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Roni Weisberg-Ross/
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Articles by Roni Weisberg-Ross

Browse published articles attributed to Roni Weisberg-Ross, with full-archive search.

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By Roni Weisberg-RossRecently published1 topic

The Secret... Really Is

It took me quite a long time to sit down and watch “The Secret”, which if I recall correctly was all the rage a few years ago. And I probably would have never watched it if a client of mine (I’m a psychotherapist) had not kept urging me. So I viewed it with a jaundiced eye. The first few minutes confirmed my suspicions that this was just another quick fix, superficial answer to the key to a better life. Then slowly I was seduced.

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,907 views★ 3.0 (5)

By Roni Weisberg-RossRecently published1 topic

When the Abused Becomes the Abuser

It doesn't always happen. But it happens to a large enough degree that it can be referred to as commonplace. A number of studies indicate that between 30 - 70% of young abusers (physical or sexual) have been sexually abused themselves. Statistics on adult abusers who were sexually abused as children are lower - approximately 10 - 22%. However, I suspect that a much larger percentage of adults who have been sexually abused as children have developed coping and/or relational styles that are abusive - if not to others, then certainly to themselves.

Primary topic: Sexuality

14,807 views

By Roni Weisberg-RossRecently published1 topic

Mother Love / FEMALE ABUSERS

“A Social Problem Does Not Exist For A Society Until It Is Recognized By That Society To Exist” – H. Blumer The following is the first of a three-part series of articles:

Primary topic: Sexuality

14,217 views

By Roni Weisberg-RossRecently published1 topic

MOTHER LOVE / Female Abusers Part II - the psychological impact on daughters who have been sexually abused by their mothers

“There is no other closeness in human life like the closeness between a mother and her child. Chronologically, physically and spiritually, they are just a few heartbeats away from being the same person” *

Primary topic: Sexuality

13,208 views

By Roni Weisberg-RossRecently published1 topic

HOW TRAUMA SHAPES SEXUALITY

Why would a woman who was sexually abused as a child have rape and submission fantasies that sexually excite her as an adult? Why would another woman who suffered physical abuse as a child now enjoy role-playing dominant/submissive sex games? Why would a man raped or taunted by classmates as an adolescent now be unable to perform sexually or another man who was repeatedly berated by an emotionally abusive parent now not be able to approach women socially or sexually?

Primary topic: Sexuality

8,568 views

By Roni Weisberg-RossRecently published1 topic

Adult Bullies

“All cruelty springs from weakness” (Seneca, 4BC-AD65) There are those who say that bullying is behind all forms of violence, conflict, persecution, abuse, harassment, discrimination and prejudice.

Primary topic: Sexuality

8,525 views

By Roni Weisberg-RossRecently published1 topic

SIBLING ABUSE – Children Abusing Other Children

Even though there can be life long debilitating psychological effects, sibling abuse may be the most ignored - if not accepted - form of domestic (i.e. sexual, physical, emotional) abuse. Why is this kind of abuse ignored or minimized? There is a lot that is swept under the rug in the guise of “sibling rivalry”. And American law does not consider this a prosecutable offense unless a child is turned in by their parent(s). In other words, parents would have to be willing to file an assault charge against their own child. So parents keep this type of abuse within the family.

Primary topic: Sexuality

4,770 views

By Roni Weisberg-RossRecently published1 topic

PARENTS WITH PERSONALITY DISORDERS Aka: Growing Up With Crazy

How would you know if you were the only sane person in an insane asylum? Now imagine yourself as a child with no prior knowledge of what is sane or normal. How would a child know if they were a sane person in a family with disturbed parents?

Primary topic: Sexuality

4,595 views

By Roni Weisberg-RossRecently published1 topic

SEXUAL TRAUMA - Loving Your Abuser

Recognizing you are being abused is difficult when you love the person who is abusing you. This is true for both children and adults. The mind will go to great lengths to protect a person who cannot emotionally accept that they are being abused. The greater the abuse, the more elaborate the strategy the brain employs.

Primary topic: Sexuality

4,045 views

By Roni Weisberg-RossRecently published1 topic

Child Molester or Pedophile - Is there a difference and what drives them?

Sexual abuse of children is not a new problem, nor have the statistics changed. “1 in 4 girls is sexually abused before the age of 14; 1 in 6 boys is sexually abused before the age of 16.” (Hopper, J. (1998). Child Sexual Abuse: Statistics, Research, & Resources. Boston, MA Boston University School of Medicine.) This issue is as old as time, but we are finally paying attention to it in a new way. Whether it is in the church, sports, boys clubs, schools or families, there have always been environmental pockets in society that foster these deviants.

Primary topic: Sexuality

3,476 views

By Roni Weisberg-RossRecently published1 topic

SELF ABUSE - I Hurt Therefore I Am

How can I hurt myself? Let me count the ways. But first let me distinguish between hurting myself and abusing myself. Hurting myself - self-harm is a term commonly used for physically abusing oneself by cutting, self inflicting blows, pulling out hair (Trichotillomania) skin or nails, starving or food misuse, extreme piercing, or purposely burning ones’ self.

