The causes of your self-sabotage can be the following:
- Self-defeating or limiting beliefs about that particular activity or life in general, such as: I'm vulnerable; the unknown is dangerous; I should not take the risk; life is unfair; I'm not good enough; I’m not worthy; life is hard; I am a victim in my life; I have no happiness in life; no one should be trusted; no pain, no gain; the rich are unhappy, and many, many more.
- Self-defeating decisions that you made in the past, most probably during your childhood, such as: I will be quiet; I will always obey; I won’t do it anymore, etc.
- Fears, for example: fear of the unknown, of failure, of success, of criticism, of ridicule, of change, of responsibility, of death, of loss, etc.
- Rules, both orders and prohibitions. They can be externally imposed rules - most often from our parents, other authorities, or peers during early childhood; or self-imposed rules, which are usually consequences of traumatic events. Examples of defeating orders from parents: Shame on you! Obey when I say something to you! Eat! Hurry up! Don’t trust anyone! Do not cry! You should be like him/her!
- Traumatic memories that are subconsciously connected to the goal that you want to achieve.
- Other negative emotions, such as anger, grief, annoyance, disgust, etc. Even positive emotions can hinder your goal if their particular striving is not in harmony with it.
- Guilt, resentment and accusations.
- Lack of self-confidence and self-worthiness.
- If your goal is not coherent with your personal traits that are commonly considered as positive. For example, honesty can hamper your desire for wealth, if you have a belief that rich people are not honest.
- If your goal is not in accordance with any of your desires or other important goals in your life.
- If your goal is not clear and precise.
How to determine the cause of your self-sabotaging behavior and remove it? We will here consider the following three approaches:
1) By contemplating your goal and the self-sabotaging behavior, through logical thinking and searching for connections between various events, behaviors, involved people and above mentioned possible causes.
This is the most unreliable method, since it depends on logical thinking. Therefore, you often will not be able to reveal real subconscious obstacles with this approach.
2) By probing your goal using this procedure:
a. Relax completely.
b. Enter the thoughtless state of Pure consciousness or Presence, using some of well-known meditative techniques.
c. Feel and visualize your goal, as it was accomplished. Try to keep that as long as possible.
d. Sooner or later some distractions will enter your mind, like thoughts, emotions or bodily sensations. They are the expressions of your real, subconscious obstacles to your goal! You must dissolve those distractions one by one, until you are able to keep the goal in your mind for a longer time (which is your subjective estimation).
3) By using the so-called Determination Technique. Its complete description can be found at http://www.re-integration.com/determination-technique.html. Basically, this technique gathers all negative perceptions (beliefs, rules, fears, emotions, etc.) related to the goal and removes them with a simple procedure called the “Dissolving the Temporary I Plus” (DTI+).
The Determination Technique’s procedure goes like this:
a. We get these negative perceptions by asking ourselves two questions: “Could I fail?” and “Is there any reason why succeeding could be bad?”
b. During the DTI+ procedure (that you should repeat five times each circle) you first remove a negative perception, then you install an opposite, positive perception (belief, rule, decision, emotion, etc.) that you need to formulate properly, immediately after getting the negative perception.
c. When you eliminate negative perceptions, and install their “antidotes” in these two circles, you then continue to the last step of installing the positive statement: “I am absolutely and completely determined to achieve this goal” through the so called “Moving to the Heart” (MH) procedure.
d. Then, you repeat the whole cycle until you cleanse yourself from all negative perceptions related to the goal, while subsequently installing the opposite, positive mind content that pulls you directly toward the goal.
Those are the three basic ways in which you can remove most of your self-sabotaging behaviors and traits. However, some of them will be so deeply ingrained in your subconscious that you will need much more comprehensive approach, dealing with many of the above-mentioned types of inner obstacles. For those cases, again, you can refer to the innovative and very efficient Reintegration System (website: www.re-integration.com), but there are also numerous great psychological or spiritual techniques that can be found on the Internet or within the professional literature.
One more tip: regular sitting meditation and mindfulness will surely help you, not only with the self-sabotaging issue, but also with all other aspects of your life.
Good luck with your inner work! :-)
Nebo D. Lukovich is the creator of the Reintegration System, one of the newest breakthroughs in the development of human consciousness. Based on timeless spiritual principles and compatible with modern science, the Reintegration System is a versatile tool, applicable in all areas of our daily lives. It teaches us that we can indeed wake up and attain both inner liberation and outer wealth, without suffering, but through wisdom and expansion of our consciousness.
As you can see in his book “Inner Peace, Outer Success” and other texts, Nebo's greatest passion is spiritual work and writing. He has been researching and practicing various spiritual and psychological systems and techniques for more than 25 years.
Nebo was born 1972 and lives with his wife and two teenage children in Montenegro, a country in Europe. Although he prefers a peaceful family life, his experience in spiritual work (both personal and with friends and acquaintances) often calls on him to engage in personal coaching and educational work in the field of personal transformation.
You can contact Nebo and his team at the www.re-integration.com.