Healthy Sexuality for Singles

My work has always involved creativity and living one's life to the fullest. One subject I have explored in workshops over the years is how to have a rich, fulfilled life as a single person. Two areas that our culture and the media have made particularly challenging is how to express one's sexuality as a single person and as we age.

Here are some of my reflections:
The biggest misconception about sexuality and being a single person in our society is that single persons are either promiscuous sex-hungry animals or asexual pitiful creatures. The media have brutal approaches to selling all kinds of commercial products and procedures to singles based on the ability to attract a partner for sex. Those who are alone by choice or by fate are marginalized. They are not seen as sexual beings if they are not in a couple or trying to be in one. ??Another misconception is that, although men can easily take care of themselves through masturbation, women are rarely seen as self-sufficient in the very same way. Women, themselves, often have a difficult time recognizing that they are quite capable of regular sexual fulfillment through self-pleasuring. Many have bought the hype that only if you have a partner can you be complete in this way. ??For a single person to develop their sense of sexuality, separate from relating with a partner, it is important to enjoy your body in every sensual way possible. Enjoy your attractions to other human beings. See yourself in nature as part of a world of passion and pleasure. Wear clothes that feel good to your body and that please you when you look in the mirror. Write about yourself in fantasy. Sing love songs to yourself. Be your own best lover who is there for you no matter what!?? Living one's sensuality can be a blessing, no matter what one's partner status. Knowing one's body and how it responds, what it likes, can be life-enhancing in any circumstance. ?? All close relationships have elements of sexuality in them, whether acted upon or not, simply because we are sexual creatures. As a heterosexual, my close friendships with men over the years have sustained me in my feelings of contentment and self-worth as a woman and I have filled the need for male companionship, whether overtly sexual or not. I have also been fortunate to work with the transgender community and my friends who are mixed in gender have taught me that sexuality can be experienced no matter what one's presentation, identification or relationship. ??One of the places our culture is most cruel is in regard to sexuality as we age. By worshipping youth, by craving perfection, which leads women and more and more men to fix body parts to some imagined ideal, we feed the shadow--a fear of death, aging, a revolt against the natural order of things. This is very unsexy. Nowhere in the natural world, except in the human species, does this dread of body change and aging exist. From my perspective, what is sexy at ANY age is vitality, a keen interest in life, a creative spirit, a loving heart, and a willingness to engage. ??To have a healthy sense of sexuality, single or partnered, young or older, do what feels good! Realize that shame was something you learned, not something you were born with. Relate in a way that supports your well-being as a sexual, sensual, approachable person and recognize others in the same vein.