You could be married or in a relationship, you might think that all is well with the world, that is up until the point that your partner tells you that they no longer find you attractive. That's a very hurtful thing to say and can make you wonder how long have they thought like that, why are they with you, and are they trying to tell you that it's all over? You obviously have a few questions for your charming, respectful partner, but just because at that one moment in time they do not find you attractive does not mean that they don't love you.
If your partner says that they no longer find you attractive then find out why? Are there any specific reasons or is it just that you have done something to upset them? If they are just feeling grumpy then it would have been said without meaning, and hopefully they will remember to apologise for being so childish. If they don't find you attractive, is it because you have let yourself go, and if that is the case is there anything that you can do to rebuild your image. I say that not just for you to please your partner, but if you start to try to make positive changes to yourself then you will feel a lot better for it.
What do I really need to do to make my spouse love me again? Is it possible to build massive attraction in my spouse?
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Is it possible to find someone attractive 24 hours of the day and every day of the year, of course it's not. The only time that could be said to happen is when you first meet and you go through the intensity of the honeymoon period. After a while you get used to each other and the novelty fades. You can certainly do things to maintain the interest of your partner, but you have to make the effort, it is not something that will occur naturally.
Beauty is superficial, love is something much more. You cannot build a lasting relationship based solely on physical attractiveness, it wouldn't work, you need more than looks to hold you together. What many mistake for love is in fact infatuation. Infatuation and the honeymoon period gives you an initial bond which you have to be able to develop if your relationship is to go anywhere. Love is based on friendship and caring that can grow to a very deep level.
We all grow older and as we age then so do our looks. Does your partner still look the same as they did last year, or ten years before, no. You have to accept change. Time moves on and whether we like it or not, so do we.
Where is the point in your partner saying that they no longer find you attractive? If the relationship is a new one then this could be a prelude to their parting company with you, but otherwise it is a pointless thing to say, and yet people still say it.
Okay, let's consider the evidence. There has to be a reason that your partner is with you, something is holding them there, and if it's not, physical attractiveness (and do you still find them attractive?) then what is it. There must be a reason that you got together, that you married, that you've been together for so long. Has your partner ever given you reason to doubt them? Do you have a good life together? Have you ever considered that the reason that they are still with you is that they love you, and regardless of that ill thought out comment, they probably still do find you attractive.
What do you do if your partner no longer finds you attractive? It's a more than reasonable question to ask why? If it is a symptom of underlying problems in your relationship then you can talk them through and deal with them. If there are things that you can do to change, which will make you feel more positive about yourself then why not try. You could try reconnecting with each other by talking more and spending some quality time together. But while it's a silly, hurtful statement, it's not really anything to worry about. It's just one moment in time, tomorrow your partner could just as easily find you attractive. You just need to remember that would they still be with you if they did not love you, and find you attractive?
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The Biggest Enemy to Marriage
In my many years of counseling couples in troubled marriages, I have found that betrayal is the biggest enemy of a harmonious marriage. What betrayal does is destroy trust. Trust is fragile. Once broken it is hard to mend. This is all the more so in a marriage. When trust is gone, the marriage is on shaky ground. Thus it is imperative to restore trust to save a marriage that is heading for break-up. Let me share two critical elements in restoring trust.
Two Critical Elements to Restore Trust
Although it may be difficult to restore trust, it is not impossible. Trust can be restored through two main elements. These two elements are attitude and action. When trust has been betrayed in a marriage, in its place comes suspicion which leads to distrust and secrecy. Thus to restore trust, there must be openness, accountability and assurance. In essence, these three things are different attitudes. Openness is an attitude to adopt. Similarly, to be accountable is first an attitude before becoming an action or behavior. And likewise assurance to your spouse that you are trustworthy is an attitude also. Allow me to elaborate on these three attitudes.
The attitude of openness is displayed by allowing the aggrieved partner to ask any question he or she wants for as long as necessary. It is better for your partner to ask concerning anything that still troubles him or her than to keep it inside only for it to flare up in future and destroy trust again. The attitude of openness leads to accountability.
Being accountable to your partner is a crucial step in restoring your partner's trust in you even though it might be an inconvenience to be accountable. It is important that you bear with the inconvenience and not give in to irritability, impatience or frustration. If need be, allow yourselves to be accountable not only to one another, but to another close friend or marriage counselor. Having an objective third party friend helping out goes a long way in restoring trust. Once openness and accountability are achieved, the third attitude of assurance becomes much easier to attain.
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Your partner needs to be assured because he or she might be thinking about whether it was a mistake marrying you. Thoughts such as, "If he has done it before, he may do it again," will be running through her mind. These thoughts make your partner feel extremely vulnerable thus it is important you assure her both in words and actions. These three attitudes are for the partner who is in the wrong to adopt. But trust cannot be fully restored without the other partner. The partner who has been betrayed also has attitudes to adopt to restore trust.
On the part of the aggrieved partner, the attitude of letting go of the past failures of your partner is essential. If you keep remembering and harping on the wrongs of your partner, you will never be able to trust him or her. Your attitude should be to forgive and forget as far as possible. Let bygones be bygones. Do not hold your partner's wrongs against him or her. Closely linked to the attitude of releasing the past is the next attitude.
