Abuse and Recovery Articles

We are Known for doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results. Some call this addictive insanity, returning to past self-defeating behavior and thinking is a perfect example of addicitive insanity. This mind set can derail our recovery from self-defeating beliefs and behaviors. We find ourselves justifying a return to these beliefs and actions. nDiscomfort with personal responsibility or dealing with unpleasant emotions is not new to us. We deal with these

Is One Parent a Narcissist and the Other an Enabler? To find out if you have a narcissistic parent and a parent who enables him or her, please answer yes or no to the following twenty questions: Did you grow up in a two parent home with one parent significantly more domineering than the other? Was one of your parents verbally abusive to the other parent and the other parent put up with it? Did your more passive parent put your abusive parent “on a pedestal,” or idolize him

SERVANT or MASTER of YOUR CASTLE Who’s the boss of you? ACoA SYMBIOSIS (S.) An unhealthy attachment to others as a way to: • compensate for emotional abandonment in childhood • to cope with deep anxiety of being a separate entity • escape having to face the struggle of growing up emotionally • mask self-hate & fear of abandonment As we heal we move thru layers of growth with the ultimate goal of being Inter-dependent. Symbiosis ------>Autonomy -------> Attachment ------> Inter-dependence AUTONOMYr

Dear Friend, nnI would like to share with you something I learned from personal experience – I was emotionally and mentally abused for about 15 years in my childhood – in the hope it will be of help to you in your journey to freedom, healing and happiness. And you will get there, that is for sure. nnThe first thing you need to do is make a decision to break free and say, ‘No more’ and begin taking back control over your life, and NEVER ever give up. I know you are inc

In every story worth telling, there is a colorful beginning. This one begins with me… When my stepfather started caressing me, and lightly tickling my arms, legs, and back, it felt nice. I felt loved. I was often watching television when he would cuddle with me on the sofa. My mother would scratch my back once in a while too. Problem was my mother’s caressing never lasted long. When my stepfather caressed me, it often lasted a long, long time. Until everyone else went to

The narcissist constructs a narrative of his life that is partly confabulated and whose purpose is to buttress, demonstrate, and prove the veracity of the fantastically grandiose and often impossible claims made by the False Self. This narrative allocates roles to significant others in the narcissist’s personal history. Inevitably, such a narrative is hard to credibly sustain for long: reality intrudes and a yawning abyss opens between the narcissist’s self-imputed divinity a

Children develop skills in a predictable sequence that must be followed. For instance, babies do not learn to walk before they crawl. They babble before they speak words. They use parallel play earlier than interactive play. In the same way, they learn to cope with stressors, solve problems, and interact with the world appropriately in an expected progression of developmental milestones. We do not expect a two year old to organize a game by rules. Nor do we anticipate that first graders will arrange a rescue in a natural or man-made disaster.

There is nothing like Mother's Day to remind you of just how much you have lost and how painful that loss is if you are estranged from your mother due to abandonment (disclosing your abuse, mental illness, drug abuse, physical or emotional abuse etc) or loss. When I disclosed my abuse to my mother back in 2001 I then became estranged from her and my family. I was called the “crazy one” and received no validation, support or caring from my mother.

I came across this poem 10 years ago that I think is still appropriate today when you talk about people with disabilities and how well we are excepted into society. People with physical and mental disabilitiesnhath been abandoned at birth,nbanished from societynused as a court jesters,ndrowned ...

For some people, animal cruelty is a serious issue; for others, it is not. A year ago, animal lovers around the world were riveted by the discovery of a young dog just hours from death at the bottom of a trash chute in Newark, New Jersey. Named Patrick, the young pup was breathing but otherwise unresponsive. He was rushed to the local animal shelter and then to a veterinary clinic. It was touch and go for many weeks. As soon as one problem was solved, another one appeared. His body had been ravaged by months of starvation and exposure.

