There are people I love who are easy to be around, and others I love who are more difficult for me. It’s not that they’re bad people, others get along with them fine, and, actually, so do I. It’s just that I have to work a little bit more to understand what they mean, to ... Views: 26
Jealousy can be one of the most and disruptive and harmful of emotions. Often jealousy in relationships is directed at the present or the future. It is rooted in a fear of future loss - fear that one may lose their partner to something that is happening currently, or might happen in the ... Views: 27
Dear Dr. Romance:
I'm a 70-yr old man who has been married more than forty years. I read your article "Autonomy and Dependency" I feel like I've been in a codependency relationship the last fifteen years and havedeveloped anxiety & depression. My wife is a ... Views: 34
Three Questions to Answer in Measuring the Success of Your Relationship
“Don't marry the person you think you can live with; marry only the individual you think you can't live without.” ~James Dobson.
A writing colleague and dear friend of mine who is ... Views: 46
In my clinical experience, I've encountered many clients who are afraid to admit they’re wrong. This comes from a culture of blaming and accusingwhere one's early family may have picked a “culprit” when something went wrong, and focused on blame, rather than on fixing the ... Views: 78
There is a genius to courageous loving because we have to access something we've forgotten and make it a real part of our lives again. It exists in each and every one of us yet it takes courage to access it. We can only access it when we become aware and we are ready for it.
I believe, we are ... Views: 63
Dear Dr. Romance:
I do not like my job, I have two more classes before I complete my masters in HR to move to a better position and recently passed the PHR certification. I was talking with my boyfriend about the environment at the company and how they are always threatening ... Views: 79
Technology can have a big impact on relationships. In my counseling office, I see many couples who are struggling over Internet and social media issues. The ability to work at home via computer and smart phone can mean arguing about how work spills over and absorbs relationship time. Secrets ... Views: 70
Have you ever found yourself thinking about your crazy schedule and experiencing a time crunch that impacts the quality time spent on your relationship? Balancing work and family with couple time, is a major concern that most couples express.
You may see yourself in part in the following ... Views: 78
Dear Dr. Romance:
I read your article about RESCUING: "Avoiding the Drama Triangle". I have been rescuing my mother from the big bad wolf my father. He would beat my mother, beat me, and beat my sister. I decided to rescue her. She decided for me to rescue her from her ... Views: 95
Is your special day just around the corner? If so, stress levels are probably high and you are feeling anxious about it. Though the perfect wedding requires a lot of preparation, you should learn how to relax and have a good time. Try the following checklist to get organised during your special ... Views: 103
In this 21st century whirlwind age of anything goes dating and mating, relationships stand a better than average chance of being torpedoed, due to inadequate care and attention. Below are eight ways to shore up your relationship and safeguard against any cracks and crevices that might ... Views: 73
As a Psychologist, Dr. Romance knows that when we're surrounded by images of violence, it becomes "normalized" and we stop seeing it as unusual.
Anyone who watches the news is becoming aware that we live in a violent society: According to the Peace Alliance:
• ... Views: 92
Maintaining long-term relationships can be a complex undertaking that requires significant time and attention. When things begin to go wrong, partners can take proactive steps to get the relationship back on track. These efforts can often make the difference between strengthening the partnership ... Views: 160
Dear Dr. Romance
Your web-site impressed me and prompted this note, and I'd appreciate your thoughts.I am a reasonably well-educated individual which includes a couple of degrees in psychology and have been quite successful in my career. My wife who is also well-educated and our ... Views: 95
Want to make sure your relationship is a success? Here are ten ways to bring the sparkle back and keep it going.
