We often regard thinking as the act of “pondering’ something. In this article I look at another kind of thinking that happens all day long, is very important, and that many of us are unaware of, it’s called “SELF-TALK”. It is the thinking we do as we describe our perceptions and feelings in our everyday lives by talking to ourselves.
It is this thinking, not situations that we are in, that mainly determines what we feel (our emotions). Without training we don’t realize that moment to moment we are producing our thinking, and so it so it seems that our situations dictate our feelings and experience of life. Consequently, it seems to make sense to blame what we feel in different difficult situations on events, people, or situations, which causes us to feel powerless in our lives.
Because this thinking precedes every emotion and goes on so automatically, it is as if it is attached to the situations and therefore has to “the way it is”. When we become aware that thinking is a process, rather than “reality”, we can choose to become observers of our thoughts. We can also learn the skill of thinking and become able to to choose the thoughts to believe. When you use this skill we can change unhealthy, distorted thoughts in to healthier, accurate ones.
The way we think about something, and, most important, the way we relate to our thoughts, is the prime determinant of their impact on us. Our understanding of the relationship between thought and reality can be put on a continuum from MY THOUGHTS ARE PRECISELY WHAT REALITY IS to MY THOUGHTS ARE MY TAKE ON REALITY AND ARE ONLY THOUGHTS.
Because our thinking is so close to us, it is easy to not know that we are the thinkers, the ones who are producing our interpretations of what is going on.It is these interpretations create our emotional reactions, and these reactions are often the result of our pre-existing beliefs, not the situations.
When we learn how listen to our thoughts and to stop believing them when we feel upset, we feel immediately better. This improved feeling creates space in our minds to generate new healthier, accurate, thoughts. The result is a more responsive, rather than reactive, state of mind. We become able to listen, even to criticism, in a way that bothers us less because we analyze less and simply take in thoughts and opinions more…we take in information.
The thinking I have described is a skill. It is the skill that is taught in the Momentum Mind course that is available on the Maintain Momentum website. The first five lessons of the course teach you to listen to your thinking and are a part of the free membership plan. Access it if you are member, and join, if you are not yet a member, to gain access.
With thinking skills you be able to make the best of any situation but thinking in an accurate, responsible, purposeful, and positive way.
Hi, I’m Joel Simms, also known as Dr. Mo. Over my forty-year career, I have done many things. Prior to my 20 years developing the Human MoMentum approach, I spent 20 years in the Organizational Dynamics and Marketing Consulting fields. My work experience spans industrial products, retail and health services.
In 1991, I returned to my first love, psychology, exploring the relationship between thinking, feeling and behaviour and established an active private consulting practice. My formal training includes an undergraduate degree in Science (B.Sc.) and graduate degrees in Organizational Behaviour and Business (MBA) and Psycho-educational Psychology (Ph.D.).
I am married, the father of three adult children and the proud grandfather of a beautiful grand-daughter, Lilly.