Support: Do Some People's Childhoods Set Them Up To Believe That Support Is Conditional?

If it wasn’t for one’s bones, muscles and joints, it would be possible for them to do anything. Through the support that each of these provides, it is possible for one to move their body.

However, even though one feels physically supported, it doesn’t mean they will feel supported when it comes to the rest of their life. And if they don’t feel supported in life, there is also the chance that it will have an impact on how supported they feel at a physical level.

Both Ways

It can also work the other way; with how supported one feels at a physical level having an effect on how much support they receive in the external world. In this case, what is taking place externally is effecting what is taking place internally and what is taking place internally is effecting what is taking place externally.

One approach would be to focus primarily on the external world, and for one to do what they can to feel supported; however, there is only so much they can do. Another approach would be to primarily focus on what is taking place within them and to make sure they feel supported there.

Greater Control

When they do this, they will have far greater control than if they were to simply focus on the external world. Through the changes that they make on the inside, what takes place on the outside will gradually begin to alter.

Trying to change how one feels on the inside through changing what is taking place on the outside is going to take a lot of effort, and even if one does see results, these results are likely to be short-lived. They can then come to believe that their life is changing, but this can be nothing more than an illusion.

Examples

One way this can take place is through one meeting someone who supports them in some way, and while this may allow them to live a better life, it may also end up causing them harm. For instance, the person who supports then might also end up trying to control them, and this is then going to affect their ability to experience freedom.

Or one may end up attracting a large amount of money, and this could take place through winning the lottery or through someone passing on. In the beginning they may feel supported, but as time passes, they might lose all the money and end up where they started.

Out of Touch

When one is out of touch with what is taking place within them, it can be normal for them to look outside for the reason why their life is the way it is. It is then not that they don’t want to move forward; it is that they don’t know any different.

What is causing them problems in the external world then needs to be dealt with, and this could be described as a logical approach. For example: if one had a mark on their window, it would be logical for them to remove the mark.

Another Kind of Logic

However, when it comes to what one sees in the external world, it is not just their eyes that are playing a part; it is also their mind. In fact, it could be said that what one sees has more to do with their mind than it does their eyes.

Therefore, if one sees a mark in the external world, they may need to clean up what is taking place within them. Based on this outlook, it will be logical for one to take their eyes away from what is taking place ‘out there’ and to place it on what is going on internally.

Support

When one feels supported for who they are, it will be a lot easier for them to live a fulfilling life. Yet, if they only felt supported when they were pleasing others, it is going to be a lot harder for them to enjoy their time on this earth.

This doesn’t mean their needs will always be met or that their life will be straight forward, but it will give them the encouragement that they need to live their truth. If one experiences life in this way, it may be how their life has always been or they may have gradually come to experience life in this way.

Conditional

There are then going to be others to believe that the only way for them to be supported is through doing what other people want them to do. It is then not going to be possible for them to live their truth.

If they were to please others and meet their conditions, they will be supported; but the support they receive won’t allow their life to be an expression of their true-self. The life they lead is likely to be an expression of their false-self.

Consequences

It can then be normal for them to feel angry and powerless, and they might end up having back and throat problems. When they come across people who are living their truth, they end up feeling like a victim and as though they have something they don’t.

Childhood

Although one may have experienced life in this way since as long as they can remember, there is a reason why. This is likely to come down to how they were treated during their childhood years.

In most cases, their needs may have been overlooked and they may have had to focus on their caregivers needs. Therefore, the support they received was based on them meeting the conditions of the people around them as opposed to them being given unconditional support.

Awareness

Their childhood needs were then not met and this would have caused them to experience a lot of pain, and it would have set them up to believe that support is conditional. If this is what took place during their childhood years, it is not going to be much of a surprise if this is how they are experiencing life in their adult years.

In order for one to move beyond this, it will be necessary for one to question what they believe and they may need to mourn their unmet childhood needs. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist and/or a support group.