Dr. Romance's 10 Behaviors to Enhance Your Marriage
1. Talk frequently and honestly to each other --about your frustrations, about sex, about anger, about disappointment, ... Views: 149
Dear Dr. Romance:
I was wondering if I could ask you for some advice. I'm feeling so troubled. I got divorced a few years ago. Since then, I became involved with a man more than ten years older than me. I got a work assignment out of town, and he was adamant about keeping a ... Views: 179
The impulse to get married almost seems programmed into us from a very early age. Many believe that being married reflects on how attractive, lovable, and successful they are as human beings. Do you know, however that most people who are thinking about marriage are not yet ready for such a ... Views: 137
Many couples are moved to write their own wedding ceremony: either because they
aren’t comfortable with the traditional ones, or they don’t belong to a
tradition that has a ceremony, or they just want to create something unique that
expresses their love and commitment. To help you ... Views: 128
Dear Dr. Romance:
I am a retired police officer who found his wife sneaking around with another man 3 years ago. We have 3 kids. I cook and clean and up all night doing laundry 3 to 4 nights a week. I work two jobs to support my kids and family. I love my wife and forgave ... Views: 151
In Chinese Astrology known as Four Pillars of Destiny, a person’s birth chart or Ba Zi is governed by four pillars representing the energies we are infused with at the time of our birth. These pillars are embedded with our destiny codes which comprises the five elements of the universe i.e. ... Views: 271
Honor your Self. What does that mean? In my book, it means getting in touch with our Core, True, Authentic Self, our Soul, and operating from it in all we do.
This means being in connection with our Self, knowing our Self. Most of the time we are in a fog and cacophony of daily minutiae, ... Views: 197
Dear Dr. Romance:
I am a woman in my mid-twenties from India and working in the middle east in a professional job. I had a brief arranged marriage and am now getting divorced. One of my business clients, who is an arab and over forty has been married for many years but claims his ... Views: 193
Money. Money is a hot topic in many relationships as there are intense emotions attached to money as well as a range of meaning around it. Partners have different ideas about the importance of money, what it means to them, its purpose, its role, how to manage it, and even how to earn it! Couples ... Views: 143
Have you ever found yourself doing the same things day after day and you begin to wonder, “Is this all there is to my life?” If you remember the movie, Groundhog Day, you get the picture. Also known as living in the comfort zone, this place can be seductive for all of us. We are often very ... Views: 280
Anger is a poison in our relationship when it is misunderstood and unleashed. It gets in the way of understanding, connectedness, intimacy, love, and satisfaction in our relationship. Anger in its explosive or simmering manifestation, is a sign that something is wrong when it is prevalent. This ... Views: 203
You’re planning your next vacation. Well, your only vacation this year, which is a pretty big deal because you and your girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse haven’t had one in, oh, let’s see - quite a while. It should be a delightful discussion, after all, you’re talking about something you both want and ... Views: 117
Most couples can name several ways in which they’re opposites: neatness versus sloppiness; extroversion versus introversion; being high-strung versus laid-back preferring city versus country living, etc. And I'm sure you have something in mind that's specific to you. It’s true that quite often ... Views: 292
Hi everyone and welcome new members
Recently I started seeing more and more couples with more extreme challenges than the usual litany of problems. I noticed that for some, communication issues were just the tip of the iceberg of the list of frustrations and resentments expressed by some ... Views: 147
Dear Dr. Romance:
I am a happily married man in my mid-forties with 2 small kids who has become overwhelmingly infatuated with a 22 year old co-worker. She is friendly but certainly not coquettish and there is no suggestion she reciprocates. I have no intention of trying to pursue ... Views: 200
Most relationships have to endure a history of trauma experienced by one or both partners and a current trauma(s).
Traumas include abandonment, neglect, abuse, rejection, control, accidents, assaults/attacks, catastrophes, infidelity, infertility, loss, relocation, birthing and becoming ... Views: 197
I often find that couples hold a fairy tale expectation of happily ever after, for which I chide them. I dismiss this notion not because it seems unrealistic, but because couples go about creating their fairy tale all wrong. For you see, “happy endings” are possible… This is called unconditional ... Views: 198
It’s very interesting to me to watch couples struggle and go around and around… I find that this happens with the ones where partners refuse to take ownership of their own contribution to their relationship’s status quo and are fixated with having their partner change… These are the partners ... Views: 215
It is very painful to experience betrayal in our relationships. I am primarily referring to betrayal by loved ones. This is the most painful betrayal. Betrayal may happen in many different forms and can be experienced by anyone at anytime during their life time
Betrayal might take place in ... Views: 191
Dr. Romance sees many clients who are having marital problems because of the following bad habits. If you find yourself doing any of these things, consider changing your behavior or getting counseling.
