Browse published articles attributed to Tina Tessina, with full-archive search.
Don't Repeat Past Mistakes. Follow These Three Tips Looking for love after divorce? Here are three tips to help as you begin dating after your divorce. 1. Be suspicious if it all seems “too good to be true” – it probably is.
If video doesn't load, click here. Kindness is the lubrication for life, love and relationships. When you spread kindness, it comes back in many ways, and it’s the foundation of happiness. "Dr. Romance" shows how kindness works and why it’s important to learn to live kindly, even in today’s cynical age.
The revered Sufi poet, Rumi, wrote: "We turn poison into medicine and our sorrows into blessings"
To recover from infidelity and save your marriage: 1. Tell the Truth. Assuming your spouse found out, you didn't confess—this is the time to tell the whole truth. It's probably best done with a therapist present, to keep a lid on the emotional reactions. 2. Give your Spouse the Power. When you cheated, you took your partner's power away, so now let your spouse be in charge. Your spouse had no say about the cheating, so giving up control will help re-balance the power. Confess, apologize, and then ask what you need to do to be forgiven. Humility is the order of the day.
Dear Dr. Romance: I was reading your article "When Love is Kind: Mutuality in Relationships" and need your advice. My boyfriend of 5 years is quite selfish and literally a narcissist. He never did anything as a gesture of love except for buying calling cards to call me from overseas. We fought numerous times and patched up. Now we are planning to get married this year. He will be coming to my place as I have a stable job.
Click Here for Video In today's world, people don't often realize the importance of companionship until later in life. Staying fit and physically and socially active increases your odds of finding someone to date, and also increases your libido and your chances of successful sex. But, beware of too much focus on the surface, and not enough content. Such relationships quickly become empty and stressful.
Dear Dr. Romance:
I have a friend, Maggie, who has been my friend since 1968, and she calls me her "bestest" friend as a way of appreciating our connection. It always makes me smile, and I feel the same about her. Often, my clients have trouble learning to appreciate and trust themselves, and I think Maggie's phrase should apply to the only relationship we'll have from birth to deaththe relationship with self. Are you your own bestest friend?
Dr. Romance writes: It was one of those magical encounters with a personal truth—you know how it feels. I was fifteen, in ninth-grade English. The teacher, Mr. Rizzutto, read us a poem, and it had such a profound effect on me that even five decades later, I’m still using it as a guide. The poem, “Outwitted,” by Edwin Markham, is simple: He drew a circle that shut me out; Heretic; rebel; a thing to flout. But Love and I had the wit to win: We drew a circle that took him in.
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Dear Dr. Romance:
Dr. Romance writes: Want to give yourself a holiday gift that will last the rest of your life? Try giving yourself the gift of happiness. Research shows that happiness and satisfaction depend more on the inner person than on exte al circumstances. The secret to living a happy life is to get in charge of your life and what you are doing. Then you can build the life you want.
Research conducted by Dr. Dean Ornish and others shows that the happiest and healthiest people are those who are well-connected to friends and family. But, in our mobile society, keeping friends is not always possible. Long-term friendships are wonderful and valuable, but if you dont make new connections as you get older, your group of friends may diminish due to death and relocation. If you havent made new friends in a while, updating your definition of friendship and increasing your skills at meeting people will be worth your while.
Dear Dr. Romance: I am a divorced father of 3. I am remarried. My 11 year old daughter is very upset about her mother's new boyfriend that is also still married. He was first introduced as a friend but she doesn't understand why he is always at the house and stays till late at night. My daughter has asked her mother if this is her boyfriend and the mother tells her no.
Dating Again? Use These Five Tips On Every Date! You’re fresh out of a disaster, and you are terrified of the thought of dating again, but you’re going to try anyway. Good for you! Here are some guidelines to help you avoid repeating old mistakes: 1. Pay Attention!
How To Be a Happier -- and More Successful -- Single Parent Are you a single parent struggling with how to make it all work? Dr. Romance offers three tips to happier single parenting. 1. Be a Grownup.
"Miracles do happen," wrote Chaim Weizman , the first President of Israel "but one has to work very hard for them."
Dr. Romance writes: Politeness and sensitivity are not held in high esteem in the media these days. The nastiest politicians get the most air time. Many media spokespeople, stars and commentators, “gangsta” rappers, nasty radio talk show stars and “edgy” comedians; as well as personalities like the judges on talent reality shows and certain game show hosts achieve success by putting people down and making fun of them. Sports are now about doping and winning at all costs, and the old ideals of sportsmanship seem to be lost.
Dr. Romance writes: Happy New Year, everyone! This is the time when a lot of energy is spent on making resolutions, most of which we don’t manage to keep. So, this year, especially given recent tragic events, I propose a different kind of resolution. Will you join me in resolving to create a year of peace?
