Articles by Shela Dean

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By Shela DeanRecently published1 topic

Emotional Intimacy Starts With Touching

Touch is essential to intimacy. Okay, I know you think I've just stated the obvious but I'm not talking about that kind of intimacy. I'm talking about emotional intimacy and the hand holding, arms around the waist, bear hugging, back rubbing, cheek kissing, fist bumping, high fiving, shoulder rubbing, bottom patting, kind of touching that makes you feel warm and good inside (and can lead to that kind of intimacy). It's a fact: humans are tactile beings. We thrive on touch. Without it we whither and, no kidding, can actually lose our minds.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

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By Shela DeanRecently published1 topic

Marriage Is NOT Hard Work

Marriage. It's hard work. Bologna. If my beloved had said, "You know, honey, being married to me is going to require hard work," I would have cut and run. My idea of a great marriage is not tantamount to labor camp. Yet we hear over and again, "Marriage is hard work." It's not. What's hard work is: * Being right. Just as you can't have left without right, up without down, cold without hot, or light without dark, you can't be right without someone else being wrong. While there are things that, based on empirical evidence, are objectively right, your opinion is not one of them.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

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By Shela DeanRecently published1 topic

Relationship Advice That Starts With You

Do an Amazon search on "self-improvement" or "self-help" and you'll get a long list of books to choose from (including my book Frequent Foreplay Miles, Your Ticket to Total Intimacy). There are books on how to have better communication, better sex, more intimacy, fair fights, more fun, less conflict, a more fulfilling life, more self-confidence, more self-esteem, and so on and so on. What you won't find is a book based on the premise that you're perfect but your sweetheart needs a complete overhaul and would be a better partner if he or she were your clone.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

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By Shela DeanRecently published1 topic

How Differences Can Make a Better Relationship

Halloween. Every year it's a challenge to be creative and accommodating to my I'm-not-wearing-that sweetie at the same time. I love creative costumes. My ex was cooperative. He once allowed me to dress him as a topless dancer. The boobs I made for him out of balloons, cut up pantyhose, and baby bottle nipples would have been more convincing had I been able to get them the same size. Regardless, the costume was a big hit and I suspect-based on how well he carried it off-that my ex rather enjoyed the wig and the fishnets.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

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By Shela DeanRecently published1 topic

Three Ways to Bring Playfulness (Back) Into Your Relationship

Remember when you and your sweetheart first met? You counted the minutes until you saw him again. You called just to hear her sweet voice. The air was alive with the snap, crackle & pop of sexual energy. You couldn't get enough of each other and you were always on your best behavior. It was easy to be playful.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

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By Shela DeanRecently published1 topic

Better Emotional Intimacy - 50 Ways to Love Your Lover

In 1975 Paul Simon released his hit song "50 Ways to Leave Your Lover." I recently looked up the lyrics and discovered something I'd failed to notice in 1975 when I was hummin' along. The song is about a woman giving a man advice on how to extricate himself from his current relationship. The song ends with said woman kissing him and suggesting that they sleep on it, a suggestion which leads him to conclude that she's probably right-there must be 50 ways to leave your lover. Hmmmm . . .

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

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By Shela DeanRecently published1 topic

Self Esteem and Marriage - Would You Marry You?

Would you marry you? If you were/are single, are you the kind of person you'd be looking for and want to hook up with?

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

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By Shela DeanRecently published1 topic

3 Reasons Why Keeping Score is Good for Your Relationship

You’ve been told it’s death to your relationship but I’m going to give you three reasons why, when done right, keeping score is good for your relationship. 1. It’s a human nature “lemon” so you might as well make lemonade. Mother Teresa and Gandhi aside, we all keep score. It’s human nature to notice if your sweetheart has AGAIN “forgotten” to call, left dirty dishes in the sink, embarrassed you, hurt your feelings, broken a promise, “won” the argument, or bestowed bragging rights with a fabulous gift or an out-of-the-ballpark home run of thoughtfulness.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

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By Shela DeanRecently published1 topic

Togethe ess in Marriage: What Is It?

Waxing poetic on the subject of love and marriage, Kahlil Gibran in The Prophet said, "Let there be spaces in your togethe ess." Gibran is not suggesting that couples take an occasional breather from each other (although that might be a good idea, too). In beautiful, lyrical language Gibran reminds us not to lose ourselves in our relationship, but to maintain our individuality, and that by doing so we are stronger as a couple. The passage includes this, " And stand together, yet not too near together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart . .

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

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By Shela DeanRecently published1 topic

Greater Emotional Intimacy

Intimacy means being connected. Sexual intimacy is physical; emotional intimacy is connection of mind, heart and spirit. Great sex is a blast. If you've got it, count your lucky stars but it's not enough to sustain a relationship. For that, you need emotional intimacy and it's the death-by-a-thousand-cuts destruction of that fundamental requirement that is the downfall to many relationships. Great emotional intimacy is the most rewarding aspect of being a couple but to have it, you must pay attention to the basics: Be 10,000% trustworthy.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

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By Shela DeanRecently published1 topic

Relationship Differences - What We Can Learn From Each Other

One of the coolest things about being in a committed relationship is having someone to grow old with, someone with whom you share so many memories that sitting in the rockers on the porch won't be boring at all, you'll have so much to talk about. Equally as cool is how, if you open your mind and heart, your sweetheart can teach you things you might not otherwise ever learn, and can even help you be a better person.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

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By Shela DeanRecently published1 topic

Relationship Arguments - How to Avoid Misguided Conflicts in Relationships

It was in grade school math that I first learned about reducing fractions to their lowest common denominator. I hated math. Still do. But, I've learned that "reducing to the lowest common denominator" is a great term for describing how, in human interaction, we "sink" to the most basic, least sophisticated level of those with whom we are engaging. If you've ever argued with a child, you know what I mean. Before you realize it, you're on that kid's level.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

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By Shela DeanRecently published1 topic

Prenup Agreement - Legal & Financial Issues

The laws and regulations that govern our life are staggeringly complex. No one, not even an atto ey, can know them all. But, like it or not, your marriage is subject to a myriad of rules and restrictions imposed upon it by the jurisdiction(s) in which you live, beginning with whether you "qualify" to be legally married and culminating with what happens to your property when you die. That's the bad news. The good news is that, for the most part, you're able to write your own rules to fit your unique situatio IF you do it right.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

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