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Browse published articles attributed to Toni Schutta, with full-archive search.
If you’re the parent of an 8-to-11-year-old, perhaps you’ve noticed a surge in back talk, defiance and sensitivity. Simple requests may be met with intense outbursts. You may be asking, whatever happened to my amiable child who liked pleasing me? If so, you’re not alone!
I know that as parents we’ve all wondered, “Why the heck is she behaving this way?” Or “Why on earth can’t he just behave?” I’d like to offer you some ideas today about common causes of a child’s misbehavior. I’ll also offer some pointers on how to address the misbehavior if you get a gut feel about the reason behind the misbehavior. There’s a wonderful book called “The Parent’s Handbook” by Don Dinkmeyer and Gary D. McKay, that helps to demystify some of the reasons that kids misbehave.
(Take the “Is Your Child Overscheduled?” quiz here: http://www.familiesfirstcoaching.com/pdf/IsYourChildOverscheduledAssessment.pdf Are you busy scheduling summer camps and activities for your child? There are a plethora of great options to choose from. A word of caution, however.
The biggest change in kids, according to a teacher of 27 years, is that kids these days don’t take responsibility for their actions. Kids are quick to blame others and make excuses for mistakes rather than saying, “I messed up.” Unfortunately, parents are quick to provide excuses for their kids, too, said Kevin Scroggins, a 2nd grade teacher at St. Odilia’s. I agree and I’d like to offer some suggestions on how you can build a mindset in your child that says, “I’m responsible for my behavior,” rather than blaming others. 1.
Many parents dread the end of summer. Kids are reluctant to get back into the routine of early mornings, structured days and the homework that school brings. Many parents are also reluctant to get back into the routine of early mornings, structured days and homework! Whether your child is returning to pre-school, elementary school or middle school, here are 10 tips to help make the transition back to school a success.
Cutting back on expenses? Most families are. Asking children to share the burden of spending less is a reasonable choice to make. If you’ve lost your job and huge cuts need to be made, it’s reasonable to explain to children that the family will be making major cutbacks. The key is to reassure them that your family is safe, that you’re in control of the family finances and that their basic needs will be met.
Have you taught your child about “good touch/bad touch”? That’s a good place to start, but not enough to protect your child from possible sexual abuse, according to Libby Bergman, executive director of the Center for Child Abuse Prevention and Treatment. “Children need to know the difference between what touches are acceptable and what touches are not. They also need to be taught about stranger danger, but these methods put the onus on the child.
Almost all of us dread the end of summer. Kids are reluctant to get back into the routine of early mornings, structured days and the homework that school brings. And many parents are also reluctant to get back into the routine of early mornings, structured days and homework! Whether your child is returning to pre-school, elementary school or middle school, here are 11 tips to help make the transition back to school a success. 1) Scale Back the Bedtime Hour - It’s easy in the summer to let bedtime slide a little later.
If you’re like most parents you devote yourself to your children, work long hours, take care of all of life’s demands and let your relationship with your loved one drop to the bottom of the heap. You may believe that since your loved one isn’t demanding your attention like the children do that s/he doesn’t really need your time and attention. Or you may feel guilty leaving your child(ren).
Many of us hate our bodies. We shun swim suits. We are quick to find fault. Some of us are even self-loathing. The question is do you want your child to grow up with these insecurities, too? If not, what can we do as parents to help our child grow up feeling good about his/her body? And what can we do to try and prevent our child from developing an eating disorder? This month, I interviewed Becky Henry, a life coach, CPCC, who specializes in working with families fighting eating disorders to give us some guidance.
A new survey shows that the average adult tells four lies a day, or 1,460 lies a year. Is it any wonder that our children tell fibs, too? Yet chances are when your child tells a whopper, it makes nyou mad. Why do kids lie? Kids lie for lots of reasons. One of the biggest reasons is to avoid ...