Primary topic: Sexuality

3,379 views

By Roni Weisberg-RossRecently published1 topic

Women Battering Men - The Other Side of DOMESTIC ABUSE

A practical article connected into the broader SelfGrowth topic graph.

Primary topic: Sexuality

3,069 views

By Roni Weisberg-RossRecently published1 topic

THE ENABLING PARENT

A while back, I jotted down some thoughts about a person I called “The Other Parent”. Since then, I’ve been collecting information and have concluded that there is a dearth of material on this subject. But I have expanded upon my initial ideas and hopefully this will be lead to more research data in the future. These were my initial thoughts:

Primary topic: Sexuality

2,611 views

By Roni Weisberg-RossRecently published1 topic

Helping Adults Abused As Children

When I began working in this field many years ago, I was told that if I hadn’t already picked a specialization, it would pick me. And that is exactly what happened.

Primary topic: Sexuality

2,508 views

By Roni Weisberg-RossRecently published1 topic

The Emotional Life of Adolescent Abuse: A Daughter’s Poetry

The following words and poetry were written by Kallel Hunter. She has graciously allowed me to share them with you. My name is Kallel and I am 13 years old. I live in the U.K. and have Irish, Jamaican and Barbadian in me. I also have two sisters and 3 brothers. I am the eldest. We don’t live together anymore. Two are living with my mum in Birmingham; one is living with her mum (my granny) in Leicester and two are living with me and my dad and my step mom.

Primary topic: Sexuality

2,454 views

By Roni Weisberg-RossRecently published1 topic

Facets of Personality and Dissociation

When we feel different than the person we are projecting to others, it can cause stress and sometimes shame. Most of us have felt that way at times, and the ability to integrate again is usually fluid. But when we feel fragmented and fake most of the time, it can be extremely painful and debilitating. The desire to feel centered and authentic is a healthy longing. For those who have either come from a background of abuse or have experienced extraordinary trauma as an adult, a fragmentation of personality may have occurred that - whether conscious or not - emotionally isolates that person.

Primary topic: Sexuality

2,447 views

By Roni Weisberg-RossRecently published1 topic

Adult Depression and Childhood Abuse

Over the years I’ve discovered that a significant proportion of adult clients who present with depression have a history of childhood abuse. The abuse may have been sexual, physical and/or emotional. At first I attributed this to the fact that I specialize in abuse and many clients who come to me saying they are depressed are using that as a presenting issue because they aren’t ready to discuss the abuse. But what I now understand is that most adult survivors of childhood abuse do suffer from some form of depression.

Primary topic: Sexuality

2,359 views

By Roni Weisberg-RossRecently published1 topic

Female Sexual Abusers – Who are they? Part III

There weren’t a lot of statistics, because no one thought it was a problem. But then in 1990, Ramsay–Klawsnick found that adult females were abusers of male adolescents 37% of the time and of female adolescents 19% of the time; and in six studies reviewed by Russell and FInkelhor, female perpetrators accounted for 25% or more of those abused. In 1996, The National Center on Child Abuse and Neglect conducted a widespread investigation on the maltreatment of children.

Primary topic: Sexuality

2,306 views

By Roni Weisberg-RossRecently published1 topic

Attachment Issues In Couples therapy

I have always enjoyed therapy with couples. It is stimulating, interactive work and can create dramatic change quickly. By strengthening a couples' communication pattern, you not only help them to improve their relationship, but help them to learn more about themselves and what drives their behavior. And as with individual therapy, if the clients are motivated to change, they will. But after years of doing the work, I still marvel at the difficulty of creating lasting change when dealing with a co-dependent relationship based on negative attachment issues.

Primary topic: Sexuality

2,303 views

By Roni Weisberg-RossRecently published1 topic

GENDER AND IDENTITY

Inspired by the life of Lana Wachowski: Gender is defined as a set of characteristics – masculine, feminine or neuter, while Gender Identity is a person’s sense of and private experience of their own gender. Transgender suggests that the state of one’s gender identity does not match one’s assigned sexual gender, usually based on physical characteristics – anatomy.

Primary topic: Sexuality

2,279 views

By Roni Weisberg-RossRecently published1 topic

EMOTIONAL ABUSE : What it is and why it is so important to recognize

Sticks and stones may break my bones but … bullying and name-calling can emotionally scar me forever. Not the original ending to the classic verse, but probably the more accurate one. It seems that broken bones will heal far more quickly than a battered soul. Does this sound overly dramatic?

Primary topic: Sexuality

2,190 views

By Roni Weisberg-RossRecently published1 topic

Power and Sexual Arousal in the Abusive Relationship

When we think of children who have been sexually abused, we think of fear, anger and violence. Most sexual abuse survivors talk of the terror and disassociation surrounding the abuse. Many still feel that way as adults and don’t enjoy sex now, even in a loving relationship. But there are those who have a more complicated story to tell. These survivors may have hated their abusers but experience an unspeakable shame over the fact that their bodies responded sexually to the abuse. They cannot live with the knowledge that they were sexually stimulated even as they were being raped.