Reducing Society's Dilemma to the Ultimate Basic Fundamental truth..nThe ultimate truth cannot be " figured out " by the human mind ..it must be observed through the Human consciousness.. when you can see this and experience you can accept this at an extraordinary elevated level of consciousness... a deeper dimension of understanding..This can only be achieved through a deep feeling process..to reach the core of our beginningsnnThe problem with society is the focus of the int

The bible tells a story about four men who sat at the entrance of the city's gate dying with leprosy, an incurable disease which causes terribly visible swelling and sores on the skin, only then to eat inward to the bones. These lepers sat outside of the city because they were not permitted to live within the city because of this contagious and incurable disease. These men were faced with a fatal disease, they were outcasts, and they were starving because of a feminine in the

Much has been written and discussed about the relationship between creativity, particularly creative genius, and insanity, mental illness. Shakespeare wrote, in “A Midsummer Night’s Dream”: “The lunatic, the love and the poet are of imagination all compact.” Still, there is to this day no consensus on this linkage. In Creativity and Madness: New Findings and Old Stereotypes, Albert Rothenberg, M.D.

In our culture it is very common to teach our children, especially girls, that putting others’ needs before our own is the key to keeping harmony. This is how a person learns Codependence. rnBut when you are dealing with a partner who believes it is your job to make him happy, which is a typical narcissist trait, no amount of effort will please him and your Codependence may actually displease him to the point of Domestic Abuse. .rnPeople with Narcissistic Personality Disord

How does childhood trauma affect the brain? Originally Published on November 15, 2011 on HotMommaGossip.com Written Byr Jane Simingtonr PhD, Grief & Trauma Educator and Therapist Healthy bonding and attachment are crucial to development from the first days of life. Well cared-for babies are able to process and integrate both positive and negative experiences. This helps them add adaptive learning to their repertoire of behaviors and attitudes allowing them to more readily man

AM I ME, AM I YOU & ARE YOU ME? I hate myself, but I also want you to be exactly like me! SYMBIOSISr

Someone wrote recently and said they were trying to finish a book they were writing, but had gone into a fearful place when thinking about having it published. "It's got me so twisted up that I am afraid to even write at the moment because I don't know what I'll do with the manuscript when it's done." They knew from a friend that I had studied the publishing industry extensively before publishing my first book, and wondered my thoughts on writing and publishing. The following is my reply. --------r

Become a therapist - The problems that you could help others with are enormous, debilitating and horrendous. Something like agoraphobia can totally stunt a person's life as it does not allow them to go out. Someone who is recovering from abuse will be needing support too. Firstly let us look at why you wish to. Is this ego? Financial? Boredom? Is it to understand yourself better? Or your partner? Or potential lovers and partners? Or are you actually thinking of this as a to

Stress it's all around us, most people feel the effects of it but do we really understand what it does to the body? Let's take a closer look at stress. Stress is linked to a number of illnesses or conditions from which our populations suffers including insomnia, eating disorders (eg., obesity caused by "stress" eating), depression, addictions, anxiety, and panic attacks are just a few to mention. rnIt has been implicated as a cause for heart and other circulatory diseases, hy

By Sam Vakninr Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" Most narcissists enjoy an irrational and brief burst of relief after having suffered emotionally ("narcissistic injury") or after having sustained a loss. It is a sense of freedom, which comes with being unshackled. Having lost everything, the narcissist often feels that he has found himself, that he has been re-born, that he has been charged with natal energy, able to take on new challenges and to explore

Children of narcissistic parents grow up to become either sensitized or desensitized to narcissistic behaviours, traits, and personalities. In adulthood, sensitized offspring are able to rapidly disce the presence of narcissists by reading their body language and by resonating with subtle cues emitted by the narcissist even when he is on his best behavior and when he puts on a show and embarks on his charm offensives. They experience repulsion, resentment, and rage and react

The holidays season should be a time of family get-togethers, love shared, and relatives and friends brought up to date. Holidays are supposed to be the reification of that contradiction in terms: mass or group intimacy. Instead, for victims of family violence and abuse, the holidays are recurring nightmares, replete with danger and duplicity, a theater of the absurd with menacing overtones. This is especially true when the offender also has Narcissistic or Antisocial Person

Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I would become an award winning international speaker, international businessman and bestselling author. Let me explain why I felt that none of these things were within my reach.n nToday I truly believe that greatness, prosperity and success are our divine rights. That’s not how I felt a few years ago, back then deep down inside I thought success was really for the lucky folks, you know the smart crowd, the beautiful people.nn

We hear a lot in the ‘spiritual’ community about forgiveness- ie - not blaming. That applies to the present - if you’re an adult. And that’s a discussion for another blog. BUT this entry is about what happened TO US as children. A hallmark of alcoholic (& other emotionally unhealthy) families is the mistreatment of their children in all 4 of life’s aspects: Spiritual, Emotional, Mental, Physical. rnâ¼ PARENTAL BLAME is abuse in the first 3 categories !

