Browse published articles attributed to Suzanne E. Harrill, M. Ed., LPC, with full-archive search.
Recently, I was interviewed for an on-line radio show; the topic of discussion was awareness and mindfulness as paths to consciousness. Here are the questions and my answers. May my answers be food for thought and allow you to more deeply ponder your own life.
Writing is a good way to get to know yourself, solve your problems, lower your stress level, and balance yourself emotionally. If you are new to this, buy a notebook to begin keeping a journal, not a diary, a journal. What is the difference? A diary reports events and usually makes sense if another were going to read it. A journal, on the other hand, is about your emotional reactions to people and events, insights you have in understanding yourself, lists of your needs, wants, values, and goals.
One important concept, that helps you have a healthy sense of self-acceptance and self-esteem, is the knowledge that you are perfect, right now, just the way you are. This is true regardless of your problems, early childhood issues, body, I.Q., mistakes, etc. Consider a new definition of perfection which includes all of your imperfections. This is an important seed thought to hold in your mind as you go forward in life growing into your full potential Self. Accepting the truth of your beauty and perfection is best illustrated by looking at an acorn.
The group you work with has a level of self-esteem based on the composite self-esteem levels of the individuals in the group. We each take to the workplace (works the same in families) our level of awareness, which includes such things as our understanding of ourselves and others, our communication skills, our ability to have realistic expectations for ourselves and others, our degree of maintaining a positive attitude, and our ability to stay in present-time and not let past hurts be projected onto others.
Do you eat to live or live to eat? We all have a relationship with food and it can represent much more than nourishment to keep our bodies alive and healthy. Take a look at your eating habits. Do you eat just the right amount of nutritious food to maintain a healthy weight, to feel good, and live your day energetically? Do you have favorite comfort foods that you reach for when unhappy or feeling off center? Do you know when you are eating to provide emotional nourishment?
Codependence is a new word that became popular in the 1980's. It has become a buzzword and important for you to understand in becoming the person you want to be. In less aware times codependence was considered normal. To be good, perfect, compliant, agreeable, giving, and selfless was rewarded and was the unconscious standard with which many people, especially women were conditioned. Now we are understanding that there is a fine line between where being selfless and taking care of others crosses over to becoming a disease similar to having a physical addiction.
There is a lot of information available today about manifesting what you desire. Some authors with helpful books are Catherine Ponder and Joe Vitale. A few years ago the movie, The Secret, sparked great interest in the law of attraction and creating what you want. Many people are mystified that they are not getting the results desired after practicing the advise from teachers sharing how to create more in your life. Money is near the top of the list when people think about increasing their prosperity.
"...when you fully understand that each day you awaken could be the last you have, you take the time that day to grow, to become more of who you really are, to reach out to other human beings." -- Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, Death The Final Stage of Growth I wrote the following piece after a close friend died. She taught me many things about myself. Death is one of the mysteries most people are not prepared for. This may be the time to get more comfortable with this part of our life journey.
Ask any second grade class of students, "Do you love yourself?" and most children will raise and wave their hands and say, "Yesss!" By high school that number has taken a considerable dive. Developmentally the adolescent's job is to begin separating from the family to become an independent individual capable of making choices and being able to take care of her or himself. This is difficult to do when one is emotionally hurting and has self esteem issues.
Do you ever judge yourself for being judgmental towards another? Do you look back at actions, words, or thoughts you had in your younger years, or last week, and then criticize yourself? Have you ever felt ashamed that you can't live your highest truth and value system at all times? Most of us, even when attempting to live the high road, do all of these things at times. If you determine transforming judgmentalness into acceptance is one of your goals, how do you move to a new place in consciousness?
This is a quick reminder about the stages through which a relationship travels. Love grows and changes. The excitement that brings couples together in the first place is very different from the love that emerges fifteen or fifty years later. Love relationships go through three predictable stages. All are important and none can be avoided if love is to flourish. Stage 1: Romantic Love
Your life has many purposes. Many are fulfilled in your day-to-day life and you do not think of them as purposes. Yet you could say meaning and purpose motivated each choice, each experience, and each role you have played that taught you lessons about yourself, your relationships, people, organizations, and how life works. The learning and growth that has or is taking place from each experience moves you forward to greater awareness and can be seen as a purpose in your life. Some of you may choose to look broader and see the major theme or spiritual reason for your life.
1. I am at peace with myself and accept my oneness with all life. 2. I draw from the wellspring of the Source to fill my heart with love, joy, peace, beauty, and grace. As I fill myself I have more than enough to nourish myself and others. 3. My wisdom guides me moment by moment to know how to act, how to think, and what to say. 4. I accept the rhythm of life with its periods of great activity and fellowship with others and its periods of silence and quiet time to be alone.
How is your relationship with your body? Are you dissatisfied with the way you look? Do you secretly or openly say you want your body to be different? Maybe you criticize your complexion, hair, or the shape of your body? Maybe you weigh more than you did a couple of years ago, have to constantly watch the scale to maintain your current weight, or are at the other end of the continuum wanting to gain weight? Do you focus on your body image much of the time, watching your diet and exercising, yet your weight does not budge?
Joy brings more light into our lives. No matter the circumstances you have drawn into your life, pay attention when you catch yourself smiling and enjoying the small stuff. As we learn to focus on the simple pleasures already happening, the easier it is to let go of allowing the unpleasant things to spoil our day. It lightens us every time we enjoy a flower or sunset, hug a loved one, say hi to a smiling neighbor, pet our dog or cat, or make eye contact with a child at the grocery store. This joy in the moment transfers to building a positive mindset, which affects how we live our day.
Suffering is part of the human condition. We can't avoid it. Have you noticed that some people suffer more even with the same or less dramatic issues than others? Those that suffer less have made a shift in perspective away from victimhood to seeing a larger picture. They practice expanding their awareness to include knowing themselves, their real needs, and learning to meet them. Let me share a part of my early journey to illustrate this shift in consciousness necessary to shrink the amount of suffering you experience. Included are some insights I learned recently at a retreat.
We evolve daily as we explore our life and build awareness, getting to know ourselves better, face our fears, change habits, and make conscious choices to better our lives. We do many things to evolve: read self-help books, gathering information to improve our lives; talk to friends about our problems, receiving support to solve them; or go to a group or individual psychotherapy, gathering insights from others outside of our frame of reference. Some of us, on the fast track, do all of the above and more.
Enlightenment, a term more common in the eastern world rather than the western, describes an awakened spiritual state of consciousness where one is liberated from the illusions of the 3-dimensional world, freed from the limitations of physical, emotional, and mental pain and suffering based on attachment. One is released from the bondage of desire and attachment to people, things, beliefs, achievements, etc., experiencing an expanded state of oneness with the whole of creation.
February makes me think of Valentine's Day with its theme of love. What better time to remind yourself of all it takes to build your own foundation of love so you can truly love others. If you value loving and giving to others, take time to nurture your own self-esteem, build your reserves so you can give from the overflow. If building your own self-esteem is new, begin by taking the Self-Esteem Awareness Inventory, at the end of this article. If you are a seasoned traveler, review the inventory to enjoy your progress.
There is more to good communication than simply expressing your views and opinions or hearing another's words in a conversation. Believe it or not studies show that about 10% of communication between two people is actually the words spoken. What makes up the rest? Roughly 40% of the message sent is one's tone of voice and the last 50% is body language. The next time you need to do some serious communicating with another, do it in person, or else you will miss half of the message.