In every life, reminders arrive about what's really important.
I’ve received some myself, as I’m sure you have, too. Perhaps it was news of a potentially serious health problem, the death of a loved one, or an accident that could have turned fatal. These are uncomfortably concrete messages that, sooner or later, something will catch up with each one of us.
When I’m pierced with one of these reminders, it’s like there are three layers in my mind. The top layer is focused on problem-solving. Beneath that is what seems like a furry little animal that is upset and wants to curl up and be hugged. The bottom layer feels accepting, peaceful, and grateful.
When you get a reminder, you naturally reflect on your life, both past and to come. You consider what you care about most. And you appreciate the things you’ve honored so far, and you see where you could center yourself more on what’s truly important to you.
While it’s good advice not to sweat the small stuff, we also need to nurture the large stuff.
There are many good reasons to do so, from simply enjoying yourself to recognizing the truth that one day you’ll have just A Year to Live, the title of Stephen Levine’s haunting book. You’ll never know when you step over the invisible line, and the countdown begins: 365 days left, then 364, and then . . . But you can know that you’ve remembered the big things before and after you cross that line.
The Practice.
A Few Questions
In this life, what do you really care about?
Looking back, what has mattered to you? Looking ahead, what do you want to keep on the front burner?
Imagine resting comfortably in your last few days and reflecting on your life. What do you want to be glad that you felt and did?
Some Potentially Big Things
I'll offer here some things I've been thinking about lately. See what fits you and add your own. Here we go.
You. The sweet soft, vulnerable innerness upon which both the chocolate kisses and sharp darts of life land. Your own well-being. What you make of what the poet Mary Oliver has called “your one wild and precious life.”
Love in its many forms, from compassion and small acts of kindness to passionate romance and profound cherishing. The people who matter to you.
Tasting – with all your senses – whatever is delicious at this moment: a ripe banana, birdsong, the curve of a highway railing, the lips of a lover, being alive . . .
Practice. Helping yourself routinely to deepen in awareness and to pull weeds and plant flowers in the garden of your mind.
Karma yoga – a Hindu term that means skillful action toward wholesome ends, engaged as practice, imbued with a sense of union with whatever is sacred to you; this includes taking care of details that matter and appreciating the power of little things to add up over time, for better or worse.
Letting go. Exhaling, relaxing, changing your mind, moving on, and disengaging from upsets (while also standing up for things that matter).
The thing(s) you keep putting off – perhaps speaking your mind to someone, writing that book, returning to the piano, making time for exercise, or seeing the Grand Canyon.
Being making time for hanging out with no agenda. Rather than doing, the addiction of modern life. Doing crowds out like cancer cells crowd out healthy ones.
Remembering to remember the big things. And to act upon them. Before it’s too late.
Rick Hanson, Ph.D., is a psychologist, Senior Fellow at UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center, and New York Times best-selling author. His seven books have been published in 31 languages and include Making Great Relationships, Neurodharma, Resilient, Hardwiring Happiness, Just One Thing, Buddha’s Brain, and Mother Nurture - with over a million copies in English alone. He's the founder of the Global Compassion Coalition and the Wellspring Institute for Neuroscience and Contemplative Wisdom, as well as the co-host of the Being Well podcast - which has been downloaded over 10 million times. His free newsletters have 250,000 subscribers, and his online programs have scholarships available for those with financial needs. He’s lectured at NASA, Google, Oxford, and Harvard. An expert on positive neuroplasticity, his work has been featured on CBS, NPR, the BBC, and other major media. He began meditating in 1974 and has taught in meditation centers worldwide. He and his wife live in northern California and have two adult children. He loves the wilderness and taking a break from emails.