Domestic violence negatively affects everyone in the family — the offender, the spouse, the children, and the next generation. Stopping and healing violence in the home will involve the whole family getting help, with or without the offender, whether reunification is antici¬pated or not. ...

When you were a child, and you were hurt by an adult, you put up emotional walls to protect yourself from hurt, and to hold in anger. You didn't have the tools yet to deal with hurt and anger. The walls were useful while you were learning what it was all about. Maybe someone told you, "Don't ...

I found the right man for me. We could communicate into all hours of the night. He sat behind me in the band rehearsals in college. His clarinet and my flute playing on stage kept us attending the same functions and classes. Meeting at a dance the first night of school made me aware he was a very good dancer, and I thought he was attractive.nnWe dated during our four years in college. Some times were better than others, however, I saw the difficulties we experienced as typica

Like many people who’ve endured Narcissistic and emotional abuse, you probably didn’t realize what was happening to you until you reached a point of near insanity and began searching desperately for reasons why your fairytale romance took a grievous turn for the worse. Further, the person you love has made you feel you can’t do anything right. The salvation of the relationship always lies on the distant horizon and is entirely dependent upon your changing something about you

For many years, I would have told you that yes, there was drinking in my house while I was growing up, but I got out just fine, and it didn’t really affect me. Then when I was in my early ‘30s, I started to see signs that such was not the case.

If you experienced child abuse, you've likely had the messages of family shame ingrained into the depths of your being. Do you remember hearing the following types of messages? Message #1: "You won't amount to much." Message #2: "I'm bending over backwards raising you kids. There's so much that I sacrifice. I haven't even bought myself a new pair of shoes in 2 years." Message #3: "You need to…" (be or do something your family approves of) Maybe the messages weren't stated a

I received this question from someone who had just read my book, Freedom’s Just Another Word, where I confront some pretty bad demons from my past: How did you overcome your fear of dealing with all the pain coming to the surface? I have not been able to conquer this fear I have of experiencing all that pain. I can talk to myself, try to reason it all out. I know this stuff is poison. If I let it all stay buried in there it is going to continue to rot my soul. I can know this in my head, but the fear is greater than my reasoning. Here’s how I responded:r

Before we can understand how to deal with drug abuse, we need to understand what Drug abuse is and what it is all about. This is a very serious condition and we need to take it very serious. it has lead to the destruction of may families, death, misuse of life. What is drug abuse? Compulsive, excessive, and self-damaging use of habit forming drugs or substances, leading to addiction or dependence, serious physiological injury (such as damage to kidneys, liver, heart) and/or psychological harm (such as dysfunctional behavior patterns, hallucinations, memory loss), or death.

THE BAD SEED I was born bad & I’ll always be bad Guilt is about actions - it’s the emotion which is caused by disobedience to rules we deeply believe in. On the other hand, SHAME is about our identity - about who we are, fundamentally. It says that our very essence is bad, unlovable, unacceptable - to be eliminated. It makes us: • want to hide, isolate, not talk, try to be invisible • want to be dead! The pain of shame is so great & the conviction that we’re un-redeemable is so deep (not worth saving), that it eliminates Hope. Why bother even trying!r

Computer software or merely software can be an amount of personal computer software programs in addition to linked data that include the guidance pertaining to revealing to some type of computer how to handle it in addition to the way to undertake it. Software refers to more than one personal computer software programs in addition to data used in the safe-keeping of the personal computer for most reasons. Put simply, software can be some software programs, processes, algorith

Twenty-one is the age where teenagers are turning into young adults and most young adults at this age love to go to parties and have a good time. Maybe because they know that they won’t be able to do this for much longer. Well, at least for most people that is. I was one of those people. I lived with my aunt in Guthrie, Oklahoma which is about twenty miles from Oklahoma City. I worked at a convenience store as an assistant manager most of my time, but when I was off I was u

I’ve been in several long-term relationships in my 40 something years, and I was always the one who made the decision to leave. It wasn’t always abuse that caused me to leave but normally it had to do with my asking the question “Why am I here?” Relationships, to me, ...

