should). And we all can agree that feeling healthy is preferable to feeling sick. So looking out for ...
In the workshops I conduct for couples, I often ask if anyone has ever lied to their partner (the couples respond anonymously). Usually more than half (sometimes as many as 90%) admit to having lied to their spouse or partner at some point. More than half the people who said they lied to ...
No matter how well your relationship is humming along right now, there's room for the advice of relationship mentors. Couples who have been together for many years (and who have been relatively happy, despite the inevitable rough patches) have discovered what has benefited their relationship the ...
Q: There have been times when I'm not absolutely sure that I'm still in love with my husband. I'm afraid this means we're not right for each other, even though we've been married for several years. Can you shed any light on this? A: There are many normal factors that can influence how you feel ...
Is life more manageable because of your partner? Do you ever feel upbeat and rejuvenated after spending time with your spouse? Does a reassuring word from your loved one bring you comfort and peace? Intimate relationships have the power to make you feel happier, energized and more alive. ...
Think back to the time when your love was new, when you had just fallen in love: How did you know you were in love? Maybe you couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, couldn't concentrate on work or chores or anything that didn't involve your love object. Maybe you felt like a totally different person, ...
A great deal has been written about the damaging effects that anger can have on intimate relationships. But did you know that anger can be beneficial to your marriage or relationship? n The dark side of anger Like all emotions, anger runs along a continuum--from low to high intensity. When ...
Amy just got a big promotion at work, and she rushes home to share the news with her partner Larry. She bursts in the door, her body language exuding celebration and excitement, and finds Larry in the basement, running his model railroad layout. Over the chugging and whistling of the train, ...
There aren’t too many things better than a peaceful sleep, right? You’re comfortable, you’re safe, you’re getting important needs met. But what happens when you’re sleeping so soundly that you inadvertently crush an arm for a while? The crimp in your circulation ...
It is not our differences that divide us. It is our inability to recognize, accept, and celebrate those differences ~Audre Lorde In the beginning there were similarities… Early in your relationship, you and your partner probably rejoiced when you discovered shared interests: "I can't ...
It’s no secret that modern life is fast-paced and getting faster every day. In this world, relationships—and all the work they require—can easily be seen as inefficient, time-consuming and simply not gratifying enough. For your relationship to have a healthy chance at survival, ...
I've yet to meet a couple that never argues. Maybe the conflict-free couple exists somewhere, but our paths haven't crossed. Even the most highly compatible couples get into spats now and then. Let's face it, with all the similarities you share with your partner or spouse, there are ...
If it's the season to be jolly…nn…then why am I seeing so many stressed, beleaguered couples walking around? Is it more apt to say, 'Tis the season to feel tense, frustrated and constantly on the go? Whether you're feeling totally overwhelmed or slightly frustrated, it's easy to ...