Primary topic: Sexuality

2,089 views

By Roni Weisberg-RossRecently published1 topic

Group Therapy for Adults Abused As Children

Group therapy can be the most nurturing and also the most challenging form of therapy. It is highly effective. While it doesn’t replace individual therapy, it can be a great adjunct and a final step in the healing process.

Primary topic: Sexuality

2,064 views

By Roni Weisberg-RossRecently published1 topic

Somatization: The Secrets Our Bodies Hold

Our bodies cry out in two ways - either through emotion or illness. When we understand our body's pain we articulate it. When we can't understand it, we are overwhelmed by emotional and/or physical sensations. And we feel powerless. While we need to understand what is happening to us, we may not always find the answers. But we can make peace with our emotions, just as we learn to make peace with other unanswerable events in our life - and in fact, with life itself.

Primary topic: Sexuality

2,062 views

By Roni Weisberg-RossRecently published1 topic

“REAL RAPE”

This past weekend I read an article in the New York Times Sunday Magazine entitled “To Catch A Rapist”. It highlighted the work of a dedicated inspector and some of her colleagues in the Special Victims Unit of Law Enforcement in New Haven, Conn. and the repeated roadblocks they come up against trying to prosecute sexual assault cases. It was powerful and informative and I would encourage anyone reading this to take a look at that article as well. First some statistics:

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,843 views

By Roni Weisberg-RossRecently published1 topic

Couples Therapy With Trauma and Abuse Survivors

We all come into relationships with past issues. Trust, ability to be intimate, anger management, mental and physical health limitations and childhood trauma are among the most common. Each issue colors, although in a different way, how we deal with current stressors and disagreements. This article will look at how having a partner who has survived childhood abuse (sexual, emotional, physical) can affect the relationship.

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,780 views

By Roni Weisberg-RossRecently published1 topic

Treating Abuse and Trauma

"Therapists who work with adults abused as children have one overriding goal, that is to repair the client's self-image. Once the client's self image is repaired, he or she is on the road to full recovery." Eliana Gil - Treatment of Adult Survivors of Childhood Abuse If you think it happened, it probably did.

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,767 views

By Roni Weisberg-RossRecently published1 topic

Elder Abuse, Alzheimers and Our Aging Population

While taken seriously enough to be a legally reportable offense categorized alongside child abuse as either a misdemeanor or a felony - elder abuse does not seem to be taken as seriously by the public. Perhaps elders do not appear to be as helpless as children, but many times they are. And if helplessness is the yardstick, how does it account for the fact that domestic violence, which is not legally reportable, arouses more conste ation and receives more attention and media coverage. Perhaps it’s because of national neglect in respecting, supporting and caring for elders in general.

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,759 views

By Roni Weisberg-RossRecently published1 topic

Childhood Abuse and Adult Survivors: Notes from a Seminar

Let's begin with the statistics - and they are daunting: Approx. 1 in 4 girls & 1 in 8 boys are sexually abused before the age of 18. Even the most conservative estimates put it at 1 in 6 girls & 1 in 10 boys. It is estimated that as many as 40 millio Americans - one in six people - experienced sexual abuse as a child. Child sexual abuse is seldom a one-time occurrence - it lasts an average of 1 - 4 years. It occurs at every socioeconomic level, across ethnic and cultural lines, within all religions and at all levels of education.

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,726 views

By Roni Weisberg-RossRecently published1 topic

Selfishness is OK

Selfishness has a negative connotation in our culture; but it’s not selfishness, it’s a lack of empathy that hurts others. While I am no Ayn Rand acolyte, I do agree with her argument in “The Virtue of Selfishness”. Taking care of oneself is not only reasonable; it is necessary – necessary for survival. But our culture has placed a judgment on taking care of oneself – as if taking care of yourself, precludes caring or doing anything for others. Why would that be the case? That type of assumption usually falls into the category of faulty, black and white thinking.

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,720 views

By Roni Weisberg-RossRecently published1 topic

Ritualized Sexual Abuse

There is ritual sexual abuse and there is ritualized sexual abuse.

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,690 views

By Roni Weisberg-RossRecently published1 topic

Families With Abuse

Abusive situations in families do not happen in isolation. It is neither bad luck, nor is it the fault of the victim of abuse. Abuse happens within a culture of abuse. That is, there is something that is handed down over the generations that encourages those who abuse and allow those around the abuser to ignore what is happening. While the abuser is certainly responsible for his/her actions, there are other family members who are complicit by their passivity or inability to recognize the signs.

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,670 views

By Roni Weisberg-RossRecently published1 topic

The Other Parent

The following is not an article but some preliminary thoughts on what may be expanded into one later on:

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,451 views

By Roni Weisberg-RossRecently published1 topic

The Disassociation of a Rapist

While I have reposted a couple of articles on the subject, I wasn’t going to write about Bill Cosby or the subject of serial rape; there are enough articles and editorials on this subject. What has now made me decide to join the fray is a recent statement by a friend of his that “this isn’t about the women, this is about the legacy” - of Bill Cosby.r

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,259 views

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