Cassi St. James Singles Coach for Women MA. Psychology, Coach U, Relationship Coaching Institute

"Great Conversastion Starters for the First Date"

by coach "cassi's"  blog

Conversation is an art. It is a dance of give and take. Conversation is a two-way exchange of ideas that allows people to reveal themselves as little or as much as they choose. The messages sent comes through in what people consciously say, through the tone of voice used, the pace or cadence of speech, and through body language. All of these facets come together to tell a story about the other person. Additionally, much is revealed about the other person through the focus of the conversation. For example, if a person continually brings the topic back to money, you can assume that money is a value they hold near and dear. Other clues to a person are revealed in what they don't say, or clearly avoid discussing. You may want to read between the lines for these clues as well.

Here are some creative questions to ask your date that are fun and thought provoking, but reveal hints regarding character and values. Don't forget the "give and take" component of the conversation. Be sure to share your responses with your date.

Hypothetical:

1-If you could do anything you wanted to do for 24 hours, what would you do? Money is no object!

2-What would you do if you won 10 million dollars in the state lottery?

3-If you could learn one thing (play an instrument, language, sport), what would that be? Why?

4-If you could have lunch with anyone in the world, living or dead, who would that be? Why?

5- Who would you trade places with for a day if you could and why?

Real Life:

1-What do you like the most about your profession or job?

2-You said in your online profile / on the phone that you liked to do __________. Can you tell me more about that? How did you get into it?

3-l always draw a blank when friends visit out of town and I play tour guide. Where should I suggest they go in the area? What are some of your favorite spots?

4-What is your take on "Random Acts of Kindness" movement? Have you ever experienced a random act of kindness as either a giver or receiver?

5- How would you like to spend a rainy day?

6- I have a hectic week and love to (fill in the blank) to de-stress and keep balanced. What do you like to do to keep balanced?

Summary:
Listen to what is being said. There are hints regarding the values and life focus of the other person that will come through in the answers! Things to listen and look for:

• Are the answers others focused or self-centered ?
• What do they like to do for fun?
• Talents or abilities
• Life focus/goals (career success, relationships, recreation)
• Spirituality
• Does the person ask about you or is it all about them?

Create your own questions that target in on the things that matter most to you.

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mailcassi@cassistjames.com