Many of us make New Year’s resolutions every year. We set goals for exercising, loosing weight, staying organized. But how many of us take the time to size up our family? Are you conscious of how your time is spent together? How many meals are you eating together as a family? How much time do you spend alone with your spouse? Do your children’s activities flood your calendar? In just a minute, I’m going to give you suggestions for five basic building blocks that help strengthen families, but first I’d like to suggest that you do a simple exercise.
Consider that the average American child watches four hours of television a day. By one estimate, when U.S. children finish high school, they've spent nearly twice as many hours in front of TV sets as they have in the classroom.
Kids these days have twice the amount of homework that we did. And when your kids have homework, you have homework, too. I’d like to take this opportunity to share tips from Irene Gutmann, an academic coach who works with teens and college students on achieving academic success. Also, I’d like to invite parents of elementary school-aged children to attend my “Relief for Homework Headaches” teleclass scheduled for Fri., Sept. 22 at Noon CT. (See the class schedule for full details.) 1.
Can your well-intended words of praise actually be harming your child? The answer to that is “yes” and “no” depending on what words you choose, how sincere you are and how old your child is. Complicated? Yes, it is. One of the researchers that I like best is Carol Dweck. Dweck has spent the last 40 years studying what factors help kids succeed and fail. She wrote a book summarizing her findings called, “Mindset: The New Psychology of Success.” In regard to praise, Dweck did a study where students were given an intelligence test using puzzles.
Your child wants ice cream at bedtime. You say “No” but your child persists, whining and bugging you until you finally give in to stop the incessant whining. Your child wants to play with a friend, but you’ve said “No friends until your book report is done.” A friend calls to ask your child to a new movie that’s opened. You let him go to the movie, saying he can do the report that night. Your child doesn’t pick up his/her toys when asked. You end up picking the toys up for your child. You tell your child that s/he is grounded for a week.
You really want your child to have a great school year. You’ve bought the right school supplies, new outfits and a back pack. The transportation plan is in place. Your child has met his/her teachers.
Thirty or 40 years ago parenting in an authoritative manner i.e. “Do it because I said so and I’m the parent” was the cultural norm. “Children should be seen and not heard” was a mantra that many of our parents used. We weren’t asked about what we wanted for dinner, we weren’t offered choices, we didn’t negotiate with our parents. Our parents would simply “lay down the law.” But cultural norms for parenting have changed.
“He did it.” “She looked at me!” “He stole my iPod.” For parents, it can be really tough to know how to handle tattling. Do you ignore it? Do you let them duke it out? Do you plug in your own iPod and drown it out? Here are a few options for you to try and see what works for you. Option #1: ...
Like any good relationship, the relationship with your child can benefit from thoughtful gestures that help your child feel special and deeply loved. It's so easy to get caught up in the day-to-day responsibilities of parenting that we sometimes forget to add touches of love that can deepen the bond with our children. I'm going to suggest 28 small, loving gestures that will add sparkle to your child's day without much effort on your part as you juggle the many demands of parenthood. Perhaps you want to try just one? Or perhaps you can try one each day this month?
Transitions happen every day in your child’s world and September, like no other month, is a time of transitions for your child. Starting a new grade. Getting a new teacher. Learning new classroom rules. Adding more homework. No matter what the transition, you can expect an added level of stress as your child adapts to the change. When making the transition to a new grade, your child will be challenged by more rigorous academic challenges, more social demands and more responsibility.
Let’s turn this holiday season upside down. Let’s shift the focus to giving rather than receiving. Let’s spend more time with our kids rather than spending time being frenzied in stores. Let’s help our children develop the gift of generosity. With the country facing difficult economic times it’s an ideal time for us to shift the focus of our giving to others. Helping others feels good. Creating hand-made gifts and cards for others feels good. Donating gifts to others feels good.
Almost all of us dread the end of summer. Kids are reluctant to get back into the routine of early mornings, structured days and the homework that school brings. And many parents are also reluctant to get back into the routine of early mornings, structured days and homework! Whether your child ...