In Part One: Cyber bullying: The H1N1 of Technology- Causation, several causal factors of cyber bullying we examined. Although the issue is extremely complex, three social norms were explored as being strong contributors to the rampant spread of this technological virus: • The anonymity of technology: Because of the lack of human connection afforded to us by the various technological devices, we have become detached from one another and desensitized to the disastrous effects our words or actions have on one another.r

BackgroundnWhile many behavioral and psychiatric disorders have a biological base, they may also have roots in early childhood maltreatment and in exposure to violence. The overlap between behavioral /psychiatric disorders and histories of childhood trauma is greater than has been previously ...

As a survivor of domestic violence, I have learned that fear can play a big part in keeping women locked in abusive relationships. Some of those fears are very real and some are just illusions. Threats by the abuser, threats against the children, or physical violence are truly real fears. Those in the community need to know how to help with these issues. To better understand the fear an abused woman experiences, one must first understand the dynamics of abuse. This can only b

Definition of LONELINESS (L) • Sadness resulting from being forsaken or abandoned • Feeling a strong sense of emptiness, yearning, distress and solitude, from an inadequate quantity or quality of social relationships • Social pain — a psychological mechanism meant to alert people of being too isolated, which can motivate them to seek social connections • Dejected or desolate by the awareness of being alone, without companions. Separation between persons or groupsrnⶠLoneliness is a natural phenomenon, since humans are social creatures by nature. Too much of it is crippling. QUOTESr

Today marks the day the Sandusky verdict was announced. It is also the day when the healing for the children, families, communities and our nation begins. What happened at Penn State was a terrible tragedy. But as a witness to what transpired, what have we learned? Why not take a moment to get present and witness the potential for the limitless healing and transformation in this event? I am a busy mother of three girls, 7, 6 and 3. Having been the recipient of childhood mol

"I KNOW WHAT YOU NEED! I can take care of you, but not myself" Growing up in dysfunctional families, ACoAs were not allowed to fully develop their own personality & identity, attend to their own needs, or have their own feelings – about anything. We had no choice but to focus on our wounded parents and their needs, moods & demands. (see ‘Toxic rules’) • we were expected to grow up too fast - but only so we could relieve them of the burden of caring for us AND so we could be there for themr

If you have a vision then you need a plan and if your aim is to get past the PCAT test then your plan needs to include the right tools for task including the most important – the PCAT software. Studying to become a pharmacologist is getting more difficult as admission into pharmacy schools is a getting to be a tough feat due to the stiff competition from other students with a similar vision. If you wish to get into a pharmacy college, the PCAT test or the Pharmacy Admission

This book answers vital questions about recovered memories of childhood sexual abuse. How can the huge betrayal of sexual abuse remain hidden in the back corners of someone’s psyche for years and years? Can we really believe a memory that was hidden so long?

We learn much of what we learn initially through repetitious exposure. It is by becoming present to something repeatedly that space is created for us to learn anew. It is by taking that which we are exposed to and bringing it forth into our life, committing it to action, that we begin to change or transform our life in some way. This is especially true with respect to the possibilities made available through transformation. The DAILY HOMEWORK is about the creation of possibil

The phrase “Forgive and Forget” is a nice thought but one of those things that is hard to do in practice. My question is why do we link the two in the first place? I have heard some people say that once you forgive somebody for what they have done to you, you should then just move on and continue that relationship like it never happened. In recovery programs looking backwards at your life can be very painful. In Step 4 you not only look at what you have done to others but

There is one place in which one's privacy, intimacy, integrity and inviolability are guaranteed - one's body, a unique temple and a familiar territory of sensa and personal history. The torturer invades, defiles and desecrates this shrine. He does so publicly, deliberately, repeatedly and, often, sadistically and sexually, with undisguised pleasure. Hence the all-pervasive, long-lasting, and, frequently, irreversible effects and outcomes of torture. In a way, the torture vic