1) You place social media above real communication; This can be a big problem, ... Views: 222
Do you know when you get on your partner’s nerves? There is a general underlying theme to the complaints couples usually share and that is that their partner is being egocentric. Egocentrism gets in the way of witnessing our partner’s beauty, gifts and contributions. It keeps us trapped in our ... Views: 192
Do you know that although many individuals truly want and desire a healthy and loving relationship they harbor within a deep fear of committing to one? This has been said to be truer of men but in my experience exists across gender lines.
Do you know that underneath this fear lurks deeper ... Views: 184
There is only one way to avoid criticism: do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing.” Aristotle
OK we all know this right? And yet how many of us enter into the most intimate relationship with our partners “saying nothing.” For those who still can’t discuss sex, it is time to lift that veil. ... Views: 193
The most valuable thing in a long-term stable relationship is having a partnership, and most new couples don’t realize that money is a major factor in marital happiness. Money is one of the biggest generators of problems, arguments, and resentment in long-term relationships. Couples argue ... Views: 221
Business Success & Intimate Relationships
Are you an entrepreneur or small business owner? If so, do you realize how much your intimate/primary relationship matters to your business success? Really think about this for a moment.
If there is upset in our primary relationship what often ... Views: 194
Dear Dr. Romance:
I fell in love and married a man from another city. We have been married for three years. I livedwith his family, which included his parents and his three younger sisters, plus children. In my eastern culture, we mostly live with our inlaws. My mother in law's ... Views: 220
1. Seek first to understand. If you know your partner's frame of reference, you can speak to him/her within it.
2. Pay attention to how your words are landing. If your companion's response looks off the mark for what you said, check out what he/she is hearing....
3. Focus on the solution ... Views: 262
There is no better way to create wonderful memories and meaning in one’s relationship than with rituals. Rituals are a special way to show love, appreciation and importance for the partners throughout time in the life of the relationship.
Relationships are made up of interactions between two ... Views: 198
One of the best ways to think of a relationship on the rocks is to reflect on your expectations for your relationship. What are they? What is it that you really want from your partner? What could your partner do now that would — from your point of view — make the relationship work again? Make a ... Views: 376
Trust: The Stuff That Holds Relationships Together
“You don't develop courage by being happy in your relationships every day. You develop it by surviving difficult times and challenging adversity.”
Successful relationships are built on unconditional ... Views: 200
Dr. Romance: tips on spring cleaning your marriage:
Over an extended period of time, dust and detritus can accumulate in even the best marriage. Spring cleaning, to clear out the cobwebs and re-energize your connection, is a great idea. Just like a regular housework schedule, regular ... Views: 255
I, Dr. Barry Hammer, have recently (January 2014) posted three BlogSpot Radio audio interviews and two YouTube videos discussing the two books that my beloved late father, Dr. Max Hammer, wrote with contributions from me and Dr. Alan C. Butler. These audio interviews and YouTube videos discuss ... Views: 204
Despite the relief that Craig felt when his wife Sophie did his bookkeeping for his landscape business he was frequently choked with shame. The conflict made him snappy and uninterested in spending leisure time with her. He dreaded going to bed at night because he didn’t want to face his ... Views: 177
Thirty years of marriage counseling and twenty-five years of a second marriage have convinced me that fights are not necessary in a marriage. Married couples need to have discussions, they need to solve problems, and sometimes they need to disagree, but they don’t need to squabble, argue, ... Views: 246
The title of a great and popular old Off-Broadway play captures one of the most common sentiments I've seen when working with distressed couples: I Love You, You're Perfect, Now Change.
If you have discovered that for some reason you and your partner are no longer growing together as a couple, ... Views: 428