Scoring Own Goals…

Isn’t it great to be alive? This week I think it is time to shine a light on into a few dark corners and, just for a change, speak my mind! I respectfully offer you a way to INSTANT SUCCESS in whatever it is you choose to do.

Over the last 20 years a series of goal-centred industries have arisen. Between Life or Business Coaching, Sports Psychology, Positive Mental Attitude etc you can’t move for goal-setters. Much of industry is bedeviled by box-ticking, anal-retentive, target-focussed eejits of every make, shape and form. The health Service is one particularly striking example, where the (patient-focussed) staff are driven nuts on a daily basis, by clipboard-wielding fanatics - who know the price of everything and the value of nothing – and can’t find a ‘human factor’ box on their tick-list! “Sorry, the computer says NO!”

So what has that to do with this column? Well everything really. When setting goals it is VITAL that we remember that it is not the prize that makes it all worthwhile – it is the journey. It is what we learn on the way that makes us grow and develop.

If you focus solely on the goal then you are, and remain, a failure until the very moment of success. The goal is always ahead of you in the future, and the present is the pain you must suffer to get there. It is to be endured, so that the prize can be got. Even then, soon after that fleeting sensation of achievement you have the empty feeling of anti-climax once more – so you need another goal to chase. You end up like a dog in a never-ending game of ‘fetch’. And this is supposed to make you happy?

If on the other hand you treat the whole thing as a project instead. This is not just a different label for the same thing. It changes EVERYTHING. A project is here and now, not away in the future. Every single thing, every single action, every single thought you do or have in pursuit of your project represents success! Think about that for a minute. Every day, every hour, every minute means you are winning. The ONLY way you can ever fail is to leave the game altogether. How exciting a prospect is that?

How pleasant and easy a journey would you have if you knew that every single step was a success. In a project, even dead-ends, detours and wrong turns all count as winning. Even if you discover you are going in completely the wrong direction, it is merely a useful lesson learned, and is still a success. Every challenge, every obstacle, is just an opportunity to learn, one more successful step towards your inevitable victory.

To put this in practical terms… suppose you are trying to lose weight. You have a target weight of 10 stone and currently weigh 12. The traditional (goal-driven) way is that until you berate, bully, and argue yourself to exactly that weight, you are a failure. Sugar in your tea? Failure. Butter on your toast? Loser. Every chip, every cake, represents a defeat. Walked two miles? Why didn’t you do four, you useless waster. You are a bad, weak person, blah, blah, blah. Little wonder that people end up feeling miserable, saying ‘To hell with this’ and comfort/binge eating.

OR you can treat it as a work in progress, a project. Now every action, every thought you take is a success. You take one spoon of sugar instead of three? Success. Just butter, no Jam? Congratulations. Walked 300 yards to the shop? Now you’re sucking diesel! The only question is “How much success can you stand?” Even if you ‘fall off the wagon’ altogether, just getting back on track means you are a winning.

We all know we prefer encouragement rather than criticism – no matter how constructively it is offered. So as days and weeks pass you will naturally find yourself making better food and lifestyle decisions – not because these are the choices you SHOULD make, but because they have become what you actually WANT to do. You can enjoy losing weight! Who’da thunk it?

The headline says it all. You CAN choose instant success. You still have to work, sometimes very hard, towards your goal. The difference is that with the right frame of mind, it doesn’t have to feel like work at all. Imagine you are at a fork in the road. You have to choose which one to take, even though they both have the same prize at the end. One road is full of obstacles, pitfalls and hardship. There is no respite from the hardship until the end of the road – if you make it. If you don’t make it all the way you are a failure and have wasted your time and energy. Again! The other road also has just as many obstacles and hazards, but (crucially) it also has rest stops or staging posts. At each of these you can rest up, congratulate yourself on making it this far, enjoy lots of small rewards, and look forward to the next leg of your journey. Even if you never make it to the end, you will collect hundreds of these rewards, which will still make the journey worthwhile. The choice, as ever, is entirely yours. Thank You for listening.