Many of my clients have come in complaining of a lack of motivation; from not being motivated enough on the job, to not being able to diet, quit smoking, or get out of bed in the morning. They desire to achieve both positive and negative motivationspositive motivations and being motivations toward doing something; negative motiviations being toward NOT doing something (not smoking, for example).
click here for video It is not necessary to argue about parenting your kids. Couples usually argue about how their parents raised them, and they want to do the same (or the opposite) of what hteir parents did. How Not to Pass Your Family Dysfunction on to your kids:
Dear Dr. Romance: I divorced my best friend of 13 years this past January. I'm having a hard time moving on... Let me very clear...over the past 13 years of our marriage..we were never sexually compatible...he was never that into me...I had an affair and I am still seeing that 'guy'... I do not want to give up my friendship w/ my ex... It's really affecting me...emotionally... Any advice you can give would be greatly appreciated... Dear Reader:
There Are Four Steps. Are You Doing All Of Them? Are you and your partner having a tough time getting over an argument? Here are some tips to help. 1. Surrender to your responsibility. When you become aware that you have made a mistake, admit it and apologize. Use it as an opportunity to learn and grow. You don’t have to be afraid of punishment or rejection –- apologizing makes it easier to be forgiven. 2. Don’t be afraid to admit you're wrong.
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Dear Dr. Romance: My son is having a substance abuse problem. It surfaced a few months ago, he promised to stop, and I just caught him using it again. He just turned 18. What can I do to help him? Dear Reader:
Dear Dr. Romance: Just read a fine article of your from a link off the internet, and was wondering your best recommendation of the books you've wrote for jealousy and suspicious minds in a marriage with no real proof? Dear Reader:
Put Spice Back into your Marriage with Tips to Help when the Sex Gets Boring Are you bored with your marital sex life? What can you do about it? Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D, psychotherapist and author of "Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting about the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage (Adams Media 2008)" offers tips to improve intimacy with your mate. Q: Sometimes I feel sexually excited, but I don't always feel desire for my husband...In other words, I'd rather take things into my own hands. Does this mean there's something wrong or missing from our relationship?
Dear Dr. Romance: I wanted to get your reaction to something; what would it mean to you if someone said to you "So maybe I quit on our relationship." Yes my wife said this to me right before I left on deployment and I have been having a hard time dealing with it.
Dr. Romance: tips on spring cleaning your marriage: Over an extended period of time, dust and detritus can accumulate in even the best marriage. Spring cleaning, to clear out the cobwebs and re-energize your connection, is a great idea. Just like a regular housework schedule, regular weekly talks (I call them State of the Union discussions) keep the problems minor, the resentment level down, and the communication open, so that there is time and space for intimacy.
Dear Dr. Romance: I am a 49 year old disabed vet, chest injury in pain 24/7. I am on MAJOR pain pills. Have not had sex with wife since one day I pulled her pants down and found a river of a substance that looked like human ejaculate but smelt like beer. Six months later she said it was a female discharge, I have checked with three nurses all have said it had to be ejaculate.
Dear Dr. Romance: What Is The Grieving Process? What are the stages of the grieving process? How long does it take to go through each stage? Can one stage be relived over and over again? Is there a way to help someone through each stage? Dear Reader:
Dear Dr. Romance, Should a man expect a woman to want to become involved with him when he is still best friends with is ex-lover--and he is a renter in her house? He claims it is all over between them, but I don't see how he or the ex-love should expect a woman to feel comfortable fitting into this arrangement. Please, I would love some perspective. Dear Reader:
Don't Let Divorce Muddy Your Marriage - 3 Tips Are you remarried? Are you trying to make this new relationship work. Dr. Romance offers three tips to help this new marriage work better than the first one. 1. Understand your baggage.
Dr. Romance writes:
Dear Dr. Romance:
Dear Dr. Romance: I've just gotten my girlfriend pregnant and still have doubts about my sexuality, whether I'm gay or bisexual. She wants me to get some clarity before she decides to keep the baby or not. Can you help? Dear Reader:
Dr. Romance writes:
Couples often come in to Dr. Romance's counseling office soon after they move in together, because they’re arguing about differences in design and life styles. Whose furniture to use, where to put it, who can use each room, or how to work out the division of labor. These squabbles are often symbolic and mask the real anxieties of the partners, which have to do with intimacy, space and closeness.
Dear Dr. Romance,
To view the video, click here. Dr. Romance's 3 Tips for Finding New Love
Dear Dr. Romance: I was wondering if I could ask you for some advice. I'm feeling so troubled. I got divorced a few years ago. Since then, I became involved with a man more than ten years older than me. I got a work assignment out of town, and he was adamant about keeping a long distance relationship going, but I wasn't feeling ready. As emotional and hurt as I was from my previous relationship, I didn't feel it was the right thing to do. So I broke things off and he was very hurt.
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Dear Dr. Romance : I'm getting worried because my husband is drinking more, and laughing less. He works too much, he has lost interest in his guy friends and sports. He's gotten more tense, and is on edge and irritable. Sometimes he even yells at me and the kids. I think maybe he needs professional help. What can I do? How can I get my husband into therapy? Dear Reader:
If You're Searching And Can't Find Love, Try This Probably the most prevalent questio I'm asked in my counseling practice is “Where is love?” Clients want to know why they can't find a successful life partnership, why a friend or family member won't respond as they would like, even why they don't love themselves.
Dr. Romance writes: A couple of years ago, I had some difficult dental work. It was very painful, and while I recovered physically pretty quickly, I had some post -traumatic stress reactions – bad dreams, flashbacks, and upset – after my recovery. I had to acknowledge my upset and feelings, and let them out before the stress reactions subsided. I often help my clients do this, too, not only with PTSD from shocking or painful experiences, but also with grief and old memories.
Dear Dr. Romance: I have been married for about four years now and my husband and I got married at 18 we have 3 kids all under the age of four and it gets stressful sometimes for both of us. He is in the army, he's been a soldier for almost 3 years now he was deployed overseas last year and ever since he came back he came back a different person.