As I grew up, I was very open-minded when it came to matters involving sexuality. I was also very conscious of my spirituality and the sense that someone or something bigger than I was involved in my life. The two most intimate aspects of my identity, however, operated totally separate from each other...or so I thought.
I grew up like most people, with a very limited view and experience of sex. My attention focused on my genitals only, reaching the big "O" then rolling over and going to sleep. Sex, in my mind, occurred in the body and I worked hard to come into the knowledge of insurmountable pleasure.
The way I functioned was to turn off my God mode when I wanted to be sexual. In turn, I switched off my sexual mode when I wanted to be spiritual. This was a brilliant solution, right? Not really.
The discovery that the spiritual part of me affected the sexual and vice versa came careening into reality in the most unconventional way. I felt “God” for the first time while making love in 2003. It was in that magical and mystical moment that I remember feeling true ecstacy. I also felt confused, curious and somehow….relieved. Finally, I had found a partnership that I didn’t even know I was seeking – a spiritual sexual experience. And let me tell you, after tasting the cosmic orgasm, there was no going back to separating my soul space from my sex space.
In reality, we are all yearning for one thing – connection. It takes a singular heart to realize that we are all connected no matter what. A heart that compartmentalizes sex and spirit into little separate boxes brings to us a life of separation and an experience in disconnection. We feel rejected, pulled apart from those we love, eventually growing bitter about such profound loss.
What if instead, we understood and experienced ourselves as connected to everyone and everything in our Universe?
That mystical, magical moment when I first experienced God taught me that spirit is involved in every aspect of my existence, including sex. Spirit, the greatest lover of all, guided me to an experience that was so much greater than a clitoral climax. I felt at one with the someone or something that was much larger than myself. The only word I had to describe it was...God.
Bringing the spiritual and sexual together is what Tantra is all about. Tantra literally means “tools to weave together and unite.” Similar to yoga practice, Tantra practice unites us with God, with ourselves and if we care to share the energy, Tantra practice can powerfully unite us with our partner. This is why it is important that sexuality and spirituality be joined together in sacredness.
You may be wondering, “What about love?” Love is actually the foundation for bringing the spiritual into the sexual. It is the glue that holds these vast and visceral experiences together. Without love we do not have access to the spiritual realm, for love is not only the path to experiencing the Divine. Love is also the path itself. Love really is what the world needs right now. So how do you begin ?
Here are the 3 first steps toward marrying your sexuality with your spirituality:
1. Realize that this is a matter of the heart, not the head.
Most people find this very difficult, but practice sitting in meditation for at least 10 minutes. This is vital to keeping you connected to your heart. Set the timer, drop into inner self and take deliberate breaths. You can also just be still and listen to your heart beating.
2. Monitor your judgments.
Your mind judges all day and all night long! It’s what the mind does. Begin to acknowledge your thoughts and tag them with this mantra, “I don’t know what it is, but I love it.” I for one can testify that this mantra works and I know others who can say the same. One part of coming back to yourself and love involves letting go of judgments. This practice alone can change the course of your life.
3. Set an intention before being sexual with yourself or your partner.
How can you prepare for a spiritual sexual connection with yourself or your lover? Having sex of any kind is one of the most intimate experiences that you can create. Simply close your eyes, breathe, allowing a prayer or blessing to come forth. You can state your prayer out loud or within yourself. In this way, you invite the transformational energy of spiritual love-making to support your spiritual petition which is rooted in love.
In the end, you’ve joined sex and spirit through unity by coming back to love which is the foundation of all things Tantra.
Robyn Vogel is a Psychotherapist, Certified Sex Coach and sex educator, and creator of ComeBackToLove.com, where she marries traditional, spiritual and energetic methods to teach men and women how to master the energetics of intimacy and Come Back to Love™.
Robyn works with individuals and couples who are struggling with intimacy, feeling lost around love, and deeply crave purposeful and passionate connection. For 15 years she's been teaching and practicing Tantra as a foundational spiritual practice that grounds her clients from within, removes obstacles to loving deeply and teaches all aspects of healthy sustainable intimate relationship.