Relationships: Does The Fear Of Abandonment Cause You To Attract People Who Are Dependent?

While some people can have the tendency to end up with people who they are dependent on, there are others who can attract people who are dependent on them. As a result of this, someone can feel as though they have no control, or as though they have all the control.

A Weaker Position

If one was to only have relationships where they can’t stand on their own two feet, it can be normal for them to feel as though they have to do what the other person wants. As if this doesn’t take place, their very survival could be put at risk.

Whether they do or don’t do something, it is then going to be defined by if the other person gives them the all clear, so to speak. When this doesn’t take place, they will have to put their own needs to one side.

A Stronger Position

On the other hand, if one is used to being with people look towards them to support them, they can believe that the other person has to do what they want. If this doesn’t occur, one will be able to walk away from them.

When it comes to how they live their life, it is not going to matter if the other person offers their approval or not. There is then going to be no reason for them to neglect their own needs.

Not As Clear

At the same time, there are likely to be times when it is not this black and white, and this will cause the power to shift from one person to the other. However, it could be said that this is to be expected, and this is because it is a relationship after all.

Even if one is in the driver’s seat and doesn’t need to please the other, they could still end up being pulled in by them. Their need to please them is not going to be a matter of survival; it will be a way to keep them around.

Conflict

Therefore, regardless of what position one is in, it is not going to be all plain sailing. When one has a relationship with someone who is dependent on them, they can feel more like their parent than their partner.

There is then the chance that they would happily give the amount of control they have away if it allowed them to find someone different. Ultimately, being in control is not going to fulfil all of their needs.

Way of Life

If one was to reflect on what is taking place, they may find that this is how their life has been for quite some time. Thus, although they want to experience life differently, they might wonder if it is possible to do so.

In fact, the thought of meeting someone who is different could cause them to feel uncomfortable. Part of them is then going to be ready for their life to change and another part is going to be reluctant to move forward.

Powerless

But even though one can be in a position where they generally have the upper hand when it comes to the people they attract, it doesn’t mean that they believe their life can change. As far as they are concerned, this could be seen as something they have to put up with.

Each person they have been with would have enforced this belief, and so it is to be expected that they will have this outlook. Still, no matter how long their life has been with way, there is no reason why it can’t change.

A Benefit

If they were to look into why they feel uncomfortable when it comes to the thought of experiencing life differently, it could simple come down to how long their life has been this way. Alternatively, this could be a time when they will find that that there is a reason why they attract people who are dependent on them.

At a deeper level, they could fear being abandoned and, by attracting people who are dependent on them, it will be a way for them to keep this fear at bay. As one is an adult, it might be hard to for them to understand why they have this fear.

Two Levels

One on level, one is going to want to attract someone who can be there for them and meet there needs for once. But at a deeper level, they are going have the need to be with someone who won’t leave them.

And what is taking place at a deeper level has far more control than what is going on in their mind. What this also shows is that even if one comes across as though they have got it all together, this is nothing more than a facade.

An Act

They could have a successful career and appear to be a well adjusted adult, but this is going belie what is taking place within them. It could be said that they will feel like a child in an adult’s body.

The reason one feels this way is likely to be due to what took place during their childhood years. This could have been a time when they were neglected on a regular basis, and this would have caused them to experience a lot of pain.
​
Awareness

When it comes to how the people they attract feel, it is going to be a reflection of how one feels at a deeper level. What is taking place externally is then mirroring back what is taking place internally.
In order for one to move beyond this challenge, it might be necessary for them to work with a therapist.