They say that breaking up is one of the hardest things to have to go through, even more so if the break-up in question is your marriage (and subsequent divorce) or the death of someone close to you. It’s hard to know how to handle the rollercoaster of emotions that you’ll undoubtedly be feeling, but there are ways to keep your feelings under control through all of the stress and pain.
Accept that it’s over
The first step in getting control of your emotions is to accept that the relationship is over and that it’s necessary for you to move on. Most people are in denial at first that their relationship is over, but if you’re unable to accept it at all you’ll be stuck in this initial circle of denial which will then hold you back from starting a new chapter in your life.
In accepting the loss, you need to resist the urge to find out where it went wrong. You might think that this will help you in the long-term and stop you from making the same mistake in another relationship, but no two relationships are ever the same.
Don’t bottle things up
You probably feel as though your world has caved in and nothing will ever be the same again. This is perfectly normal, and it’s important that you don’t try to keep everything to yourself. Find someone you can talk to about the situation. Don’t be afraid to vent your feelings either - laughing, screaming or crying will all help you let out your feelings in a way which wouldn’t cause too much damage.
Sever all ties
It’s very tempting to want to stay friends with your ex just so that you still have them in your life. Don’t even attempt to remain friends with your ex-partner - it just won’t work out. It’s very difficult to make the sudden transition from lovers to mere friends when you’ve shared so much intimacy with that person. That’s not to say you’ll never be friends in the future, but you need to be aware that it won’t happen overnight. Concentrate on getting over your ex before you can be friends without hoping it will lead to romance again.
Rediscover your social life
When you were part of a couple, it’s likely that you neglected your friends to spend time with your partner. Now is the time to start socializing again. Dust off your address book and get back in contact with your friends. The chances are that they’ll be very sympathetic about the break-up and will want to help you get over it.
Your friends and family will also help you to feel more like yourself again. They say that you’re more attractive to the opposite sex when you’re comfortable in your own skin, and the people around you will help you with that.
It’s vital that you get to know yourself again after a break-up. You might think that you don’t have your own life without your partner, especially if you did a lot of things as a couple and shared friends, but nothing is further from the truth. You’re still the same person you were before - you’re just not in a relationship anymore.
David does not claim to be a relationship expert but has learnt a lot from life's experiences. He has created a website for people who have seperated from,divorced or lost their partners. You can veiw David's website at www.been-dumped.com. This site has helped thousands of people over the years and now has around 25000 members.