Scientific studies have been conducted on what happens to a fish when it is out of water for too long. Typically the gills slowly dry up and the fish dies of suffocation. We have all felt like that at in our lives. After moving to a southern state, I have felt like a fish out of water. This is NOT a judgment of the deep south or any group of people--just an honest observation of my experience at this point in time. These observations may comfort others who have had to relocate due to a job opportunity for themselves or their spouse. The FOOW syndrome is real and if not properly managed can make life a lot worse. It is important to realize the impact being a FOOW has on behaviour and personality.
I call it the "FOOW syndrome" where several things can happen:
1) You are unable to have real conversations. Most conversations in the workplace, church or other settings feel guarded or awkward on both sides,causing only surface interactions. You tend to feel like you are speaking a different language.
2) You don't have anyone to offer healthy challenge to you intellectually, professionally, personally or spiritually, so you become a bit stagnant in your work and social life without mature relationships and discussions.
3) You become acutely aware of nonverbal behaviors and reactions to you. (i.e. people tense up, make strange facial expressions or stop talking when you walk into the room).
4) You pour yourself into work, which does not ultimately fill the emptiness. Your anger (which is really loneliness) then causes abnormal, negative repsonses in simple situations. The appearance of a bad attitude causes further alienation.
5) Finally, you become irritable in response to being alienated, isolated and lonely. You might even give up on trying to connect or make new friends.
Don't let the FOOW syndrome happen to you. To connect and make friends with individuals in your new location, be sure to: volunteer for a worthy cause, find a church to attend, join a health club, take a class at your local university and be patient. There's a purpose and plan for it all.
Karen is an executive leadership career coach, fitness instructor and adjunct faculty at a private college in the south.