You’re probably busy planning every detail so your kids can have a memorable summer packed with vacations, summer camps, sports activities and more. As you finish your planning, be sure to allow time for three surprising activities that are research-proven to help your child’s emotional, neurological and physical well-being. Secret #1: Allow time each day for unstructured, child-directed play (or free time for adolescents). Research is emerging that the hectic lifestyle that many parents have chosen for their children may be harmful to a child’s development.
Has your child thrown a tantrum lately, thrown ntoys across the room or hit a sibling? Odds arenthat s/he has! Children’s anger can be exacerbating for parents. After all, many adults still struggle with healthy nexpression of anger, so dealing with a child’s nanger can be doubly ...
The most popular New Year’s resolutions are to lose weight, exercise more, become better organized, get out of debt and quit smoking. Seldom, if ever, will you find someone saying, “I want to be a better parent” or “I want our family to be happier” this year. Wouldn’t that be a good goal to have? Many parents would agree that parenting is the most important job that they have. It’s a job that parents do 24/7. It’s a job that parents have for life. It’s a job that has the most influence on how a young adult turns out. Yet, few parents set goals on improving their parenting.
“He did it.” “She looked at me!” “He stole my iPod.” For parents, it can be really tough to know how to handle tattling. Do you ignore it? Do you let them duke it out? Do you plug in your own iPod and drown it out? Here are a few options for you to try and see what works for you. Option #1: Define the difference between tattling and telling. It helps to be clear with children about when it’s important to tell an adult about upsetting behaviors.
How many times have you heard “It’s not fair!” and responded, “Well, life’s not fair, get over it!” Probably more times than you’d like to count! Or perhaps your child wants to do everything her friend gets to do and says to you “Emily gets to do it, why can’t I?” When talking with your ...
Let’s say you ask your child to do a simple task like feed the dog. The next thing you know, you hear “Why do I always have to feed the dog?” Or maybe you hear sarcasm and a smart-alecky tone of voice while your child says, “You don’t really expect me to do that?” Makes you long for the days ...
“No!” “I don’t want to!” “You can’t make me!” Dealing with a defiant child can be exasperating! Children who are defiant will readily enter a power struggle and wear a parent down. The key is not to enter the power struggle with an oppositional child. Listed below are nine options you can ...
A friend shared a wonderful story recently in a seminar o "Smart Parenting." She said that ever since her children werenlittle, she's set aside special one-on-one time with each of hernchildren. She made a commitment to do this once a week andnput it on the calendar. As her children became ...
Thirty or 40 years ago parenting in an authoritative manner i.e. "Do it because I said so and I'm the parent" was the cultural norm. "Children should be seen and not heard" was a mantra that many of our parents used. We weren't asked about what we wanted for dinner, we weren't offered choices, ...
Why is it so hard for parents to be consistent when disciplining their children? Many factors come into play. How tired are you?! How persistent is your child? How were you disciplined? What kind of parenting style do you have? Does the other parent agree with you on discipline methods and ...
If your child walks in the door with her shoulders drooping and her face forlo do you say something like “You look sad. Come in and tell me what happened.” Or if your child is stomping around do you say “You seem upset. Your feelings are important to me. Let’s talk.” Or do you tell your child ...
A new survey shows that the average adult tells four lies a nday, or 1,460 lies a year. Is it any wonder that our nchildren tell fibs, too? Yet chances are when your child tells a whopper, it makes nyou mad. Why do kids lie? Kids lie for lots of reasons. One of the biggest reasons is nto ...
Why is it so hard for parents to be consistent whenndisciplining children? Many factors come into play. How tired are you?! How persistent is your child? How were you disciplined? What kind of parenting style do you have? Does the other parent agree with you on discipline methods and ...
Let’s say you ask your child to do a simple task like feed the dog. The next thing you know, you hear “Why do I always have to feed the dog?” Or maybe you hear sarcasm and a smart-alecky tone of voice while your child says, “You don’t really expect me to do that?” Makes you long for the days ...