The next attitude is that of believing the best about your partner. There must be intentionality in giving your partner the benefit of the doubt and believing that he or she is trustworthy. Coupled with that is the attitude of giving second chances. Although it is hard to do, you must allow room for failure in your partner. This does not mean condoning infidelity or deceit but it does mean that you are willing to keep on trying provided there is repentance and change by your partner. Now let me share about the next element required to restore trust, that is action.
Correct attitudes would lead to correct action. The erring partner should take appropriate actions such as changing behavior, breaking off an affair or becoming a more responsible spouse or parent. The other partner must reciprocate in like manner with actions such as acceptance, support and cooperating with your partner in rebuilding the relationship between the two of you. Restoring trust is a process. It is built through persistent, sustained and appropriate attitudes and actions of both partners. It is necessary that you cooperate with one another. Help one other trust each other more. As mentioned, get another couple to hold you both accountable for certain actions over a period of time. People usually do what is inspected rather than what is expected. That is why accountability towards someone else is very helpful.
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For people who ask the question "how to save my marriage", the simple fact that these words came to your mind is strong proof that you don't want to easily give up on your marriage and that your marriage is important to you.
Being in a marriage needs a lot of understanding, patience, love, trust, respect, and most of all effort.
However, in marriage there are times when you go through a very difficult phase that tests your strength. How to save a marriage is the question that might go through your mind when things start to fall apart.
How to Save My Marriage When It Looks Bleak
If you were given the answers to your question that will help your relationship, will you go out of your way to start all over again? If you say "yes" then your marriage deserves another chance.
To give you answers to your question "how to save my marriage", here are some useful steps that you must consider to turn your life around and have a happy and healthy marriage.
Constant Communication Is Crucial... Don't allow silence to cast a dark shadow on your relationship.
Things are going astray, you're asking yourself the question "how to save my marriage", so now is not the time to shut down communication. The importance of communication is often forgotten, and why relationship starts having barriers.
What if your spouse already left you? Here's how to get them back.
To avoid misconception, and doubts, you must always communicate with your partner. Encourage an atmosphere of sharing honest opinions and suggestions to make your relationship better.
Spend quality time... Do you feel that your partner is slowly slipping away from your life? Has your partner become distant? In situations like these you might ask the question "how to save my marriage?" and try to look for answers.
Take some time out with your partner to de-stress from the pressures and talk things over. Visit your favorite places and try engaging in activities that will encourage your teamwork and trust in each other. Bonding can help in bridging gaps that are created when each of you fails to reach out to the other.
Try Not to Let a fight Last for More Than a Day... It is normal in a marriage to argue or have a fight, but you should not allow a fight to go unsettled. When you let a simple misunderstanding pile up, it will cause hatred that will poison your relationship. If you take an effort to humbly talk to your partner and fix the problem, you will begin to see great improvement in your marriage.
Keep the intimacy alive... Keeping the intimacy is a great and fun way to help save your marriage.. Keeping the flame burning by having a romantic dinner even just right at your home, or going on getaway trips for a new honeymoon will relive the romantic moments you have when you were just newly married. When passion is alive then the question "how to save my marriage?" will never exist.
If you will have the courage to face your marital problems and solve the question "how to save my marriage?", then there is still hope in your relationship.
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Dealing with marriage troubles is unfortunately something a lot of us have to do. There's no guarantee the day you get married that promises that everything will always be okay. Most marriages have their fair share of struggles but in some cases those challenges begin to chip away at the very foundation of the relationship. It's important for you and your spouse to address the conflicts that spring up in your marriage so that they can be cleared off the table and you two can remain strong and committed to one another.
One of the most effective ways of dealing with marriage troubles is to talk about them. Communication is one area that couples have to put effort into. If you don't, it's going to collapse and you'll find that the only things you two ever discuss are the children and the bills. You need to talk about your marriage on an ongoing basis. It must be a priority and that's especially true if there's a problem at hand. By addressing any troubling issues head on you'll minimize the emotional damage and you'll get the marriage back into a loving place very quickly.
What do I really need to do to make my spouse love me again? Is it possible to build massive attraction in my spouse?
To learn the killer, advanced strategies to save your marriage, simply click here!
You should also be willing to compromise if you and your partner are dealing with marriage troubles. It's easy to dig your heels in on an issue and refuse to budge. That won't be helpful. In fact it may enrage your spouse even more and what was once a small disagreement suddenly pulls at the seams of your marriage threatening its survival. Learn to give in on issues that aren't that important to you. Don't push to have your way if it's not something that you view as life changing. By respecting your spouse's opinion and their side of things you'll be showing them just how important they are to you.
Although you generally view yourselves as part of a family unit, there's a marriage at the nucleus of that. You need to nurture that marriage in order to keep it vital and alive. Doing that is very simple. You just have to ensure that you and your spouse have time to be a couple each and every week. Many married couples engage in date nights where they arrange child care and then head out for a night on the town just as they did before they married. If your budget doesn't have room for that, don't despair. You can still enjoy a movie night on the couch with your spouse after the kids have gone to bed or maybe a lunch out during the week when the kids are at school. Just devoting some one-on-one time to your spouse is the main goal.
Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.
You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.
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There are specific techniques that will show you exactly what to do and what to say to get your spouse back in your arms- Especially if you are the only one trying... Visit Save The Marriage to find out more.
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